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Sallie Schaaf Borrink

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You are here: Home / Simple Living / Margin, Rhythm, and Decision Making

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Margin, Rhythm, and Decision Making

March 26, 2023 by Sallie Borrink
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The idea of margin is one that appears over and over again on this website. There are many ways our family has chosen to build margin into our lives with varying degrees of success over the years. We’ve tried to maintain a healthy amount of margin whether it is time, sleep, energy, finances, etc. Limits Are God’s Idea is one post that addresses how this became an important principle in my life.

We’ve been dealing with a lack of margin in our home over the past few months. You’ve probably noticed the effects of it by the decreased amount of posting and my slow response to comments. I mentioned in a recent post that I took on a new responsibility at church, something I’ve not done since I became a mother. It’s not a huge thing but significant enough that it involves extra meetings and responsibilities to follow through on. It’s another thing to think about and be responsible for in my life that was already (mostly) pleasantly full.

In a span of ten weeks (starting in mid-January) I had meetings on five of the ten Sundays including three Sundays in a row at one point. For some of you, that might be totally normal. For me, it is not. Even though I’m happy with my new activity, the schedule was very disruptive to the flow of our family life. 

If there’s anything I’ve learned about myself and my child, it is that we thrive in a life that has both a rhythm and an open-to-possibilities flow. That might sound contradictory, but it’s not. We both need a predictable rhythm to daily and weekly life but not a rigid schedule. We also both need a life that allows us to be spontaneous and make choices throughout the day based on our individual needs whether they are physical, emotional, spiritual, etc. I think this is especially important because we are creative people and creativity often rises at the most inopportune times. Because of that, I have endeavored to keep our family life fairly limited in terms of outside commitments so as not to impede the things that we are wired for and make a big difference in our level of life satisfaction. (See: Understanding Why Your Creative Child is Lazy)

One of the keys for me is that Sunday is the day I give myself the freedom to not feel a responsibility to be productive. I might choose to do something productive during that day, but I don’t put any expectations on that day. It is my necessary mental break day that gives me margin which then translates into emotional and physical margin. When I lose that margin, it throws off all of the rest of life. If I don’t get the margin I need, I go to bed Sunday night feeling like my needs were not met and dreading Monday morning because it is all going to start again. Three weeks of that in a row was exhausting to the point of tears. 

One of the things Caroline and I have discussed is that we are on the high end of the spectrum in terms of needing freedom and time alone to pursue our individual interests in decent sized chunks of the day. When we don’t get it, something in us suffers. 

In my case at least, it means I have much less to give emotionally online. A lot of the online work and writing I do is emotionally draining. When my tank is already depleted in my home and personal life, the online work is the first thing that is neglected. Even responding to comments feels emotionally draining when I’m seriously lacking margin. I know that probably sounds melodramatic, but it’s the truth. 

Along with a lack of margin goes the ability to think clearly and make decisions. My brain feels muddled. I also feel a kind of paralysis regarding decision making when my life lacks margin. And so weeks drift by with no newsletter and very little in terms of content because they require decisions and I don’t have anything left to do that. 

Because we’ve lacked margin on the weekends, the lethargy it creates has carried over into the week. It’s impacted our energy for homeschooling and even getting out of bed in the morning. Because we are lethargic, it disrupts our daily rhythm and so we struggle to find our footing many days. 

I’m writing all this because I hope it will help someone else realize what is out of whack in her own life. It’s not a crime or a sign of weakness to recognize that you are wired in such a way that you need something different than other people around you. I’m sure there are people reading this who cannot relate in any way to what they just read. This post wasn’t written for them. It’s written for the woman who is on the verge of tears because there isn’t enough margin and it’s slowly robbing her joy and productivity. 

Recognizing you need more margin is the first step. The hard part is when you have to ruthlessly cut things out. It will seem at first like there is nothing that can go. But is it because nothing can truly go or because of the expectations of others that you have allowed to shape your life? One of the keys to maintaining margin is being willing to have people dislike you or be disappointed in you when you tell them no or make a different choice that goes against the flow of expectations. I know this from first-hand experience in multiple situations. I would guess some people were surprised when I said up above that this is the first time I’ve taken on a responsibility at church since I became a mother. But is it surprising? Or does it simply fit with what I’ve written about and preached all these many years? I learned to say no many years ago and I ruthlessly practice it. I have to for my own well-being and the well-being of my family.

All that to say, I’ve lived life with margin and without it many times over the years. I can tell you from first-hand experience that keeping margin in your life is incredibly important. I highly recommend making it a priority. In the meantime, I’ll be practicing what I preach as I make adjustments for my own family with this new responsibility I’ve taken on. 

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Category: Gifted/2e Homeschooling | Simple LivingTag: Highly Sensitive Children & Adults | Making Wise Choices | Margin

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Comments

  1. Patti Gardner

    March 26, 2023 at 7:20 pm

    Sallie, I definitely am on the same page as you. Over 20 years ago, the Lord showed me that life on the hamster wheel of constant activity just doesn’t work for me. It took losing my health for me to be willing to slow down and not have an activity every minute of every day. I’m very happy with a slower, at-home life.

    Reply
    • Sallie Borrink

      March 31, 2023 at 10:32 am

      Hi Patti,

      “The hamster wheel of constant activity” is a great way to describe what life becomes for some people. I do think there are certain personalities that thrive on it, but I don’t count myself among them either.

      I’m thankful the Lord showed you a better way. That’s a true gift. ♥

      Sallie

      Reply
  2. Alison Ward

    March 26, 2023 at 10:00 pm

    Sallie, your lovely knack for weaving personal and encouraging words has changed my life today, again – as it has on many days in the past.
    I have been reading your blog, and purchasing your ridiculously affordable printable “…Life Series” and educational items for many years. Your tips and advice have often come in handy, with your advice and ideals helping me to do so many things with my (neurodiverse) family in ways we would actually thrive and survive; frequently guilt-free… thank you!
    My homeschooled son and I (now finished year 12 studies – woo!) work so similarly to you and your daughter in our day to day lives, it really amazes me at times.
    I appreciate your refreshing way of showing candid emotions and struggles, which we (and so, so many others must) resonate with, without being, or exuding the wounded victim, or a martyr, which must be incredibly difficult at times, and comes back to your skillful word weaving. Through sharing your own stories so beautifully, you really are healing other mums/carers and their whole family circles.
    Your words tend to give me a feeling of validation and relief in some of my choices, and perhaps a tiny shred of hope that I will be able to say no to people – with confidence; not dribblingly pathetic excuses!
    Thank you again, Sallie.
    Praying for you to find your stride (and the right sized margin!) as you implement adjustments over the next part of your “season”, as I like to call it (^-^) …

    Warm regards,
    Ali – Blue Mtns. NSW Australia

    Reply
  3. Peggy

    March 26, 2023 at 10:18 pm

    Like Mother Like Daughter blog describes it as having both Order and Wonder in the home.

    We’re coming off a very-scheduled (for us) week, and we certainly need both more order and more wonder around here!

    Reply
  4. Birdie

    March 27, 2023 at 9:31 am

    Hello Sallie;

    Thank you for this.

    A “turtle life” would describe me. Slow and steady to win the race, 😎

    Coming to terms with the idea that I could be home to be my husband’s right-hand lady, my children’s well rested mom, teacher, and quiet prayer partner. And, now looking back, I know that God will say, “Well done, faithful one.” I know he will for you Sallie, and for others that quietly read and think about what you write.

    Birdie

    Reply

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I’m Sallie, Christian wife, mother, homeschooler, and homebody. Do you desire to create a quiet simple life for your family? If so, I invite you to explore my helpful content about the faith-filled and home-centered life. Please start here. Welcome! ♥ 

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