One way we have continued to downsize is simply through attrition. By that I mean that as things have worn out or run out, we simply have not replaced them. We’ve done this with clothes and shoes. Rather than just giving things away, we’ve actually worn them out or worn them to the point we no longer enjoyed wearing them. We’ve done this with books in terms of getting rid of books and not rushing out to fill up the spot. We had a hand-me-down TV that we used until it died. Then we bought another basic TV to replace it, but didn’t spend a lot to get anything fancy.
We’ve also done this with our cars. We did have two cars up until about five weeks ago. The second car was fourteen years old and was just the extra car. Since we are at home so much, it rarely got used. In eighteen months, we drove it less than a thousand miles. As little things went wrong with it, we just let them go. (Nothing dangerous, just little extras and cosmetic things.) However, when it reached a certain point that there were enough things wrong with it that we had to decide what to do (like the key got stuck in the trunk lock so there was no way to lock the car), we chose to donate it to a ministry that fixes up old cars to sell them. So now we are a one car family. We don’t plan on purchasing a second car unless something in our life circumstances changes significantly.
We also have less because we’ve tried to be conservative when it comes to determining what is a necessity. I found this article very interesting since it dovetails with some of the things I’ve been thinking about lately: 12 new necessities that drain your cash. It is amazing how many things are now considered necessities in our culture.
I’ve been thinking about time and money and all of the things that pull at both. There are so many things that have become standard fixtures of daily life that weren’t even commonplace (or thought of) when I graduated from high school in the mid 80’s. Just off the top of my head, here are a few.
It used to be enough to take photos with a basic film camera and wait a week to get them developed. Now we have to use an expensive digital camera, image them, send them to family and friends online, and make them into photo books and put them on every other object known to man. Oh, and they better be very artistic with great lighting and composition. I mean, just a regular picture is boring.
And speaking of photo books. People used to put pictures in albums and the occasional scrapbook. Then it was scrapbooking mania. Now it is digital books that are printed and bound professionally and cost an arm and a leg.
Seniors used to get a portrait taken in a studio and get copies to share with friends. When I was a senior, it was a big deal that I got my pictures taken with TWO different outfits. Now senior pictures are done on location, look like model spreads, and are airbrushed so everyone looks perfect.
And while we’re on the topic if seniors. Seniors used to have a day when they got to skip class and go on a picnic at a nearby park. Now they have to go to Cancun.
Owning books used to be something special. Now they are so cheap and readily available people collect them and fill their homes with them. But do they read them?
Going out to eat was an event. We got dressed up and it was special. Now it is a lifestyle and really doesn’t mean anything special at all.
Birth announcements were little cards the hospital gave you that you wrote the basic information in and send out with a little photo. Now they are all custom-designed with artistic photos.
Traveling by plane was an event. People got dressed up. Going to Hawaii or some other exotic place was a once-in-a-lifetime event, usually for a honeymoon. Now lots of kids have been every place special before they graduate high school. What is there to look forward to?
These are just a few things I’ve thought of right now. I’m sure there are many, many others. The bottom line is: where does it all end? Every little “advancement” costs us more and more as we get sucked in.
I’m not saying there is anything inherently wrong or evil with any of these things. But it is amazing to consider what we as a culture now think of as “normal” or “necessities”.
Do You Have An Emergency Plan?
I agree. Life becomes more complicated every day by technology and “advances”. The whole eating out thing disappoints me. When I was a kid, it was hard to decide where to eat out because you only got to do it every so often. Now it’s hard to decide because “we just ate there last week, a day ago, etc”. I need to make it special again by not going out so much and making it a big deal when we do!
There is quite a quandry when it comes to technology and what we allow to give and take.
However, I’d like to point out that in recent years, almost all girls get the opportunity to go to college, moms survive childbirth in much greater numbers, and we don’t send handicapped/disabled children to “homes” to live out their lives alone without their families. We can even perform fetal surgery in some cases! My daughter who has a genetic disease has been given excellent care at the children’s hospital (which didn’t exist 30 years ago) and we partner with a world-class researcher in Oregon thanks to the internet and digital video/photo he is able to take her on as a patient, even though we live on the OTHER side of the country!
So some advances in technology, medicine and society are GOOD things.
As for the trips to Cancun and senior portraits done on location, I am in complete agreement with you. I think this has less to do with technology than it does with raising spoiled brats from day one. These days babies come out of the womb and we begin trying to make sure they are well rounded. I’ve never seen so many babies and toddler pageants and things like that.
I think we have more of a HUMILITY problem than anything else.
NormalMiddle – I hear what you are saying. Medical advancements aside (which is another discussion in and of itself), I was primarily thinking about how so many special things are now thought to be necessities. I think cell phones are the perfect example. Does every person in a family need a cell phone? Or is it just that we’ve become convinced that we do? I know people want their kids to carry them for safety reasons and such. Doesn’t that lead to another discussion about why kids can’t be safe to go about their daily lives without needing the safety net of a cell phone? We’ve got bigger problems in this country than just spoiled kids.
And don’t even get me started on the addiction people have to their phones, texting, etc. I can’t believe how often I go into a restaurant and see teenagers who are with their family physically but completely absent emotionally because they are completely wrapped up in their phones. Completely.
I could add one more thing, but I’m afraid it won’t come out right. So let me start by adding a little disclaimer to this—I can’t figure out how to word it nicely 🙂
I can’t speak for other countries, but for America, I feel like we live in a country full of “special kids.” Now, don’t get me wrong, every child IS special. But we’ve taken that God-given specialness of a child and elevated it to somewhat of a (little g) god-like specialness.
We have kids in gymboree before they can sit up. Parents are in counseling if their child has so much as a minor speech delay. I could give a thousand examples, but the long and short of it is that 50 years ago, a child was born and had a place in the family. A child helped WORK the family farm, etc. A child fit into the life of the family, not the other way around. These days it is more a case of the FAMILY trying to fit into the life of the child. Instead of being family-centric, we’ve become rather child-centric.
That isn’t to say it is all bad. I do not glorify the days of yesteryear. Why? Because yesteryear had just as many problems as today. Just different problems. Sin still abounds, and there is no perfect time period to raise a family. (this is one of the biggest issues I have with the “back to the land” Christian types. We assume that if we all go back to living the way we did 50-100 years ago, we’ll all be okay and kids will grow up somehow better that way)
I think there are so many layers to this problem we can’t even discuss it all here. It is so many things: technology, me-ology, lack of humility. children being emotionally displaced, parents falling into superchild syndrome, and much, much, much more.
I personally hate to be all gloom and doom, but I don’t see it getting any better. And the church isn’t any better. I’ve watched my fair share of teenagers text each other back and forth all during Sunday worship service.
And the parents allow it!
Great. Now my day was really made since I have to reflect on this. This possibility had never even entered my mind. Just another example of how out of touch I am (and thankfully so).
I am so happy to oblige Sallie 🙂 (kidding, sorry).
The thing is, being out of touch isn’t always a bad thing! Just you wait. I kind of like being a dorky non-conformist most of the time!
In March our family car was totaled in a car accident. While we waited for our insurance claim we very easily settled into life with one car — my husband’s 13 year old Honda. Very quickly we realized that for us, right now, having two cars is very much a luxury. Now, 3 months later, we’re still a one-car family. Yes, we anticipate buying a second car in the near future, but only because we anticipate a change in circumstances that will necessitate it.
The entire experience has shown me that there are many things in my life that I perceive as necessities simply because I am accustomed to them but in reality they are really luxuries. With a change in perspective and a flexible, make-it-work attitude I’m finding that it is easy (and often simpler) to do without.
It’s a proven fact that all of our technology hasn’t lightened out load, but made it heavier. Here’s a laptop! Now you can take your work home at night. etc.
Consumerism is totally out of control these days. Everything is disposable.
Fashion. They deliberately make everything so it can’t last for more than one season, whether because the quality is so poor, or because they change the style the next year.
Kids toys. No matter how much you try to control it, if you’re a parent of young children, you probably feel buried once in a while.
Kids classes. Oh boy. Not saying they are all bad, but let’s just say there is a line of people waiting to take your money as soon as that baby arrives.
I’m sure I’ll think of 100 more examples today!
I really enjoyed this post… especially as a mother of a seven year old who begs for her own cell phone (never gonna happen)
NormalMiddle: You REALLY need to start blogging again… I love reading your two-cents!
Wow. Very sad but true. Life’s getting a bit out of hand. I think I’ve had some of these same thoughts but never actually wrote them down…I know I just had this same conversation about senior pictures the other day.
Take care,
Susan
http://www.onestopmom.com
Wow. Another fascinating post. I’m so blessed to have discovered your blog.
First of all, I’m inspired by your idea to simply not replace things when they wear out — especially the car. It’s amazing how much money we pour into cards. I’d really like to be a one-car family at some point too.
The main thing I wanted to comment on is the last part of your post: just this weekend I was remarking to my husband about the fact that everyone is so much more casual about everything these days, but couldn’t quite put my finger on why. I think you nailed it. We don’t dress up for anything because nothing is special to us, thanks to our feelings of entitlement. As you say, the “necessities” now include pretty much everything.
Thanks for another thought-provoking post!
Good thoughts, ladies! Thankyou! I only have a minute before I head to bed…
I realized a few more items I’ve been letting wear out and not replacing…
Placemats and napkins…. I had scads of them and have used up quite a few…
Kitchen towels… In fact, right now I’m using a lot of my Christmas-themed towels. I decided rather than pack them away after Christmas, I would just keep using them since my regular towel stash was getting low…
Sheets…. We wore out both of our sets of nice sheets. I only purchased one set to replace the two. I have extra sheets I use for guests so if we were really in a pinch, I would get some of those out. One less set of sheets I have to put somewhere in my room…
Printer… Because David and I were in separate offices before Caroline was born, we each had our own nice printer as well as a printer we used with cheap ink for printing drafts of projects. My printer died and since we now share an office, we just figured out a way to have a long cable that we can plug into either of our computers to use the two remaining printers. One less printer in the house…
One of my goals is that if and when we are ever blessed with the opportunity to move, there won’t be any angst in packing. If it is in the house, it goes with us. No sorting and deciding what to dump or give away. The only stuff in this house is the stuff we really want. So that is my big goal in the back of my mind…
I applaud your family for cutting back Sallie… sometimes the smallest and slowest changes are the ones that stick. I cull my house in waves and though I still splurge more than I should, I hope the trend is in learning to live with less. Your post reminded me of this link I found on Neatorama about a man who is going to live a year with only 100 things… I hope it’s okay that I give the link …: http://www.guynameddave.com/100-thing-challenge.html
The recent economy turn has many people cutting back, but I’m sure as soon as things turn around, it will be all too easy to fall back into our self-indulgent ways. For example…:
~ Kitchen utensils that might get used once or twice a year (and replaced if the color goes out of style)
~ $4.00 lattes
~ pet clothes and toys (I won’t say how much my own little princess has…)
~ the latest gaming system for our kids with all of the accessories, even though they already have one system, and a computer, and a cellphone, and an Ipod, and … and…
~ Gym memberships (that only get used the first month or two) with the matching outfits and $90 shoes
~ Newlyweds with brand new homes built, complete with furniture for every room. I don’t know how they do it.
~ a birthday party every year, where every year you feel compelled to outdo the last with more food, more fun, more presents and more guests who bring more presents so that your child has to have his own playroom to contain all of his toys. (Again, I won’t say how much my own little prince has)
~ and my biggest pet peeve… Selling parties for crystal, jewelry, plastic ware, food, scrap booking, stamping etc. Any “party” where you are invited usually by a close acquaintance and end up feeling guilted into buying something you don’t need and/or hosting your own “party.” This is one area where I have personally cut back as my friendship is not for sale. I’ve learned to say no to these invitations by saying, “I’m sorry, I don’t need anymore _______, but I’d love to get together one day with you.” Invariably, the invitation to just get together to enjoy friendship doesn’t come.
Wow – sorry for upchucking on your blog Sallie… I’ve had some of this ruminating for awhile!
Yowzers! I am glad to say that things are not quite that bad here- or maybe they are and I am just too much out of the loop to know that manicures and gardeners are a ‘neccesity’. But materialism is having an awful effect on the spiritual lives of so many. Our Sunday School numbers have plumeted to three. Children have so much choice- so many t.v programmes or films to watch. So many computer games to play, toys to play with, outings to go on ,parents to visit (split families)…the list is endless. More disturbingly they have parents who do not encourage them to stick to their committments so it is OK to do something for a couple of weeks and then switch to the next thing.
I was visiting with friends a few months ago and they were astonished that I have never had a pedicure, manicure, or a (professional)massage. I didn’t even get these things when I was single and making a lot of money. I just never really *needed* them, yet my friends get them regularly.
The only special thing I do for myself is get my hair done every 6 mos or so (no highlights, never had hair color done, either).
Great post and I totally agree with you on everything except the digital camera.
I find that having a digital camera actually helps to save money. Lots of money. We got a camera as a present… didn’t spend any money on it at all. And even if you do buy one (and they are pretty cheap now, about as much as a decent film camera) once the camera is purchased you no longer pay a cent to take pictures. I don’t have to buy film or pay for processing.
Now I no longer spend any money on developing blurry photos and pictures of the ceiling and of someone’s toes. I can take as many pictures as I want and simply delete the blurry and badly framed ones. I no longer have to spend money on extra prints and postage to send to the grandparents who live out of state. I just email them pictures. And they get pictures of the kids much more often than the once-a-year christmas cards which is about all I can’t afford right now. My mom carries digital prints around on her handheld computer and shows them to clients. My dad runs them as a slideshow on his computer and prints off one or two of his favorites to show to friends who ask about the grandkids. And I can share them for free with my college buddies and my aunts and uncles and cousins and all the scattered family who before would never have had a chance to see photos of the kids at all.
Years later, I still stand by everything I said above 🙂 (NormalMiddle was me, incognito!)