A Quiet Simple Life | Sallie Borrink

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 6:23

A Quiet Simple Life

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Sallie Borrink

Planning for Next Year’s Home Education


Although we haven’t officially finished school this year, I’ve already been thinking about next year. So far we have been semi-structured unschoolers for preschool, kindergarten and first grade. It wasn’t what I planned, but that is what has developed. I’m not sure I want to continue in that same vein although I think my hesitation to continue as we are is more out of false sense of guilt than the fact that Caroline isn’t thriving. Caroline is doing fine. She’s reading well and interested in learning. That’s really all that matters with a six year old, in my opinion. She’s creative and happy and inquisitive. I call that success.

But I feel this compulsion to have a list of things to do. A checklist so I can prove we did something. I think it is part of my personality. I’m one of those people who makes a list of things to do and then when I do things that aren’t on the list I write them down too so I can have the pleasure of seeing them crossed off.

At the same time, I’ve been pondering some good posts written by other people. These are helping me think through my priorities and Caroline’s needs. I especially liked these two posts about six weeks on and one week off (a Sabbath).

I’ve also been thinking about this one Christian sent me last year.

Ultimately, I’m thinking about what will work for both of us. What will Caroline enjoy and what will I be able to handle the planning for?

I continue to revisit Charlotte Mason and Ambleside, but it always feels like such a huge learning curve. Every Charlotte Mason person I come across online spends so much time reading Charlotte Mason, discussing Charlotte Mason, and analyzing Charlotte Mason. I’m just not that committed to any learning philosophy.

I’d love to do the storybook year idea above, but the thought of constantly creating activities and so on to go with it… I know my limitations in terms of time and energy. I’m not sure that’s how I want to spend the precious hours I have each day. I also know the limitations of our budget and that purchasing lots of picture books isn’t in my budget (as much as I would love it to be). And trying to coordinate ordering books from the library and getting them at the right time?  Not so sure.

So I’m pondering (to quote Brenda). And I’m asking God to show me what Caroline needs and what will work in our little home.

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Bill Gothard’s Umbrella of Protection


Diagram of Gothard umbrella of protection

You might have seen this diagram of Bill Gothard’s umbrella of protection floating around the internet or Facebook. It is a visual that summarizes Gothard’s teachings on the hierarchy in the church and home. According to him, living under God’s umbrella assures protection.

Peering Underneath the Umbrella: Musings on Gothardism by Dulce Chale is an excellent critique of this unbiblical teaching. She points out the key problem with much of Gothard’s teachings including:

Whatever God is speaking, he will speak to your husband/father. It doesn’t really matter what the topic is: A daughter’s future spouse, your callings and responsibilities, how you should spend your time, how you should raise your children. Any decision is between the father/husband and God, and the father/husband will let you know when he is ready to. Your responsibility is to cheerfully go along with it. Even if your father is not a believer (which is somehow also your fault, of course), you still have to rely on him to be the go-between between you and God.

There are all kinds of other, minor things that have become twisted and elevated into doctrine, some that I agree with aside from the theological status conveyed upon them, others very weird indeed. But to put it all into a nutshell, the fatal flaw of Gothard’s teachings is that he denies the power of Christ. It is all about Man (and here, the male gender is most definitely implied).

And, yes, by Man she doesn’t mean mankind (women and men). She means men.

Good food for thought. Don’t miss it or the comments that really expand on the topic!

 

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New Wave Complementarianism, Wendy Alsup, and Kevin DeYoung


Karen alerted me on Facebook to an interesting discussion taking place on a few different blogs and asked what I thought. As I was reading through all the relevant articles, I decided to just start jotting down some thoughts here as I was going.

Here are the articles I read although I am only going to interact primarily with the first two and their comments:

My first thought is that I’m glad this is being discussed. I’ve been raising these same questions for a few years now as has Karen and others. This little blog I do in my spare time is full of links to articles, posts and such that point out the serious problems within the complementarian establishment. The evidence is there for all to see.

The complementarian establishment has done a poor job of understanding what is going on around them. I don’t know if they are denial, busy or what. But there are so many people who have been asking legitimate questions and raising the warning flags for years now. The response has been to minimize, ignore or (in the most extreme cases) demonize those who ask questions.

I think perhaps finally over the past six to twelve months I’m starting to see the realization dawn amongst some of them that perhaps they really do have to listen to people who are asking questions.

Here are some random thoughts I jotted down as I was reading. I’d love to do a detailed and carefully structured response, but my life doesn’t allow it at this time.  So in random order…

People consistently point out the problems stemming from the complementarian teachings but the complementarian leaders pooh pooh the comments and concerns. Their consistent reply is “But that’s not what complementarianism is.” Somehow they seem to totally miss again and again that that is what complementarian is on the ground. The complementarian name has been taken over by people who are loudly advocating for all manner of things. What the complementarian establishment believes complementarianism is is NOT what many people think complementarianism is. They have a serious marketing problem on their hands.

If TGC, CBMW and so on won’t police their own, others will do it for them. I don’t know if these men are afraid of each other or if they are afraid of being removed from the inner circle or what. But there have been some really outlandish and downright scary things preached, written, and promoted by men in these circles.  And no one calls them out on it. At least not publicly. And publicly is where it needs to happen if they are writing things that are confusing people or leading them astray.

I’m really surprised I haven’t read something about it being shameful for women to bring all this to light.  Because I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that some of these men will deeply resent having to respond to these women. Some of these men clearly want to drive the agenda and discussion. To have women forcing a point to which they must respond does not fit well with their ministry paradigm or their view of the proper way things should be done in a complementarian world.

The cry of “That’s not what I meant” by popular complementarian authors doesn’t cut it. If you make your living leading other Christians through your preaching, teaching, and writing, then it is your responsibility to make sure you are clearly articulating your view. When people continually call out these same leaders for the things they have written or said that leave the door open to all kinds of problems, they need to man up and own their words. They need to clearly articulate what they do and DO NOT mean instead of saying that people are misunderstanding them. If you make a living as a communicator, then communicate. If you feel called to lead people, then lead them. If people don’t understand your leadership, it is your problem not theirs.

There is a reason I have Complementarianism and Neo-Reformed Complementarianism in the sidebar. They are not the same thing.

The issue of women being deacons may be downplayed in RBMW and by the CBMW, but I think that is a mistake. The issue of women being deacons is a key issue for many women, including increasing numbers of complementarian woman. The argument for women deacons is very strong. But many (most?) complementarians will not embrace it because they view it as the slippery slope to women being elders. Not embracing women as deacons seriously undermines the complementarian stance in the mind of many.

There are complementarian leaders who are arguing that complementarianism = patriarchy. This sends up red flags for many Christians. Again, I don’t know if the complementarian establishment is just naive or not in tune with what is going on around them, but the patriarchy thing is a big deal and it isn’t going to go away.

The cognitive dissonance is a huge deal. I think this may especially be true of younger women who are in healthy marriages with men who are their best friends. Marriage is very different for recent generations than it was previous ones. Women are constantly told from the pulpit that they are subversive usurpers and that everything wrong in a marriage can be traced back to the woman not submitting.  Then they look at their own marriages and they see NOTHING of this. The incessant and unrelenting focus on women submitting or else they will destroy their marriage (and the church and civilization as we know it) makes no sense to them (or me).

Lastly, the internet has opened dialog in ways never possible before. It’s really hard to demonize the egalitarians when you interact with them online and have pleasant discussions with them. When you realize that many of them are deeply committed to the Scriptures and long to follow Christ faithfully so they can hear “Well done, good and faithful servant,” all of the sudden you realize that maybe the questions they are asking are honest and come from a heart deeply committed to Christ. Making all egalitarians out as the enemy to be appeased (as DeYoung put it) is truly an insult to the brothers and sisters in Christ who take this view.

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Birth Plans, Post-Partum Depression, and Getting Real About Being a Successful Mother


I was blessed in many ways to be spared the idealism of creating the perfect birth plans and birth experience six and a half years ago when I had Caroline. Although I had wanted a baby since I was a teenager, I had never been romantic about the delivery process. I’m not big on pain and no matter how anyone spins it… birth involves pain. I was interested in the child. The delivery process was just an unavoidable necessity (if I’m going to be truly frank).

Over the years numerous doctors told me that I would likely not be able to deliver naturally and so when I did become pregnant and my OB/GYN told me the same thing, I was not terribly surprised. I had a planned c-section after a high risk pregnancy. The c-section turned out rather traumatic and my first days of motherhood were not really blissful. But I had a baby. And my baby and I were both healthy and safe. That was really all that mattered to me.

I wrote Caroline’s birth story and shared it here about a month after I had Caroline. I don’t really think about it much because, frankly, it isn’t necessarily a memory I want to revisit. In fact, when Christian shared her birth story with Little Sister (complete with lots of pictures), I was surprised by how much it stressed me out. I seriously had to walk away from the computer and stop reading. I could feel my blood pressure and stress rising with each sentence. The images and story had too much in common with my own.

Childbirth Pressures Even in the Church

In Put Down Your Birth Plans: How Idealizing Motherhood is Causing Post-Partum Depression, Lauren Lund discusses how both the culture and the church have created a bit of a monster when it comes to motherhood. She writes:

Even the Church has gotten in on the baby-glamour action. Many religious circles over-correct the push for women in the workplace by putting too much emphasis on affirming ladies to have and rear children. The Church is supposed to be a place of community, vulnerability, and support. By idealizing motherhood, the Church can actually cause mothers to compete rather than support one another. It can also set up women who don’t want to, or can’t, have babies to become the object of inappropriate judgment. Life is always a good thing, and having children is a cause for celebration. But it is also hard, and it is not for everyone.

Lund goes on to write about her own experience with post-partum depression (PPD). She writes that once she realized what was going on, she talked to other women who overwhelmingly shared their own difficult stories. Unfortunately many women suffer alone out of shame or fear of being judged.

Life After Childbirth and Depression

I am thankful that David worked at home when I had Caroline. I believe God knew that I could not handle alone what was coming. Looking back, I think David and I both suffered from depression the first six to nine months. We were both home all day with a demanding high need baby and shared the challenges of understanding this spirited infant who didn’t follow the advice we received from every direction.

I truly believe that if David had been working full-time away from home I would have ended up with severe PPD. It was hard enough with both of us there. If I had been alone… God knew me better than I could know myself and in His infinite grace he put David at home to be there with me. Between the two of us we muddled through in sharing the parenting duties and, yes, even shared the depression.

Being A Successful Mother

I measure my success as a mother in terms of the big picture, not what kind of a birth experience I had. I am a steward of Caroline’s life until she is old enough to assume control of it herself. Caroline is a gift. It’s my privilege to take care of the gift, nurture the gift, and present the gift back to God. He has purposes for her life that I can’t imagine. In stewarding this gift I’ve been given, I ask God to direct my choices that impact Caroline. I study her. I try to figure out what makes her tick. I try to discern what God might be trying to do with her so I can cooperate with Him and His loving plans.

I define my success as a mother by my willingness to work with God where Caroline is concerned.

The birth was just a brief blip in the span of my life. It was a brief sixty minutes when God presented me with a precious gift I had waited literally a lifetime for. But the birth was not the defining moment for me as a woman. I could list many other things in my lifetime that have frankly defined me more as a woman and person in Christ.

I find it incredibly sad that there are women right now who feel like failures because of a failed birth plan. We are so much more than a birthing process. Birth does not define us. It is a miracle to be sure. But it is only a tiny moment in this grand life that Christ offers us.

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