Honestly, that’s the way I’m feeling right now. I feel like a lousy wife, homemaker, friend, church member, Christian, blogger… You name it and I don’t feel like I’m doing a very good job. Well, I feel like I’m doing ok as Caroline’s mama, but everything else stinks.
I guess I just didn’t want to come on here and prattle on about things that really don’t matter or pretend like I’m happy as a lark when I’m not. I’m not unhappy. I don’t know what I am. I guess I am just a new mom in the midst of a baby with a growth spurt who isn’t getting enough time to herself and feels like she is doing a lousy job with everything.
These forty-five minute naps a few times a day are just killing me. It takes me fifteen minutes to decompress after I put her down for a nap and she goes to sleep. By the time I get started with anything else, she’s awake again. I love her dearly, but the lack of time to do anything that takes any extended amount of time and/or concentration is becoming a real challenge to me. It is getting to the point where I’m seriously thinking about going to bed at 8:00 p.m. and getting up alone at 3:00 or 4:00 a.m. so I can get some time to myself.
I’m also really frustrated with just the lack of a general routine or schedule. At 10:00 a.m. I couldn’t even begin to guess what time we will eat dinner that evening. Caroline does not nap or eat at consistent times or consistent intervals. (And not just during the growth spurt.) So to make any kind of meal that takes any amount of preparation or timing is just about impossible.
Well, that’s where I am. I’ve got lots of things I’d love to blog about, but my blogging time has been almost non-existent lately. We’ve been on the go so much that it’s actually getting a little depressing – dentist, eye doctor, grocery shopping, errands, blah, blah, blah. It adds to the whole lack of a routine thing and just makes it all that much more complicated.
So, that’s what’s going on. I’m just not going to be feeling like I am and come on here and pretend that life is blissful. Yes, I am blessed beyond words and, yes, this too shall pass. But right now I’m just in the midst of it, I can’t figure out how to make it better, and I’m finding it all more than a little discouraging.
40 Things I’ve Learned By Age 40 | #8-15
Another book that hasn’t been mentioned yet is the Baby Whisperer. It has some ideas like BabyWise, but I think it tempers some things that need tempering. Her latest one (…Solves all your problems) has a lot in it about sleep. I’m using now.
Have you tried using an Ergo carrier? I had three kids in less-than 3.5 years, and used slings until the 3rd one.
Now my baby “rides” through the witching hour with hardly a hiccup. Makes meal prep *so* much smoother. If C’s not used to it, it might take a few training sessions, but the results are *so* worth it.
Welcome to motherhood, huh? I think we’ve all been where you are at one point or another… probably more than one point, if truth be told. I think that, in lots of ways, moms go through growth spurts of their own, pushing and stretching the boundaries of ourselves.
One day, you will stop in the middle of your day and realize that it’s going really well and that all feels right with your world. It’ll sneak up on you in a delightful way. Cherish that moment when it finds you because it will be replaced at some point like another moment in time like this one now.
Blessedly, it’s a cyclical pattern always featuring moments of bliss.
Sallie, you sound a bit like me when I had my first baby. I had a hard time going from working two jobs and going to grad school — to suddenly becoming a stay-home mom.
I couldn’t handle the floppy schedule thing — so I wrote out a little schedule and hung it up on the refrigerator. It went something like this (from about 6 months, when baby is eating solids. I nursed 4 or 5 times a day).
8 am Baby wake up, eat breakfast,play
10-12 Baby nap
12 Baby wake up, eat lunch, play, go for a walk outside or run errands
2-4 Baby and Mom nap!
4-8 House up, afternoon walk or errands, prepare supper and eat
8 pm Baby bath, story and bed
This was our loose schedule — as you can see, our day centered around taking walks! This is when I saw my friends, who were also walking their babies. I also joined a couple of play groups and went to the library for storytime. I didn’t like staying home alone more than one day a week.
I know the Ezzos have received some criticism lately, but we used the Growing Kids God’s Way books that were in vogue back in the mid-90s and loved being taught how to schedule children to sleep and eat around the family’s routine! 🙂
Sallie,
I agree with Eva about setting small goals. I found this to be very helpful. Somedays I only have one or two goals like…take a shower and make out a grocery list. Anything else that I accomplished during the day is a bonus and I feel good that I’ve accomplish the goals I’ve set, even if they seem small.
Something I forgot to mention, I try to set at least one personal goal for the day (and make it a priority) like go for a walk, make myself a cup of coffee and sit and enjoy it. This way I’m sure to get some time to myself enjoying something I like to do. It really helps to lift my spirits.
Sallie,
It seems like we’ve all been there. My younger son is now 10 months old and already so independent. Already I find myself yearning for some good cuddle time. But just as he left the needy, unpredictable stage, my 2 1/2 year old is saying “Do you want to play with me?” constantly. I mean how do you say no to that?? It’s all such a delicate balance but such an incredible blessing! When my older son was a baby I couldmn’t leave him because he would scream until I returned. Then suddenly at 14 months, it stopped… All that to say, hang in there, it does get better. And you are not bad at everything else. You’re just a busy mom who is very much in demand by her little client!
Sallie,
I hear ya, girl! I have been there off and on. I understand how hard it is to “evolve” with the changing schedule of a baby. I mean, Selena was on a consistent schedule, but when she started sleeping through the night, the schedule changed. Then she started solids, and it changed again! I was constantly trying to keep up and rush around to get things done while she was sleeping. It frustrated me when I couldn’t get things done like I used to. This had nothing to do with the love I felt for my little princess, it was just tiring and sometimes frustrating. Shes on a consistent schedule now, but who knows how it will change as she slowly weans herself.
I just want you to know that I understand!! I started taking a bubble bath during Selena’s first nap. Just me, the bubbles, and a good book or even some time for prayer. It totally refreshes me in the morning. I thought at first that it was too “indulgent” of me to do this, but it really helps my outlook for the whole day.
I also have about five household chores for each day in a notebook. I also schedule in, “an outing with Selena,” or “do something fun.” I decided to start with the necessary household chores and do the others if I have time.
I guess you’ll find what works for you. Just know … I UNDERSTAND!!!
How many times have I sobbed at night because I felt the same way? Too many times to count.
Yes. Today…
Dear Sally, I look forward to reading your views on how motherhood affects your spiritual life. I was wondering how your chronological Bible reading was going, since you hadn’t written about it in awhile. Now I know.
My daughters both have young children and often feel like they “stink” at everything they do and are. I remember that time of my life well and try to encourage them. I never tell them that it’s the happiest time of their life because I hated being told that (as if everything after that was downhill).
It’s not just a matter of making routines and setting goals. You are a person who appreciates beauty, order, and serenity, probably to a greater degree than ‘average’. And maintaining such in your surroundings with an unpredictable little person in your charge is pretty nigh impossible at times.
I am struggling with chronic illness and pain now, leaving me with very limited “quality time”. I wonder if we share some of the same spiritual challenges.
Ahhhh Sallie.
All I can say is it does get better (note not always easier, but better). Now I know that does not help at the moment, but it is the truth. Havig said that I am currently sleep deprived as Daniel has decided against sleeping through the night! I don’t think you can ever be prepared for how tough motherhood can be…especially when it comes to the ‘getting things done’ phase. It’s funny. We accept that having children will change life. We know that it takes up to a year for our bodies and hormones to get back to ‘normal’…..whatever that is! Yet there are certain things that we don’t realise will affect us so much.
Some days I have to accept that nothing much will happen and that is that. Mind you I think I am a lot lazier than you are! But the time will come…..I promise!
But right now, being a good mama to Caroline is the most important thing. The Lord understands just where you are at and does not expect more from you than you give.
You’re doing well as a mom…that’s the most important thing!
Thanks so much for putting into words what I’ve been feeling with my almost-five-month-old. She has only been napping sporadically and has stopped sleeping through the night – I think she may be starting with teething. My brain has felt so shattered…everytime Katherine goes down for a nap, I take a breather, dive into a project, JUST get working, and then she wakes up again. I have considered doing the same thing – going to be early and waking up in the wee hours while she’s still asleep! Problem with that is (for me, at least) I could go to bed at 8 pm and not wake up till 8 am and be perfectly happy! I would sleep 10-12 hours a night if I could…
Sallie, I’m not a mother so can’t offer any advice, but hopefully I am a bloggy friend and I am definitely a sister in Christ, so wil offer my love and prayers for you all.
Sallie,
Try to enjoy these times because in a year from now you will have a house that is contantly ripped apart and toys scattered about, a child walking and talking and contantly saying Ma ma, Ma Ma all day.
Someday when life is more challenging you will look back at these easy days and wish for them again.
Pat
I can empathize. There are days, weeks, months when it feels like no amount of effort changes a thing or worse, making an effort makes things get worse.
I’ve had many days like that recently, and I end up with this debate raging in my head about whether or not I ought to wait to say something ‘important’ and positive on my blog, or if I should just tell it like it is. I’m opting for transparency, and I’m glad you are too.
I can’t offer my advice on motherhood (I’m momma to 2 felines, that’s it) but I can offer this from one human being to another – sometimes you just have to let folks know where you’re at so they can come to you, or least lend a helping hand in whatever way they can.
I’ve never posted before, but have been lurking for a while. You’re a good writer, and I always appreciate what you post.
In answer to your title – almost constantly. I’ll be praying for you!