A Quiet Simple Life | Sallie Borrink

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 6:23

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Gifted & 2e

Thinking About Gifted/2e From a Christian Perspective


The idea of giftedness provokes very strong feelings among parents. When some parents hear the words “gifted” or “twice-exceptional (2e)” used to describe their child, they feel relieved. It might be the final piece of the puzzle regarding their high-maintenance child who simply doesn’t function like other children.

When other parents hear the term gifted they cringe or become defensive. They believe all children are gifted and that it is elitist to think that your child is “better” than others.

Debates rage online between people who believe all children are gifted and those who use the term to describe a significant neurological difference.

Prior to having a gifted child I didn’t think much about it. I had a profoundly gifted child in my first classroom, but other than that my experience was limited to my own childhood and being classified as gifted and talented. But having a gifted child who we eventually realized was 2e made me dive headlong into the world of giftedness in an effort to determine how to best meet her needs.

I’ve taught many children and I believe that every child is unique and brings something special to the world. But there is no doubt in my mind that not every child is gifted in the neurological sense we’re discussing in this series.

Nor is there any doubt in my mind that being gifted or 2e presents many challenges to children and their parents. This includes areas related to the Christian faith.

So what does thinking about gifted/2e from a Christian perspective include?

Giftedness Defined

Trying to distill gifted and 2e down to one post means I have to leave a lot out. For the purpose of this series, we’ll use this definition that sums up all that giftedness encompasses.

“Giftedness is ‘asynchronous development’ in which advanced cognitive abilities and heightened intensity combine to create inner experiences and awareness that are qualitatively different from the norm. This asynchrony increases with higher intellectual capacity. The uniqueness of the gifted renders them particularly vulnerable and requires modifications in parenting, teaching and counseling in order for them to develop optimally.” (Columbus Group, 1991)

There are many children who have advanced cognitive abilities, but do not have the heightened intensity. Those are smart kids who do well academically and achieve much in a traditional school setting. Those smart kids are not dealing with the heightened intensity (emotional, sensual, psychomotor, intellectual, and/or imaginational) that complicates the learning experiences of gifted children.

Gifted children are those who are simply wired differently than other children. Not better and not worse. But differently. Intensely differently.

Gifted does not mean automatic success and an easier road in school. It often means just the opposite as many gifted children do not function well in a classroom environment and their areas of heightened intensity hinder their ability to perform in academically desirably ways. They truly require modifications in parenting and learning.

2e Or Twice Exceptional

Within the group of gifted children is a smaller group called 2e or twice-exceptional. These are gifted children who also have a learning difference. In Caroline’s case, it is dysgraphia. For other children it could be dyslexia, auditory processing, Aspergers, sensory processing, or several other issues.

2e children have their own set of strengths and challenges. Twice-Exceptional Gifted Children: Understanding, Teaching, and Counseling Gifted Students gives the following two lists.

2e Strengths

  • superior vocabulary
  • highly creative
  • resourceful
  • curious
  • imaginative
  • questioning
  • problem-solving ability
  • sophisticated sense of humor
  • wide range of interests
  • advanced ideas and opinions
  • special talent or consuming interest

2e Challenges

  • easily frustrated
  • stubborn
  • manipulative
  • opinionated
  • argumentative
  • sensitive to criticism
  • inconsistent academic performance
  • difficulty with written expression
  • lack of organizational and study skills
  • difficulty with social interactions

Reading through these lists makes it easy to see why a 2e child does not normally fit into a traditional classroom or, for the purpose of this series, a traditional church setting. A 2e child requires modifications in parenting and education.

What About Spiritual Gifts?

In the faith context, gifted is not referring to spiritual gifts. It is a different kind of gifting. The Bible tells us that every redeemed person receives at least one spiritual gift from the Holy Spirit for the building up of the body of Christ. But not every Christian is gifted in the neurological sense.

Will spiritual gifts and neurological giftedness overlap? Probably for some, but not necessarily. Only time will tell. Giftedness in a child is often evident from a very early age even though the parents might not recognize it until later. Looking back, we can clearly see Caroline’s giftedness in the first few weeks even though we didn’t realize it then. (We were too sleep deprived!) I have zero doubts about her giftedness now.

But at this point, I have no idea what her spiritual gifts might be. Time and the Holy Spirit will reveal that. Once we become more aware of her spiritual gift(s), we’ll look for ways to guide her in that area just as we do her giftedness and asynchronous development.

Thinking About Giftedness From A Christian Perspective

So how do we think about giftedness from a Christian perspective? How do we talk with our children about the fact that they were created gifted by God? I do not profess to have all the answers to this. But here is what I’m thinking.

Parents with a neuro-typical child might think that having a gifted child is a blessing that makes for an easy childhood. It is, in fact, just the opposite. I have yet to meet a parent of a gifted child who said it was even remotely easy. Determining how to effectively deal with the emotional intensity of a gifted toddler alone is enough to break the strongest parent.

So while some people might automatically classify giftedness as a blessing, often the child and parents struggle to see it that way. Does it feel like a blessing when:

  • you don’t fit in with your peers because of asynchronous development so you speak and think like a teenager, play like an eight year old and struggle to write like a five year old?
  • you struggle with intense emotions that overwhelm you?
  • you feel like you have something wrong with you because your mind works so differently than those around you?
  • you struggle with math or writing so that you can’t keep up with other children your age even though you are far beyond them in other areas?
  • it is difficult to go out in public and do the most basic things because the sounds, smells and people overwhelm you?

I don’t think we’ve ever referred to Caroline’s giftedness as a blessing. I see it more as a challenge she will have to navigate in her life with God’s help rather than a blessing.

I do tell Caroline that I believe God created her as a unique individual and that He has purposes for her creativity, imagination, sensitivity and all of the other wonderful, intense aspects of her personality. I remind her that not everyone has the abilities she has and that they can be used to bless God and other people in her life.

I am thankful that because of my own struggles related to being gifted I can empathize with some (but not all) of her struggles. More importantly, I point her to Jesus, often praying with her when she is struggling with something. I am thankful that she will ask me to pray for her when going through a tough time.

I believe in God’s sovereignty and I trust that God has a good plan for my child even when the way is not clear at all from my perspective. I can see how He has worked time and again in my own life, marriage, friendships, and professional life. Because Caroline was an answer to many years of prayer and waiting, I believe He created her at this specific time for a purpose and He cares more for her than I ever could. I don’t know what those plans are, but I will remind her (and myself) that God works all things out for good for His children.

I choose to walk in faith each day, asking God for the wisdom and discernment to parent my gifted child. Will I have the answer to her every question and heartache? Of course not. But the Lord will care for her when I cannot. He knit her together in my womb and He will order her days because of the work He accomplished on the cross on her behalf.

This post is part of my larger collection of essays on raising gifted and 2e children as a Christian parent.

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Raising Gifted Children in the Christian Faith


Since learning of Caroline’s giftedness (2e), the past year has been a huge learning curve for me. I’ve had to rethink so much about learning and parenting. Because I’m a Christian, I think about these topics in the context of my faith.

I realized at one point that there is very little out there about raising gifted children in the Christian faith. There is a great deal about gifted children and there is plenty about Christian parenting and homeschooling. But both? Not much.

I brought up the subject of raising a gifted child in a Protestant faith tradition in a gifted homeschool bloggers group. We had a thought-provoking discussion about the challenges and opportunities as Christians with gifted children.

This series of posts is a result of my experiences as a parent and that conversation. I hope it will be a helpful series for people who are wrestling with some of these same issues and will spark some good discussions.

If You Don’t Have A Gifted Child

If you don’t have a gifted child, you might think this series won’t be relevant to you. I would ask you to reconsider. This series is for you if you:

  • Chaperone field trips with your child’s class
  • Teach Sunday School
  • Help at AWANA or youth group
  • Volunteer or teach at a homeschool coop
  • Volunteer in your child’s classroom
  • Have friends or family members with a gifted child

In short, if you work with or interact with someone else’s children on a regular basis, I promise you will find something in this series that will help you understand how to best help and love a gifted child.

Raising Gifted Children As Christians Brings A Unique Set Of Struggles

What is it about raising a gifted child in the Christian faith that presents a unique set of struggles? I’ve observed some things that I think are very important.

  • How do you respond when gifted children often interact with matters of faith very differently than a neuro-typical child?
  • How do you raise gifted children in Christian community when they don’t especially like groups and find church overwhelming?
  • How do you instruct a child in the faith when he doesn’t like to be instructed in the typical ways churches function or simply doesn’t like instruction because of the way he is wired to learn?
  • How do you effectively discipline a gifted child?
  • How do you raise your child to understand that it is fine to be gifted and also be a person of faith when the gifted community is often hostile to Christianity or say they are mutually exclusive?
  • How do you support gifted children who often feel the weight of the world on their shoulders?

Those are some of the questions I’m going to touch on with this series. I hope you will find it helpful. If you are a parent of a gifted/2e child, I hope you will leave a comment and share what has worked for you in these different areas. I do not profess to be an expert in any of this! I’m simply hoping to facilitate a helpful conversation. You might have the answer another parent needs!

Raising A Gifted Child Series Clarification

A couple of words of clarification. I know the term “gifted” is controversial. I’ll be explaining what I believe gifted is and isn’t in my next post. I’m also writing this series from the perspective of a right of middle, Bible-believing, Gospel-preaching Baptist Christian because that is my sphere. It isn’t my intention to slight people of other faiths, but the historic Christian faith is the frame of reference for my life and so that is why it will be the basis of this series. Certainly anyone of other faith traditions (or no faith) is welcome to read and discuss. However, the series is not open to questioning the validity of the Christian faith, the Bible, or giftedness. Comments of that nature will be deleted in order to provide a place for Christian parents to discuss. Thank you!

This post is part of my larger collection of essays on raising gifted and 2e children as a Christian parent.

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Why I Don’t Worry About My Picky Eater


We have two picky eaters in our home. My daughter is a picky eater. I’m the other one. Because I’ve always been very particular about food, it makes it much easier to accept my daughter’s eating preferences. And she has had them from very early on.

Raising A Picky Eater

I remember one day when my in-laws were visiting  and Caroline was less than a year old. I had lined up four little bowls of various kinds of baby foods on the table, each with its own spoon. Caroline pointed to each one that she wanted, when she wanted it, and in the order she wanted it. David’s mom remarked that she had never seen a baby do that before.

The child knows her own mind. And she has from the womb.

I will say that Caroline has always been a good eater. She eats a variety of foods (although not many vegetables once we got off baby food). Eating a good variety was good enough for me (and our pediatrician). She eats meats, fruits, grains, dairy products, etc. so I make sure she has a variety of things she does like. But she does have a rather lengthy list of things that shall not pass her lips (as do I).

Thankfully around the time Caroline turned eight, she started asking out of the blue to try different foods. I’m not sure what changed, but something did. Sometimes she discovers something she really likes and other times she spits it out. But she’s trying and we always affirm the fact that she tried a new food.

If you aren’t a picky eater, it might be hard to understand why your child has such strong opinions about food. It would be easy to turn it into a power struggle instead of stepping back and really assessing why your child is reacting the way she is. So as a picky eater, here are things I would encourage the parents of picky eaters to consider.

“No” Means “No”

We have a very strong rule about “no” in our house. If someone says “no” or “stop” then we immediately respect that whether it is during tickling, playing chase or buying clothes. This includes food. If we offer Caroline something to eat and she says, “No, thank you” then we immediately drop it. We don’t try to cajole her or guilt her into eating something. And we definitely do not command her that she has to eat one bite of everything.

Do you want someone to harass you after you tell them “no?”

Is this hard sometimes? Yes. Sometimes I have had to bite my tongue. But given my own aversion to certain foods that I could not eat even to be polite in someone’s home, I’m not going to be a hypocrite and push her to eat something she doesn’t want.

I also want Caroline to grow up knowing that she has a right and responsibility to tell others “No” and expect them to honor that. If I want my adult child to know the power of saying “No” when someone tries to push her to do something she doesn’t want to do, it starts by giving her control over parts of her life when she is younger. In our home, this includes food.

Food Aversions Are Real

I have always had a strong aversion to many foods including fresh tomatoes. They are simply vile to me. It wasn’t until many years later that I realized that oral allergy syndrome is the reason. Raw tomatoes feel awful in my mouth and make me feel sick after eating them. Yet I can’t tell you how many times in my life people have pushed me to eat raw tomatoes, looked at me like I was weird when I didn’t want raw tomatoes, etc.

Sometimes little ones cannot articulate why they don’t like a food. It is possible they don’t like the way it makes them feel when they eat it, but they can’t fully express it to you. With the oral allergy syndrome there are no external physical symptoms like there are with an allergic reaction. It is all in the mouth and not visible.

Don’t be too quick to brush off your child’s aversion to certain foods. There may truly be a biological reason for it.

Let Children Determine If They Are Full

I have seen people boast that they have trained their children to eat whatever they put in front of them. I know there are people who insist that their children eat every bite on their plate when the child has had no say as to the food or the amount put on the plate.

We don’t do that.

Sometimes I will encourage Caroline to eat another bite or two if I think she’s just in a hurry to get back to playing instead of eating. If she asks for ice cream for dessert, but hasn’t finished her tuna, I will ask her to eat a few more spoonfuls of the tuna first. But for the most part, if she says she’s full then we accept that.

There is NO virtue in eating everything on your plate if you are already full. (As a Christian, I would call that gluttony.) If we constantly push our children to eat past the satiation point, we are teaching them to ignore the powerful and clear signals their brain is giving them. We should WANT them to learn to listen to their brain to know when they are full.

If parents are constantly overriding their child’s natural signals in an effort to control their child, then they are missing out on a crucial learning experience.

Choose Your Battles Carefully

One of my parenting mantras is that I choose my battles very carefully. I will ask myself if this is a hill I’m willing to die on. I save the hill dying for what I think is very important. Food is not a hill I’m willing to die on.

I’m not willing to turn mealtime into a battle of wits. It’s not good for anyone to eat while upset. Mealtime should be relaxing and an opportunity to enjoy being together.

Do I really want to invest my parenting capital into bullying/manipulating/guilting my child into eating something she doesn’t want?

No. Way.

There are other things that are going to matter far more to me than if my child wants to try carrots or scalloped potatoes tonight. I am saving my parenting capital for when there is something truly important at stake. In the grand scheme of things, having a picky eater is the least of my worries on this parenting journey.

You know how I know? I’m a picky eater and I’m doing just fine.

And so will your child.

Helpful Resources In My Shop

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Occupational Therapy for Dysgraphia or Writing Problems


This past fall we made the decision to seek out occupational therapy (OT) for Caroline. She was struggling a great deal with the act of writing and we also suspected she had some midline issues. With her permission, I’m sharing our experience with occupational therapy for dysgraphia or writing problems. 

Physical Issues with Writing

We strongly believe in letting Caroline develop at her own pace. This has been true since she was born. She was very early on some milestones and on the later end of others. We simply gave her time and knew she would do things when she was ready.

We took the same approach to writing. Eventually, though, it was clear that there were issues that weren’t going to clear up simply with more time. So shortly after she turned eight, our pediatrician referred us to an excellent office nearby at our request.

OT Activities for Dysgraphia

Caroline was very nervous about going to OT. When I asked her why, she said she was worried people would make fun of her. Not being able to write well when other kids your age can is hard. Even though she had been with me many times at my PT appointments, she was still naturally concerned with something new and unknown.

We were blessed with a wonderful occupational therapist named Jen. It took a few visits, but Caroline warmed up to her and grew to like her and OT very much. Jen’s assessment was that there were issues going on, but they were very fixable with some work.

When I asked Caroline to describe what she did at OT, she said they did drawing, coloring, puzzles, pick up activities, and swinging. She enjoyed all of the activities, but especially being able to work one-on-one with Jen. She absolutely loved the swing!

Caroline had fourteen appointments in all. At first we went weekly, then every few weeks. We also did almost daily figure eight and alphabet work at home. This involved tracing large sideways figure eights on paper in order to create more connections between the right and left hemispheres of the brain. After doing three figure eights, she would write a letter of the alphabet and say it aloud. Then she would continue with this through the entire alphabet (three figure eights and a letter). At first it was very challenging, but over time it became natural (as it should be).

Truly Remarkable OT Results

We are thrilled with the results. It took a bit of work for it all to kick in, but once it did the progress was significant. My hope when we started was that by the end of the school year Caroline would be writing independently and regularly. We are just about there.

In the past, Caroline would do anything and everything to avoid writing. Now she is constantly writing on her own, asking me how to spell words, etc. The week she finished OT she decided on her own she wanted to write a letter to Jane O’Connor, the author of the Fancy Nancy/Nancy Clancy books. (Caroline says to tell you she highly recommends them and she even had a Fancy Nancy birthday party once!) I was so thrilled for her that writing was something she wanted to do now and it no longer overwhelmed her.

Reflecting on Choosing OT for Dysgraphia

I’ve wondered if we should have sought out help sooner, but I honestly think we did it at the right time. The way everything fell in place in terms of getting the referral, getting an appointment right away, insurance paying for almost all of it (since we had maxed out our deductible with my issues), and the desire on Caroline’s part to fix what she knew was a problem indicates to me that we did it at the right time.

I’m so thankful. Issues with writing hold a child back in almost every area. I’m so glad for Caroline’s sake that she took on this challenge and overcame it.

You can see all of the posts on my site that deal with the topic of dysgraphia here: Dysgraphia posts

Best wishes as you help your child!

This post is part of my larger collection of essays on raising gifted and 2e children as a Christian parent.

In My Shop 

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