A Quiet Simple Life | Sallie Borrink

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 6:23

A Quiet Simple Life

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Gifted & 2e

Raising Gifted Children in the Christian Faith


Since learning of Caroline’s giftedness (2e), the past year has been a huge learning curve for me. I’ve had to rethink so much about learning and parenting. Because I’m a Christian, I think about these topics in the context of my faith.

I realized at one point that there is very little out there about raising gifted children in the Christian faith. There is a great deal about gifted children and there is plenty about Christian parenting and homeschooling. But both? Not much.

I brought up the subject of raising a gifted child in a Protestant faith tradition in a gifted homeschool bloggers group. We had a thought-provoking discussion about the challenges and opportunities as Christians with gifted children.

This series of posts is a result of my experiences as a parent and that conversation. I hope it will be a helpful series for people who are wrestling with some of these same issues and will spark some good discussions.

If You Don’t Have A Gifted Child

If you don’t have a gifted child, you might think this series won’t be relevant to you. I would ask you to reconsider. This series is for you if you:

  • Chaperone field trips with your child’s class
  • Teach Sunday School
  • Help at AWANA or youth group
  • Volunteer or teach at a homeschool coop
  • Volunteer in your child’s classroom
  • Have friends or family members with a gifted child

In short, if you work with or interact with someone else’s children on a regular basis, I promise you will find something in this series that will help you understand how to best help and love a gifted child.

Raising Gifted Children As Christians Brings A Unique Set Of Struggles

What is it about raising a gifted child in the Christian faith that presents a unique set of struggles? I’ve observed some things that I think are very important.

  • How do you respond when gifted children often interact with matters of faith very differently than a neuro-typical child?
  • How do you raise gifted children in Christian community when they don’t especially like groups and find church overwhelming?
  • How do you instruct a child in the faith when he doesn’t like to be instructed in the typical ways churches function or simply doesn’t like instruction because of the way he is wired to learn?
  • How do you effectively discipline a gifted child?
  • How do you raise your child to understand that it is fine to be gifted and also be a person of faith when the gifted community is often hostile to Christianity or say they are mutually exclusive?
  • How do you support gifted children who often feel the weight of the world on their shoulders?

Those are some of the questions I’m going to touch on with this series. I hope you will find it helpful. If you are a parent of a gifted/2e child, I hope you will leave a comment and share what has worked for you in these different areas. I do not profess to be an expert in any of this! I’m simply hoping to facilitate a helpful conversation. You might have the answer another parent needs!

Raising A Gifted Child Series Clarification

A couple of words of clarification. I know the term “gifted” is controversial. I’ll be explaining what I believe gifted is and isn’t in my next post. I’m also writing this series from the perspective of a right of middle, Bible-believing, Gospel-preaching Baptist Christian because that is my sphere. It isn’t my intention to slight people of other faiths, but the historic Christian faith is the frame of reference for my life and so that is why it will be the basis of this series. Certainly anyone of other faith traditions (or no faith) is welcome to read and discuss. However, the series is not open to questioning the validity of the Christian faith, the Bible, or giftedness. Comments of that nature will be deleted in order to provide a place for Christian parents to discuss. Thank you!

This post is part of my larger collection of essays on raising gifted and 2e children as a Christian parent.

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Why I Don’t Worry About My Picky Eater


We have two picky eaters in our home. My daughter is a picky eater. I’m the other one. Because I’ve always been very particular about food, it makes it much easier to accept my daughter’s eating preferences. And she has had them from very early on.

Raising A Picky Eater

I remember one day when my in-laws were visiting  and Caroline was less than a year old. I had lined up four little bowls of various kinds of baby foods on the table, each with its own spoon. Caroline pointed to each one that she wanted, when she wanted it, and in the order she wanted it. David’s mom remarked that she had never seen a baby do that before.

The child knows her own mind. And she has from the womb.

I will say that Caroline has always been a good eater. She eats a variety of foods (although not many vegetables once we got off baby food). Eating a good variety was good enough for me (and our pediatrician). She eats meats, fruits, grains, dairy products, etc. so I make sure she has a variety of things she does like. But she does have a rather lengthy list of things that shall not pass her lips (as do I).

Thankfully around the time Caroline turned eight, she started asking out of the blue to try different foods. I’m not sure what changed, but something did. Sometimes she discovers something she really likes and other times she spits it out. But she’s trying and we always affirm the fact that she tried a new food.

If you aren’t a picky eater, it might be hard to understand why your child has such strong opinions about food. It would be easy to turn it into a power struggle instead of stepping back and really assessing why your child is reacting the way she is. So as a picky eater, here are things I would encourage the parents of picky eaters to consider.

“No” Means “No”

We have a very strong rule about “no” in our house. If someone says “no” or “stop” then we immediately respect that whether it is during tickling, playing chase or buying clothes. This includes food. If we offer Caroline something to eat and she says, “No, thank you” then we immediately drop it. We don’t try to cajole her or guilt her into eating something. And we definitely do not command her that she has to eat one bite of everything.

Do you want someone to harass you after you tell them “no?”

Is this hard sometimes? Yes. Sometimes I have had to bite my tongue. But given my own aversion to certain foods that I could not eat even to be polite in someone’s home, I’m not going to be a hypocrite and push her to eat something she doesn’t want.

I also want Caroline to grow up knowing that she has a right and responsibility to tell others “No” and expect them to honor that. If I want my adult child to know the power of saying “No” when someone tries to push her to do something she doesn’t want to do, it starts by giving her control over parts of her life when she is younger. In our home, this includes food.

Food Aversions Are Real

I have always had a strong aversion to many foods including fresh tomatoes. They are simply vile to me. It wasn’t until many years later that I realized that oral allergy syndrome is the reason. Raw tomatoes feel awful in my mouth and make me feel sick after eating them. Yet I can’t tell you how many times in my life people have pushed me to eat raw tomatoes, looked at me like I was weird when I didn’t want raw tomatoes, etc.

Sometimes little ones cannot articulate why they don’t like a food. It is possible they don’t like the way it makes them feel when they eat it, but they can’t fully express it to you. With the oral allergy syndrome there are no external physical symptoms like there are with an allergic reaction. It is all in the mouth and not visible.

Don’t be too quick to brush off your child’s aversion to certain foods. There may truly be a biological reason for it.

Let Children Determine If They Are Full

I have seen people boast that they have trained their children to eat whatever they put in front of them. I know there are people who insist that their children eat every bite on their plate when the child has had no say as to the food or the amount put on the plate.

We don’t do that.

Sometimes I will encourage Caroline to eat another bite or two if I think she’s just in a hurry to get back to playing instead of eating. If she asks for ice cream for dessert, but hasn’t finished her tuna, I will ask her to eat a few more spoonfuls of the tuna first. But for the most part, if she says she’s full then we accept that.

There is NO virtue in eating everything on your plate if you are already full. (As a Christian, I would call that gluttony.) If we constantly push our children to eat past the satiation point, we are teaching them to ignore the powerful and clear signals their brain is giving them. We should WANT them to learn to listen to their brain to know when they are full.

If parents are constantly overriding their child’s natural signals in an effort to control their child, then they are missing out on a crucial learning experience.

Choose Your Battles Carefully

One of my parenting mantras is that I choose my battles very carefully. I will ask myself if this is a hill I’m willing to die on. I save the hill dying for what I think is very important. Food is not a hill I’m willing to die on.

I’m not willing to turn mealtime into a battle of wits. It’s not good for anyone to eat while upset. Mealtime should be relaxing and an opportunity to enjoy being together.

Do I really want to invest my parenting capital into bullying/manipulating/guilting my child into eating something she doesn’t want?

No. Way.

There are other things that are going to matter far more to me than if my child wants to try carrots or scalloped potatoes tonight. I am saving my parenting capital for when there is something truly important at stake. In the grand scheme of things, having a picky eater is the least of my worries on this parenting journey.

You know how I know? I’m a picky eater and I’m doing just fine.

And so will your child.

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Occupational Therapy for Dysgraphia or Writing Problems


This past fall we made the decision to seek out occupational therapy (OT) for Caroline. She was struggling a great deal with the act of writing and we also suspected she had some midline issues. With her permission, I’m sharing our experience with occupational therapy for dysgraphia or writing problems. 

Physical Issues with Writing

We strongly believe in letting Caroline develop at her own pace. This has been true since she was born. She was very early on some milestones and on the later end of others. We simply gave her time and knew she would do things when she was ready.

We took the same approach to writing. Eventually, though, it was clear that there were issues that weren’t going to clear up simply with more time. So shortly after she turned eight, our pediatrician referred us to an excellent office nearby at our request.

OT Activities for Dysgraphia

Caroline was very nervous about going to OT. When I asked her why, she said she was worried people would make fun of her. Not being able to write well when other kids your age can is hard. Even though she had been with me many times at my PT appointments, she was still naturally concerned with something new and unknown.

We were blessed with a wonderful occupational therapist named Jen. It took a few visits, but Caroline warmed up to her and grew to like her and OT very much. Jen’s assessment was that there were issues going on, but they were very fixable with some work.

When I asked Caroline to describe what she did at OT, she said they did drawing, coloring, puzzles, pick up activities, and swinging. She enjoyed all of the activities, but especially being able to work one-on-one with Jen. She absolutely loved the swing!

Caroline had fourteen appointments in all. At first we went weekly, then every few weeks. We also did almost daily figure eight and alphabet work at home. This involved tracing large sideways figure eights on paper in order to create more connections between the right and left hemispheres of the brain. After doing three figure eights, she would write a letter of the alphabet and say it aloud. Then she would continue with this through the entire alphabet (three figure eights and a letter). At first it was very challenging, but over time it became natural (as it should be).

Truly Remarkable OT Results

We are thrilled with the results. It took a bit of work for it all to kick in, but once it did the progress was significant. My hope when we started was that by the end of the school year Caroline would be writing independently and regularly. We are just about there.

In the past, Caroline would do anything and everything to avoid writing. Now she is constantly writing on her own, asking me how to spell words, etc. The week she finished OT she decided on her own she wanted to write a letter to Jane O’Connor, the author of the Fancy Nancy/Nancy Clancy books. (Caroline says to tell you she highly recommends them and she even had a Fancy Nancy birthday party once!) I was so thrilled for her that writing was something she wanted to do now and it no longer overwhelmed her.

Reflecting on Choosing OT for Dysgraphia

I’ve wondered if we should have sought out help sooner, but I honestly think we did it at the right time. The way everything fell in place in terms of getting the referral, getting an appointment right away, insurance paying for almost all of it (since we had maxed out our deductible with my issues), and the desire on Caroline’s part to fix what she knew was a problem indicates to me that we did it at the right time.

I’m so thankful. Issues with writing hold a child back in almost every area. I’m so glad for Caroline’s sake that she took on this challenge and overcame it.

You can see all of the posts on my site that deal with the topic of dysgraphia here: Dysgraphia posts

Best wishes as you help your child!

This post is part of my larger collection of essays on raising gifted and 2e children as a Christian parent.

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The Difficult Days of Homeschooling a Gifted/2e Child


If you receive my newsletter, you already know that the past couple of weeks were tough. I mentioned in the last newsletter that I was calling the previous week my Homeschool Mom Professional Development Week to put a positive spin on it. But the truth of the matter is that I’ve been going through a period of when homeschooling is hard.

Two weeks ago I called the public elementary school and left a message for the principal to determine whether or not it would be a good fit for Caroline.

I knew deep down inside even when I called that it would not be possible, but I had to make the call. I had to talk to someone, explain our situation with a differently-wired learner who is 2e (both gifted and has a learning challenge), and hear for myself that it would never work.

The principal was very kind and supportive. He listened to me, asked intelligent questions, and made a few suggestions. He contacted the gifted and talented coordinators to see about having Caroline tested. They would not because she’s not enrolled. And, of course, we would never consider enrolling her without knowing she would receive the support she would need to thrive.

He called me back after we both received the “no” answer email from the gifted and talented coordinator. He said he didn’t want that to be our last contact and that he didn’t necessarily agree with the procedures established in the district. Honestly, the principal could not have been any kinder or more helpful. (But that is what I would have expected from the school district we live in.)

The entire experience reinforced to me that there is no way a traditional classroom setting will work for us.

But I already knew that.

I’m a certified, experienced teacher. I’ve been in the classroom and that was before things went nuts with excessive testing and grade expectations that are totally out of alignment with well-established facts about child development. It was my own experience as a teacher that made it clear to me that a traditional classroom setting would not work for my child in kindergarten. Or first grade. Or second grade.

But I’ve wavered a bit in third grade because because I’m tired.

Homeschooling is hard for everyone, but it’s a double dose when you have a differently-wired child.

I’ve wavered because homeschooling a differently-wired child means constantly re-evaluating what you are doing.

  • Wondering if you are failing your child.
  • Feeling like you aren’t doing enough for your child.
  • Wondering how you are going to meet her needs for another nine years.
  • Going it alone because it all falls on you – testing, outside professional help such as an occupational therapist, etc.
  • Feeling like you don’t fit in anywhere as a family.
  • Making accommodations for your child and family that most people don’t understand the need for.
  • Wondering if I can really give her what she needs within the constraints I have to work with whether they are my own health, finances, etc.

I shared in a private bloggers forum that I felt trapped. I think that is the hardest part. I felt like I have no choices. It’s one thing to choose to homeschool because you feel it is the best option for your family and child, knowing you can make a change in the future if you need to do so. It’s another thing when you realize that it is the ONLY option for your child. That has become increasingly clear to me over the past year or two.

Thankfully some really great moms with children similar to Caroline responded with encouraging words, making it clear that we are all struggling with the same kinds of challenges. They shared their own relief with homeschooling because it was so much better for them and their child compared to when their child was in a traditional classroom. It was so much easier than trying to work within a system that is not designed for outside-of-the-box children. By contrast, we’ve always homeschooled so I’ve never experienced the “relief” of finding something better.

Something about making the call to the school and talking it out with other moms ended up freeing me. It reminded me again that God gave us this child. We prayed specifically for a little girl for nine years. God gave her the parents she needed. She has a daddy who is fun and playful, something really important for an imaginative only child. He gave her a mother who is a relentless researcher who will find the answers for her child.

I shudder to think what her life would be like if she had parents who were unable or unwilling to invest the time in her that she needs.

Sometimes I really struggle with what to write here. It’s a challenge to know how much to say publicly about our homeschooling life. I asked Caroline the other day if I could write about her OT experience because I thought it would help other children and their parents. She said it was fine as long as she was able to read it first. Even at eight and a half she’s already aware of what goes on here and how it reflects on her. I’ve always protected her privacy online from the time she was born (probably to a fault). Continuing to do so makes it challenging to write authentically at times.

I also struggle with how honest to be because we make a lot of choices that I know some people will be quick to judge and condemn us for. Frankly, I’m not interested in opening myself and my family up to criticism from internet trolls and people who just generally enjoy dictating the correct way to do homeschooling (and life in general) to others. And yet I know how important it is to talk about these issues because we’re not the only ones dealing with them. Even though those of us with differently-wired children are a minority in the homeschooling world, the challenges we face are real. We need to support each other.

So we’ve definitely turned a corner in our homeschooling. We re-adjusted our homeschooling (again!). David, Caroline, and I have talked through some of the issues we’ve been facing and I think it has made a difference. Even though I still have no idea how we are going to get through the next nine years, I think I know how we are going to get through the next four months and that is good enough for now. Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow and so I’ll choose to enjoy today and trust that tomorrow will work itself out. He’s brought us this far and He certainly won’t stop carrying us now.

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Saying “No” To Holiday Pressures


So how were your holidays? Were they enjoyable? Meaningful? Special? Or were they (as Peggy called hers in a comment on another post) a “tightly-choreographed death march”? Did you and your family end up stressed, sick or burned out? Were you so busy doing the things you felt obligated to do that you didn’t do the things that truly mean the most?

Holidays often take on a life of their own. If there is any time of year that ramps up the obligation train, it is Christmas. But it can also be true of other holidays:

  • Easter
  • Halloween
  • Children’s birthdays
  • Valentine’s Day

For the sake of simplicity, let’s focus on Christmas in this post since it tends to be the most challenging one. But much of what we discuss here will carry over to other holidays.

Holiday Expectations and Making Changes

The holidays can bring out all kinds of expectations among friends, relatives, school, church and other organizations. If you don’t have a firm grip on it, it can quickly spiral out of control.

The good news is it is definitely possible to make changes.

The bad news is your holidays will probably look a lot like your life the other eleven months of the year. If your life is too full and lacks margin, so will your holidays.

The good news is that you have ten months to start implementing changes.

The bad news is if you wait until Christmas approaches in October or November it will be too late. You’ll risk rebellion and meltdowns from people who don’t want to change.

So let’s consider how to go about changing your holidays starting today so you can say “no” to holiday pressures and “yes” to what would truly mean the most. I realize that some of this is going to sound radical, especially if you live the standard American no-margin life the rest of the year, but it really does take some significant choices to go against the strong tide.

Your First Obligation

Your first obligation is to your own family. It isn’t to your child’s school, the extended family you rarely see, or even your church. Your first obligation is to care for the members of your family.

I remember a co-worker telling me years ago that he and his wife decided that little boys needed to be in their own beds on Christmas Eve. That meant he and his wife were at home away from their own families for Christmas Eve and Christmas. They celebrated with the grandparents and others on different days. Might this be a difficult choice to make? Yes. But they did what they felt was best for their own family.

When making decisions about the holidays, think of what your children truly need. Do they need to attend seven Christmas parties in five days? How can you change things to make this a better situation for your entire family?

Stress and Sickness at Christmas

It is the rare family that avoids stress and its twin sister, sickness, during the holidays. But stress and sickness do not have to be a part of holidays.

There are three factors to consider here.

  • One, how much sleep is your family getting?
  • Two, how much sugar and garbage are they eating that is suppressing their immune system?
  • Third, how much time are you spending around large groups of people where germs abound?

While no one can guarantee escaping all sickness during the holidays, you can greatly reduce the chance of it by making sure you are all getting enough sleep, eating as well as possible, and avoiding groups of people unless absolutely necessary.

Decide What Truly Matters

I wrote about 3 Ways to Keep Christ in Christmas (Without Driving Yourself Crazy) for Bright Ideas Press in which I described some of the ways we keep our Christmas simple and Christ-centered.

Our Christmas is really quiet and simple. It’s an outgrowth of the life we choose to live on a daily basis.

Do I sometimes wish we had more parties to go to, more family to celebrate with and so on? Yes, sometimes. But would I change it? No, I honestly wouldn’t. The things that bring us the most joy during Christmas are the simple, homey activities that cost very little but bring lots of delight. The same things that matter to us every day of the year are the same things that matter at Christmas. Because we’ve spent time making big changes to our lives over the past several years, it is much easier to celebrate a Christmas season that reflects the same values.

Holiday Pressures and Regular Life Pressures

When it comes down to it, holiday pressures are basically regular life pressures dressed up in paper and ribbons.

By that I mean that your holidays will reflect the life you choose to live the rest of the year. If you find yourself increasingly unhappy with the holiday pressures you are succumbing to each year, it will probably be helpful to look at your everyday life first. If you can get a handle on the pressures of regular life, handling holiday pressures will be that much easier.

Starting the Conversation

Now is a great time to start the conversation. Ask your family what they liked about this past Christmas. Ask them what they didn’t enjoy. Ask them what they would change or what they wish would happen. Ask them what they would think if your family decided to (insert some significant change here). You might be surprised by the answers you get.

By starting the conversation now you can draw on the recent events while they are still fairly fresh in everyone’s mind. At the same time, the holidays are just far enough past that the emotional attachment to them isn’t as strong at the moment. Tell your family why you want to talk about these things and what your goals are in making the changes. By starting now, you can bring up the subject every few months and by the summer you can decide as a family what changes you will make. Then you have a few months for everyone to adapt to the idea before the actual holidays arrive.

That also gives you time to break the news to anyone outside your immediate family who is impacted by your decision. This is courteous in that it allows them time to adjust their own expectations and plans for the next holiday season.

The important thing is to start today.

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