Over the past few years I’ve learned that Caroline thrives on positive verbal feedback. A few positive words are like putting major money in our relationship bank.
Because of this, I’ve made a point of making sure she hears from me every day things that will build her up and encourage her. These are the seven things I’m making a point of telling my child every day.
1. I love you so much.
Yes, we need to tell our children every day that we love them. By this I mean not just a cliché bedtime, “I love you” as we’re kissing them goodnight and walking out of their bedroom with our mind already on to the next thing. But a really heartfelt, “I love you so much” at least once during the day, if not more. Best accompanied with a hug and/or rubbing of the head.
2. You are my special girl.
Caroline hears regularly that she is my special girl. Why? Because she is.
She is an answer to prayer. She was sent to me by God. I told her the other day that she is the only person in the entire world and history of man who gets to call me Momma. She is my special girl.
3. Good job!
I think some parents are so afraid of overdoing it with the praise, that they sometimes withhold even the most basic encouragement. When Caroline does a good job of cleaning up, I tell her so. When she does a good job on her schoolwork, I tell her so. I make a point of praising her when she does something well.
4. I’m so proud of you!
It’s easy for adults to forget that being a child is tough. There is so much to learn, so much to remember, and so much new stuff constantly coming at them. When Caroline tries something new and takes a risk, I tell her how proud I am of her. It might not seem like a big deal to an adult, but it is to her.
5. How did you do that?
Our children often come to us during the day with their child-sized accomplishments. It might be Tinker Toys, a drawing, or a crafty creation. Rather than just glancing at it and saying, “That’s nice,” I try to take the time to ask her how she did it. I strive to show her that I value what she did by asking for more information about the process, the idea, or the function.
6. What a great idea!
Children need to know they are capable of contributing to the household. They need to know that their ideas matter. They need to see their ideas implemented in the home. I want to encourage Caroline to think problem solving in creative ways is just as natural as breathing. And if the idea doesn’t start out great, I direct her to adapt it by asking leading questions. Then tell her, “What a great idea!”
7. Jesus loves you!
I want Caroline to know every day that Jesus loves her. I want her to hear every day that He cares about her, she can always talk to Him, and that He cares about everything in her life. I want her to know that He died for her sins and that He is in heaven. Jesus loves her, that she knows!
Those are the things I’m telling my daughter every day. I’m sure the list will change over the years. But right now these are the words I discern that she needs to hear from me. May I bless her with words of affirmation each day.
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Sounds great, and yes I do agree with what you’re saying, but how do you do this or even remember to do this with four children (homeschooled) 10 & under? Most days I’m not even sure if I’ve got my head screwed on right!!
Hi Erica! Thank you for your comment. You know, I honestly don’t know how I would incorporate this into my day if I had many children. A few thoughts come to mind… If you pray, asking God to give you the right words of encouragement for each individual child each day would be one way. Or maybe you just make a point of looking each child in the eye once a day and saying something personally affirming to him/her. They might be totally different things than what I say. Every child needs to hear something different.
Any other moms of many have any ideas?