A few weeks ago, Susan left a comment after I linked to this article: To Raise Baby Einsteins, TLC Will Suffice. She said:
Hi Sallie-
This is an interesting comment because it dovetails with something else that I read on your blog the other day, and that I have been thinking about non-stop since then. When you were talking about the football game that you recently watched, you mentioned how you had to drag the TV set out of the closet, find the antena, set it up, etc, etc. Boy, that comment has had me thinking ever since. We have 5 children, from teenagers down to infant, and this TV thing has been a pretty constant source of struggle for our family. We’ve never had a problem, so far, with WHAT the kids watch, but we have had problems with how much they want to watch. And for the most part, it’s all pretty good stuff… they love to watch the History Channel, one son (who loves history and political science) loves to watch the political talk shows, etc. But I have struggled all summer with whether or not we should get rid of the TV completely, or just try and control it. I’d love it if you’d do a post on this topic. I am very curious as to why you and your husband are apparently not regualr TV watchers. Were you at one time? And if so, do you miss it now? One of my teen sons is affected a lot by the images and advertising he sees on some of the channels. We homeschool, but were he in public school, he is the one I think I’d have the most trouble with as far as peer pressure and wanting to fit in. At least, that’s what I think based on the way TV seems to influence him. Anyway, hope this sparks your interest enough to do a post on it!!
Susan
So here is my TV post as promised to Susan.
First off, I know how loaded a topic this is. If you even mention to some people that you don’t watch TV or have cable or what have you, they immediately become defensive. So I want to make it clear that I’m not writing this as prescriptive theology. I’m writing this as an overview of our practices, personal convictions, and preferences. I’m also going to be really frank about how strongly I feel about some of these things. If you disagree and don’t have the same convictions, that’s between you and God. Nobody who reads here answers to me. Each of us answers to God. But I am going to be direct about what I think.
We watch almost no network TV. Once in a blue moon we will watch a sporting event and that’s about it. We had only basic cable until April 2006 (I think) and we’ve had nothing since except an inexpensive antenna. Even with that we live in a river valley and get the worst reception of anywhere in the West Michigan area. So even if we do turn on the TV, it isn’t all that great to watch. We both have always watched TV regularly so this was a major change for us, although one that happened gradually.
We do have a VCR and DVD player. We also have a small inexpensive TV and DVD player in the basement that I use when I walk. So while I almost never watch TV, I do regularly watch DVDs while I walk on the treadmill. We have a small collection of favorite TV shows and movies that we enjoy watching over and over again.
So that’s where we are.
Our TV is in the closet for a couple of reasons. One, I hate the way most living spaces in homes are centered on and focus on the television, almost like it is some kind of altar. In many ways the TV has replaced the fireplace of old. People used to gather around the hearth to keep warm and enjoy each other’s company. Now they all sit like zombies and stare at an unreal and often profane world. Our goal is to have our rooms focus around fellowship and relationship, not “worshiping at the passive altar of entertainment” (as Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes called it).
The other reason the TV is in the closet is because like St. Augustine I understand this: “To many, total abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.” When the TV is out, it is too easy to flip in on and surf aimlessly to see what is on. I know what is on. Nothing. At least nothing that is more important or more edifying than other things in my life.
Which leads me to my next point. There are so many thing I would like to have time to do. This was true even before we had Caroline and now it is true times a thousand. Without even thinking I could come up with a list of more than twenty things I would like to have time to do. Most of them are far more edifying and creative than watching TV.
I know some people really like the home and garden shows, decorating shows, the cooking shows, etc. There is nothing necessarily wrong with them (unless they lead you to be dissatisfied with your own life). But I think it makes far more sense to actually DO something creative than spend time watching someone else being creative. I have enough creative material in my home (office, kitchen, etc.) to keep me busy for YEARS without needing to watch a show for more ideas.
Another reason we don’t watch television is I honestly have a hard time believing that Christ would spend much time watching it. The whole WWJD thing has been completely overdone and overcommercialized, but honestly… What would Jesus do? Would he watch CSI? Would He watch the absolutely graphic, gruesome and p*rn*gr*ph*c stuff that is on evening network TV? Twenty or thirty years ago this stuff would have been clearly rated R (or worse) for the theater. Now it is on network television every night and people think nothing of it. Where do you draw the line in terms of what is acceptable and what isn’t? I don’t know. But I do know that a lot of network TV has to cross the acceptable line for most, if not all, Christians.
Which leads me to my next reason: I don’t want to be desensitized. Several years ago, when we were first married, we didn’t watch any television for several months. This was before DVDs and we had very few VHS tapes so we didn’t watch anything at all. When we did turn it on or saw it other places, it literally made me queasy to watch it because of the speed and visual overload. I was no longer desensitized to it and it was literally overwhelming to watch it. Now because I do watch DVDs, I am not in the same place as I was when it comes to watching TV. The motion doesn’t get to me like it did at that time.
BUT I am still very sensitive to the content. Honestly, when we turn on the TV to watch a sporting event or some big news story (like Hurricane Katrina), just watching the commercials embarrasses, sickens, and/or horrifies me. Shows are no longer just about catching the bad guys. It is about titillation and voyeurism and just about every form of perversion known to man. I don’t want that stuff in my mind, even if it is just being exposed to the commercials.
Which is another reason: commercials. I don’t need to be reminded every day of what I don’t have or what someone thinks I need to have. The more TV I watch, the less satisfied I am with my own life and the material goods with which God has blessed me. Less TV = greater contentment.
And the last reason that comes to mind right now is that I want to set a good example for Caroline. She has zero, zilch, nada reason to watch TV. She does see glimpses of it at times and she has been in the room while we’ve had a DVD in or had a Tiger baseball game on. But that is very rare. We just don’t watch it while she is around. She does’t need to become attracted to it and there is no reason whatsoever she needs to watch “educational” shows. She’s got a daddy and a mama all day, a huge basket full of books, all kinds of creative toys, and a mother who is a former teacher who can’t wait to get going on the fun stuff with her! TV would be a poor and inferior replacement to all she can gain elsewhere with us.
One closing thought about spouses being on different pages regarding this issue. David and I were not on the same page about this in the beginning. I was ready to put the TV in the closet LONG before David was. At times it was a source of frustration for me, but this is his home too and my desire to pack it away didn’t necessarily trump his desire to keep it out. I don’t even remember when his perspective changed, but I do remember praying about it at times. We are on the same page now, but we weren’t at the beginning. So if you desire to make a change and your spouse doesn’t, I would suggest praying about it and doing whatever you can for yourself to make a change. But preaching about it and becoming contentious is not going to get you very far. I don’t have any words of wisdom for those who have older children and a spouse with different views. Perhaps someone else can share their experiences. But I do know that real change only comes through the conviction of the Holy Spirit so I would start on my knees whether it is for yourself or for your spouse.
I can honestly say that only a few times in the many months since we got rid of cable have I wished we’d had it. And I think in every case it was because I wished I could turn on a particular sporting event only available on expanded cable. Then when the event was over, it just didn’t matter any longer. Just as very few people will get to the end of their lives and wish they had spent more time at the office, I think very few people will wish they had spent more time watching TV. Life is just too full of wonderful opportunities to waste it.
And if those aren’t reasons enough, consider these:
How to Earn $1 Million by Not Watching TV
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Pecan Pie Mini Muffins
Thank you Sallie. This gives me a lot to think about for my family. And it’s not just the tv that’s the problem here, but the internet too. Specially for my children. I will be taking the first step of really praying about what kind of limits we should have at home for both the tv and the net. We have limits in place but sometimes I think they’re just not enough.
To continue my lst comment, I think too many people make “idols” out of “entertainers”. We don’t have many role models anymore esp. since so much about their personal lives gets put out for anyone to find out about. I wish there was a Christian cable or dish company that would give us choices. Even TV Land which shows Andy Griffith, Leave it to Beaver, Lucy etc. has other offensive programs and commercials. Likewise, the trend on HGTV and The Food Network is to have young women hosting the shows always wearing suggestive clothing. We no longer have “family friendly entertainment and I think as Christian families we should protest and push for better and cleaner TV. Don’t buy the products like Dove which now has older but very attractive women wearing very little in it’s new promo. Or Victoria Secrets which have R-rated commercials. I was watching the Dugger family special and a commercial came on for the movie”Knocked up” which should have been rated R just for the content of the commercial! Maybe I’m in the minority here but I feel the best way to get the attention of the TV execs. and advertisers is to not buy their products and keep writing or not subscribe to cable or satellite TV.
I loved reading your post on tv! All growing up my parents kept their 13 inch tv in the closet. It would come out at 7pm on Friday night (to watch movies or our favorite shows) and would be used on and off through Saturday and would then be put back in the closet Sunday night at 7pm. My parents always made sure to know what we were watching and would turn it off if they knew we were just surfing to see what was on because we seemed bored. Now I am married and my husband and I decided that we would not have a television of our own because we much rather spend our time together talking or reading to each other or going for walks etc.. We do watch Dvd’s on my hubby’s laptop (I’m not against entertainment) but it is much easier to put in an hour & a half movie enjoy it and then find more productive things to do together. Just to encourage all of you out there who are considereing going without the tv, I would highly recommend it!!
This is something that the Lord has been laying on my heart quite a bit lately. My husband and I talk about it quite a bit, but we’ve yet to act on it. You have given me something else to think about.
What a great post! I enjoyed your thoughts on television in the home. I have to agree that this is something that I think about quite often. We participate in “Turn off the TV” week each year. I put big “No TV This Week” signs on our tv sets. The kids grumble the first day, but then find that they are busy playing and don’t miss the tv or the back ground noise that it tends to make. On days that I am home with the kids or by myself, we can go all day without turning the set on. I too can think of 50 things that I could/should do that are much more creative and are perpetually on my to do list. At this point I don’t want to go without the set, but I would like to limit its use in our home. My husband is definately not on the same page with me on this one. His family is so TV addicted it’s astounding. I noted it the first Thanksgiving that I spent with them. They sat in the living room all staring at the set and nobody spoke to each other. During the Thanksgiving meal, the tv was on and they all watched it while they ate. It really, really surprised me and was so unlike my own family.
Over the years, we have been married for almost 8 years now, we have made some changes to that pattern (at least in our home). We do not have the tv on during meal times! We typically have it off during the day (or we have on HGTV, DIY, or Disney)and on in the evening, but usually not until about 8pm. When we host my husband’s family for a holiday meal at our house — the tv is not on. This caused a conflict between my father-in-law and myself at one point, but somehow he has grown to respect my stance on that point. You can be assured though that as soon as the dishes are cleared from the table, my father-in-law reaches for the remote. I conceded on that one — you win some and lose some. At least it isn’t on while we eat and we can converse with each other.
Maybe someday, we will limit our TV a bit more. I think that it would be good — but as you said this is something to pray on.
Again, thank you for your comments — they were very helpful.
Hi Sallie. This is a great topic. I grew up without a TV until I was 14. My dad was a TV-junkie, so my mom got rid of it when I was 4. Of course I grumbled about it at times, but if we had had a TV, I don’t think I would be the avid reader that I am. My husband and I do have a TV. I didn’t want one when we first got married, because I know that I feel the same attraction to it as my dad did. If the TV is on, my eyes are glued to it. But my husband said we needed one, so we got one as a wedding present. For the first 4 years of our marriage, we didn’t have cable, and we had terrible reception on the 4 channels we did get. When we moved to our current home, we put the TV in the basement. That was a great move, because it actually takes effort and decision to watch TV. I can’t have it on while I do housework. We finally got cable just a few months ago, and I was worried that I would have it on all the time, especially since I am now home with the baby. But I have found that I’m becoming used to TV, and I don’t need to watch it when it’s on. We can go weeks without turning it on (except during hockey season). I have made it known to our family that I don’t want the baby to watch TV at all until she is at least 2. Besides the fact that I think it’s not good for her, I can’t stand most children’s programming. 😉 I want her to grow up to be a creative person like I did. My husband did grow up with TV, and there is quite a difference between us. I am able to find many things to do to keep myself busy and entertained. I have quite varied interests. But my husband doesn’t really have any hobbies. I believe the difference is because of television. Sorry for such a long comment. Thanks for your thoughts.
Sallie-
Thank you so much for doing a post on this topic. I have continued to wrestle with this subject since I first left the comment on your blog- all of which tells me I am probably not listening to the Lord on this, and that we just simply need to be done with the television. I have had an experience similar to that of one of your posters, but with a little twist. I am the one that grew up in a TV addicted household, and even though I was always begging everyone in my family to “turn it down!” because I couldn’t stand the noise, I was accustomed to the presence of the TV as background noise in my life. I’ll never forget going to my inlaw’s house one time after I was first married. We had had a wonderful dinner together, and had the TV on to watch the news while we were cleaning up. Then we sat down to talk and my mother-in-law turned the TV off! I remember being shocked!! This kind of thing NEVER happened in my house! The silence initially felt so strange and uncomfortable, because there was just our talking and nothing else. But I soon got used to it and grew to love the way the entire atmosphere of their home would quiet down after the TV was off.
I have also thought many, many times about the way that we view time in our hectic, hurried, busy 21st century lives. My husband was the baby of his family, born to parents who were ages 44 and 48 when he was born! His parents were born in 1912 and 1916 and, in many ways, seemed to me to be a link to a world and way of life that has nearly vanished. They farmed their entire lives, and were very content living a quiet, productive life. I marvel at the things my mother-in-law, and other older women I have met in this rural area, accomplished with their time. Things that seem impossible today, because no one has “time”, were commonplace for them. She, and other ladies here, sewed, canned food, crocheted beautiful doilies and lace pieces, made quilts, sewed their own clothing….and yet had no modern conveniences that saved them time like we do. In thinking about it through the years, I honestly think the single biggest reason that women never do those things in their homes anymore is because we are all so ADDICTED to television, internet, and media in general. It has been sobering for me to think that all the time we have spent as a family in front of the television is time that we can NEVER get back. How many wonderful conversations have we missed, how many family Bible times have we not had, how many books haven’t been read, how many skills haven’t been passed on, all because we are consumed with sitting in front of a box, watching mindless television, that we won’t even remember a year from now??
Thanks for giving me even more to think about. I am really looking forward to reading the comments on this topic!
Blessings to you-
Susan
It’s very easy to feel a little unsure about not choosing to watch broadcast TV or cable. My thought was, “well, what if I want to watch (this) or (that)? What if I want to watch a certain ball game on ESPN2 or whatever?
Well, after a while of not having it available, I have to say I don’t miss it. Frankly I get more personal satisfaction out of listening to a MSU game on the radio while working on a project, or hanging out with Caroline on the floor playing with blocks. And I do not miss the TV commercials one bit, and it’s true that once you get away from them for a few months and then come back you find that they are way too visually stimulating. When you have 15+ scene changes in a 30 second spot, it’s horrible to watch.
And what if I want to see highlights of a great game I listened to? Well, odds are that most of the highlights wind up online on ESPN.com, CBS Sportsline, or even local station’s web sites. Or on YouTube. So, I’ve found that it really isn’t necessary to have broadcast TV available so easily. In all honesty I really wanted it for a few sports. You can have nightly network TV. I think it’s worthless and a waste of time. I can think of many things I’d rather do, and don’t have time for now, even without the TV readily available.
Hi Sallie,
It sounds like your views are very much like our views about TV. We have gradually watched less and less TV over the last 3 years and now, we hardly turn it on. (It does come on for football games and an occasional home makeover show on Sundays.) When I started having nightmares, the Lord covicted me to stop watching. My husband was very supportive and we don’t miss it a bit! (Oh, and my nightmares stopped.) We also very rarely go to a movie or rent movies mainly because there isn’t much worth seeing.
I use to be a frequent TV watcher ( I especially liked the news) and a frequent movie goer. Stopping didn’t happen all at once, it was a gradual process as the Lord convicted.
While I understand all of your points about tv, the same points can be applied to the internet. Embarrassing and sickening content is just a click away in cyberspace, so how is that any less harmful? You also write “commercials” when you’re blogging about a Payperpost products. Again, how is that different? I highly respect your decision to go without tv in your home, but I’m wondering why the internet is ok but the tv is evil.
Sallie, thanks for a very well-written article on this topic. I don’t have cable or easy access to network tv, but I do find myself watching DVDs more often than I care to admit. I like how you described a room that does not have a tv as its focal point. I would love to make that a reality in my home, and I’m sure that if the majority of families did that, American culture would change drastically.
I only have a quick minute, but wanted to add a few thoughts…
Susan – The second half of your comment dovetails very well with another post that has been ruminating in my mind…
Jen – Those are very good questions. My short answers… It might not be any different for some people. In fact, the temptations of the internet might be worse for some people than the TV. For me at least, they are different although I have been honest here about my struggles with how much time I should devote to online activities (for anyone who hasn’t read AGH for very long). Re: PayPerPost… I do very few of them. I did a number of them when I started, but I’ve limited it to posts I think might truly interest people. I think in the past four or five weeks I’ve only done one and I think I’ve only done two in the past several weeks. I do see that as different than watching ten or fifteen minutes of commercials in an hour-long TV program. I think the other way I see it as different is the community aspect. While the online community is not the same as the community in which you live (that is another post too), I truly do feel that what I do online blesses me and others. I believe God has blessed me with the opportunity to challenge and encourage others without even needing to leave my home. And as I wrote in my post about being a new mom, sometimes the online community is more helpful than our real life communities. Lastly, the internet is vital to our livelihood so unless we change professions getting rid of the internet is not an option for us. Thanks for the good questions! 🙂
Public school HAS increased the desire for tv viewing by my kids, but aside from a very few shows, they usually leave it off. So “training up a child” DOES work so far!
On a similar note–I held off on video games until the family threatened to give them to my son “because he lovves them” [family is an issue we won’t go into here!!!] They were very, very cool for a while. Ironically, my son the “history hater” loved the History Channels “Civil War” game best. We are currently without a tv that will support the PS2 [the piece on the tv that connects it all broke off! Yeah!!!] The at our house is that electronics are for AFTER DARK if everything else is ok. Normal limit is about an hour. No promises that it’s available every day. We had the same rule with little-bitty kid learning games on the PC, too.
I would waste much more time watching History Channel if I had it so I just refuse to pay for cable. That limits things a whole lot!!
By the way–Great post & great blog!
A wonderful blog. I dislike tv immensely. And besides watching the weather channel or a news broadcast every once in a blue moon, I never turn it on. My husband now rarely watches tv as well, which is a huge improvement from when we got married. We do watch dvd’s though. Although most of them are children’s.
This post is inspiring. My neighbors think I’m odd. It’s nice to read about someone who feels similarly.
Good, thoughtful post.
We’ve been married 28+ years & have *never* had a TV, ever. Haven’t missed it either. DS grew up without one (and with his nose in a book, like his parents, LOL) but it doesn’t seem to have damaged him in any way. DH usually listens to games on the radio or follows the action online at ESPN.com. He is probably more adamant than I about continuing the “ban” since he believes he’d waste far too much time watching it.
Good questions about the internet, too. It was not a factor while DS was small, but I can see that things may have been very different for us had we had to consider how online access should be handled for him & for us. The internet, as you point out, is not just passive entertainment (as I consider TV to be) since it’s integral to work (ours included) & highly useful for the business of daily life, whether it’s banking or looking up prices & product reviews.
We watch TV more that I wish we did. So, we’ve never had cable because we know we’d watch TV more than we do now… we have to force discipline on ourselves!
The ads on broadcast TV are awful, you’re right. I don’t think I realized just how awful until we all sat down to watch the summer Olympics a few years ago, the first Olympics my oldest was old enough to be interested in. Birth control, ED, ads for the other TV shows, those Hardee’s ads (remember the bronco riding one… Ugh!). It made me less interested in letting her watch the World Series later that fall.
My husband grew up without a TV so we don’t watch alot of TV in our home. We do let the kids watch a few things on PBS once in a while and my husband likes news and sports. We do not have cable – for one thing it is tooooo expensive and for another we aren’t home often enough to justify that expense. I made some signs and put them on top of the TV in the family room and then the small TV in our room. The sign reads “Would Jesus watch this with you?”. I don’t know if the signs help but it sure makes me think about it before I sit down to turn on the TV.
Great Post Sallie! We have gone back and forth on this issue for 12 years in our home. My hubby is a news/history junkie. I’m a big reader and could easily pass all my non-working/family time with a book. However, as empty nesters, our lives are so full that we rarely have an evening at home to watch TV at this time in our lives. We do record DVDs of PBS specials, or shows on the history channel for my hubby. However, we rarely sit in front of the TV and pass away an evening or day. The one exception is Football season. We have a large TV, and one of the reasons my hubby bought it was for Football Sundays. Men & Sports, I’ll never understand it.
One strange thing I’ve noticed over the years in all this – many in our circle of family and friends do watch TV constantly. It seems to be fairly common to visit someone for dinner and find that they have several TVs on in the house, family room, kitchen, kids rooms, etc.
Another well-written and thorough post! I almost never watch TV and have no interest in it. To me it wastes my time when there are so many other things I would rather pursue and hobbies to work on, etc. Since we had our daughter, my husband who loves to relax by watching TV has even started watching less. I could easily get along without having one. We have had alot of conversations about TV in our 7 married years…
Sallie,
This post was so well written and was a blessing to me. It is an encouragement to read what you’ve written; it’s evident that you carefully considered your decision about television. It seems that so many people just go with the flow of what the world is doing, and I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate a post that is thoughtful and wise. Blessings to you!
Jo Anne said:
Don’t EVEN get me going on TVs and CABLE in a kid’s room! Oh my! I need to walk away from the computer right now! :-O
Nice post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I just lost my response. It seems as if I read the math command incorrectly (as I’m sure 9+10 really does equal 19). Anyhow, here are the two parts that might have been helpful:
1) Think how many books–objects I sometimes hear cable subscribers say are too expensive to buy–could be purchased toward a home library even with just the monthly cable fee (especially if one who has the internet uses an online book swapping service). This library then could be used to edify not only oneself but other saints through works on theology, Biblical history, biographies of saints, great literature, etc. And it could be passed to future generations or someday donated to a church. Even if the money cannot supply enough to fill a family’s reading time, that is no reason not to build what one can while borrowing when necessary from the public library.
2)Here is a provoking piece I stumbled across recently which I think you and/or some readers here may appreciate: http://youngpuritan.wordpress.com/2007/08/11/is-tv-really-so-bad/