On more than one occasion I’ve seen courses or books geared toward women over 40 or 50 that promise to help the reader discover “the woman you were meant to be” if regular life hadn’t gotten in the way. Women in their midlife are promised it’s not to late to put your disappointing life behind you and become who you truly are. The underlying idea is that you somehow missed out. If you had just made some different choices, you would have been such a better version of yourself. But now you can throw off whatever it is that has held you back and embrace your authentic self that you were always meant to be.

As a woman who is steadily growing older, I understand the appeal. I think all of us, at one time or another, wonder how life might have been different if we had chosen a different college, major, spouse, home, vocation, church, etc. A few passing thoughts about that is normal. 

But as a Christian, I find the idea that we missed out somehow and were meant to be something better dangerous. Let’s look at it from a few different perspectives.

The Life-Long Christian 

If you have been a Christian for most of your life, then I assume you have sought to follow the Lord consistently during that time. Not perfectly, but with the idea foremost in your mind that you desire to do His will. You’ve prayed. You’ve read the Bible. You’ve sought wise counsel. In the end, you made choices with the desire to do what  you honestly believed was most prudent and Christ-honoring in the moment. 

Sometimes those choices worked out really well. Other times they didn’t work out the way you expected, but you still trusted the Lord had His hand on you and your situation. Even when some choices seemed to turn out poorly, you still believed that God was guiding you in the process.

So if that has been your approach to life, why would you ever fantasize about “the woman you might have been” when you’ve been a disciple of Christ the entire time? Isn’t that akin to saying that you sought the Lord and He failed to lead you to the place you were really meant to be? 

The Adult Conversion Christian

Not everyone grew up in a Christian home or had the opportunity to hear the message of salvation as a child or teen. Perhaps you didn’t come to saving faith in Christ until you were an adult. There might be parts of your life before Christ that you sincerely wish  you could change.

But the good news is that you found Christ. He redeemed you and your life. While you might not be able to escape some of the consequences of the choices you made before you became a Christian, you know that from that point on you have been committed to following Christ as best as you can.

If Christ has redeemed you and you have the Holy Spirit indwelling you, why would you second guess if you are the woman you were meant to be? You are now living as a new creation in Jesus Christ. Your life has been set on a new path, better than anything you could have known before. You are the woman you were meant to be – complete in Jesus Christ. 

It might be tempting to rehash past choices or think wistfully about how life might have been different if you had known Christ sooner. But isn’t it much better to joyfully walk in the wonderful life of redemption Jesus has given you now?

The Prodigal

Perhaps you were a prodigal. Maybe you were raised in a Christian home and turned your back on Christ for a time. The good news is that you came back.

You might have made some regrettable choices during that time. You might be tempted to wonder who you could have been if you hadn’t made those choices. 

But your focus should be on who you are now in Christ. Yes, you wandered for a time. But now you have the opportunity to experience all of the blessings and joy Jesus wants to bring to  your life. Jesus is making something new and wonderful of your life for the rest of your life. You don’t need to think about the woman you “might” have been because you have the joy of focusing on the amazing things God is doing to transform your life from this moment forward! What a wonderful Heavenly Father who welcomes us back with open arms and joy! 

No Regrets

Our culture is full of women who are overwhelmed with regret. Because they lack the guidance of the Holy Spirit, it’s easy to see why. But if you are a new creation in Christ, you don’t need to wonder about “the woman you were meant to be” because you are the woman God loves right now. You are His dearly loved, redeemed daughter. And He is making some thing beautiful of your life. 

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