So here’s a question I’ve been contemplating: Do you differentiate between educational needs versus wants as it pertains to gift giving?
A huge part of parenting is looking out for the child’s education. Since I was a teacher and (God willing) plan on homeschooling, I am already “teaching” Caroline. I think of it as part of my responsibility to her as her parent to provide her with a variety of interesting and challenging educational items (puzzles, books, art supplies, and other developmentally appropriate items such as beads to string or manipulatives to play with and sort by color or shape, etc.).
So I have a hard time thinking of giving her educational items as gifts.
I mentioned that we are giving her a Melissa & Doug Deluxe Standing Easel
Today we went to the mall and I bought her several books and puzzles. I could give them as gifts, but I feel like those are things I should provide to her as her teacher.
My inclination is just to give them to her over the next several days like she already has the Goodnight Moon puzzle we bought this afternoon. (And has put together three or four times already! She is exceptionally good at puzzles!)
How do other people handle this situation?
Now I Have a Name For It: Dwelling
Hi,
Enjoy the days when you do not have to go crazy at Christmas. I absolutely think that it is okay to give artsy craftsy and educational gifts to your children at Christmas. I have 2 daughters 6 an 4 and we homeschool them and they loooooove playdoh and paint by numbers and VELVET ART they are easy to please and I have to keep my wishes and wants for them at bay. I am a total pushover for toys and stuff, and hope that I do not put that on them. Enjoy your babies and their small needs right now. Merry Christmas and God Bless
Sharon
I think it is definitely ok to aim your childs desires towards something more constructive to them. I hate buying toys that are mindless and loud. But if it makes my kids think, imagine, or work at it to have fun all the better! I think there is nothing wrong with giving educational toys for gifts because then your child will take much longer to distinguish between fun play and school “work”. Learning is fun too!
kelli
Since you are a teacher it will be harder to do I suppose. but I can’t separate the two. Children learn from everything. You will set the tone for what ‘gift’ means, and a great ‘life education’ is one of the best gifts I can think of!
Why try to make a false distinction between learning and play? A child’s play *is* his learning. Providing fun, educational items for gifts is perfectly okay. What are the alternativies, after all? Mindless toys for gifts but the really good stuff “just because”? Who wants to give mindless toys at anytime?
Just my two cents. 🙂
I beg and plead with the grandparents to give educational gifts instead of the *stuff* (ie junk) that they usually buy. Ofcourse I consider things like playdough and legos to be somewhat educational. Kyle is getting a lightsaber and Ellie a babydoll though.
I say it’s totally fine to give educational gifts as Christmas gifts. Like the easel? That is a great gift. Is it educational too? Sure, but it’s also super fun. My oldest loves making art, and we go through supplies like water. So one of his gifts will definitely be a big box of all of his supplies and it will probably be his favorite gift. I know what you mean though, there are some things I buy that I wouldn’t give as a gift.
I have an 8 month old son (my first) and have been pondering this question as well (more in regards to future gift giving, obviously). It seems that it can be difficult to divide regular gifts from educational gifts as most quality toys lend themselves to educational playtime. For children play time is learning time. If the’re playing with bratz dolls they may be learning the sexualization of girls. If they’re playing with Brio Trains they will be learning magnetics, patterns, and logic(organization). Oftentimes toys are the outlet for which children can practice what they are learning. It may not be as concentrated as table work but it is important nonetheless.
Just some thoughts that aren’t quite worked through.
A very interesting blog – thanks 🙂
Vanessa
I think the teacher in us is what causes the struggle;).
I’ve had the same thoughts. I spent 10 years as an early childhood educator and felt the same way–these things are just things he needs.
However, I agree with the others that books and games and educational items are the BEST gifts.
People give socks and jammies as gifts too right?
I agree with others who say at this age there should be no distinction between learning and play. We have tons of educational materials for my two year old- books, puzzles, art, etc. He loves them all. But… he also loves pushing his cars around in the dirt, organizing his toy farm animals, building with his blocks, and pretending to cook. Are those activities less valuable? He learns a lot about his world by playing with those things. Plus I think developing imagination is just as important as learning the alphabet. Things that develop gross motor skills are also important. We just bought a balance bike for my son’s 2nd birthday. Is that a “toy” or an important step toward physical development and budding athleticism? He doesn’t really get the difference, he thinks its all just fun.
I think this should continue all the way through childhood and into adulthood. At age 12 I asked for (and got) a telescope and astronomy kit for my birthday. Today, as an adult, I’d still much perfer a book or trip as a present than an electronic gadget.
My toy buying criteria was heavily influenced by this NPR article: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=19212514
Title: “Old-Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills”
I try to buy open-ended, quality toys, and to avoid things that have TV tie-ins or are heavily commercialized (no Dora and Deigo).
As for what to give as a gift vs. just giving to the child whenever, I have the same dilemna. My son has a December birthday so if I save everything for gift-giving he’d only get stuff once a year and it would be a huge over-blown extravaganza. And like you, everything we’re giving him for the holidays is something I would buy for his education anyway.
Is there anything you want her to have that would not be considered something she needs educationally? even teddy bears and dollies are good for teaching us how to be gentle. you don’t want to give anything as a gift that you wouldn’t want in your house later. (loud, flashy toys with no room for imagination.) my kids are 11,12,and 17 and for Christmas this year they are getting books and craft supplies (and socks) they are beyond wanting the plastic doodads that break and make a mess (and we are way past giving them) I don’t think as parents/educators that we can seperate gifts from educational needs (its not like you’re giving her a teacher’s manual) and even before we were homeschooling we discovered that the best gifts, the ones the kids played with and enjoyed the most are the “educational” ones (dressup clothes, mini kitchen, lego, puzzles and books)
I think by not giving her twaddle, you are giving her a gift that will affect her entire life.
Mrs N
I have to admit, most of the gifts I gave my children were on the educational side by default. What you bought your daughter was very much what I bought mine at that age.
Toys that need creativity to use are far better than those you wind up.
Although, as my son grew older I bought more of what I call “tekkie toys” for him because they did help him to think and learn. He was just wired that way. That was after years of Legos and Play Mobile (as well as microscopes, stuff to study rocks, art supplies, things that make music, pirate things when he went through that stage, etc.
Stephanie was just telling telling me how fast her oldest is growing up (she will turn seven soon). She said she was thinking how she should train her better how to clean house when she noticed E. had picked up a broom and started sweeping. She had learned by just watching her mother (education the easy way). 🙄
Lizzie said:
I think you are right. If I am Caroline’s teacher, then it is my responsibility to provide her with everything she needs that is educational. And so giving her things ***I would have bought anyway*** for Christmas presents just seems, well, awkward or weird to me.
I agree that play is education at this age so I’m not trying to say that they have to be different.
I guess I’m not sure how else to articulate this which is probably why I’m still hashing it out in my mind and on the blog. 🙂
I should have also said that it isn’t as though I want to buy her junky toys or twaddle (love that Charlotte Mason word!). Maybe it will be easier as she gets older and she wants things that aren’t necessarily educational and are special such as an American Girl doll or a special sweater or something that is above and beyond what we would normally give her. Sorry I’m not coming up with better examples. 🙂
It is an interesting question and one which I had never considered before! I do give my boys gifts during the year- small things here and there. I wanted to buy Daniel an easel for Christmas and would not have even thought of it as being educational rather than a ‘fun gift’. He would have loved it. However we simply do not have room. He is getting a music set and a dvd and probably some books.
I am not a ‘teacher’ and not going to home educate, but I do believe that I should still provide certain things for my children. I have found personally, that gifts which require creativity and imagination to use are preferred by children (and that could include and dolls house etc)and are also much better for family interaction which is equally vital in development and learning.
I have never ever thought to try and differentiate- at least not consciously, but I think I do have a ‘hmmmm, how will this help him’ attitude to buying gifts. The thing is, if lots of educational things are just given throughout the year and not as gifts, they may lose their specialness and also a child may think that these things are theirs to have whenever they want.
OK, this is rambling and probably not saying what I meant to say! I will stop now.
Ah, that quandry.
We’ve sort of come down on the educational side by forfeit, but not the “usual” things you would think of in terms of as “educational”. My kids, fortunately or unfortunately, get spoiled rotten by the grandparents with all sorts of stuff that is neither age appropriate or well kid appropriate. (Like getting them small legos when Ben was only 1 at the time. The next year it was some Batman stuff that really scared Isaiah, being so young.) It’s a battle that just got ridiculous over time. They are determined to buy whatever is the trendy thing at the time, because ‘my grandkids deserve the best!’ regardless of everything else. So we quietly go and return it all and do buy toys they enjoy- trading that scary Batman thing that year for some chunky Thomas trains perfect for Isaiah at the time. (I did keep the Legos- Ben is going to *ahem* get them for Christmas this year, at 6y old now.) They get mad, we sigh, but the kids are clueless. What else are we supposed to do? They won’t listen at all, and we’re tired of the battleground every Christmas. I cringe at the thought that Ben will figure it out soon and get all those toys (like playstations and wiis and things) that we really don’t want around our house yet.
So for us and our gifts to the kids, we buy educational toys or things that we can’t really afford the rest of the year- like Lorelei will be getting some play silks (the whole rainbow!) and the boys some tools and gardening things sized for them (they love to help daddy and “work”) and of course, the reams of paper and paint they always get for Christmas. It’s expected now- each of the kids gets a fresh paint box and new paints in their stockings.
I just wish there was a middle ground with the grandparents!
Don’t overthink it, Sallie. Just give her things you think Caroline would enjoy and that you think are good for her. She’ll be happy, and she won’t care if they are “educational” either. Also, what are your budgetary constraints and how much stuff do you want her to have? Those are considerations as well.
And don’t forget that educational toys include far more than the typcial books and puzzles~~dishes and food, games, art supplies, dolls, dress-up clothes, science kits, bikes, scooters, building toys, etc., etc., etc.
I’m speaking from 18 years’ experience as a mother, nine of those homeschooling.
🙂
We’ve always given a mix of things they like (such as dolls, games, books, movies, art supplies, puzzles, etc.), and probably most of it could be called “educational” in one way or another… I wouldn’t worry about it too much. There are other times we’ll be in the bookstore or whatever and I buy them a new book “just because” (especially because I like to encourage reading!). I’ve found “educational” things aren’t any less special when received at Christmas even if you are also providing similar items occasionally during the year for no particular reason other than you’d like them to have them.
Sort of the same dilemma can arise regarding giving clothes or even (in our family) bedding! Usually, of course, those are things we provide for them in the normal course of things, but when they want things that are “extras” beyond the usual budget — such as the pink Converse tennies my daughter badly wanted, or when the boys really wanted matching NASCAR sheets for their bunkbeds (grin) — we gave them as gifts, and they were perfectly happy and excited to receive such gifts. I’d say simply get her what you believe will make her happy, and what you’ll feel happy to give her. 🙂
Best wishes,
Laura
My kids don’t know any other kind of gift. In fact, their favorite bit of junk mail is the Learning Resources catalog because it is full of the kinds of educational toys and games.
I think some of your question also intersects with the idea of means. We have always bought our children “gifts” that they would have been receiving anyways because otherwise there wouldn’t be much under the tree at all. Many of the books they receive are on their free reading lists for Ambleside. The clothes they receive are things they need–socks, jeans, dresses or suits for a special events coming up. And usually their “toy” is something to support their education in some way–this year everyone but the baby is getting art supplies. I try to wrap everything beautifully, and I don’t think they realize that this is something they would have received in the normal course of events, though maybe when they are older they will gather that. When they do, I still think they will enjoy it.
I do, however, draw the line at buying school things that I will attempt to control. For instance, I would never buy them a book that is part of their assigned reading, because then I would be telling them when to read it and when not to read it, and that just doesn’t seem like a gift to me since they wouldn’t get to exercise ownership over it. Another example would be a book from the reading list that I would expect them to hand down to their siblings–I wouldn’t give that either. I think if I’m going to call it a gift, they should get to keep it, an exception being clothing, which they naturally outgrow.
Any toy can be educational. For instance, our son LOVES cars. He and my husband have been counting them lately, and he has over 40 cars. So, my son has a visual of what 40 items looks like. My son will ask my husband to go and play with him in his room and count the cars. While counting them, my husband will group them according to size, make, color, etc. In doing so, he is not only learning how to count, but he is learning comparisons. Today, my son asked me to come in his room to see his cars, and he had lined 5 cars in a row front to back. Not only had he lined them up in a straight row, but he put 2 red ones together in the front, then a lone yellow one, and 2 blue ones last. Nobody told him to do that, he did it on his own. He had grouped them by color. Toy cars, in and of themselves, are not “educational” toys, but my husband has found a way to take my son’s interest in cars and teach him using his favorite type of toy.
I have the inverse problem. My kids love the educational type toys and books, I have trouble saving them for gifts when I find them throughout the year.
My husband sometimes wonders if I am spoiling them by providing a steady stream of new (to us) puzzles, books, and kits. He thinks the kids have LESS appreciation for Christmas/birthday gifts as a result.
I, on the other hand, wonder what in the world I’m supposed to do if I don’t provide new activities! For instance, the lacing cards I bought for Elise may not be as developmentally appropriate at Christmas as they were in August when I found them.
I don’t have the answer, but I do “get” the distinction you make between education and toys.
Meredith said:
Oh!!!! DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!! This is part of what I struggle with and you’ve put it into words. Whew!
I regularly buy Caroline books and puzzles and other such things because she needs things to challenge her and learn. I’ve already noticed she’s not big into imaginative play. She can do it, but she’s much more a concrete, do something real, do something with an end in sight type person. (Gee, I wonder where she got THAT from!?!??!)
So giving her books and the like for Christmas seems kind of anti-climatic because we already do that all year.
I don’t have the answer to this one either, Meredith, but I am thinking that her Christmas presents as she gets older might tend toward special things to do together, places to go, and things that go above and beyond what I would normally buy her for everyday learning.
Coming to the conversation a little late, I know. But I found this topic so near to my heart! I too am a former elementary school teacher and buyer of all things educational for my girls. I find this my reason (excuse, perhaps?) for spending more at Christmas every year than I really mean to. But what’s a mama to do when all her girls (7 and 9) ask for are books? And books. And more books. But I see a wonderfully educational game here or there that I know we will all enjoy in the long run, but will be eyed with at the very least suspicion on Christmas morning.
So here’s what I have started to do, and just don’t talk about lest I hear how I am over-indulging my kids. Because, well, because I guess I don’t want to hear it. *blush* ~
I’ve rather taken over the whole winter holiday season as a reason for gifts. On Christmas they get primarily what they have asked for – books. And books. And books. And a few other things we’ve thrown in, too. Slightly more frivolous than educational (i.e. doll beds for their “18 inch dolls” – inexpensive beds, that is). They’re also receiving this year very decent mp3 players I got for $20 – which work well enough but are basically basic and cheap, but really, the girls don’t listen to much music, so these will be filled with works of their choosing from Librivox and also won’t be terribly exciting to them the morning “of.” But their grandparents are taking us on a trip with a very, very, (very) long flight next summer and well, I’m just buying what I can ahead of time to make the travel portion of the trip bearable. So I am as much in a quandary over what do they want versus what do I want them to have…
Getting back to what I do, though. (All this Christmas sugar makes me more flighty than even my normal!) Then on New Year’s I pull out another, smaller stack of mostly family gifts. It’s usually educational games (Timberdoodle’s my favorite source) and puzzles. Last year we’d just put down our golden retriever puppy a week before Christmas, so they also received Golden Retriever calendars in the “stash.” And this year – Franklin Spellers! (We are such quintessential geeks!) These are things I would have bought them anyway – and in some cases, have been waiting and waiting to buy them – but I wrap them up and they have the pleasure of opening a few more gifts, which is tons of fun for them both. And then we have something new to play on New Year’s as a family – which provides some memory making time.
I read a long while back that if you have a child for whom “gifts” is a love language (true for one of my two), to just wrap up things you would normally give them. Spices things up a bit for them. So I do that throughout the year, too. Not always. But sometimes. And winter days can get pretty long some times when you’re staring just one another in the face mostly.
But you’ve a few more precious years before you get to this stage (also precious – just different!)…