So here’s a question I’ve been contemplating: Do you differentiate between educational needs versus wants as it pertains to gift giving?
A huge part of parenting is looking out for the child’s education. Since I was a teacher and (God willing) plan on homeschooling, I am already “teaching” Caroline. I think of it as part of my responsibility to her as her parent to provide her with a variety of interesting and challenging educational items (puzzles, books, art supplies, and other developmentally appropriate items such as beads to string or manipulatives to play with and sort by color or shape, etc.).
So I have a hard time thinking of giving her educational items as gifts.
I mentioned that we are giving her a Melissa & Doug Deluxe Standing Easel
Today we went to the mall and I bought her several books and puzzles. I could give them as gifts, but I feel like those are things I should provide to her as her teacher.
My inclination is just to give them to her over the next several days like she already has the Goodnight Moon puzzle we bought this afternoon. (And has put together three or four times already! She is exceptionally good at puzzles!)
How do other people handle this situation?
Now I Have a Name For It: Dwelling
Hi,
Enjoy the days when you do not have to go crazy at Christmas. I absolutely think that it is okay to give artsy craftsy and educational gifts to your children at Christmas. I have 2 daughters 6 an 4 and we homeschool them and they loooooove playdoh and paint by numbers and VELVET ART they are easy to please and I have to keep my wishes and wants for them at bay. I am a total pushover for toys and stuff, and hope that I do not put that on them. Enjoy your babies and their small needs right now. Merry Christmas and God Bless
Sharon
Since you are a teacher it will be harder to do I suppose. but I can’t separate the two. Children learn from everything. You will set the tone for what ‘gift’ means, and a great ‘life education’ is one of the best gifts I can think of!
Why try to make a false distinction between learning and play? A child’s play *is* his learning. Providing fun, educational items for gifts is perfectly okay. What are the alternativies, after all? Mindless toys for gifts but the really good stuff “just because”? Who wants to give mindless toys at anytime?
Just my two cents. 🙂
I beg and plead with the grandparents to give educational gifts instead of the *stuff* (ie junk) that they usually buy. Ofcourse I consider things like playdough and legos to be somewhat educational. Kyle is getting a lightsaber and Ellie a babydoll though.
I think the teacher in us is what causes the struggle;).
I’ve had the same thoughts. I spent 10 years as an early childhood educator and felt the same way–these things are just things he needs.
However, I agree with the others that books and games and educational items are the BEST gifts.
People give socks and jammies as gifts too right?
I agree with others who say at this age there should be no distinction between learning and play. We have tons of educational materials for my two year old- books, puzzles, art, etc. He loves them all. But… he also loves pushing his cars around in the dirt, organizing his toy farm animals, building with his blocks, and pretending to cook. Are those activities less valuable? He learns a lot about his world by playing with those things. Plus I think developing imagination is just as important as learning the alphabet. Things that develop gross motor skills are also important. We just bought a balance bike for my son’s 2nd birthday. Is that a “toy” or an important step toward physical development and budding athleticism? He doesn’t really get the difference, he thinks its all just fun.
I think this should continue all the way through childhood and into adulthood. At age 12 I asked for (and got) a telescope and astronomy kit for my birthday. Today, as an adult, I’d still much perfer a book or trip as a present than an electronic gadget.
My toy buying criteria was heavily influenced by this NPR article: https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=19212514
Title: “Old-Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills”
I try to buy open-ended, quality toys, and to avoid things that have TV tie-ins or are heavily commercialized (no Dora and Deigo).
As for what to give as a gift vs. just giving to the child whenever, I have the same dilemna. My son has a December birthday so if I save everything for gift-giving he’d only get stuff once a year and it would be a huge over-blown extravaganza. And like you, everything we’re giving him for the holidays is something I would buy for his education anyway.
Is there anything you want her to have that would not be considered something she needs educationally? even teddy bears and dollies are good for teaching us how to be gentle. you don’t want to give anything as a gift that you wouldn’t want in your house later. (loud, flashy toys with no room for imagination.) my kids are 11,12,and 17 and for Christmas this year they are getting books and craft supplies (and socks) they are beyond wanting the plastic doodads that break and make a mess (and we are way past giving them) I don’t think as parents/educators that we can seperate gifts from educational needs (its not like you’re giving her a teacher’s manual) and even before we were homeschooling we discovered that the best gifts, the ones the kids played with and enjoyed the most are the “educational” ones (dressup clothes, mini kitchen, lego, puzzles and books)
I think by not giving her twaddle, you are giving her a gift that will affect her entire life.
Mrs N
Lizzie said:
I think you are right. If I am Caroline’s teacher, then it is my responsibility to provide her with everything she needs that is educational. And so giving her things ***I would have bought anyway*** for Christmas presents just seems, well, awkward or weird to me.
I agree that play is education at this age so I’m not trying to say that they have to be different.
I guess I’m not sure how else to articulate this which is probably why I’m still hashing it out in my mind and on the blog. 🙂
I should have also said that it isn’t as though I want to buy her junky toys or twaddle (love that Charlotte Mason word!). Maybe it will be easier as she gets older and she wants things that aren’t necessarily educational and are special such as an American Girl doll or a special sweater or something that is above and beyond what we would normally give her. Sorry I’m not coming up with better examples. 🙂
It is an interesting question and one which I had never considered before! I do give my boys gifts during the year- small things here and there. I wanted to buy Daniel an easel for Christmas and would not have even thought of it as being educational rather than a ‘fun gift’. He would have loved it. However we simply do not have room. He is getting a music set and a dvd and probably some books.
I am not a ‘teacher’ and not going to home educate, but I do believe that I should still provide certain things for my children. I have found personally, that gifts which require creativity and imagination to use are preferred by children (and that could include and dolls house etc)and are also much better for family interaction which is equally vital in development and learning.
I have never ever thought to try and differentiate- at least not consciously, but I think I do have a ‘hmmmm, how will this help him’ attitude to buying gifts. The thing is, if lots of educational things are just given throughout the year and not as gifts, they may lose their specialness and also a child may think that these things are theirs to have whenever they want.
OK, this is rambling and probably not saying what I meant to say! I will stop now.
Don’t overthink it, Sallie. Just give her things you think Caroline would enjoy and that you think are good for her. She’ll be happy, and she won’t care if they are “educational” either. Also, what are your budgetary constraints and how much stuff do you want her to have? Those are considerations as well.
And don’t forget that educational toys include far more than the typcial books and puzzles~~dishes and food, games, art supplies, dolls, dress-up clothes, science kits, bikes, scooters, building toys, etc., etc., etc.
I’m speaking from 18 years’ experience as a mother, nine of those homeschooling.
🙂
We’ve always given a mix of things they like (such as dolls, games, books, movies, art supplies, puzzles, etc.), and probably most of it could be called “educational” in one way or another… I wouldn’t worry about it too much. There are other times we’ll be in the bookstore or whatever and I buy them a new book “just because” (especially because I like to encourage reading!). I’ve found “educational” things aren’t any less special when received at Christmas even if you are also providing similar items occasionally during the year for no particular reason other than you’d like them to have them.
Sort of the same dilemma can arise regarding giving clothes or even (in our family) bedding! Usually, of course, those are things we provide for them in the normal course of things, but when they want things that are “extras” beyond the usual budget — such as the pink Converse tennies my daughter badly wanted, or when the boys really wanted matching NASCAR sheets for their bunkbeds (grin) — we gave them as gifts, and they were perfectly happy and excited to receive such gifts. I’d say simply get her what you believe will make her happy, and what you’ll feel happy to give her. 🙂
Best wishes,
Laura
Meredith said:
Oh!!!! DING DING DING!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!! This is part of what I struggle with and you’ve put it into words. Whew!
I regularly buy Caroline books and puzzles and other such things because she needs things to challenge her and learn. I’ve already noticed she’s not big into imaginative play. She can do it, but she’s much more a concrete, do something real, do something with an end in sight type person. (Gee, I wonder where she got THAT from!?!??!)
So giving her books and the like for Christmas seems kind of anti-climatic because we already do that all year.
I don’t have the answer to this one either, Meredith, but I am thinking that her Christmas presents as she gets older might tend toward special things to do together, places to go, and things that go above and beyond what I would normally buy her for everyday learning.
Coming to the conversation a little late, I know. But I found this topic so near to my heart! I too am a former elementary school teacher and buyer of all things educational for my girls. I find this my reason (excuse, perhaps?) for spending more at Christmas every year than I really mean to. But what’s a mama to do when all her girls (7 and 9) ask for are books? And books. And more books. But I see a wonderfully educational game here or there that I know we will all enjoy in the long run, but will be eyed with at the very least suspicion on Christmas morning.
So here’s what I have started to do, and just don’t talk about lest I hear how I am over-indulging my kids. Because, well, because I guess I don’t want to hear it. *blush* ~
I’ve rather taken over the whole winter holiday season as a reason for gifts. On Christmas they get primarily what they have asked for – books. And books. And books. And a few other things we’ve thrown in, too. Slightly more frivolous than educational (i.e. doll beds for their “18 inch dolls” – inexpensive beds, that is). They’re also receiving this year very decent mp3 players I got for $20 – which work well enough but are basically basic and cheap, but really, the girls don’t listen to much music, so these will be filled with works of their choosing from Librivox and also won’t be terribly exciting to them the morning “of.” But their grandparents are taking us on a trip with a very, very, (very) long flight next summer and well, I’m just buying what I can ahead of time to make the travel portion of the trip bearable. So I am as much in a quandary over what do they want versus what do I want them to have…
Getting back to what I do, though. (All this Christmas sugar makes me more flighty than even my normal!) Then on New Year’s I pull out another, smaller stack of mostly family gifts. It’s usually educational games (Timberdoodle’s my favorite source) and puzzles. Last year we’d just put down our golden retriever puppy a week before Christmas, so they also received Golden Retriever calendars in the “stash.” And this year – Franklin Spellers! (We are such quintessential geeks!) These are things I would have bought them anyway – and in some cases, have been waiting and waiting to buy them – but I wrap them up and they have the pleasure of opening a few more gifts, which is tons of fun for them both. And then we have something new to play on New Year’s as a family – which provides some memory making time.
I read a long while back that if you have a child for whom “gifts” is a love language (true for one of my two), to just wrap up things you would normally give them. Spices things up a bit for them. So I do that throughout the year, too. Not always. But sometimes. And winter days can get pretty long some times when you’re staring just one another in the face mostly.
But you’ve a few more precious years before you get to this stage (also precious – just different!)…