Now that I’ve given you a list of 40 Things I’ve Learned By Age 40, it’s true confession time. One of the things I haven’t completely learned and continue to struggle with is the fear of man.
To a certain extent I don’t really have a problem making decisions and not caring what anyone else thinks. Obviously David and I have made many choices that are out of the mainstream of both the culture and the church in general and we’re quite happy and content with those choices, whether people understand them or agree with them or not. But sometimes the fear of the fallout with people is hard.
David and I had to make a decision last week that we agonized over for days. We knew what we wanted to do and there was nothing sinful or inherently wrong with the choice. But we also knew that the potential was there for our choice to cause problems and not be understood by other people. And so we agonized. We finally made the choice we wanted to make, but not without a little angst regarding the outcome of the situation (which will be sometime in the near future).
We have another choice we are in the process of making. We know what we want to do and what we believe is the best course of action for our little family. The challenge for me is living with the consequences of that choice. We know many people will not understand our choice and some may not even be very supportive. We know it will put us on the “outside” so to speak in a certain setting. And so I struggle. I know in my heart what I want to do and what I am convinced is best. But I also find it hard to make the decision and know people will disapprove and we will probably face pressure because of it. I know we would be better “liked” and “understood” if we made a different choice. But that isn’t the choice we want to make.
The good part is that once I make a decision and commit to a certain course of action, I (usually) do pretty well. I am able to deal with the fallout and not let it get to me (too much). But that initial choosing and stepping out is so hard, especially if I know in advance I am walking into conflict.
I know that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. I know that the fear of man is a snare that can keep me from living out my convictions and calling. But knowing these two things and practicing them can sometimes be very hard.
40 Things I’ve Learned By Age 40 – #40
Wow, God knew I really needed to hear this today. Thank you for posting it Sallie. You writings are priceless wisdom to a 26 year old married, professional woman in Seattle, WA. I’m probably not your target demographic, but regardless, I have been blessed by your writings!
Thank you!
If it’s any comfort to you, the fear of man does continue to diminish with age. You’re way ahead of where I was at 40 and it will still get better. I think the reason for this is, in large part, because there are fewer controversial decisions to make as we age. I believe the early years of raising children are the most difficult in terms of making decisions. Your decision will always conflict with the beliefs/expectations of some people. I love the way you have put this into words. I believe it is what a lot of people need to read.
Katie B. – Thank you for leaving your comment. I must have written this just for you then because I had no intention of writing about this today when I got up! I had something completely different jotted down for today. Now I know why! I really don’t write for any demographic other than maybe the Christian woman. I’m glad there is a wide variety of ages, marital states and children states among my readers. It makes it more interesting to read the comments! I would quickly grow bored if I only wrote a mommy blog. 🙂
Sabine – Thank you for your excellent insight regarding aging and controversial decisions. And BTW… the pansies on the background of your blog are gorgeous! Pansies are my favorite flower! 🙂
Thank you, Sallie. I can’t settle on one favourite flower (because I’m an avid gardener?) but pansies are right up there at the top of the list. I love the little bunch of sweet violets on your blog.
I know…doesn’t like seem complicated enough without adding what seem to be ‘extra’ conflicts!!!
oops…like-life!! sorry. 🙁
I’m reading my way through “The Life of William Wilberforce” online at Google Books.
It’s very motivational, and way better than the movie (which was well done and worth seeing nevertheless.)
At one point Wilberforce talks about how he felt about falling on the other side of an issue with his religious friends, and voted his conscience anyway, but found it hard.
I’ll support whatever decisions you make as long as one of them isn’t to stop blogging! I really enjoy your blog. Ok, I’d still support you even if you did, but I hope I don’t have to! 🙂
Your post was inspiring. It’s so hard to KEEP from worrying about the reactions I will receive after making a decision. But I was encouraged by your words.
Gayle
Keep it up, Sallie. I know I struggle when God calls me to do things that are out of the ‘main stream’ even if that stream is just conservative American Christianity. We are social creatures and there is great power in what the group approves. This also means that there is greater worship and sacrifice when we choose to follow God’s leading rather than man’s in any given area.
In my own life God has always given me a small group who understand and are supportive, even if it is just my dh and parents, which makes a huge difference in how I feel.
Fear of confrontation continues to be a struggle for me in middle age. But it’s strengthening each time I do the right thing. God is faithful. Thanks for your transparency.
I totally understand what you’re talking about. My husband and I are so different from most of the people in our neighborhood. We make decisions based on what is best for our children and the maintenance of our happy home, which seems to go against the grain these days.
Although I will say that many times I’ve valued the opinions of those around us because it’s easy to have tunnel vision when it comes to our own lives. Sometimes I *think* I know what’s best, but then girlfriends or parents will start sharing their opinions and I realize my thinking was a bit off. I try not to discount someone’s opinion just because they don’t live in my house. Their perspective can offer some valuable insight that we would otherwise miss.
If you walk by Faith, and seek God’s will in your decision making, you will (quite often) make decisions that are in opposition to the world’s viewpoint. I agree that as we age it becomes easier. God has given my hubby and I tremendous peace in our life – all due to making decisions based on prayer, and scripture. It’s FREEING! So, I am to the point that I really don’t care what people think anymore! Really!