A friend wrote to ask my opinion about a situation she is facing with her oldest child regarding enrolling in young 5’s or kindergarten. I suggested I post her note here and solicit the insight and wisdom from other parents who have already walked this path. She writes:
We have applied for several charter schools for their young 5’s program (just in case we have not moved by the time school starts). R. will be 5 in mid-July and school will start in early September. young 5’s was recommended to us by a teacher friend who has taught early ed through high school. She says that, with very few exceptions, boys are better to start later rather than earlier. However, I also had a former teacher friend tell me that R. should not go into young 5’s but should go straight to kindergarten because he is very intelligent and will get bored in young 5’s and might end up being a problem child.
In talking to other moms, they all said sending their kids with summer/early fall b-days to young 5’s was the best decision they made.
What is your opinion about kindergarten vs. young 5’s for a child with a July b-day? R. is very bright (and believe me I am not tooting my own horn. There are days I wish he was not so smart. ) and he is very socially adjusted. But, he is still a boy, and a very active boy at that. He does not do well with change (which is why we are really hoping to sell our house and be in a new one before summer starts so he has the summer to adjust to a new home before school starts). I just really think young 5’s would be a good adjustment into school where he will be learning, but it will be geared more towards his need for activity and play. But, I would love your opinion as a former teacher.
I have a couple of thoughts, but I will be the first to admit this is not my greatest area of expertise as the lowest grade I taught was first grade. First, I am strongly biased toward not pushing children too soon. But I am also deeply concerned about children languishing in school, bored and not challenged. So I see both sides of this. I would personally lean toward the Young 5’s. My thought has generally been it is better for a child to be one of the older ones in his class and more capable than struggling to keep up with those around him.
What has been your experience, especially if you have a boy with a summer birthday? How would you counsel this mom?
1.
Every child is so different. Our middle son with a May birthday did not seem quite ready for kindergarten when he was 5. He’s very tall and we hemmed and hawed about waiting an extra year and having him look so much bigger/older than the other kids. But waited we did, and we were very happy with the decision – – he really flourished once he got to kindergarten, his confidence soared, and his size was a non-issue.
When our youngest turned 5 last June, we considered enrolling him at the same Christian school in kindergarten or having him attend a 2-day a week pre-K. Like the reader’s son, he is very bright. He had already taught himself to read and do addition and subtraction. I could envision him being very bored in Pre-K where in some cases they are still learning the alphabet. Our dilemma was with the fact that he was not all that socially mature, and is soooo squirmy. In the end, we decided to try homeschooling him for kindergarten (we homeschool our oldest), with one day a week at a homeschool enrichment school where he is in a classroom setting with 19 other 5 and 6 year olds doing all the ‘typical’ kindergarten stuff: phonics, handwriting, arts and crafts, PE, music, etc. I’ve asked his teacher (a former public school teacher) to give us feedback as to how it goes this year, so that if we decide to pursue private school for him we will know if we should count this as kindergarten and move on to 1st grade, or just consider this a trial run and do kindergarten next year.
He has flown through all of his kindergarten curriculum here at home and has moved on to 1st grade materials, so we’re really glad we didn’t go the Pre-K route. I just think he would have been really bored and then possibly a discipline problem. What we’ll do next year I don’t know, but we’re leaning toward continuing with homeschooling so we can keep him academically challenged yet not skipping grades so as to be in an environment with kiddos much more socially advanced than him.
Is homeschool on your radar at all? One of the great advantages is being able to use the appropriate grade level materials for your child even if they aren’t the typical age for that grade. I wish you the best in whatever you decide!
My oldest son (age 7) has an August 1 birthday. We knew before he started kindergarten that he would benefit greatly from being “held back.” Initially our thinking was to send him to K-5 at a classical Christian school for two years in a row, but 3 weeks into the first year of K-5 it was very clear he was not ready. God led us to a small, transitional kindergarten class at a different school — a class specifically designed for younger five year olds who would go to regular kindergarten the following year. He thrived in this class and the following year returned to the classical Christian school much more mature, prepared, and ready. Clearly the Pre-K route was best in our situation, but each situation is unique and each child’s readiness and personality is different.
I do feel strongly that most young boys with summer birthdays should be delayed a year before starting first grade, but I am less opinionated as to how you go about it as each situation is different.
I have a son who is now 14 that has a birthday in June. The year he turned 5 I took him to the pediatrician for his well-child appointment. When we were all done this wonderful Christian man looked at me and said “your not going to start him in Kindergarten ths year are you?” We had been contemplating the question as to what were were going to do…I knew in that moment my answer and looked at him and said “no.” It was a VERY good decision. My son was bright but quite small for his age. He was a boy…who needed more time ….to play. We have never, ever regretted that decision. He is now 14 and in the 8th grade. He is now able to be a leader…if he were in high school this year that would NOT be the case. AND he has caught up with the kids in his grade size wise. We have watched other boys who have the summer birthdays. Boys who are younger than him that are now in high school and lagging behind because they just aren’t “quite there” maturity wise. We do have one friend with a son whose birthday is within a week of our sons. He is very tall and always has been, AND excelled at sports from a young age. Moving him a long was a good decision as size wise he truly would have stuck out (6′ 5″ at 14!). I say all that to say…my humble opinion is that many times keeping them back that extra year is a good thing for boys….but not always. Just my experience!
Since my daughter was born on August 22nd (10 days before the cut-off here in Georgia), we’ll be facing the kindergarten dilemma. Of course, her being a girl makes the decision a little bit easier, but it’s weird to think that she could be the same grade as my best friend’s daughter who is 10.5 months older than mine.
My brother’s birthday is July 22nd. We didn’t have a young 5’s program where we were. My mom homeschooled him for K5 when he turned 5, and he went to a small Christian school until high school (where he went to public school). He is very bright, and he did well in school both academically and socially. I don’t know how much of that was because he was homeschooled for kindergarten, or because he was mature enough to handle it.
It is interesting Ashley brought up girls as well. Caroline’s birthday is at the very end of September putting her in the late end of her potential grade cohort. A good friend is sending her daughter to preschool this fall and when I looked at their website, I noticed the cutoff was a birthday by September 1 or planning on attending kindergarten the next year. So even though Caroline and my friend’s daughter are only four months apart, they are a big four months.
On the other hand, my best friend in high school had a late November birthday and she was one of the smartest people in our class.
It really does depend on each individual person. 😀
I don’t have a boy with a summer birthday, but close…May. He’s only 22 months so it’s hard to know what I will do. I would have to agree with the fact that every child is different. I do know from my teaching experience that some parents overlook the maturity level of their child. It is a factor to consider. A child can be very bright but imature for his/her age, in which case a young 5s would still be beneficial.
My oldest son is very bright, too. I know what you mean about wishing they were not so smart sometimes! He also was born in late May. We always knew we were going to homeschool, so this type of decision was never an issue for us. However, comma, I will say that, now that I have had a chance to watch him in action for a few years (he is in second grade right now), I think the biggest thing that you will be up against with a boy is discipline. I don’t mean because of bad behavior, but because schools ask a LOT of young boys as far as sitting still and being quiet. My son does much of his oral lessons…upside down! I cannot imagine him in a classroom–they would probably want to drug him at our neighborhood school. And yet he does not have ADHD or a problem with authority; he is just a bundle of energy.
With that said, you might check out the difference in the classrooms if you have a boy that is at all “active” in the traditional boyish sense. It might be that one classroom offers a lot more activity of the legs and arms than another, and that might be key to the flourishing of a young boy. I really think that the reason parents find success in “holding back” a boy until he is older has more to do with this issue than his intelligence or social maturity.
Oh something else I want to mention. When I was in high school, my best friend was almost two years younger than me but in the same grade as me. She started high school at age 12! Her parents put her in early (age 4), and then later pushed her to skip a grade. Knowing her in high school, she had a TON of issues (anorexia, low self-esteem, depression, suicidal thoughts, etc.). I think some of them were from unreasonably high expectations from her parents (she was smart, but she definitely did not make the grades to warrant skipping one). But, I noticed she struggled to relate socially with the people in our class. She went through phases later than the rest of us, and she was much more comfortable with people a grade below us. I always thought that she was an example when keeping her back probably would have been the wiser choice for her.
My 5 year old has an August birthday. We sent him to K this year. We’ve decided that he’ll repeat K again next year.
He’s small for his age and, compared to the others, very immature. At home he seems calm and well-behaved, but in that room with the others? He’s a Mexican jumping bean. It’s painfully obvious that he’s the youngest, and in most cases, the youngest by far.
It’s not about brains. It’s about the food chain in the school social setting. The young ones are easy targets since they’re more naive (and yes, you can be both bright and naive). We’ve had issues pop up this winter with the older boys telling him to do things that get him into trouble. Since he wants to be liked, he goes right ahead and does it. We had an instance this week where one of the older K boys told him to get off at a different bus stop. I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say he thought that was a great idea!
There are plenty of ways for bright young 5’s to find mental stimulation. My son, for example, goes to the gifted teacher 2-3 times a week for reading and math. He is also involved in a weekend gifted elementary program at a local university. He takes private art lessons. He does lots of things that meet his level of academic competency, but I cannot see him moving on to 1st grade. He needs another year to be able to sit still and learn how to stand up for himself.
Just my two cents.
As the mother of two sons….one whose birthday is early November and one whose birthday is late July….I most highly recommend that the late summer child be held back until next year. We sent our late summer birthday child to kindergarten when he was five and if I had it to do over, we would have waited until the next year.
We have two children with late birthdays – a daughter, November (now 6th grade), and a son, September (now 3rd grade). We started them both in Kindergarten at age four and it has been the best decision. Since this is about boys specifically, our son was reading before Kindergarten, and was even a bit bored at times when we started him early. I can’t imagine now how bored he would be if we had waited another year! He now excels in all of his subjects. He also is very fond of sports and is able to do very well playing against the others in his grade. My husband is tall, so our son is as well and is one of the taller children even though he is younger in his class. We also have felt his maturity level was and is a fit for the grade he is in. I share all of this to say that I think it completely depends on the child and I don’t think that there can be a hard and fast approach to which children should start when. Also, based on our experience it’s not gender based either. Our third child has a July birthday and I’ve never even considered that “late”. 🙂 It’s a hard decision but with much prayer and as parents who know our children best I would evaluate each child on that basis and not on the trends, norms, or other’s experiences IMHO.
In Texas, where we live, the school cut-off for kindergarten is “5 on or before September 1”.
In the 60s we didn’t have public kindergarten (although my brothers and I all went to a private kindergarten). The trend was to send a September baby to private first grade and then put them in public school for second to “beat the system”. My younger brother was born on September 24. He was/is smart as a whip, very social and way too immature for kindergarten much less 1st grade a year early. My mom bucked the trend and put David in kindergarten when he was a few days shy of 6 and he started 1st grade at a few days shy of 7. That was a BIG deal in the 60s. Isn’t it funny how things change?
My brother is the poster child for not sending a child to school early. He matured so much during that year that he was in kindergarten – the year others wanted him in 1st grade.As one of the older children in his class he became a leader & a motivator. He has two children – one a boy with a May birthday, the other a girl with a June birthday. Both went to private kindergarten at 5 and public kindergarten at 6. Starting late – known as red-shirting – has served them well, too.
My husband – a June birthday – says he wishes he’d been red shirted and kept back from school the year he went. He hated being the youngest especially once he got to high school. He struggled in school simply because he wasn’t mature enough to be in the grade where he was assigned. He not being able to drive when everyone else could, not being able to go to movies with his peers because he was too young to get, etc. He was 6 feet tall when he was in the 6th grade – still age 11 at that point – so I think he would been out place in 5th grade but he was out of place in 6th grade, too. 🙁 My cousin with a September birthday started kindergarten when she was 4 since the start date cut-off was November. She was so not ready. She moved to public school and struggled with the same issues my husband did all through school. Maturity and a feeling of not belonging because you can’t participate in certain activities because you are not old enough are a problem in elementary school but they are a major problem and issue in high school. Her mom learned from the mistake of putting her in school early and the July birthday brother went to kindergarten twice just like – and with! – my nephew.
As a preschool teacher I suggested to the parents of 2 students they might consider holding their children back a year. They agreed with me and I had those 2 children twice. The difference a year makes is incredible. The first year the class didn’t play baby dolls – they played Kelsey. She and they realized she was still a baby. The second year she was empowered. She is a senior in high school this year and a true leader in her school. The other child was a boy and he also flourished with an extra year’s grace period.
Our grandson, age 18 months, has a late August birthday. His mom and dad already plan to red-shirt him as they have already seen the differences in him and the children in his pre-school class, many of whom are nearly a year older.
LOVE the new design! Too cute!
Better late than early, that’s my advice (as a former teacher and mom of two summer birthday kids, one boy, one girl). The private, Christian school where I taught and now send my child changed the “start by” date to June 1 (5 by June 1 to enter K). Great decision, imho.
Hi Sallie,
I used to teach public school before I stayed at home to homeschool my own three boys – all with summer birthdays (July, August, & September).
With each of my boys, I waited until the Fall that they were 6 or almost 6 before we started officially doing Kindergarten. With homeschooling, I had the benefit of knowing that if they seemed bored at any point, that I could just jump ahead if needed. And with my oldest I did kind of blend his 1st and 2nd grade years together because he really took off with his learning that year.
Now my oldest is about to graduate and even though I started late with him, he’ll actually be graduating at 17 and honestly I wish I hadn’t blended that 1st and 2nd grade year together anymore. He is a fantastic, bright, and responsible young man, but I just keep thinking he’s maturing so much right now, I think in another year, he will be so much MORE mature and ready for all of the decisions/responsibilities coming his way.
When I taught 1st grade in public school, there were a few boys in my class that really could have benefited from another year in Kindergarten. Just a few months makes such a big difference in maturity at that stage particularly with things like telling time, counting money, etc… I just always think it’s more pleasant and efficient to approach concepts when a child is more ready.
My own parents opted for me to skip K because I was already reading when I started school. It wasn’t a lot of fun socially to always be the youngest kid in my classes and I think it caused my parents to have to make a lot of hard decisions.
All of my friends were driving before me, staying out later than I was, allowed to go places that I couldn’t, etc… In each grade, there can almost be a 2 year age range – children who started early just before age 5, all the way to 6 year olds getting close to 7. It will make an even bigger difference when the child is 12 in a class of 13 or 14 year olds or 14 in a class of 15 and 16 year olds… Especially if the boy is in sports. That year will really help with his size, coordination, etc…
That’s my 2 cents. :O)
I am the person who submitted the question to Sallie. Thank you all for your thoughts and opinions. I have read all of them :).
Currently, our house is up for sale. Part of the reason we want to move is because we are in a small starter home with two children who are not getting any smaller, nor is their stuff :). The other reason we want to move is because of the public school district we are in. To put it plainly, it is crummy. Unless we have absolutely no other options, the school district we are in is not really even on our radar, except to keep our kids out of it.
Homeschooling is not something I have a desire to do. Knowing my kids personalities (and mine), they need to be in a classroom setting. So, my husband and I have decided that we will send our kids to either a public school or a charter school, depending on if/when our house sells.
In the last week, our son has been accepted to two charter schools. One for kindergarten, and the other for young 5s (but it is about 30 minutes from our house). We are also on the waiting list for a couple more, and still have one more charter school we are waiting to hear whether we’ve been accepted to, or if we are on the waiting list there also (this one is only about 10 minutes from our house). I will be accepting both spots we’ve been offered in case our house does not sell and we take it off the market, and then towards mid to late summer will make a final decision about where he will attend if we do not move. He will be tested for kindergarten readiness in the next couple of months, so I will have a good idea of where he is at academically and will be able to make a decision based on that, as well.
Ideally we would like to send our little guy to young 5s. But, if the kindergarten spot keeps him out of the public school district we are in, then he will go there. I talked to a teacher friend who works at this particular charter school, and she said to take the spot. The worst that would happen is that he would do kindergarten twice. He would just be put with another teacher the next year.
We know that God is in control and that our son will end up right where he is suppose to be :). The blessing to this entire school issue is that our son REALLY WANTS and is EXCITED to go to school, so that makes this process a bit easier.
I think it’s dependent on what people in your area/school are doing. Here, a July boy would be automatically held back.
This practice changes the age distribution in the classroom, so it’s not a matter of your child being the youngest by a year, but possibly by 18 months. It also accelerates the work.
I had one child just miss the cutoff (whew! no decision to make) and the other just make it (shoot!). We are holding the one who just missed it.