Last week our little family went out on a few errands. We took a box of books to the bookstore to sell and they purchased everything I brought except the Christian books. So I called the Christian bookstore that buys books to make sure they were accepting books that day. They were so we drove the short distance and realized when we arrived that they had totally changed their store since we were last there. When we went inside I thought that it must be a relatively new remodel since everything looked so nice. So we asked.
It had been five years.
Five years, people.
This sums up my life so completely in so many ways.
Seven years ago we moved to Cute Little Town and in the eighteen months that followed, our life turned upside down. I have never felt like I have been able to get a grip on life since then. I get glimpses and brief stretches where I feel like things are on a more even keel and then it all goes.
And then I turned fifty last year. And my little girl, the baby I asked God for for nine years, turned ten. And now eleven.
And life feels like it is racing by more quickly than I can grasp it.
When we were at the Christian bookstore, it brought back a flood of emotions and memories. Memories of attending Christian writers conferences. Memories of submitting articles to magazines and seeing them published. Memories of one-on-one meetings with real national editors who told me I have a gift and I need to use it rather than spending it on busy work that other people can do.
And I ask myself – where did all that go?
Why did God allow my life to be so derailed moved in other directions?
Did I abandon the dream? Did God move me in other directions?
Right now I can’t even tell you with certainty which it is. I just looked around the bookstore and wondered what I was doing with my life. Wondering if I have lost my way or if I’m right where I’m supposed to be.
Maybe it is the online company I keep or maybe it is that I instinctively look for people like myself online. But I’m not the only one in the midst of feeling like there has to be more to this writing life than this rat race that has become The Business of Blogging.
Like Alison wrote last week in her post Existential Crisis and then Feeling for Change, I want to write. And read. Oh, I so understand. The Business of Blogging can be mind-numbing and soul sucking. It truly can be when we allow others to dictate the directions we take.
And yet The Business of Blogging is necessary for my life.
Like Sue wrote in her decision to take an extended break and live real life in Hitting the Pause Button, sometimes we need downtime which is why I haven’t blogged much the past few weeks. I was allowing myself to do other things.
Since quitting Facebook last month, my life has taken on a different flow. My mindset has changed. My interactions with my family have changed. My homemaking has changed. I know some of you reading these constant references to quitting Facebook must think I’m crazy to discuss it so much, but it really did have that much of an impact on me.
Facebook creates this false sense of urgency all the time.
All. The. Time.
This false sense of urgency about everything. Causes. Work. Blogging. Friendships. Politics. Being informed. Cultural trends. Remaining competitive. Health problems. The state of the Church. Not missing out. All of it.
Today David mentioned something that happened in the political realm that was a continuation of something else and I had no idea what he was talking about.
And I was glad.
I was oblivious. And I’m fine with that.
We were not designed to know everything happening in every part of the country (let alone the world) every day. We truly are not.
We are not designed to carry the weight of the world and all our friends day in and day out.
(As an aside, I’ve lost at least five pounds since leaving Facebook. I attribute it to more and better sleep and less stress spikes from being on Facebook.)
I started the year with my Getting Rid of 1000 Things challenge and it’s not going to be difficult. I keep disposing of thing in an effort to focus my life. Getting rid of things to remove distractions so I can hopefully hear why God has put this restlessness in me and what He’s trying to move me toward. I’ve been through this enough times in my life to recognize that something is afoot. These overwhelming periods of restlessness are usually an indication that change is coming.
(I’ll be honest. I’m really praying for positive change and not hardship change. Sometimes I am tempted to regret praying over twenty-five years ago that God would make me a patient person. Truly.)
But I’m excited about projects I’m working on. The biggest challenge is knowing what to do first because I want to do all the exciting things right now. LOL!
I’m working on my blogging to do list for the summer. I’m refreshed and excited. Yes, I’ve even managed to become excited about The Business of Blogging again because I was able to step back and make decisions for myself. Like Alison said in her post:
Today I am going to sit with pen and notebook in hand and try to visualise what I need the site to be in order to feel authentic again. In order to be just profitable enough. In order to revert back to the sanctuary it used to be before it seemed to need a village to run it. I am going to look at all the marketing I am currently drowning in and see if there is a better way to reach those I want to talk to. Those who would consider themselves blessed by a life less ordinary. To evaluate the services I currently offer and re-think them to be better for all of us.
I feel very much the same way. There is so much I want to do here for my readers. So many ideas I have for helping people. I want those decisions to be driven by what is authentic and not what blogging gurus are peddling.
So I’m freshly embracing my cozy life of freedom. And I’m thankful for it.
I was just thinking today how I’ve gone so far the other way from what the powers that be say make a successful blogger. I’ve cut down on the number of posts on the blog, spend about five minutes on Facebook and never say anything on the blog’s Facebook page, and I haven’t added an Instagram pic in probably a couple of weeks. Mainly with all of them… I am not forcing myself to make a presence to the world when I don’t have anything I want to say. As long as God gives me ideas for Saturday and Sunday posts, I’ll continue blogging. I’ll write an occasional midweek post should there be something to say. I just accepted my first book to review in weeks (not counting being on Sally’s launch team). I feel like I’m following God’s timing and not what I imagine someone else is expecting.
Hi Brenda,
I think what you said about following God’s timing is important. Bogging is so much better for everyone (blogger and reader) when the blogger writes sincerely and with a purpose beyond churning things out to appease the powers that be or those who set themselves up as experts.
I appreciate you!
Sallie
Dear Sallie,
This is my first time commenting on your blog, although I’ve been reading and mulling over your posts or days now. I’m thankful, and excited, for having found your online home! I have felt welcomed and everything I’ve read seems to resonate with me! I can’t remember now, but I think I may have found your site via a Google search about quitting social media. There are so many articles/blog posts about people who have “quit” Facebook…but read further and that usually just means they’re taking a temporary break, or are no longer using their personal account and simply using FB for business. But I was looking for a fellow BLOGGER who had quit Facebook in every way…and lo and behold, not only are you a blogger who has done so, but you are a blogger like me–writing about simple living, an INFJ, lover of the small, slow, cozy life, and a reader. So many people think they can’t opt out of Facebook because they *need* it for their business. Thank you for being brave and showing us bloggers that it’s actually possible(:
I hope you’re gaining some clarity and direction for your blog this summer! Please don’t stop writing. I’m listening eagerly(:
– Elsie
Hi Elsie!
I’m not surprised to discover we are kindred spirits. I recognized your picture in your comment as I’ve been to your site a number of times in recent months although I don’t think I’ve ever commented. I told David you wrote a couple posts that made me think, “Oh, I wish I had written that!” so I can guess we have a lot in common. LOL!
Have you quit Facebook or are you still in the thinking stages? It is a big decision and I don’t judge people who decide to stay on there. We each make our own way. But I want to prove to myself that I can be successful (monetarily) without it. I know I can be successful in terms of being happy with what I do. I love what I do here – writing, chatting with people, making products, etc. I could spend all day doing these things, but we also have bills to pay so I have to find the balance.
Thank you so much for leaving a comment! I hope we can get better acquainted in the weeks ahead!
Sallie
I’m honoured that you’re familiar with my site–and have enjoyed the content!
I am still in the thinking stages with Facebook. I’ve been doing a lot of reading (I, too, read Deep Work and Cal Newport’s blog recently). I’ve been looking for other blog posts and articles, and trying to plan out how I could delete Facebook. If I do it, it’ll be sometime this summer. I’m still back and forth on it. Usually forth, but sometimes back. We shall see!