In my never-ending quest to find reasons to tick people off in the blogosphere, I’ve actually contemplated putting up a blogroll in my sidebar entitled something like “A Quiverfull of One – Bloggers With An Only Child”. I did previously have a “Moms of Onlies” blogroll, but never added it to this blog. However, I thought the addition of the term quiverfull might really make some people sit up and take notice. I’d also include a link to that classic Laine’s Letter “Private, Private, Private”.
However, I haven’t been feeling fully sadistic lately so it’s just been an idea running around in my head.
But it was so funny that Ashley sent me this link today because We’ve. Had. A. Day. I won’t tell you about it because I’m trying to respect Caroline’s privacy, but, um, it’s been one of those days.
In the midst of this day I said to David something like, “If I had to do this all alone every day I would absolutely have to be committed.” I’m not trying to be irreverent about people who end up committed. I truly believe that if I had more than one child and/or I had a husband who worked away from home I would end up seriously disturbed.
God knew what He was doing when He gave me a husband who works at home and an only child.
I no longer feel guilty about the only child thing. This is EXACTLY where I am supposed to be in life.
God bless you moms and dads who have multiple children and do it alone all day. But, by golly, I’m thankful for my precious only child and not ashamed to tell the world that I’m satisfied this is God’s best for me. And David. And Caroline.
And in case you were wondering… Those lovely bracelets are my napkin rings that Caroline took from the box of “shineys” (napkin rings).
That picture is too cute for words, but knowing she’s wearing your napkin rings for bracelets and that she has that funny little (big!) smile on her face just makes the picture so sweet you could eat it with a spoon!
Sallie, as a mother of nine living children (and two in Eternity) who has chosen to trust the Lord with the number and spacing of her children, I thank you for not feeling sadistic today. I really mean that. Thank you for choosing kindness.
I, for one, was so excited when I found out the Lord had given you and David a child and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading about your experiences with her since her arrival.
I’ve always said, “Whether you have one or eleven, it’s an adventure!!”.
Have a great day with your huggable little girl! (Of course, what child isn’t huggable?)
: )
Sincerely,
Ruthanne
I am not familiar with the Quiverful movement (I am Catholic, maybe not a term/movement within Catholicism) but can’t your quiver truly be full with one?
I encourage you to put the Moms of Onlies blogroll back up! I have two, but I grew up only. I am always the first to speak up when people randomly spout out misconceptions about only children. (We’re not lonely, we’re not loners, we’re not spoiled necessarily, no more than any other child can be…on and on).
People have actually said to me after meeting me and getting to know me, “Wow, you don’t seem like an only!” Compliment? Not really : )
What a wonderful post Sallie. Yes, God gives us exactly what he has planned for us.
Sallie,
Thank you for this! It was very timely for me as a mother of 5 whose schoolteacher husband has just gone back to work this week. I got up this morning after only three hours of sleep and felt that I should be committed! Knowing that others have a tough time with 24/7 duties of parenthood really helps. Thanks.
What a blessing to know that God assembled your family custom-made just for you and your husband. ” For I know the plans I have for you…” Jer. 29:11
I read that artical also. I’ve been enjoying the series.
Mrs N
I loved this post with all its links! I’m a mother of five (three under the age of two, just having had twins), and
1) The “Private, Private, Private” link hit home because I was hospitalized and on bedrest for 13 weeks of my twin pregnancy due to TTTS and cervical issues. It was really weird and uncomfy for me to have a hundred people from church calling and saying, “I heard you had to get a cerclage,” and knowing that the men and women in my Sunday School class were talking about my cervix. I had asked my husband just to say when asked that I was hospitalized due to the TTTS, but he didn’t. I still haven’t returned to church because I feel so weird about it! (And I’m exhausted from caring for all of my kids with my husband off at work from 7 am until 6 pm daily.) I notice that a woman’s womb and reproductive system these days is open conversation for everybody. . . when discussing prayer concerns openly in Sunday School, it’s not uncommon to hear, “Jane isn’t here today because she’s got woman issues. Could we pray for her?” Then everybody starts wanting the nitty gritty details.
You don’t hear open conversations and prayer requests about men’s prostate exams or other “male issues”! Imagine if. . .
I could say more on this “Private” point, but I won’t. You get my drift.
and
2) I have five children and I’m one of six siblings. I am so grateful to my parents for teaching us that God delights in everyone of His children and that He gives everyone a different path in life. My youngest sister is 20 years my junior, and people said things like, “Oh no, she’s going to be like an only child.”
Huh? I could never understand what was so bad about her being like an only child! She is like an only child in that the rest of us are at least 9 years or older than her. But so what? Her walk in life is a little different in some ways, but why is everyone supposed to be alike? I don’t think God wants us all to have the same exact experiences in life. . . Our ministry for Him is made more effective by our different, unique experiences.
To me, parenting is one of the great equalizers in life. It’s challenging, and we all need encouragement whether we have an “only” or a big ol’ brood, whether we are 18 or 48 years old.
I personally don’t pay much attention to if a mom has one or more kids. I tend to ask, “How old is your child?” And then I try to glean as much info, advice, helpful hints from her to apply to my child(ren) of similar age! I enjoy reading what you are up to with Caroline at different developmental stages because I have a 22 month old daughter myself. My “ONLY” daughter! (And I humbly admit, I do not know everything about kids just because I have five kids.)
I’m glad you blogged about these things.
God, in His wisdom, gave me my two children twelve years apart.
When Christopher was born, it was rather scary. Everyone assumed I was thrilled to have another child (especially a boy after having a girl) and it was a good thing but the first few years was exhausting.
Now that he is almost nineteen, I know God didn’t make a mistake and I find him wonderful company but I think if I’d had two children close in age, I would have had a difficult time.
And to think I was upset when I didn’t have any more children right after my daughter was born!
I am also the mother of an only and the fact that my husband is gone much of the time (active duty military) is a major factor in our decision to only have one. We also live overseas so I do not have extended family who can help out – I gave birth alone while my husband was in Iraq and have no desire to repeat that experience with a toddler to worry about as well.
If you only want one, people assume you are struggling with the one you have, but for the most part I feel like my life with one is really fantastic. I get the best of all worlds and my life is in balance – I have the energy to be a good a wife and to parent to my standards and to even have a bit of time for myself at the end of the day so I don’t end up in the looney bin 🙂 It’s precisely because I feel this way that I don’t want another – I don’t see any glory in seeing how far I can push my sanity and marriage.
And I was an only child myself and loved it and I have a wonderfully close relationship with my parents that I’ve rarely seen in others. Growing up I always felt that most families had the parents on one side and kids on the other, but our little family of three was just “us.”
I do so understand whereof you speak! We ‘only’ have been blessed with two – one through the amazing and often painful journey of adoption, and one through a miracle of God’s sustaining power. We thought for years that we were missing the mark – a quiver full family with not a child in sight! Years of infertility and a painful interrupted adoption placement made us question God’s choice for our family. We called out to God for the blessing of children – many many children.
Even after our second child was born the longing for more was at times almost unbearable. He is eight now, and we are embarking upon our third year of liver disease – now and only now do I understand God’s goodness in not giving us the desires of our hearts, but allowing us the blessing of infertility and loss to prepare us for the battle ahead. I can’t even imagine coping with more then our two – our quiver is indeed full! I think every family is equipped with a custom made quiver – no mistakes!
I keep thinking of the children of Israel and the miracle of the garments and shoes that did not wear out – I wonder if they grew as the children grew or just how God arranged it – whatever it was, we know our God is into custom work – no one size fits all in His economy! I think that includes quivers, don’t you?
I’ve always said that the number of children in a family should be each family’s decision. God knows what we need.
Oh Sallie, it’s alright to struggle with one, or a hundred. God knows our limitations and his ways of stretching to cover where we don’t. There are times I am ashamed at my parenting and I am so thankful God covers it up over time with His love. How else would we all turn out alright?
My girl is almost 3 and is able to do so much more then I thought she would. Caroline will be the same, she will exhaust you and amaze you almost everyday.
Thank you, ladies, for these comments. I’m glad some of you were encouraged by this post. I was encouraged by your comments, especially from the moms of many. We’re all in this together!
Thanks for the links Sallie. I’m always looking for kindred spirits.