Many, many years ago I asked the Lord to make me useful in the Kingdom. I know. What was I thinking? What can I say? I was young and didn’t understand what I was asking for. But I did ask and very sincerely.

And God answered.

You would think these many decades later I would carry certain lessons forward, but sometimes I forget.

My recent exchange with Claude about INFJ Christian women in midlife connected some dots for me.

Flakiness and Inefficiency

One thing it made me realize is that sometimes the only way you can be useful is to make many false starts, mistakes, and (to use Claude’s term) to come across with flakiness. You have to go through the learning process so you can help others.

The learning process is often very inefficient.

I know we don’t normally speak of the Christian life being efficient or inefficient. That’s not a frame of reference we connect with being a disciple of Jesus Christ.

But I’m an American and also naturally wired by personality to be focused on being efficient in my life. And while I may value efficiency, I don’t know if the Father places the same value on it. (Probably not.)

As I’ve gone round and round about all of the changes in the online world and how it has impacted me, it has been really inefficient. I mean, incredibly inefficient. Like multiple years of head-banging inefficiency.

Even when trying to make wise choices, things happened that I couldn’t see coming.

Sometimes God will warn us or move us in another direction to protect us from the consequences of something we can’t see. I’ve seen His restraining hand in my life so many times.

But sometimes He lets us fail so we can learn.

Failure and Learning

Failure isn’t sin. Failure isn’t due to a lack of faith. Sometimes failure is just the inefficient way we need to learn.

Think walking babies, creative chefs, and pottery artists. Babies fall many times before they walk. Creative chefs throw out recipes that don’t work. Potters start over time and again.

Fail, learn, and keep going.

I put a very high value on my time and energy so to fail just grates on me. It’s inefficient. When I have to reconsider, backtrack, or roll things back, it feels like such a waste of my life energy and time. It slows down progress (and we all know that’s inherently un-American).

But some lessons only can be learned through failure. This includes spiritual lessons.

Trusting God-given Instincts

What I’ve learned lately is that I need to trust my God-given instincts. I mean, I know that. I’m an INFJ and I’ve learned to trust them. I’ve learned it over and over and over again in life. But for some reason when it comes to the work I do online, I convince myself that I need to listen to the experts and conform to what they tell me rather than trust myself.

My Very Big Regret in my 20+ years of doing this online is that I didn’t just do my thing and build what I wanted from early on rather than what I thought could be successful according to the expert opinions.

I have “wasted” SO MUCH TIME trying to do that.

And if you’re thinking to yourself, “Sallie, you’ve already said this kind of stuff multiple times before…” Then welcome to my experience of inefficiency. Because apparently this lesson was one I had to revisit over and over and over again.

The inefficiency of trying to do something and realizing there isn’t time to make it work because everything will change again has been so frustrating and even demoralizing at times.

But at least I got there in the end.

What I’ve Learned

So what have I learned?

I learned that to become useful means failing and learning.

I learned (again) that sometimes you have to trust your own inclinations that are guided by God, even when it doesn’t make sense to anyone else.

We all would say we know that. But it’s one thing to know it and it’s another thing to know it to the point where you ignore the experts and do it your way.

When it comes right down to it, it’s you and Jesus. If you’re fortunate, you have some other solid people in your life who fight in your corner. But even then… It’s you and Jesus.

I don’t know what your particular situation is, but I hope this is helpful.

Don’t be afraid to fail.

Don’t be afraid to change your mind.

Don’t be afraid of the appearance of flakiness. (Trust me. I know this one is really difficult and probably bothers me more than all the rest put together.)

Don’t be afraid to start over and over again.

Don’t be afraid to turn around and adjust your path.

And then ask the Lord to give you opportunities to share what you’ve learned with someone else in His Kingdom.

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