A Quiet Simple Life | Sallie Borrink

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 6:23

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Why Complementarian Leaders Ignore Their Insightful Sisters in Christ – Soap Bubbles Submission


It was fascinating to watch the complementarian leaders of Together for the Gospel insist that C.J. Maheney speak at their conference last week despite the concerns expressed by many that he is not fit for teaching or leadership given the controversies surrounding his leadership in Sovereign Grace Ministries.

Coupled with this, there are more complementarians voicing their concern with the increasingly bizarre ideas coming out of the comp/patriarchy camp. I personally believe the Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) officially jumped the shark when they published Soap Bubbles Submission last month. (And then deleted it. You can read it via The Wayback Machine.) I truly cannot even do it justice by trying to explain it here. You’ll have to click over and read how CBMW now believes men micromanaging the way their wives wash and rinse dishes is part of Gospel complimentarity. (The Mortification of Spin did a bit on the soap bubbles that was pretty funny.)

If the soap bubbles weren’t enough, CBMW is now promoting sanctified testosterone. I am totally not joking. In 5 Key Ways to Cultivating Biblical Manhood in Your Church, Jason Allen says that “the church needs to recover biblical manhood, Christian masculinity—what we might think of as sanctified testosterone.”

Seriously?

9 Marks of Healthy Biblical Complementarianism?

As I’ve done with other topics that capture my attention, I’m listing a group of posts here for the benefit of not only my readers but also myself in the future since these topics seem to come up time and again. This bit got started when Kevin DeYoung posted about the nine marks of healthy biblical complementarianism. It snowballed into a number of other posts that I’ve listed below. If you haven’t read them, go ahead. Then I’d like to offer a few observations of my own.

Why Are the Complementarian Leaders Ignoring Us?

For the women who run in these circles and are confused as to why the leadership is not responding to their request for meaningful public dialog, I’m going to offer a few observations. Please understand there is no snark, no anger and no ridicule intended in my tone. These are matter of fact observations as I’ve interacted with this corner of Christianity for many years.

The complementarian male leaders (excuse the redundancy) do not respond to their thoughtful sisters in Christ for the following reasons.

The Slippery Slope

The overarching reason these men will not respond to sisters in Christ asking serious theological questions online is that answering their questions is the start of a slippery slope these men do not wish to start down. It all boils down to that.

These men have a grid and they will not depart from it.

The seminal moment in my understanding of the leadership in TGC, T4G and the like was when it became crystal clear to me that these men would rather have men die without hearing the Gospel than hear it preached by a woman. My interaction with Denny Burk is recorded in Should Women Proclaim the Gospel to Men? and it has forever changed the way I think about the men carrying the complementarian flag. Denny Burk would not say that the woman in the boat should proclaim the Gospel to men about to die because he knows if he does it will open up a series of questions he does not want to answer.

Think about that.

In their paradigm, it’s apparently better to die apart from Christ than hear the Gospel from a woman.

These men have a grid and they will not depart from it.

They Will Not Publicly Learn from a Woman

Responding to women who ask detailed and thoughtful theological question would also require that they appear to learn to from a woman. This is also a no-go. Someone please correct me if I am wrong, but I do not think any of the men prominently associated with this movement have EVER specifically responded to significant theological questions put forth by a woman on a blog or website. If they have and I am wrong, I’d love to see the links so please leave the exchange in the comments. To admit that a woman pointed out a flaw in their theology will again lead down a slippery slope they want to avoid at all costs.

These men have a grid and they will not depart from it.

They Don’t Want Their Followers To Dig Deep in Scripture

I am thrilled to see complementarian woman calling out the bad theology coming from some of these groups. These women are digging into the Scriptures and studying. However, you don’t see any deep study of the complementarian versus egalitarian view on any of the prominent complementarian websites written by men. Why? It would require that the debate of complementarian versus egalitarian theology dig much deeper into the Scriptures in a public way and they do not want to “confuse” their faithful followers.

They do not want the people who read their websites, buy their books, and attend their conferences to read quality arguments from the other side. They would rather dismiss them and invoke the homosexuality card at the end of their post to cause people to cling to complementarianism in fear. Frankly, it’s insulting and degrading to their followers. If the complementarian view is so weak that it can’t stand up to scrutiny and detailed study of the Bible, what are these leaders telling their followers? That they are too stupid or easily deceived? Or that they cannot be led by the Holy Spirit and come to their own conclusions about these matters?

These men have a grid and they will not depart from it.

Women Cannot Have a Prominent Voice

They do not want to give women a prominent voice. All of these organizations are fronted by men. Men speak. Men lead. Men dictate the direction. Sure they have softened a bit in the last year or two. They will occasionally let a woman put her name on a post for TGC. They will have a special conference for women. But women are never ever going to have a prominent voice in those organizations. Again, if they acknowledge the gifts and abilities of women it is going to open a can of worms they don’t want to deal with.

These men have a grid and they will not depart from it.

This is the real end game of complementarianism.

It’s the only logical conclusion. It really can’t end any other way.

These men have a grid and they will not depart from it.

Women asking theological questions does not fit the grid. Complementarian women who try to move forward in this paradigm are going to find themselves increasingly frustrated and marginalized. It is obvious that groups like CBMW, TGC, T4G and so on are doubling down on their grid. (See what Kevin DeYoung said in PCA General Assembly – PCA Churches Do Not Want People With Doubts.) Because they are driven to respond to the culture more than what the Bible actually teaches, I believe women are going to find themselves marginalized more and more by these leaders and those who follow their lead in the local church.

The cognitive dissonance experienced by intelligent, godly complementarian women is real. It’s real because they know that they cannot bring the truth of intelligent women being used by God in line with complementarianism.

I know the dissonance. I lived with it for a number of years until I realized the true freedom Christ gives to women in the Body of Christ.

I pray my sisters in Christ will find freedom from the grid.

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I am a Conservative Biblical Egalitarian


Update October 2025 – I published this post in October 2016. It has been nine years and my views on this topic have continued to grow and deepen. My views on other things in this post have also changed. If I were to write this post now, I would write parts of it differently. But for the sake of sharing my journey, I am republishing it as I wrote it. I may write an update to this as a new post. I still loathe the term egalitarian. I don’t refer to myself that way. Probably the closest I can come to is the label in the title of the book Discovering Biblical Equality: Complementarity Without Hierarchy. But until we have a better way to discuss this topic, we’re stuck with patriarchy, complementarian, and egalitarian.

You can’t possibly be conservative, biblical, and an egalitarian.

That’s what I’ve been told by people on both sides of the complementarian versus egalitarian debate.

Some people say it nicely.

Some people not so nicely.

Some people tell me I’m not saved.

My answer?

Of course I can be conservative, biblical, and egalitarian.

They are not mutually exclusive.

Conservative

As a conservative, I have a preference for traditional things. I’d rather worship in a beautiful building with stained glass windows, a choir, and a pipe organ (or a stringed quartet!). When I sit down to play the piano in the evening, I turn to my favorite hymns and play one after another. I like dresses and skirts more than pants. I dislike profanity. I am pro-life. I fall moderately right of center on many issues and in other areas toward the far end of conservative libertarianism. I appreciate it when any man holds a door open for me. I find the British royal family fascinating, loved Downton Abbey, and like reading books written by people who lived long ago. I believe there can be wisdom in conserving what is best from the past.

Biblical

As someone who is biblical, I value the Bible, the Word of God. I believe it is authoritative in the life of a Christian. I desire to have it instruct me in how to live my life. I enjoy studying it deeply. I believe it is God’s word to us. I believe it is understandable. I believe the Bible is amazing. I believe I am called to follow Jesus as best I can based on the revealed Word of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit. My commitment to the essentials of the faith as expressed in something like the Nicene Creed has not changed.

Egalitarian

As an egalitarian, I believe God bestows spiritual gifts on men and women as He chooses. He can raise up a man or a woman to do whatever He calls them to do as is so clearly demonstrated time and again in both the Old Testament and New Testament. Men and women should serve based on their spiritual gifts, not their sex. Men and women are of equal standing and equal value in the church. I believe if someone is willing to study the arguments for egalitarianism from the Scriptures, they are compelling.

I do not believe the egalitarian view is about demanding rights for women but instead is about freeing both women and men to serve God in the ways He has chosen to clearly gift them.

Biblical Support for Egalitarianism and Not So Much This

At the same time, there are things I don’t identify with. Since I am a conservative biblical egalitarian, you aren’t going to find posts on my website that use words like the following:

  • power structures
  • privilege
  • gender
  • feminism
  • oppression
  • social constructs
  • progressive
  • social justice
  • disempower

I realize some of my Christian egalitarian brothers and sisters write from that perspective and it matters very much to them. I’m glad they are reaching out to people who think about this topic from that perspective.

But that’s not where I am. I don’t find gender studies or psychology or any of that to matter very much to me when it comes to understanding this issue in the church. When I began to question the complementarian view, I only cared about understanding the Bible and following the Holy Spirit. What is happening or not happening in the culture doesn’t shape my views about God’s intention for the Body of Christ. I only care about following Christ and seeing the Body of Christ around the world free to serve. Will that impact how I interact with the culture in which I live? Yes, but it doesn’t (and can’t) drive my understanding.

Ending Up Egalitarian

On the issue of women in the church, I simply believe after extensive study and prayer over a number of years that the complementarian view is fraught with significant problems. This entire website is a document of that journey from the first questions to now.

I think the egalitarian view makes much more sense in the totality of Scripture. I don’t find the “troubling verses” very troubling any longer.

In this case, I think the conservative-leaning side of the Body of Christ is, at best, missing out and, at worst, is in disobedience to the Lord.

I still have much in common with my conservative brothers and sisters in Christ, but I believe the egalitarians are in all likelihood right on this question.

Why am I saying this?

A few reasons.

Why Discuss Conservative Biblical Egalitarianism?

One, there are many Christians who believe that conservative/biblical and egalitarian are mutually exclusive. They do not believe it is possible for someone to believe in the authority of Scripture and end up in the egalitarian camp by way of biblical conviction. They have been told so many times that the only way to follow God as a Christian and have a happy marriage is to be complementarian that they have no idea that is possible to believe anything else.

Well, it is.

Two, I know there are so many closet conservative Biblical egalitarians out there. Christians who live happily as egalitarians and secretly think that the egalitarian view is correct, but won’t say so publicly for fear of what it will cost them in terms of friends, family, professional standing, and church position. I know they are out there. They’ve written and told me so. There aren’t enough people who are willing to say that they love Jesus, love the Bible, think conservatively, and believe egalitarianism is right for the body of Christ.

I think that needs to end.

Third, I’m saying it because I want my daughter to grow up in a time when the Church experiences the fullness of the body. When men and women serve each other together. When people are put in positions of leadership and teaching because they are clearly gifted by the Holy Spirit. I want her to have the opportunity to live in a time when the Body of Christ more fully reflects what God intended.

So I will say that this is me. Will you say it, too?

Arguments for Egalitarianism

If you think that I’m just one person who is off her rocker and there is no one else like me, I encourage you to consider some of the resources below that feature churches that hold to the authority of the Scripture. They are also people who believe in the authority of the Scriptures and women functioning freely. Then you can spend some time going through my site. There is much information here for someone who truly wants to begin exploring the idea of being a conservative biblical egalitarian.

Update 2025 – Some are no longer available online so I removed them. 

Lastly (or, actually, maybe read these first), I would point you to Wade Burleson’s blog. He has many excellent posts about the important cultural background aspects of the so-called difficult passages. I would start with:

Are the Sisters Free to Function? by Jon Zens

Do You Define “Church” the Way the Bible Defines It?

All The Ekklesia Have Voices

The Only Time the Bible Uses the Word “Authority” (exousia) in the Context of Marriage Should Lead Couples to Cherish Unity

Artemis and the End of Us: Evangelical Errors Regarding Women

May the Lord Jesus bless you on your journey.

Category: 10 Comments

Being a Berean | Using Wisdom and Discernment Online


The other day our seven year old daughter, Caroline, was watching something on the Kindle while I was sitting nearby. The video stated something as fact that isn’t a fact. I asked her to pause it and I said, “We don’t believe that is true. We think (enter short explanation).” She said, “But it is true. They just said it.”

Ah, perfect teachable moment.

I explained to her that not everything online is true. I showed her The Drudge Report because it is something she’s seen us use many times. I told her, “This is all news. Some of it is true. Some of it isn’t. We need to ask God to help us read and figure out what is true and what isn’t. Just because someone says it online or in a book doesn’t mean it is true. Just because a leader says it doesn’t make it true. Just because someone we respect says it doesn’t make it true.”

While I think most Christians would readily agree with this view as it pertains to the news, too many Christians seem willing to check their brains and critical thinking skills at the door as soon as it has anything to do with Christianity, the Bible, big name teachers, and fitting into the culture. This is unfortunate because there is usually more at stake when it comes to our faith than when it comes to the news.

Being Bereans Online

We absolutely have to be Bereans online. If you aren’t familiar with that term, here is the context from the Scripture in Acts 17:10-12 (NIV).

The brethren immediately sent Paul and Silas away by night to Berea, and when they arrived, they went into the synagogue of the Jews. Now these were more noble-minded than those in Thessalonica, for they received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so. Therefore many of them believed, along with a number of prominent Greek women and men.…

The Bereans did not just take Paul’s word for it. They didn’t blindly follow Silas. They examined the Scriptures to see if they were telling them the truth or not. Luke, the author of Acts, describes them as more noble-minded. It is a quality to be admired when Christians are willing to be skeptical and check out the teachings of a leader or author to make sure they line up with the Scriptures.

So do you want to know the truth? Or are you looking for the easy answer that someone can just give you?

Are you reading, studying, and praying that God will guide you? Are you willing to take the time to examine what someone says or writes? I hope so! Your spiritual well-being and that of those you influence may very well be at stake. We all need to be Bereans.

Fear Mongering Online

One thing I’ve seen online lately is a lot of fear mongering posts and Facebook discussions. People discussing in vague terms the “terrible blogs” that are out there and how they will “lead you astray.” After a lengthy but vague discussion of all the hidden dangers out there just waiting to take people down, it is inevitable that a few people will say something like:

  • “I’m so glad I stayed away.”
  • “Thank you for the warning. I’m never going near those kinds of blogs again.”

In other words:

  • “I’m not going to listen to anyone else except you because I know you are safe and that’s a big, bad world out there.”

This kind of thinking should make red flags go up all over the place while you are reading the above paragraph.

How To Be A Berean Online

So let’s think about practical ways to be a Berean online. Here’s are my suggestions.

Does the writer encourage you to think for yourself or check your intellect at the door so he can tell you what to think?

Is he leading you to dependence on him and his interpretations or dependence on the Bible and Holy Spirit? Is your first thought, “I wonder what God thinks about this and what the Bible says?” or “I wonder what so and so thinks about this?” Do you form your own opinion or immediately race to (insert prominent blogger/writer/pastor here)’s blog to be told what to think?

Is the writer pushing you to fear or faith?

I am seeing a lot of fear mongering online regarding blogs that are willing to take on difficult issues. Is the person pushing you toward fear (run or you’ll get contaminated!) or faith (read and equip yourself to understand all the sides of the issues)?

What is the writer’s motivation?

What is the overall tone of her blog or website? Is she there to help people grow with the help of the Holy Spirit or push an agenda? You can’t always tell by one post the first time you visit a blog. I have a few posts that might cause people to think I have an anger issue if it was the only blog post they read. But in the context of my eight years of blogging and all the other posts on this site, they would see that this is not the case. So you have to read around a bit and try to get at the writer’s motivation. Can you know the motivation of another person for sure? No. But you can get a feel on someone’s blog.

Does the writer encourage you to study the Scriptures or study their materials in which they tell you what they think the Scriptures say?

Big difference! One of the first red flags for me on a site is when it is full of their materials and little else. Does the writer link to lots of different people so you can read more fully on a topic? Or does he pontificate and keep you only on his site so you only hear his side of the story? Does he even admit that there might be another view that could be valid? Writers who have your best interest at heart are more than willing to let you read and ponder for yourself. They don’t need you to believe them and validate them. They trust that the Holy Spirit can do the job just fine.

Does the author realizes his own fallibility?

Does she ask people for feedback? Does she respond thoughtfully to questions? Has she ever written that she changed her mind about a certain theological point? (Changing your mind about something is not necessarily a sign of weakness but maturity!) Does she allow comments? Does she delete or censor comments that don’t agree with her view? Does she allow dissenting opinion with the outcome to agree to disagree in a friendly manner? Or does she vilify or even belittle those who disagree with her?

Does the writer have knowledge and experience with this topic as well as the authority that comes with them?

There are some topics related to the faith I have never broached on any of my blogs in eight years. I don’t have the knowledge or experience to speak with authority on them. I have opinions, but it would be foolish of me to speak on those topics because I am not well-studied or informed.

I will, however, speak on topics that have impacted my life and that God has used to teach me about Him, the church, and others. God allows us to suffer in order to comfort others. God allows us to personally confront false teaching so we can warn others. So consider if the person has knowledge and experience.

And, no, this does not mean they have to have a theology degree or be an “official” minister of the gospel. We are a priesthood of believers and, as such, we all proclaim the gospel and exercise the gifts given to us by the Holy Spirit. There are plenty of false teachers out there with fancy degrees and positions of influence. And there are plenty of wise brothers and sisters in Christ who have no formal credentials in the worldly sense, but have walked with God through some pretty significant learning experiences. Discern which one it is.

Consider the audience of the blog or website.

This is an easy one to overlook if you come across a post on a blog you’ve never visited. You really have to take posts in the entire context of the blog and consider the audience that the blogger is focusing on.

For example, there are certain things I assume about people who read my posts about faith. I’m assuming a certain level of Bible knowledge. I do have a target audience for my faith-related posts and it is generally Christians. Anyone is certainly welcome to read these posts, but when I write I have other believers in mind. Every blog has an audience in mind. Consider the blogger’s audience.

Run far away from anyone who tries to shut down the conversation by throwing out the G word: Gossip.

Yes, there are people who gossip online. Yes, there are good bloggers who cross the line sometimes. No one is perfect. I sometimes ask David to do a “Heresy Check” on my posts before I post them to make sure that I’ve been clear. I’ll send the link to an online friend and ask her if I’ve crossed the line with something I’ve written. No one does it right every time and we all benefit when we carefully consider our words.

But when people don’t like something or you are picking on their favorite, they love to pull out the Gossip Card in order to shut down conversation. They have no problem critiquing the message of people they don’t agree with, but as soon as you pick apart the teachings of one of their heroes idols, you are a gossip.

My opinion is that it is an unwillingness to admit that maybe the blogs they are accusing of gossip are speaking the truth. While they may not like the manner in which it is done, are they willing to admit that they are speaking the truth? Oftentimes, I think not. They don’t want their views challenged in a meaningful and thoughtful way so they pull out the Gossip Card.

There are many ways to exercise discernment and wisdom online and I’ve suggested several. What would you add to the list?  

Category: 3 Comments

The Importance of Women Studying Theology


Perhaps we have turned a tiny corner over the past year. In one week, two different Neo-Reformed Complementarian websites had posts about the importance of women studying theology. They were even affirming of women studying theology (albeit with many caveats and subtle warnings).

Women Studying Theology

The first I saw was on John Piper’s Desiring God website. While I was glad to see Moms Need Theology Too on the site, I was a bit distressed that the author felt women were so uneducated about what theology is and why it is important that such a basic article was necessary. The points that Christina Fox made were true. Our theology does (or should) direct us as we make choices and respond to our family throughout the day.

On the other hand, an article like this comes across to me as such a sad indictment as to the theological state of the average mother in the church today. That moms need to be told what the word “theology” means and that it is important is just profoundly sad to me.

The second article was from The Gospel Coalition’s website and I honestly couldn’t decide if 3 Reasons Women Need Good Theology was about encouraging women to study God’s word more deeply or defending the complementarian view. Alyssa Poblete begins with the following story:

“Just be careful. You don’t want women becoming spiritual leaders in the home or, even worse, wanting to become pastors.”

This was the response from a pastor friend of mine when he heard about a theology blog for women that I had recently launched with some friends. My heart sunk.

The problem is that this view is pervasive within complementarian churches. Be careful in allowing women to study too much. They might get uppity and discover they have spiritual gifts they long to use for the Kingdom. There is, after all, nothing worse in their view than a woman wanting to become a minister of God’s Word. Some of them would apparently prefer that men perish than hear a woman proclaim the Gospel.

But I’m Still Complementarian!

Again, I find it profoundly sad that such an article has to be written with caveats about how much the author “loves complementarianism” and how she “would be devastated” if anyone used what she wrote in her article to argue for women being “pastors or spiritual leaders in the home.” Having to justify herself as a complementarian in order to be taken seriously by TGC audience for which she writes frankly just breaks my heart. Shouldn’t having a passion for God and His word be enough?

We’ve discussed here numerous times that women in neo-reformed circles have been told over and over again to leave the theology and leading to men. But maybe after all the high profile pastoral debacles of the past year at least a few of the neo-reformed leaders are recognizing that it might be okay to encourage the women to study theology at least a bit.

Like I said, it’s a tiny step, but at least they are encouraging the women to open their Bibles and study.

By way of comparison, consider what Carolyn Custis James shares in her post about the strong presence of various women in the Bible and how their words shape the very theology of God’s people in Airbrushed?

Which version of women’s interaction with theology do you find most compelling and Christ-exalting?

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