I realize it is going to be challenging to write this post without coming off like a total jerk. But I’m going to try.
And I also want to apologize to the people who sent really kind emails and haven’t received a reply. I simply wasn’t in the mood to write emails this weekend. But I truly appreciated them. Some of them made me laugh out loud. Some of them brought tears to my eyes. So thank you and a reply will come eventually.
You see, there are all kinds of things that happen in a blogger’s life that no one knows about. Some of them you can’t write about and some of them you choose not to for any number of reasons. I realized that if I wrote this post without discussing some other things going on, it would lack full context.
But then if I write about the full context, I’m violating one of cardinal rules of blogging. What is that? Your readers don’t care about you. They only care about what you provide them.
Which is also one of my issues, but we’ll get to that.
But to back up the bus, I’ve reached the point of the INFJ door slam. More than one, in fact.
If you aren’t familiar with it, the INFJ door slam is when an INFJ reaches a point (usually after a loooong time) in which something becomes dead to her. INFJs are notoriously long-suffering and loyal, even to their own detriment. But even they reach a point when something or someone crosses a line and BOOM. That is The. End.
They either cut themselves off from a person or draw a line in the sand or something. But there comes a point where they no longer care what the other person or group thinks. The INFJ has been pushed enough that they reach a point of no return.
(My life made a lot more sense when I found out about the door slam a number of years ago.)
Well, I reached that point in the past few weeks. It was actually a combination of things and I was Just. Done.
What were the things?
- The Leftist social justice agenda of the denomination of a church we were considering joining
- The entitlement of TPT buyers
- Big Tech and its unhealthy control over our business and personal lives
- People expecting everything exactly the way they want it and melting down if you stray even a tiny bit
The first thing had to do with the Leftist social justice agenda of the denomination of the church we were considering. Very long story short, we were trying to make a decision this summer about which of two churches to join. In the midst of this, the recent shootings happened. The denomination of the one we were visiting at the time issued some of the most offensive statements I’ve ever read from a group of what I believe to be orthodox Christian leaders. They included a few blatantly false statements about the president which could easily be disproven with just a little research online. One of the statements discussed the “w h i t e s u p r e m a c y in all our hearts.” (I had to spread out the letters in these words because Google would not load the ads with these words on my site. Yeesh.)
To make it worse, someone wrote a thorough response to the statement and it was DELETED for violating “community standards” in the denominational discussion area. It was too political which is a total joke considering that the original statement was blatantly political and full of Leftist social justice talking points. They simply couched it in words that let them off the hook, I guess, while the response was direct and to the point. What they did in removing the response was incredibly disingenuous.
(If you’ve been reading my site for a really long time, you may remember when I wrote an article for this denomination’s magazine and they inserted a few words to promote their own agenda on a particularly divisive issue that I DELIBERATELY left out when I wrote it so as to not be divisive in my then-congregation. So I already have a history with them.)
When I learned that the response (which I read and have a copy of) had been deleted, the denomination was dead to me. Not because I’m a Trump apologist, but because it became clear that the denomination has succumbed to the Leftist social justice agenda. Making a statement that all whites have w h i t e s u p r e m a c y in their hearts? Good grief. That’s a racist statement no matter how you slice it, but they are so blinded by their faux moral superiority that they can’t even recognize it. So to say I no longer trust this denomination to handle things well is an understatement.
Yes, there are good solid believers and churches in the denomination, but they are not the ones running things at the highest levels. There is no way I am going to subject myself or my child to a denominational magazine, literature, sermons, attitudes, etc. that promote these ideas. And that was exactly what David said: No way.
So even though it was rather upsetting, it was also good because we realized that we needed to stay at the church where we thought we should probably be but wanted to make sure. We went there yesterday and the sermon was the antithesis of the message coming out of this other denomination that is rapidly becoming fixated on everything Leftist social justice. I wish I could link to the sermon, but I don’t want to identify the church we attend for privacy reasons. Whereas that denomination wants to make everything so complicated and pushes this sense of self-loathing among white members (and has for some time due to its ethnic founding), the message we heard yesterday was the simplicity of the gospel, who we are in Christ, and the unity of the Body of Christ in spite of our individual differences.
I’m not going to elaborate much more on that for the sake of brevity, but the online entitlement has become simply overwhelming which I’ll get back to in a minute.
Then there is Big Tech and their control over everyone trying to make a living online. I think most people would be shocked to know how much time I put into this site behind the scenes. For the sake of time, I’m not going to spell it all out. But Google, Amazon, Pinterest, Facebook – all of them. They have built their monopolies on the backs of online content creators who they are now basically attempting to put out of business. How? By making choices that increasingly marginalize or destroy smaller and medium-sized content creators in order to increase their own bottom line. Again, for the sake of brevity I’m going to just say that much.
Which gets me to my main point and why I had a door slam minute over the weekend regarding my site.
This website is written primarily for mature and thinking Christian women as well as women who want to be mature and thinking and are actively pursuing their own personal growth. By mature I don’t mean older. I mean grown-up women who don’t melt down at the slightest thought or sentence that offends them (like the 100+ women who unsubscribed because I had the GALL last autumn to offer some in-depth analysis of the Kavanaugh situation and the problems with the #metoo movement). So, today, if my venting in this post offends you in the context of the hundreds of other positive, life-giving and generous posts on here, then maybe you are the one with the problem, not me.
Now I know that some people are upset with me for writing this post because this doesn’t “fit” the theme of my site. But guess what? Yes, I write about creating a cozy life and, yes, I believe passionately in its importance. But life is hard. There is no magic button you push and arrive at the perfect life. Some of the people I know with the most faith-filled and coziest lives have also suffered the most. I think of one couple who has a wonderful marriage and have created a lovely life together but they are barren, their house burned, and they’ve lost beloved parents way to early. I think of another lovely family with serious health issues that have caused them ongoing financial strain. I think of another family with a lovely, cozy life who have children who are now living with the consequences of their choices. And on and on.
Yes, I believe everything I write here, but let’s get real. Life is hard. Bad things happen. And I have an opinion about some of those things happening. Sometimes I even want to talk about them.
I mean what is the point of creating a life of peace, understanding, joy, beauty, and faith if not, at least in part, to sustain us through the hard and maybe even terrible times of life?
When you pray and you ask God for greater patience or strength or wisdom or discernment, He doesn’t sent you smooth seas. He sends storms and trials and difficulties so you learn how to be more patient or have more strength or be wise and discern truth.
Creating a cozy life is not about creating a utopia. It’s not about putting your head in the sand and pretending like nothing exists outside of your four walls. Creating a cozy life is about choosing what is important and focusing on it so you can find peace, understanding, joy, beauty, and faith in the midst of all the stuff that life throws at you. It’s having a cozy life in the midst of a culture that is being attacked 24/7 by people who hate what is peaceful, joyful, beautiful, and full of faith in Christ.
If you can’t see that, then you need to wake up.
I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I don’t see things improving any time soon. At all. There are a variety of reasons which I intended to discuss at length in The Prudent & Prepared Homemaker, but that’s reality. I believe we are probably in the midst of something long and deep and significant in our culture.
If you were seriously upset by the fact that I mentioned on the promo page that I think bad things are going to happen, then you need some tough love. Here is comes. You need to get your faith in order. You need to get your mental health in order. Seriously. If you need professional mental health assistance or meds, then get them.
What I wrote in that promo page was tame compared to what I could have written. I’d honestly like to rewrite it in full-on fear-mongering mode so you could see what fear-mongering really looks like.
Which leads me to my next point.
I have a list of things I need help with. They include:
- Caroline needs her annual physical. I need a doctor who reads my site or someone who is married to a doctor to arrange to come do that for me.
- I need my house siding cleaned. I need one of you to come do that. Oh, and the roof, too.
- David and I are both due for dental cleanings and x-rays so the dentists who read here (or their spouses) can please contact me to arrange for those.
- I need someone to come in and thoroughly deep dust my house each week as I have a terrible dust allergy.
- I have plumbing work I need done in the basement. Please set up a time to take care of that.
And, of course, I expect you to do it for free. I mean, we’re Christians so we owe it to each other to provide these services for free, right?
Well, that was the expectation people had of me and my course. According to some people, I owe it to everyone to provide all the knowledge and information I have for free. I mean, how can a CHRISTIAN think to make money off someone else and not share the information they need?
This is the problem in dealing with content and thinking in the online age. No one values it. Because we can Google anything we want any time we want, we think that people owe us free access to everything they know and think.
Well, have fun with that. You can go ahead and Google everything you want to know about what would have been in that course. I’ve spent the better part of two decades reading, researching, learning, watching trends, studying, discussing, asking questions, etc. so I could speak with some measure of authority about it all.
But people want it for free. Because a plumber or a doctor or a housekeeper has real value, but someone with thoughts and writing ability doesn’t. Not really.
So good luck with that. You can figure it out in your own spare time.
Now do you see why I said I would come off sounding like a jerk?
Because this is what a door slam looks like. This is what it looks like when someone gets pushed so far that She. Is. Done.
So now I will know who are the mature and thinking women who subscribe to and follow this site. They are the ones who will still be here for the next post.
Which will be coming.
And you know what? I’m done pandering to the easily offended whether it is online or in real life. That was another door slam I had a few weeks ago.
If I want to write about choosing a church and I have to mention politics, so be it. Or if I want to write about something else and the culture has to come up, so be it. I’m tired of tiptoeing around and trying not to offend people who can’t handle a mature and non-inflammatory discussion of facts. I’m tired of being afraid that if I put a link to my politics site (now moved to my forum) and people find out what I think about certain issues that people are going to be offended or triggered. If anyone is triggered by the posts on that site, they need help. Seriously. I am not being flippant. People who would melt down regarding the content on that site either need to know how to develop an argument based on a consistent worldview supported by actual facts or they need help for their Trump Derangement Syndrome.
And, at the request of several people, I will try to release The Prudent & Prepared Homemaker as an ebook as soon as I can get it redone in that format so those who really value me and my time can purchase it. If there is interest (and I think there is), I’ll also include a password protected forum where five or six or ten or twenty of us can have fruitful discussions.
Because I truly do want to help people or I wouldn’t put in the time and energy to keep showing up here after fourteen years of doing this.
But you have to be willing to meet me part way.
If you aren’t and you feel you must leave, then I wish you well in your future endeavors and may God richly bless you and your loved ones.
If you appreciate a post you read, all you have to do is say “thank you” in a comment or even leave a smiley face. That tells me someone read a post and it meant something. You have no idea how much a string of “thank yous” or smiley faces on a post will encourage me. I know people don’t always have time to leave a real comment. But even a couple words encourages me a great deal to keep going.