Lately I’ve noticed a trend among some Christians to call their husband or wife their “partner” instead of what that person really is – a husband or wife. I’m over fifty and no one ever – ever – called their husband or wife their “partner” in Christian circles until the past few years. Why the change? I believe it is part of a bigger trend among progressive Christians, in particular, to eschew using biblical terms so as to seem more with it and less offensive.
I think this is a mistake. As the saying roughly goes, the person who defines the terms wins the argument. I believe that biblical Christians are making a significant mistake if they accept and begin to use the word “partner” instead of husband or wife. Why? Here are three reasons.
The Bible Uses Husband and Wife, Not Partner
One, “partner” is not the term God has given us to use in the Scriptures.
I wanted to make sure I was correct with this so I looked up the word partner to see how it was used in Scripture, especially as it might relate to marriage. I started with the NIV and there were a number of verses where partner is used. Most of them are used in the context of being partners in spreading the Gospel and have nothing to do with marriage.
There were a few verses where there was a marriage context. In each case, partner is used either after the words husband and wife as another way to refer to the other person and/or in conjunction with the idea of a marriage covenant.
- 1 Peter 3:7 – Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
- Malachi 2:14 – You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
- Proverbs 2:17 – who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God.
I then looked up 1 Peter 3:7 in various versions to see how often “partner” was used. It wasn’t used very often. Even The Message did not use the term “partner.” Here are several versions.
- NIV: Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
- NASB: You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
- KJV: Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
- RSV: Likewise you husbands, live considerately with your wives, bestowing honor on the woman as the weaker sex, since you are joint heirs of the grace of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered.
- ESV: Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you[a] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
- PHILLIPS: Similarly, you husbands should try to understand the wives you live with, honouring them as physically weaker yet equally heirs with you of the grace of eternal life. If you don’t do this, you will find it impossible to pray properly.
- The Message: The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.
So although the word partner does pop up a few times, it is clearly not the word of choice in the Scriptures when referring to a husband or wife. This seems especially true when referring to the husband. The only place it seems to be used in this way is Proverbs 2:17.
Someone pointed out to me that in order to be more accurate, we should use the words my man for husband and my woman for wife since the New Testament Koine Greek would translate them as “man” and “woman.” I would have no problem with that if a Christian insisted on using those terms because they are a more literal translation of the Scriptures. Why? Because they are using them in an effort to be biblically precise, something I would support. There is nothing biblically precise about using the culturally popular term “partner.”
A Marriage Covenant Is More Than A Partnership
Two, I think using the term “partner” cheapens the marriage covenant.
The idea of covenants is a powerful one throughout the Old and New Testaments. Likewise, the marriage covenant is something amazing and glorious. A man and woman stand before God and make a covenant to become one flesh. To simply call this a partnership makes it much less than it is.
Clearly the Bible values partnerships when it comes to sharing the Gospel. Paul speaks often of those who are partners with him in the spread of the Gospel. But we don’t make a covenant with the people we are working with to spread the Gospel. Marriage is on an entirely different level when it comes to human relationships.
Calling the one person on earth we have entered into a sacred marriage covenant with simply our “partner” cheapens the richness of what we have.
Giving In To Political Correctness
Three, I’m not a language expert, but I can see trends around me. We’ve used the words husband and wife for hundreds and hundreds of years. Now, in the past few years, I see Christians dumping them for the trendy “partner.” Why? What is motivating that change? Something is driving it.
- I don’t think it is driven by a desire to be faithful to the Scriptures or the foundational concepts of the Christian faith.
- It’s not because “partner” is a better word. Partner can be used in many different situations. Husband and wife are unique to the covenant of marriage.
- It’s not because Bible translators realized that husband and wife are poor or inaccurate word choices.
It’s motivated by wanting to fit in with the culture, pure and simple. Using the term “partner” is a capitulation to the current politically correct culture.
Rather than bringing the life-giving Word of God to a culture that desperately needs it, Christians are adopting a word devoid of any real biblical or spiritual meaning when it comes to the marriage covenant. We are called to be set apart ones. I think one of the ways we can demonstrate our set-apartness and commitment to Christ and the Scriptures in a culture that mocks them is to use the beautiful terms and images God has provided for us. This includes marriage. This includes not tossing aside the words husband and wife.
I think we should purposefully not participate in the “partner” trend. So I encourage Christians to rejoice in calling the one with whom they made a marriage covenant their husband or wife.
Embracing the Simplicity of Homemaking
My husband feels the same way; I’m his “wife”, not his “partner”. We aren’t a gay couple, we aren’t in business together and we don’t do dance competitions…lol! I wonder sometimes if its used so you don’t unintentionally hit the minefield that is “Not Knowing What A Person’s Relationship Status Is”. Lots of couples are not married or may be same-sex, in which case perhaps “partner” is the appropriate term. Make a mistake and its almost as bad as mistaking weight gain for a pregnancy. Boy, some days it just doesn’t pay to leave the house, does it.
Alison just wanted to let you know I though the beginning of your comment was so funny!
Wasn’t intentional, but thank you Katie.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Several years ago, I found myself using the term “spouse” when referring to my husband. (That is the gender neutral term the military uses for a husband/wife.) Once I realized I was doing it, I quickly corrected myself. All you said is true. Any word other than husband/wife just doesn’t do your marriage justice!
I couldn’t agree more, Sallie and Allison! Thanks for articulating this so well too, Sallie. I’m going to share this with my husband (not partner) over dinner.
Blessings,
Cheryl
“The idea of covenants is a powerful one throughout the Old and New Testaments. ” That is very true, a few years ago I looked at several of these in detail (Noah after the flood, Moses and the Israelites at Mount Sinai, and Nehemiah in Jerusalem), and in each case, the covenant was a total commitment or recommitment of the people to God.
YES! Absolutely correct! Thank you for writing this so well. ? I have been saying for years to my loved ones, to use the correct terms. I have mever liked ‘spouse’ either – I thought I read once that it was coined by the 70’s feminists – to begin to break down society’s vocabulary about marriage… or something like that. Thank you, thank you!
As one who has been married 34 years to my husband, I heartily agree with your assessment of the term “partner”.
Somewhat on this topic-I can’t stand when people, especially Christians, use the term, “Holy Cow!” or “Holy_____!” (You can fill in the blank)
Since when is anything or anyone other than God, Christ and The Holy Spirit holy? I feel this cheapens the Deity of the Trinity of God.
When I pointed out to my husband this observation, he agreed and immediately we began to monitor our speech and that of our eleven year old son. It was surprising how often it slipped in at first!
Our son asked why we wanted that phrase deleted from our speech, and I explained with regard to “Holy Cow!” specifically, that the worship of cows is not Christian. That sparked a conversation about what religion believe cows are holy, and on…and on….
(Gifted child!)
Good reminder to use the word husband (or wife). I sometimes don’t bc I was single for a long time and wanted to be married, and never would want to shove my married status into someone’s face who longs for Marriage but no one has asked. But you are right that we should continue to use those terms and keep the specialness of marriage front and center.
I feel like this trend is similarly to the use of “the holidays” or “happy holiday” in place of “Christmas” and a “merry Christmas and happy New Year.” I’ve noticed even in Christian circles, like my Homeschool co-op, we are sometimes using “holiday” to mean “Christmas.” The kids are having a fun dress day in November and the organizers called it “Holiday Dress up day.” This is sad to me. (Unless I misunderstood and we are having the kids dress up for Thanksgiving OR Christmas—but I doubt it. It’s our last meeting before Christmas.) I’m not sure what to do about the term when used by a Christian…maybe when the time comes, I’ll ask a clarifying question, if the children could dress for Thanksgiving or if only Christmas is in mind. Christmas is the only holiday we tend to refer to as “holiday” but, as in the co-op’s case, there is often some ambiguity.
Ironically, if we look at the origins of the word holiday, it’s potentially more offensive than Christmas…”holy day.”
Husband, to me, is such a romantic and beautiful word. My husband still calls me his bride. We named our farm Covenant Farm because God called us here and we are in covenant relationship with each other, and with Him.
I love how we partner together in all we do, and how that builds our history. Spouse? it’s an unattractive and generic word that falls sadly short of the glory of all that marriage is.
I think this can be very precious, when a married man calls his wife his “bride.” I’m sure in your case it is. It can also be a little imprecise. My father-in-law calls his wife this, which was awkward one time when his first wife was also in the room. Technically, he had two former brides in the room, but only one wife. LOL He’s a little socially clueless, so I’m not sure he caught the awkwardness, but he hasn’t referred to her as his “bride” in similar settings, so maybe he did realize this was a bad idea.
Wow ! I think I have just assumed when people say “my partner” I thought they mean they are NOT married. Even if they profess they are Christians and are at church ! I am officially getting old . The minute I married I began to call Jake “husband” , I think it was to keep from calling him “Daddy” or “Grandpa” which is what my Mom and Grandma called their husbands !!! LOL… now I’ll have to pay better attention when someone says “partner”.
Thank you so much for all the thoughtful comments! I’m so glad people found this post encouraging and/or thought-provoking. 🙂
Agreed, Sallie. I am with Karen and have always assumed when someone says “partner” that they are living together unmarried (or maybe even more likely, gay). I wouldn’t say I’m old though. I’m only 36.
The language we choose to use says a lot about who we are, or how others perceive us at the very least. We should be careful with the words we choose.
My husband is always ‘my husband’ or called by name to those who know him. He refers to me as ‘my wife’ or by my name if people know it.
The convention that irritates me more than ‘partner’ is when people refer in public to ‘the wife’ or ‘hubby’. She is not ‘the’ wife, fella. She is ‘your’ wife. And the correct term is ‘husband’ for the man to whom you are married, please. What you choose to call your husband or wife in private is up to you. In public, you should be acknowledging your relationship as recognised by laws and/or the church.
Same sex couples are just as guilty of this as straight pairs, by the way. I have also heard Christians use ‘the wife’ and ‘hubby’ too, so I guess this may just be my personal preference.