A Quiet Simple Life | Sallie Borrink

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 6:23

A Quiet Simple Life

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Blessed With a Small Life


Is it a blessing to live a small life? My answer is a resounding, “Yes!” if that is where God has placed you.

I’ve been reflecting lately on the joy and freedom of living a small life. A quiet, simple life. It is so contrary to everything around us. Our culture both in and out of the church is all about doing more, networking more, increasing your visibility, influencing more people, and even strategically branding yourself to increase your visibility and credibility.

I’ve been thinking about the many believers who have gone before and lived quiet lives. They have quietly loved their families and neighbors. They have quietly crocheted a scarf for a friend or made a supper for a neighbor. They have faithfully prayed for the small circle of people in their lives. They never wrote a book, never spoke at a church, never traveled to a conference, never tweeted their every thought.

They just quietly and simply influenced those around them and then passed on into eternity where they met Jesus.

The Freedom of Being a Nobody

I’ve also been pondering the freedom that comes with being a nobody, out of the glare of the spotlight.

I recently read an exchange between some women on a discussion board. They were discussing a particular blogger who has hit the “big time.” She started out with a simple but engaging blog, developed a large following, and then hit the big time. (I’m purposely being vague.) The universal feeling among the women who were discussing this is that they all missed what it was before the woman went “big.” They missed when it was simple, personal, and heartfelt rather than becoming a business. The woman still writes in a way that is “personal” but it is a “personal” persona now as a marketing tactic, not an authentic personal interaction with those who read her site. Many of them had stopped reading altogether since it no longer had the personal warmth it had in the past.

It was interesting to read the perspective of those who had followed and then lost interest because of the change of focus. While the woman has hit the big time and is most certainly reaping certain rewards for that success, I wonder if she herself misses what she has lost? Is becoming her own “brand” so to speak really satisfying? What has she had to sacrifice (in a bad way) in order the achieve what she has? What have those around her had to sacrifice because of the level of “success” she has achieved?

Living a Small Life

Today as I sat homeschooling Caroline and watched her eagerly dive into her craft materials, I reflected on how I truly am blessed with my quiet and simple life. From the outside it is a small life. I don’t travel the speaking circuit, I don’t have a book deal from a major publisher, and no one calls me for a sound bite. But, oh, the freedom I have to enjoy my quiet and simple life. The freedom to be myself and not have to meet the expectations of others. The freedom to be open and honest about who I am and what I think and believe without fear of offending a vast segment of followers and suffering the resulting financial backlash.

How much stronger would our families, churches, towns, and country be if we were all more enamored with the people in our little sphere of influence instead of the world at large? How much better off would we be if instead of worrying about working social networking to promote our brand we took muffins to the new family on the street and invited another family over to share a pot of chili? How much happier would families be if people pursued a quiet and simple family life with the same fervor that they pursue an elusive dream of making the big time and being someone important?

Is there anything wrong with hitting the “big time?” No, not if that is where God leads. And yet I wonder how many people trade the beauty of a quiet and simple life with the restless and ultimately fruitless pursuit of “being somebody” instead of simply being everything to those closest to them.

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What Is Church And Why Do We Go?


Recently we were on our way to church when in the course of playing with the stuffed animal Caroline had brought along the stuffed animal asked Caroline, “What is church?” (Making stuffed animals and dolls ask your child questions is a great, sneaky way to assess what she knows although that wasn’t my intent at the time.) Caroline didn’t answer. Apparently she didn’t know how to articulate what we were doing.

At first I was surprised because we do talk and pray about the church we attend. Obviously it hadn’t made an impression on her. So I had one of those parental moments of, “Why is it my child is five years old and can’t explain what church is? How have I been failing her?”

But to be honest, I found myself almost at a loss to explain it to her because everything I said or thought to say at that moment sounded trite and hollow to me.

“We go to church to worship God.”
Aren’t we trying to teach her that worshiping God happens all the time?

“We are going to be with other people who love Jesus.”
Well, yes, but it’s kinda sad we have to drive almost a half an hour to do this once a week and then we have no contact with the people again.

“The church is where we use our spiritual gifts for the body of Christ.”
Nice in theory, not really happening. And why do I have to go to a building to use my gifts?

I didn’t give her all these answers, but answering her questions about God and the church in recent months has left me feeling like my answers are not heartfelt. It isn’t that I don’t love God or want to serve Him. It isn’t that I don’t believe in Jesus. It is just that our church life is totally disconnected from our real life. How can I help Caroline understand that “church” is important when it doesn’t feel like it matters much in my own faith?

Whatever my faults, I strive to be honest. And when I tell Caroline that it is important to go to church I feel like I am being dishonest with her because it really isn’t how I feel. I don’t feel that being at church contributes in any significant way to my life or faith. Yes, I appreciate the music and I get something out of the sermon. But I appreciate music we play at home and get something out of Scripture being exposited online or in a book as well. Fellowship with other believers? Apparently some people find this, but I’m not finding it.

There is a total disconnect for me. For all three of us really. We aren’t known at church and our presence there (or lack of) really doesn’t make a difference to anyone. I’m not saying this in a sour grapes way, but just as reality. We missed five weeks in a row this fall due to being out of town, sickness, and avoidance and apparently no one noticed except one person who we saw elsewhere and mentioned that she hadn’t seen us around. How do I tell Caroline it is important to partake in church each week when we can miss five weeks and hardly be missed? How can I tell her church is where we participate in the family of God when there are no “family” relationships? What is the point of attending a book study or Bible study when you don’t really matter to anyone there the minute you walk out the door?

Again, I don’t mean this in a sour grapes way, but just the reality that I think so many Christians face. They have a deep hunger for real relationships and it’s just not there. People want to be in meaningful relationships with people that is more than ninety minutes in someone’s living room twice a month where everyone gets 4.6 minutes to talk about their faith and life before everyone races back to their own homes spread forty minutes apart in order to get ready to go to school and work the next day. Honestly I think I would have a better chance of developing a meaningful relationship with the Christian woman who owns the coffee shop in town if I took the time to chat with her more every time I go in there than I do someone in my own congregation. That’s reality.

The other thing I’ve come to realize is that most people in churches do not truly want to get to know you, understand who you are, and know your troubles. Don’t ask me how I know this, but I do. We’ve learned the lesson multiple times although I think the last experience was the one that finally drove home the point. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three or more times and apparently I’m either really naive or stupid. I’ll settle for naive, but I won’t be that stupid ever again.

Karen recently wrote about some related topics in Where does a homeschooling family fit into the church? I related to a great deal of what she wrote and have asked myself many of the same questions. Although her focus was about homeschooling families, there were a few quotes that I thought applied to the broader church in general.  She wrote:

George Barna, who researches matters of faith and culture, says that, based on data from the past two decades, roughly two thirds of Christians today see the local church as their greatest source of spiritual growth but by the year 2025, half of the body of Christ will have rejected the traditional church and will be pursuing alternative ways to relate to God and pursue their faith. These are people who recognize that they are responsible for their own personal growth as believers and for ministry to others so they “stop going to church so they can be the Church.”

I left a comment over there and said:

I completely believe this and think it is already starting to pick up. I know quite a few people who love Christ, practice their faith, and take their spiritual growth seriously who have stopped attending church for various reasons. None of them want to be apart from the church, but church had become so problematic that they simply walked away.

While updating my site, I’ve been going through a lot of older posts. It has been interesting to read again some posts related to this topic such as Fragmented Lives, Community, and some other ones now I can’t find. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

In thinking about all this related to churches and doing some reading online, I found some thought-provoking quotes from an article by Wayne Jacobsen entitled “Why I Don’t Go To Church Anymore: Living in the Relational Church.” This is written by a man who is deeply involved in his faith, serving Jesus and living out being the church. In the article he answers a series of questions. It is well worth the read as I suspect it will resonate with a number of us. Here is a sampling.

Shouldn’t we be committed to a local fellowship?

That has been said so often today, that most of us assume it is in the Bible somewhere. I haven’t found it yet. Many of us have been led to believe that we can’t possibly survive without the ‘covering of the body’ and will either fall into error or backslide into sin. But doesn’t that happen inside our local congregations as well?

I know many people who live outside those structures and find not only an ever-deepening relationship with God, but also connections with other believers that run far deeper than they found in the institution. I haven’t lost any of my passion for Jesus or my affection for his church. If anything those have grown by leaps and bounds in recent years.

Scripture does encourage us to be devoted to one another not committed to an institution. Jesus indicated that whenever two or three people get together focused on him, they would experience the vitality of church life.

Is it helpful to regularly participate in a local expression of that reality? Of course. But we make a huge mistake when we assume that fellowship takes place just because we attend the same event together, even regularly, or because we belong to the same organization. Fellowship happens where people share the journey of knowing Jesus together. It consists of open, honest sharing, genuine concern about each other’s spiritual well being and encouragement for people to follow Jesus however he leads them.

and

But don’t our children need church activities?

I’d suggest that what they need most is to be integrated into God’s life through relational fellowship with other believers. 92% of children who grow up in Sunday schools with all the puppets and high-powered entertainment, leave ‘church’ when they leave their parents’ home? Instead of filling our children with ethics and rules we need to demonstrate how to live in God’s life together.

Even sociologists tell us that the #1 factor in determining whether a child will thrive in society is if they have deep, personal friendships with nonrelative adults. No Sunday school can fill that role. I know of one community in Australia who after 20 years of sharing God’s life together as families could say that they had not lost one child to the faith as they grew into adulthood. I know I cut across the grain here, but it is far more important that our children experience real fellowship among believers rather than the bells and whistles of a slick children’s program.

Jacobson answers several other questions and each one could be an entire discussion in and of itself.

There is no tidy conclusion to this post. I still don’t have satisfactory answers for Caroline. I can already tell by age five that she can sniff out dishonesty and insincerity a mile away. I won’t alienate my own child in the faith by giving her answers that are less than honest. I want her to have a vibrant faith of her own. How to help her develop it and where it has the best chance of happening are questions only God can answer as He leads us step by step in the days, weeks, months and years ahead.

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Trusting God With Romance and Marriage


Lately I’ve been contemplating the work of the Holy Spirit in the lives of individual believers and, more specifically, how God brings two people together for marriage. Among a significant number of Christians (especially in the homeschooling community) there is a strong leaning toward courtship. This view has been heavily promoted by various authors and organizations over the past fifteen years.

I’ve never been comfortable with the whole courtship concept and I’ve definitely not bought into the idea that courtship is the only Biblical model for a number of reasons. Primarily, my own life did not develop like that and yet I can clearly see God’s hand in every aspect of my meeting David and marrying him. I’ve seen God clearly move in the lives of friends and it had nothing to do with courtship.

Christian Courtship Is Too Often Man-Centered

I had one of those aha moments this past week when God brought something to mind that affirmed to me afresh that the parent-led courtship model is… flawed? Dangerous? Wrong? I’m not sure where to draw the line with my statement.

But I’ve become increasingly convinced that the courtship model is often man-centered and not truly God-centered. I know that courtship proponents would argue that it is God-centered, but I honestly don’t believe that is true in many cases. It is parent-directed, parent-centered, and, in many cases, father-centered.

I even find it hard to accept that it is couple-to-be-married-centered in many cases. Yes, there is prayer involved and so people would call it God-centered. But the idea of parents setting the agenda for a child’s marriage – even with that child’s “input” – simply does not seem God-centered to me.

Holy Spirit’s Leading In Marriage

I have never understood why a mature young man or young woman who has been brought up in the church and taught to love Christ and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit would need parents to direct them to a suitable marriage partner. Isn’t that what the Holy Spirit is for?

If the child isn’t mature enough to walk with Christ and find a spouse on his/her own, then submitting to a courtship process isn’t going to make him/her any more ready for marriage and all the spiritual aspects that it entails. If the child is mature enough to marry another Christian, the child is mature enough to be led by the Holy Spirit to find a proper spouse.

For More Than A Diamond

Back when I was a struggling single and wanted to be married, I came across a little book put out by Moody Press in 1966 called For More Than a Diamond: Romances from Real Life compiled by Don W. Hillis. I don’t know if I can fully express the impact this book had on me. It was profound for a number of reasons and I knew when God led me to it that it was a tremendous answer to prayer.

The collection of short stories tells the romances of fourteen couples. In every case, there is an overwhelming sense of dependence on God to intervene in the romance.

There is no formula. There is no parental direction or oversight. But there is a clear recognition that Christ is sovereign in their desire to marry the person of God’s choosing.

There are people who meet and then are separated by the mission field (long before the days of Skype and regular jet travel). Others make the difficult choice to put their Isaac on the altar to keep God’s calling on their lives first and their desired romance second. These are young men and women who found romance while serving God in ministry, at college, on the mission field, etc.

These are all people who found their spouse while serving God in the world. The romance simply grew out of the fact that they were living full lives in service to the Lord literally around the world. They trusted that if they sought the Kingdom first, everything else that was good would be added to them (including a spouse).

Courtship and Excessive Dependence On the Parents

I contrast these men and women with the young people today who are kept dependent on their parents for everything – a place to live, work to do, and choosing a spouse. The women especially are expected to go from complete dependence on their fathers to complete dependence on their husbands. The idea is promoted that they cannot have lives of their own and ministries of their own. They aren’t even trusted to follow the Holy Spirit on their own.

How profoundly sad it is that these young women and men are being kept in a perpetual state of spiritual adolescence rather than being set free to follow the Holy Spirit. Shouldn’t parents rejoice that their child is spiritually mature enough to make her own decisions rather than continually telling her that she needs parental direction in order to make the right choice?

Raising Our Children To Walk With the Holy Spirit

I can think of nothing that would make me happier as a parent than to see Caroline walking in step with the Holy Spirit and experiencing the overwhelming joy of seeing God’s hand at work in her life. The moments where I have been overwhelmed by the obvious presence of God’s hand in my life are the greatest moments of my life. They are the stones of remembrance that I return to time and time again.

What more could I want for her? To see my child trust and wait on God… what else is there as a parent that can possibly compare? And what greater gift could I give her than the understanding that God directs her steps and orders her life? What better heritage could I give her than the knowledge that the Holy Spirit is active and alive, guiding and protecting her?

I sincerely hope people will rethink the courtship model and ask themselves if there isn’t a better way. A way that is God-focused and allows young men and women to strike out on their own walk of faith. A path that allows them to experience the joy of seeing God personally move on their behalf without any intervention from their parents. A way that brings maturity and consistent spiritual growth as men and women of God.

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Is There A Best Time to Have a Baby?


There are many factors that can come into play when deciding to have a baby. Although it may not be possible to choose exactly when a baby comes, there are definite advantages to certain seasons. Here are five factors that might help a husband and wife determine the best time and month to conceive, enjoy pregnancy, and bring home a bundle of joy.

Weather and Location

Without a doubt, the weather can be a big factor. Many women find being pregnant over the summer very unappealing, especially if the summer occurs during the third trimester. For that reason, many women prefer to have a spring baby. With a spring baby, a woman completely avoids being pregnant during the summer. The third trimester occurs during the winter, a much more ideal time for being “great with child”. Which months are considered spring will vary depending on location, but March and April can be great months if avoiding pregnancy in the summer is a high priority.

Health Related Concerns

Another advantage to a spring baby is the fact that the most intense cold and flu season is generally over by mid to late spring. This is helpful in keeping an infant healthy during those early months especially with concerns about rotavirus. It also means mom doesn’t have to be quite as cautious about keeping baby away from public places where germs abound.

The mother’s health can also play a role in choosing. For example, a woman who suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and experiences depression each winter would do well to think twice about having a newborn during the same time when sleep deprivation will only make it worse.

Family Holidays

Some people might find it fun to have everyone’s birthday in the same month. Other families prefer that everyone have their own special time each year. So one factor to consider might be whether or not the family already has a birthday in a particular month.

Related to this is the occurrence of other holidays celebrated by the family. Some families might prefer to not have a birthday during the holiday rush in November and December. Depending on the religious holidays observed by the family, other months may be more or less appealing.

Work Obligations

Vocation can play a significant role in selecting the best month to have a baby. A tax accountant probably wouldn’t choose March or April. August and September wouldn’t be the best months for a teacher. A wedding planner would likely avoid May and June. Some professions might necessitate increased travel during certain busy seasons. Each family should consider if there is a better or worse season in terms of work obligations.

Unique Family Situations

Lastly, there are all of the little situations that make each family unique. If Grandpa and Grandma down the street in Maine spend four months in Florida every winter, then a winter baby might not be appealing. If traveling every year for a wedding anniversary is important, then having a baby that month might not be the best long term choice. Each family has its own set of months that are better or worse for welcoming a new member of the family.

Welcoming a baby into the family is such a joyous event. By carefully considering how different aspects of life might impact everyone, it is possible to eliminate some potential trouble spots and maximize the chances for a smooth transition. So plan accordingly and begin thinking about choosing just the right baby name!

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