I received the following email this evening from a long-time reader here. I have her permission to post it here. She would very much like to hear from anyone who has read the book His Needs, Her Needs. (I haven’t.)
Here is her note with identifying information removed:
Hi Sallie,
I wondered if you have ever read the vastly popular book His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr.?
Our pastor and his wife hosted a “romantic dinner date” event (or at least it was billed as such) (edit). He and his wife held a “conversation” with this book as the basis. Usually, my pastor is a fine expository preacher, but wow, I felt blind and fuzzy in a bad way as he and his wife fired away at the women of our church for “witholding sex” and “looking unattractive” for their husbands. It was a total redressing. The men got out very, very easy. Even my husband said he was uncomfortable and hurt for the ladies in attendance. He used the word “crass” to describe the pastor’s wife’s lecture to the women.
At the end of the event, the pastor and his wife handed out free copies of the book. My first concern was that I saw no mention of Christ on the dustjacket. The next day, I noticed there is no scripture in the book, and it is clearly a secular book, in my mind. Maybe I’m wrong, but it concerns me that so many Christian churches are passing this out like candy and holding retreats and seminars based upon it.
I contacted (someone – name removed), who had praised the book (edit). I told him I was struggling to see why this book was in keeping with the Bible, and could he give me some insight? He pretty much refused to because he believed my heart was hardened. I responded to him that it was not the case, and I was open to Biblical conviction. . . and that I would not assume he wouldn’t justify the book because he really couldn’t defend it.
If you have read it, I just wonder what you think about it. I realize you do not do negative book reviews on your blog, and I do not blame you for that! Desperately, I’m looking for someone, anyone that I respect in regards to Biblical knowledge/understanding to comment on this book.
My husband is meeting with our pastor tomorrow evening to discuss the issues we take with the book as well as the uncomfortable tone of the marriage conference. The pastor wouldn’t acknowledge the very respectful and timid letter I sent to him regarding the book. And apparently, we are told he would take it all much better if my husband alone were in attendance. I cannot even begin to tell you how this has aggitated my thinking and motivated my scriptural study this week. The book, quite honestly, preyed upon my insecurities even though I am in a stable Christian marriage with a man who does not threaten to leave me for my deficiencies. And thankfully, my Savior never threatened to leave me either despite my imperfections.
Has anyone read His Needs, Her Needs? Do you have any thoughts as to the biblical quality of the book? I have a couple of thoughts I will share in the comment section.
Thank you in advance!