Why I’m not a homeschooler
Whenever we are out and about during the day someone will inevitably say something to Caroline about school. They will ask her what grade she is in, if she likes school, does she miss school during Christmas vacation, etc. She’s still young enough (kindergarten) that she’s never completely certain how to answer. I simply say, “We homeschool so….” and then pass the conversation back to Caroline by rephrasing the question in a way she can answer.
In the course of these conversations, I don’t think I have ever said, “We’re homeschoolers.” Although I think I did it unconsciously at first, I now do this on purpose. In my mind, there is a difference between saying that we homeschool and saying we are homeschoolers.
We homeschool because we believe it is the best choice for our family. Based on a multitude of factors such as personalities, finances, options, lifestyle, work, and personal biblical convictions, this is the path we have taken. Our child has to have an education and so we educate her at home.
But homeschooling is not my identity.
I don’t call myself a homeschooler because I’ve seen too many people get wrapped up in that identity and then go through a serious personal crisis when they could no longer homeschool. Calling myself a homeschooler also means I am defined by something I am doing in a way that I’m not comfortable with.
Galatians 2:20 says, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
My identity is in Christ. Christ alone. The life I live in Christ is the only life that will last. It is the only thing of importance. I was a child of God before I was married. I was a child of God before I became a mother. I was a child of God before I started homeschooling Caroline. My identity is in my relationship with God through Christ. I don’t want anything to supplant that. I don’t want to identify myself as a homeschooler first and a Christian second.
David and I have made the conscious choice not to get wrapped up in movements and causes. We’ve made the purposeful decision not to become enamored with speakers and teachers. We read widely on purpose. We want to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).
For us, that means not being Christian homeschoolers, but Christians who homeschool.
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I came to this same conclusion with the title “SAHM.” I am a mother who doesn’t work outside the home for a paycheck right now. That is all. A mother. Just like any other mother.
On the term “homeschooler,” I always think of it this way. All parents have a responsibility to educate their children, and there are lots of ways to do it, regular school, homeschool, and all sorts of arrangements in between. And even if you send your kids to “regular” school, believe me, you feel like you are still doing a lot of homeschooling some days, between homework and projects!
Ann – It’s funny. I never thought about the SAHM thing for myself until you mentioned it here. I’ve never thought of myself as a SAHM because David is home too. I guess I always subconsciously thought SAHM = mom going it alone.
Re: school projects… To be honest, that is also a factor in homeschooling. It sounds like more work to deal with homework and projects than to just do the teaching myself. LOL!
This is a very good post, and very timely for us to consider…thank you!
Peggy – I’m glad it was helpful!
(Disclaimer, I know some parents need regular school because they both work outside the home so this isn’t about that.)
Ok, anyhow. Don’t ever let anyone tell you “homeschooling is too much work.”
Sending your kids to regular school creates an ABSURD amount of work….
Monitoring homework, projects, packing lunches, snacks, washing uniforms, keeping up with the paperwork that is constantly coming home, communicating with the teachers, trying to supplement places where you think the curriculum stinks, fundraising requests, going to PTO meetings, driving there in the morning, driving there in the afternoon for pickup, then trying to fit in extra activities around it, on and on and on. It literally runs your life, you sign your life over to it when you sign on, as much as you try not to let it.
How anyone says it is easier than homeschooling hasn’t homeschooled! : )
(P.S. We are in regular school right now)
Ann – There is a post I read somewhere called something like “I Homeschool Because I’m Lazy.” Yes, yes, yes to what you wrote. I made that same kind of list when we were debating homeschool and Christian school. And I just had this same discussion recently in an email with another homeschooling mom. I completely get what you are saying!
Another great article, Sallie! I totally agree even though we don’t homeschool. I do not want to get caught up in movements; they come and go and only the Word of God stands forever.
We send our children to a Christian school…and I must say I love it! Not to downplay Ann’s take on it but I personally love the rhythm that sending your children to school gives to your day, week, and year. I love having the school ‘family’, Christmas programs,etc. This might sound strange but I even enjoy getting their uniforms together, they’re so cute! Aren’t we blessed that we have the freedom to choose what works for our families. Definitely not something to be taken for granted.
Laura – And you’ve hit on some of the things that draw me to a Christian school – the community aspect especially. The Christian school near us doesn’t use uniforms. But I taught at two schools that did use them and I grew to love them for a number of reasons. The kids do look so cute in them!
And, yes, we are so fortunate to have the freedom to choose.
Hmmm…never thought about it before. I just look at it as part of my identity that could change at any moment. I’m not a widow – but in a moments notice I could be. I’m not a grandmother, but one day I will be Lord willing.
Very interesting thoughts tho indeed.
Just wanted to add, we send our kids to a private religious school that we like a lot. But it’s definitely not easier than homeschooling.
Maybe I should call myself “a-regular-schooler” when people ask me what I do all day
Sallie, I’ve just had a chunk of time to sit down and explore your new blog. Very nicely done, I can tell I’m going to enjoy it.
I’ve always hated hearing the phrase, “We’re homeschoolers,” because the idea of basing my identity on how I educate my children is so very foreign to me. I remember, as an adolescent, interacting with some families who smugly proclaimed to be “homeschoolers”. And, I remember the shame that I felt because I knew they believed that our family was inferior and less holy because we weren’t “homeschoolers”. While I’m open to homeschooling my children if God leads us there (He hasn’t yet), I will never be a “homeschooler.”
Christian – That is a great point. I do think many homeschoolers have a smug attitude about their homeschooling. I don’t ever want to be that way and really try to go out of my way to watch what I say about our schooling choice when talking with others who have chosen differently.
Truth be told, I half expect God is going to end up leading us to public school in the future just to make a point. Since I am not fond of crow, I’m being really careful what I say!
Had to smile at Ann’s comments about school being a lot of work
We put 2 of our kids into a part time (2-3 days/wk) classical Christian school this year (with uniforms!) and yes, it is just as much work if not more than 100% homeschooling. But it has given us some much-needed structure, allowed my teenage son to be involved in sports, and freed me up from the planning aspect of homeschooling (something I was never very good at and just got worse as the kids grew older!) It’s been good for my kids to have a taste of “real” life–getting up early and out the door, being on a schedule, having due dates for assignments and such. I know some homeschooling moms are great at creating and enforcing structure on their own but I am not one of those moms! Praise God for these options.
When we started homeschooling it seemed like the only support we had was from other homeschoolers, it became an “us or them” situation really quickly. We even had a youth pastor tell our kids that it was ok if they were home schooled because it wasn’t their sin it was their parents sin. But the more we looked to the homeschool community for support the more we heard the opposing view, that anyone sending their kids to “government school” was not in Gods will. That’s what finally made me someone who homeschools instead of a homeschooler, how dare any of us look at another Christian and say you didn’t make the same choice in this minor issue as I did so you must be out of Gods will. As if his will is for us to march in lockstep with anyone whose personality is big enough to motivate us.
I started saying “this Is Gods will for our family for right now, if we need to make changes we will” and you’re right, there was so much less crow to eat when we did put our boys into public school.
Heidi
I have to throw in with Mrs. Nehemiah and add my two cents.
I agree that the home-schooling community has a tendency to become “us vs. them.” That’s certainly not a reason to avoid home schooling your child, as Mrs. N has pointed out. But I think it’s another good reason to avoid calling yourself “a home-schooler.” I think for too many people, that term automatically means to them “someone who believes Christians are wrong for choosing any other lifestyle.”
And by the way, I know what you mean about women who disappear into the role and can’t find their identity anywhere else. We know a mom who is currently trying to keep her adult children in the teen/dependent role, living at home etc., because she was never able to move past the stage of being a homeschooling mother. Sad for all involved.
You’re right; it’s best to find your identity in Christ.