Parenting Gen Z – Abigail Shrier on Joe Rogan

Our family recently watched this Joe Rogan segment on parenting Gen Z and had a lively discussion about it. Abigail Shrier and Joe Rogan hit on many important themes.

My thoughts follow the embedded video so you can watch it first without the influence of my observations.

Some random thoughts in no particular order…

In our parenting, I am the “eventually you just have to suck it up and keep going” one and David is the more patient listener. I listen, too, but I have always been the type of person to push a student, friend, coworker, etc. to move beyond whatever is troubling them. I will not indulge someone beyond what I discern to be reasonable. I’ve learned in life that you truly do have to shake it off and suck it up. This is especially true if you are naturally wired to have a very active thought life and internal dialogue. Learning how to deal with an internal dialogue is so incredibly important.

As they discussed, I have learned from my own experiences that constantly thinking about your troubles (rumination) is not helpful and is counterproductive. There is a balance between acknowledging the truth of what you are thinking and feeling and getting on with life. One of the most successful tools we had as parents of a young child was redirection. I still think it’s a helpful tool whether you are a teen or young adult or grown adult. I’ve mentioned before that when I went through some very difficult times and was prone to rumination, I distracted myself with sports talk radio which was completely different for me in my life. I listened to The Dan Patrick Show for a few hours every day for many months to simply give my brain the ability to lay down new pathways and get out of the ruts. Redirection can be very helpful.

This may offend some people, but I refuse to use the new lingo like trauma, neurodivergent, triggering, etc. to describe typical childhood and teen experiences. Using catastrophic language for the normal difficulties of living in a fallen world with sinful people isn’t helpful. In addition, given the sick state of so much of the psychological and psychiatric world today, why would I want to use the terminology they are using to destroy children? While we were happy for the gifted/2e testing we had done and what we learned from it, I saw it only as a tool to help confirm what I had mostly figured out and see what I had missed. It gave me the information I needed to move forward as a homeschooling mom, but I refused to marinate in labels with my child. Dysgraphia? Let’s find ways to fix it. Dyscalculia? Let’s figure out how to work with that and do the best we can with math. Beyond that? I was not going to label my child and put that baggage on her for the rest of her life. (Our testing was done several years ago. I can’t even imagine the baggage they try to suggest to kids now who are otherwise mostly normal.)

That said, we have found the Frank James videos about personality types very helpful in a fun way. As a Christian, I believe we are in no way bound by some kind of personality typing (that may or may not even be totally grounded in “science” – whatever that is nowadays). However, if you feel at times like an “outlier” from the “accepted norm” it can be helpful to see that many other people share your propensity to certain ways of interacting with the world, people, situations, etc. When you can laugh at yourself and your God-given quirks? So much the better.

I think it would be interesting to track how members of the Gen Z cohort do in life and see if there is any correlation with the ages of their parents. For example, Gen Z children whose parents are Gen X (especially early Gen X) versus Gen Z children who have parents who are much younger. Being older Gen Xers has definitely made our parenting approach different than probably what many of Caroline’s peers across America experience. I suspect older Gen Xers are much less indulgent. I’m sure our own personality types and the fact that we have an only child play into it as well. But many of the things Rogan and Shrier discussed as being how people parented “in the past” are how David and I parent today because we are among the oldest Gen Xers.

Lastly, I think the bit about locus of control is important. Our children have been through the wringer the past five years. They live in a world that feels totally out of control. It’s vital to help them realize they are not victims and they have the power to choose for themselves. Even more importantly, God is still sovereign and He still guides His children who ask Him for wisdom, discernment, and protection. What that will look like will vary with each child, but we need to help them develop that resiliency that Shrier discussed. It’s so important and must be rooted in the truth of God’s word and the truth of who God is for those who follow Christ.