Here are the observations and thoughts of a first time mama after twelve weeks (in no particular order)…
I thought Caroline would be sleeping through the night by now.
I have to accept that Caroline will have “off” days and there is nothing I can do to change that or improve her “off” days no matter how much I want her to be happy and smiley. Just like I wake up grumpy some days, so will she.
I don’t think Caroline is going to be a snuggler or cuddler (very big sad sigh).
I never appreciated how much I got done in a day until I had Caroline. I always had this vague sense of “I could do so much more” each day. Now when I see what I don’t get done in a day compared to before, I realize I did do a lot before.
I’m surprised by how much I’m not keeping track of “what Caroline is supposed to be doing now”. People will ask me when she will be able to do this or that or when this thing will happen and I usually say, “I have no idea.” I am incredibly casual about the whole milestone thing. The only two that I’ve been “waiting for” are/were when she recognizes us and when she sleeps through the night. I rarely look at a baby book or website about this kind of stuff (compared to my pregnancy when I devoured everything I could read).
Things I feared that have not come to pass and for which I am truly thankful: colic and projectile vomiting.
For some reason unknown to me, some experienced moms like to tell you about how with their first baby they were so careful and then after two or three more it just didn’t matter. It is usually said in a manner that indicates to me that they think I am being an obsessive first time mother about some issue and they are mocking me. I don’t particularly enjoy this.
Elderly people love to look at babies and it gives me great joy to slow down and let them enjoy looking at Caroline.
I don’t know how people lived without baby monitors, especially in two story houses. I love my monitor. It was pricey, but I sleep peacefully at night knowing it is on and monitoring her movement/breathing.
For anyone who has a two story house and has a c-section, I highly, HIGHLY recommend a pack and play like we got. It has a bassinet insert and a changing table. We had it set up in the living room and I rarely had to go up the stairs while I was recovering. I can’t imagine recovering without it.
I have no idea how women go back to work after six weeks and juggle a full-time job, a new baby, a marriage, and a home.
I attribute my general overall well-being after twelve weeks to my husband. He has been so hands-on and helpful. I cannot imagine doing this if I were doing all of the feedings and he left every day for a job. I know millions of women do it, but I can’t wrap my mind around it.
They say when you are an older parent you may lack the energy you had when you were younger, but you have more wisdom and life experience. Well, the verdict is out on the wisdom part, but the lack of energy holds true!
You can never have too many bibs.
I’m glad Caroline has hair. I know in the grand scheme of things it really isn’t that important, but I think it makes her so cute!
A Sunday afternoon drive in the country with mochas is great therapy for every member of the family. 🙂
Easy Christmas Bark with Saltine Crackers
Dear Sallie,
I am so glad to see you mark the milestones that you are. It’s good because you’ll be able to look back and see how far you have all come. The developmental milestones, even though people talk about them all the time, seem to really matter very little. Usually, the are just ranges of time that don’t take into account the special way each child was created by God.
Enjoying your Peanut and loving her is the best thing you can do as her Mommy. Try not to look at all that is left undone. Really, if it can go undone, it’s not as important as we probably think. Taking care of her (and you and your husband) are the things that must be cared for.
Everyone will always say things I think they think are helpful, even if they are not. Try not to take what you perceive as a criticism to heart. Bring those things before God, ask HIM to show you if there is truth in a statement. If not, don’t think about it. I know, easier said than done.
Obviously, you love your daughter and are caring for her the best way you know how. God has given us instincts. Trust Him. I’ve had people make comments that make me feel like they think I’m being an obsessive first-time Mommy and others who seem to act like I’m not reacting enough to every little thing. Ok. We will never please everyone.
I know that for me this last year as a Mommy for the first time has been incredible. I’ve questioned everything I know, discovered I was right about a lot, and have adjusted other things. It’s okay. He’s teaching us. There are some things I’m able to handle differently/better than I did in the first months.
I know that for me the hardest lesson to learn was to accept others’ help, whether or not I needed it, and to not take offers of help as criticisms. Just because someone wanted to do something, did not mean I was failing, but oh, how it felt so! Many times, it had nothing to even do with me,or my parenting. They just wanted to be a part of it all. I’ve gotten better and less defensive in that area. Getting sleep, I discovered, helped a lot of things!
BTW- PLEASE don’t take this as a criticism, or anything negative AT ALL, but our pediatrician’s suggestion for getting Pumpkin to sleep through the night was to organize his little life on a eat-wake-sleep cycle. In other words, don’t feed him or rock him to sleep with a bottle or nursing, but to have activity time after feedings and then put him to bed sleepy, but not asleep. Nighttime feedings were the exception; no play time after those feedings, but still laying him down awake. It was tough, but it work amazingly well for us. He learned to put himself to sleep then and when he would awaken at night. Now, even at a year, he will still wake up occasionally depending on a host of things from the train going by, teething, barking dogs, wet diapers, whatever. But not that often.
I am only mentioning this because you commented on her not sleeping through the night. Otherwise, I would never say a word. Keep in mind “through the night†means different things to different people. It may not mean 8-12 hours right off the bat. The lengths of time have varied throughout Pumpkin’s first year depending on different things.
Keep up the good work. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas! Enjoy!
Kimberly,
Thank you for your thoughtful comments. You are very right about not being able to please everyone. Some people just like to criticize others because it makes them feel better. We have received lots of good advice from other parents that we’ve successfully implemented and I’ve been thankful for it. What I was referring to is advice that is given in such a way that you really feel the person is subtly mocking you and your choices. Not helpful, even if the advice is good.
We have been doing a feed, wake time, sleep time cycle from the very beginning as we have friends who have had good results with this and our ped also recommended it. Caroline does pretty well with going down for her naps most of the time. And the stretches between feedings are starting to lengthen a bit. So we can see that progress is being made. It just takes time, I keep reminding myself! 🙂
Merry Christmas to you and your family!
Sallie
I read your blog on and off. I really appreciate your honesty.
i smiled to myself as I read this post, for it reminded me of the post just wrote a couple of days ago:
It takes a period of adjustment to your baby. (I know you know this. But I also need to be reminded every time *I* have a baby!)
I have found that babies give us a chance to be *humbled* and to give our expectations to God.
Bless you and your family!
andrea
Just leaving a smile… 🙂 I enjoyed reading your little update.
Sallie- I think I know what you mean about the “advice†given with an odd little smile, but perhaps you misinterpret the smile. whenever I think of my littles days as babies I get a bemused smile on my face, thinking about how much has changed (so quickly)How much my children have caused me to grow. I look at a new mama and think, oh sweetheart, hang on, the ride gets rough in places, but it’s so worth it, I look forward to seeing your journey. I’m also thinking about my own mistakes (my first son was so easygoing I though it was all me{supermom cape please}, but the second proved me wrong ;?) and about how any advice I give is as likely to be wrong as right. just because each baby is so different.
I used to suspect people were mocking me behind their advice, but now I get the same “face†and I have no mockery in my heart for new mommies. I truly think it’s a “Treasured Memories†smile.
Mrs Nehemiah
So glad everything seems to be going well with your little one. The lack of sleep was always the hardest thing for me! Oh yes, and not being able to relax in the bath, lol, I miss that 🙂
It’s refreshing to read you’re not too worried about “milestones”, I was and got quite stressed if B didn’t reach a milestone when a book told me she should, lol. Learned my lesson and changed my ways with L. I learned it’s good to enjoy a baby’s little idiosyncracies rather than worrying if they are “normal™ all the time.
So glad you are enjoying your little treasure. 🙂
p.s. I’m not sure if I submitted this twice, if I did delete one 🙂
Lovely lovely!
Such fun reading.
Amen and amen.
I have this week started seeing things like this (God providing for our inclinations as well as our needs) as a sort of validation of our (my) individuality. It makes sense to me, since I imagine he designed my personality, that he’d also provide for it’s unique desires.
Your post today made me smile. I could have almost writen it myself. I was SO waiting for that first night of uninterrupted sleep. I was so sleep deprived that I was barely able to get dressed or make a meal for myself each day. Our church has a meal delivery program for new moms that provides dinners for 3 nights a week for a month. Without that we would have gone insane. When we found out we are expecing another baby this next summer my husband said, “You know, we get free meals again!” LOL. You are doing a great job Sallie! Hang in there sister!
What a sweet update!
I just put away my two ‘first year’ books. My grandson will be a year old on the first.
Truly, I do not care how he compairs. In my eyes, whenever he does whatever he does – it’s miraculous to me!
It has become more important to me that he learns to love God and his neighbor. A little respect for my laptop would be nice too.
Just because Caroline isn’t a snuggler now doesn’t mean it won’t happen. It may be awhile though. My oldest, a daughter, was not a snuggly baby at all. Or a snuggly toddler. My son, however, was incredibly snuggly.
When my daughter hit about five she became very snuggly and remains so until now…and she’ll be nine right after Christmas. My son, who is five, is going through a very NOT snuggly stage. I don’t know if it will last or not. I sure do miss his snuggles….
But, Caroline might become a snuggler one day. And nine year old snuggles are pretty nice too!
My baby does not have hair!! 🙁 But I didn’t expect her to…my first two didn’t have hair either. I would have been incredibly shocked if she’d had it!! (She’s still a cutie though!! :D)
She did sleep through the night one night. Just a few nights ago…right before she was 7 weeks. I got excited, but apparently it was a fluke!! She will sleep all night one day though. This won’t last until her 21st birthday!! (I have to keep reminding myself of that!)
Merry Christmas!!