Seventeen years ago I wrote Friends Who Retreat When They Are Hurting which garnered a lot of discussion in the comments. Fourteen years ago (to this day), I published an article in The Banner called Understanding Friends Who Retreat. I’ve always been a retreater and wrote to explain it to others. But over the past few months, I’ve come to truly understand why women retreat as they get older and choose a smaller life.

It’s a form of self-preservation. I was very aware of it having watched various women around me in life start to retreat and spend more time in the quiet of home. I’ve lost many readers over the years who were older women. They left to protect their mental and emotional well-being when I discussed topics they didn’t want to interact with.

I will admit that at times I found it frustrating. I only write about topics I think are truly important and worthwhile. It has never been my intention to drive people away. But it’s happened numerous times for various reasons (theological, political, etc.). But what I saw as important, they saw as a threat to their well-being.

As I approach my 60th birthday in the spring, I have found myself becoming a retreater with a desire to live a smaller life. Not out of hurt as I wrote about before, but out of the need to protect my emotional and mental well-being.

Things happen to our body as we age. One of those changes has to do with how it responds to stress.

Short version: It doesn’t handle it as well.

I can see in my own life that over the past year, in particular, I no longer handle stress as effectively as I did in the past. I wrote in What Comes Next for a Retired Homeschool Mom that I experimented with turning off comments for a bit this summer because I don’t enjoy debating any longer. That should have been a sign to me when I wrote it, but it took me another month to really figure it out.

I think I assumed that once I was done homeschooling and I did some extra organizing and decluttering around here, I would settle into what I expected would be my new rhythm. I worked really hard on this website behind the scenes over the past year to set myself up for life after homeschooling, thinking I would hit the ground running once we got past Caroline’s graduation.

But that hasn’t been the case.

It wasn’t any of those things that were slowing me down.

It was aging.

There were a couple of things that drove this home. The DAR situation that changed something meant to be fun into another stressful battle was one. Once I learned about what was going on, I was out. I’m not fighting that battle. I support and applaud the DAR members who will stay and fight it out, but I won’t be one of them. I don’t need that stress in my life.

But the recent high-profile court case was the final clincher. I can no longer absorb information about stressful topics like that and bounce right back. Somewhere over the past couple of years, I passed a point where my body and mind are rejecting that activity on a regular basis. It’s like it’s warning me to stop. And when I try to push beyond the small warning, I can tell it is not good. Pushing those limits is just not an option.

So I now better understand the older women who retreat into the peacefulness of their own home and smaller life. I understand why they give up so many outside activities that don’t add real and significant value to their life.

I don’t think of myself as old. I still think of myself as middle age and having a younger child probably contributes to that. It’s an odd phenomenon and one I’ve heard both my parents and my in-laws talk about in years past. Now I’m at a similar place in life.

So lately I’ve been writing posts about homeschooling with maps and picture book learning activities. For my own well-being, I have to make changes. They might not even be changes I want to make, but the past few months have shown me that they are necessary. I’m the only one who can take care of myself. David and Caroline deserve a peaceful wife and mother.

It is difficult to acknowledge that you cannot do what you once did. But it’s another part of the life journey to navigate.

And for once in my life, I’m not going to push against it or attempt to push through it.

I’m choosing to accept it for what it is and create a quieter, more peaceful version of life now.