Before I start writing this post, I have to say that I feel like I am sitting down with dear friends I haven’t seen in a long time. It blesses me to blog again.
Shortly after I quit blogging in March we went through a time of protracted illness, teething, and general unwellness. I’ve been sick more in the past five or six months than probably the past ten years.
During one bout, I went to see my doctor. Although it was not what I went for, he very quickly and, I believe, accurately diagnosed me with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD is a fancy name for winter depression. The diagnosis was a relief in many ways. I’ve long wondered if I did suffer from SAD, but never talked about it with anyone other than David and my parents. I don’t exhibit all of the symptoms and my case is not severe. But it is a large factor in my life.
Not only do I suffer from winter SAD, I also suffer from the summer version. As a result, February, March, July and August are very hard on me. Unless you suffer from SAD, it’s hard to understand the desperation one feels when in the grips of it. David and I are always the first people in our area to plant flowers in the spring, get the porch furniture out, etc. By late March I am truly desperate to see winter end.
Likewise with summer. July is usually pure torture for me. So much sun and heat. August is also hard, but I can see the end in sight and we usually get some small breaks in the heat which helps. But, again, it is hard to explain the stress and anxiety someone feels with this disorder.
As I said, it is a relief to have this diagnosis. My doctor and I are working together to determine what will work best for me in terms of dealing with this each year. Simply having a diagnosis and knowing I’m not just imagining things is actually helping me plan more carefully for this summer. A cooler summer with a little less sun would be a true Godsend.
Looking back, I can see time and time again how the SAD has impacted my life, including my blogging. I’ve said so many times to David – it’s like I’m a different person in the fall and spring. And to a certain degree it is true. Life is so much better during those stretches. Now I need to find ways to deal effectively with the harder stretches. I don’t want to say cope because I believe in Christ that I can do more than cope. I don’t necessarily believe that God will heal me of this, but I do believe He can and will strengthen me in new ways and give me new wisdom and insight as I seek Him.
Going through this experience has caused me to really sit back and refocus. When put in combination with the newborn/infant sleep deprivation and a little one who has horrible bouts of sleepless teething, the past few years have been exhausting. There have been other factors as well, but I have come through all of this with a much greater understanding of my physical limitations. With that understanding comes a greater acceptance.
So in accepting who God has made me to be and what He has allowed my life to be, I’ve also realized afresh my need to live a quiet simple life. For some people it may be a lifestyle choice. For me, it is a necessity. I simply cannot function well any other way and be spiritually, emotionally, and physically healthy. With this understanding comes a greater freedom.
And so the story will continue as I blog here about a quiet simple life.
To Spank Or Not to Spank – That Is The Question
Sallie!
I am so happy to see you back!
I have a dear pastor friend who struggled with SAD for years before he was diagnosed and was able to get some help. He lived in the Northwest for a time where it rained so often that he was perpetually struggling with depression. I know another young woman who also struggles with this and she has used brighter light bulbs in her home in the winter months as well as a special kind of lighting (I will ask her about it) that has helped immensely.
So happy to see you around. I will be praying that the Lord will bring relief to you.
Love and hugs,
Karen
Yeah! I’m so glad to see you back! I would think of you from time to time and wonder how y’all were doing. I missed hearing about Caroline’s progress. Now, don’t let this blog thang become a source of stress, girl. It’s just nice to hear how you’re doing. I’ll be praying for you this summer when the weather gets really hot in my neck of the woods.
Welcome back, Sallie. You were missed. 🙂
Growing up, my sister had anniversary syndrome, which is like SAD in that the depression hits at the same time each year (hers seemed to be connected to a traumatic childhood surgery). All that to say that I have witnessed firsthand how hard certain seasons can be for people. I will pray for you when the time comes this summer!
Also, I’d like to echo Ellen. We are all just glad you are back. No pressure. 🙂
I am so glad you have a doctor who understands you. That is always half the battle in my opinion.
I’m looking forward to hearing about you, Dave and Caroline but as Ellen says, don’t let this become a source of stress.
Praying for you.
Kathy
Oh Sallie, it is so good to see you back again. How I missed A Gracious Home! I understand totally about SAD. I suffer from it, too, only during the cold winter months. I am praying that you and your doctor will find a way for you to deal with this. I’m so glad you are back, though. You are a very special lady!!
Susan in Ohio
Hey Sallie! You’ve been missed. So glad you’re coming back. Do it on your terms. Your friends will be here. I know much about depression. I’ve struggled with a mild version for most of my life. Being cheerful is sometimes a chore, sometimes not. The better I take care of myself the better I feel. So take care of yourself! Love to you! (P.S. Thanks for inviting me!)
So glad to “see” you again! Your blog posts always seemed like a quiet oasis to me, so the title here is perfect. I echo the previous thoughts – let blogging be a source of blessing, never a source of stress or obligation. My sister suffers from SAD, so I understand. I pray that the summer will be a good one for you.
Welcome back dearest Sallie! I’m sorry to hear of your struggles but I’m glad you have a more concrete understanding of what the problem is.
So glad you’re back!
Jennifer
Hi, Sallie! I’m so excited to hear from you again!
Life takes interesting turns, doesn’t it?
Blog as little as you want, or as much as you need. We’ll all love gathering around and sharing a cup of tea with you. We’ll all be under those special lightbulbs with you in the winter, and in the shade of a huge oak during the hot summer.
Blessings to you, David, and Caroline.
Welcome back, Sallie! It’s so good to hear from you again. You have many blogging friends who are happy to “see” you and wish the best for you!
Best wishes,
Laura
Oh hi Sallie!!!
I’m so sorry to hear that SAD plagues you, because that desperation you mentioned? Well, I’m a little too familiar with it as well. I didn’t even know there was a summer version until I looked it up the other day. I’m glad that now at least you know what it is you’re dealing with.
I’m with the others. Im so very glad to have our friend back. 🙂
Thank you for inviting me back to your new blog – it’s so nice to “see” you again!
I am sorry to hear about the protracted illnesses but glad that you’ve received a sound diagnosis and have a good physician to help you. Good health is such a treasure and I surely hope that all of you are able to thrive.
I look forward to “hearing” from you, too, as you feel able & willing to share your thoughts.
q u i e t. s i m p l e. the way life should be.
Welcome back. 🙂
Welcome back, dear Sallie! I have missed you so very much and I was *thrilled* to hear from you again. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, and for giving us that consistent reminder that it’s actually okay to live within our God-given boundaries. “He makes peace in your borders…”
Blessings, dear sister! 🙂
Welcome back Sallie!
I can not tell you how excited I was when I saw your email in my inbox. I practically ran on over to here. I have so missed reading your wisdom over the past few months. Recently, I was struggling with our decision to home school and thought to myself, “I need Sallie’s perspective.”
I know what a struggle SAD can be and I am happy that you and your doctor are working well together to fight it. You’ll be in my prayers.
Woo Hoo!!! I am so excited that you are blogging again. You have definitely been missed ! I am sure it IS a relief to have a “name” for what has been plaguing you. I will pray that your doctor will have wisdom to help you on a course of treatment. Welcome back!!
Living in Colorado – I definitely understand about SAD. Having little ones – I think parents of young children are more prone to this -b/c little ones (THOUGH WE LOVE THEM DEARLY) keep us a little more tied to home at times when perhaps just even a brisk cool walk in the winter sunshine would do us such good! I haven’t been diagnosed with SAD – but I do know that since S-girl’s birth – I have felt more susceptible to this!
We are your friends and we will relish any blog posts you are willing to share with us!
Sweet blessings to you all!
In HIM,
Renee
Oh, Sallie, I’m so glad you’re back! Like Renee, I couldn’t get to your blog fast enough after reading the email. Thanks for sharing what’s been going on in your life. You know we’ll all pray for you and support you in any way we can. Your writings have blessed me in so many ways … and I know you’ve struck a chord in many other hearts as well. Blessings on your new blog and on your family as you seek God’s best.
Sallie! Like so many others- I too was overjoyed to see your email in my inbox!
I have miss your level headed, clear, and thoughtful writings dearly! I’ve also missed that darling face of Caroline’s. Not having children of my own yet, it is so fun to hear how she is learning and growing! I can’t wait to hear more updates on her!
I am so sorry to hear that you have had to deal with SAD. I live in Seattle and have seen first hand how hard it can be on a number of dear family members and friends. A dear friend of mine recently discovered that she was effected by the summer as well. You have the support of so many ladies across the country! We are praying for you and ask God to bless you!
Welcome back!
I get SAD in both the winter and summer too. Fall is the only season I really feel well. We’ve had the protracted illness, teething and general unwellness here, too, and still are far from over it.
Hi Sallie. I will be praying for you.
It’s nice to have you back, I really missed your blog. Thanks for letting me know you’re back! 🙂
Sallie, thank you for your openness. One person’s willingness to share and be real often frees others to do likewise. Along with these other friends, I’m praying for release and relief from SAD, and I’m looking forward to reading your gentle and wise blogs again!
Kim
Ladies, thank you so much for all of your kind words. It truly is a blessing to me to have online friends who have hung with me all this time as I’ve sorted things out over the past few years.
Peggy – Yes, I agree that fall is the only season I feel really well. I usually feel pretty well from early April through early to mid June (depending on when the heat hits). But from whenever the heat breaks in September through Christmas… I am in heaven. 🙂
I also suffer with this, as I’m sure many of your readers do. Please write about anything else you find that provides relief. Seems you have a gift for investigating and self-education. I’d love to benefit from your studies. We’ve been thinking about saving for an “Apollo light” to help us through the dark winter. Any ideas? Thanks in advance.
Hi Sallie, good to read you again. I went to your old link by accident today and was happy to see a new link.
I believe I also have SAD, but I’ve not talked to my doctor about it. I honestly just didn’t think there would be anything they could do beyond diagnose it.
We live in PA. I become quite depressed from November through March, sometimes even through April if the weather is cold and rainy. Through the winter months I find it difficult to leave the house, and will usually only do so when my husband can go with me. I will go out alone if I’m getting a haircut (it’s a rare occasion), but other errands like grocery shopping, clothes shopping, etc., I won’t do alone. These symptoms seem to get worse as I get older. They’re almost paralyzing. When I was young and single, I don’t recall hating the cold weather like I do now. I didn’t like it and I stayed inside much of the time, but now in my 30’s, an overwhelming dread and sadness consumes me far more then a general “dislike”.
But the minute the warm weather comes in, I’m a different person. It’s like a switch! My husband actually works for a company in Florida and I look forward to the day we relocate (summer SAD is not an issue for me). Right now, though, moving is not an option with the market the way it is. As we head into June, I’m excited to get out and enjoy life. And since we won’t be moving in the near future, we’ve decided to travel frequently next winter so I can get out and see the sun.
Please keep us updated on your journey through this diagnosis!! And thank you for being so candid.