At my baby shower Friday evening, there was a discussion among several of the women regarding the question of whether it is easier to raise boys or girls. Since I have no experience directly with either, I just listened. The strong consensus was that it is much easier to raise boys.
I got to thinking about this afterward because my impression is that a girl would be easier to raise. (But more expensive!) I wondered why I had my perception when the reality of so many experienced moms has been the opposite.
Then I realized why I have always thought it would be easier to raise a girl than a boy.
Easier to Raise Boys or Girls?
I can think of lots and lots of godly young women, but a whole lot less godly young men. I would guess that this is probably true of most of the people reading this. So I think that this has probably heavily influenced my thinking (along with being a girl so I think I intuitively understand the “girl” experience more than the “boy” experience).
I’m thinking that maybe your view of whether it is easier to raise boys or girls depends on the outcome you have in mind.
And I’m sure the personality of the child comes heavily into play as well.
I would be interested to hear from others, especially those who have raised both boys and girls.
- What is your criteria for “easier?”
- Which have you found easier in general?
- Which have you found easier spiritually?
- Do you think it is a boy/girl thing or does it depend more heavily on their personality, giftings, and/or emotional makeup?
- Do you think the method of schooling (homeschool, public school, or private school) also has an impact on it?
- What influences have you observed related to this topic that I haven’t even mentioned?
I look forward to hearing what people think!
Loaded Oatmeal Cookies
My children are still very young, but I worked in residential care of middle school and high school aged boys and girls for several years before I began a family of my own. I think boys are easier in an emotional sense. I think girls *tend* toward being highly emotional and complex which just makes them (us) harder to “get.” Boys (sorry guys) are just a little easier to figure out and to get along with (generally speaking, and just in my experience).
When the girls I worked with got upset with eachother, it generally turned into a drama of near epic proportions. Taking sides, crying, backstabbing, holding grudges, ignoring, gossipping. . . The boys pretty much just fought it out in record time (always less than a day, sometimes in mere minutes), and that was the end of it. No emotional torment, just a few shouts and maybe a couple punches, and that was that.
Of course, I sincerely hope that I can teach my children (boys and girls) to disagree more “civilly” than the children I worked with. However, I think that even properly trained girls will still be more emotional, and properly trianed boys more physical.
I have both, and love them all dearly, though.
I have 4 and 4 — 3 boys 19 and above, and 1 girl going on 23. 1 boy of 14 and 3 girls 8 and below. I would say that my boys ARE more active and more aggressive (in a fun way — usually) — and the girls are “easier” as far as being socially adept and helping around here and such… BUT the girls are more emotional (and I have boys that will show their emotions). But for the girls, “emotion” seems to be their native language. 🙂 That (all that emotion) can really be wearing.
7 of my 8 have prayed to receive Christ, and I would say they all are serious Christians (some, perhaps, more serious than others — but I’m not sure that’s a guy/girl thing.).
I had a midwife once who had had something like 3 girls and 1 boy, and she agreed that boys were harder as VERY VERY active little toddlers (I had to WATCH my firstborn constantly!) — but, she said, she thought “girls have to be harder in adolescence.” I think that was that emotion thing.
I think homeschooling (having the social focus be FAMILY, not outsiders, even if you DO have outside contact :)) really helps. That is my personal opinion. 🙂
Susan
I have 2 girls and 1 boy and they’re hardly raised yet (ages 6, 3, 2). But…I do think girls require a little more training because they tend to have more drama! Boys seem to be a bit more content to go with the flow.
I dunno. I don’t think it is “easier” either way. Each sex has its special challenges, yes. Easy, no way. 🙂
Ok, so I don’t have any children, but thought I’d comment anyhow. While girls and their gamut of emotions may be harder to deal with in the short run, raising boys, in my humble opinion is “harder”. Parents have such a great responsibility anyhow, but to raise a man who loves the Lord and wants to serve Him, to raise a man who is a MAN, that is so much more work. I’ve heard that the percentage of single women missionaries is considerably higher than that of single men missionaries. When one spouse goes to church, and the other doesn’t, the spouse who goes to church is typically the wife. Not always, of course, but typically.
Like I said, just my humble opinion. Either way you look at it, it’s a HUGE responsibility to raise either girls or boys!
I have 2 of each, 17, 19, 21, and 23. My boys were definitely easier to raise because of the emotional aspect. My girls are much more emotional, ie, moody, etc. But they all love the Lord and are walking in the Spirit. We talked to the boys frequently about guarding their eyes, about purity, treating girls like sisters, not dating until ready for marriage, etc and we taught them a lot of Bible and had them memorize it. Be open with your boys. Talk to them openly about the temptations they will face. They want boundaries, they’re protection.
Since I only have boys, I can not be a fair judge. But what I have always believed is that boys are easier when they are older, girls are easier when they are younger. Then it switches, girls become more difficult when they are older, and boys become easier. This is all in general of course =)).
I think I just deleted my long comment. Here’s the short version. Personality plays a HUGE role in how easy a child is to raise. My Darling 4 year old daughter is the youngest and by far the most stubborn, loud, persistent, funny, adorable child I have. She tries my patience daily.
She’s a lot like her older brother who is quite dramatic. So I don’t buy the fact that girls are more dramatic and emotional, maybe when they get older.:) My other two boys can get very emotional as well AND they’re active, very distractable and loud! Then again, so is my daughter!
So boy or girl, I don’t think it matters. I believe it all depends on the personality of the child and the ones raising him/her.
I think you had an interesting comment in your post regarding the outcome of raising children. I think girls might be more of a challenge to raise as far as their emotional needs and their drama, but I think it’s harder to turn out Godly men than women. My children are young (5, 3 and 9 mo.), but I already feel that I’m fighting for the heart of my oldest son. I think that because they don’t “emote” as much as girls, boys often don’t get their emotional needs met. While girls can certainly be deceptive and manipulative, boys fly under the radar much more easily. I have three brothers and while my struggles seemed to always be out in the open, they would go for years before it was discovered that they were in trouble.
I think it’s very hard to raise a Godly man in this culture. So I would have to say that I think it’s harder to raise boys, even they might be easier to have around.
My nearly 89-year-old mother-in-law, who isn’t a believer, raised 2 girls and 5 boys (now 59 to 43–my dh). I have always been in awe of the relationships she has with all of them… especially the ‘boys’. We talked about this issue on a few occaisions. I had always assumed that boys were more difficult to raise and made a comment along those lines (we have 4 girls–14, 12, 6 & 3–and 2 boys–10 & 20 months). She ‘set me straight’ right away (she is always very nice about this). She was very strong about girls being more difficult than boys. When I queried her further, she said, “In a word… Hormones!”…
I think that kind of rings true in the comments so far. I am seeing the same differences with my girls too.. even with the ‘more stable’ one ;*)…
I still tend to agree, though, that raising *Godly* sons may be more of a challenge.. and then as I think about specifics, …maybe not. The best position from which to raise children is on our knees whether they are girls or boys…
I’m in the midst of raising a 9 yo son and a 7 yo daughter. For me, the son is much more complex, much more opinionated, and extremely strong-willed (or “pig headed” if it’s been a particularly trying day). He’s the one who wears me out so I’m crying into my pillow at night sometimes! He has made a profession of faith in Christ, but we are awaiting “fruit” at this point.
My daughter is, yes, a drama queen to the Nth degree, but she melts into submission much more easily. She too has made a profession of faith, and really seems to be sensitive to the things of the Lord.
Time will tell, and really, only the Lord knows, though we can judge by the “fruits” they produce in their lives!
So, nutshell: IMO, it depends on the makeup of the kid, not the gender.
I agree with most of the comments below. Boys are harder at a young age. Mainly because they are so active and really bent on testing the laws of gravity, but as they get older they are easier, less complex emotionally. But God has blessed us women with complex minds, and although as children we get into less trouble as we grow older we dish out the drama (harnessed by the savior these complexities are a blessing). Ps; I come from a home of all girls no brothers and on some days, I am convinced my husband and son are aliens.
A few random thoughts based on the comments since I am still trying to process this and I feel like I’m mentally on the edge of grasping something, but I’m not there yet…
I completely understand the drama comments re: girls. I went to public school and I remember the drama well. Even as a teacher it was easy to see how boys got to the point and moved on. The girls… oh my. Soap opera city!
Tammy and Lucy both picked up on my comment re: the whole godly man thing. And maybe I’m asking the wrong question. Maybe it isn’t a boy/girl thing, but just a general problem the church has in general in knowing how to raise up godly men and what a godly man looks like. I thought Lucy’s comment about boys flying under the radar was an interesting one.
I thought the comments re: personality being more important than boy/girl were interesting, too. Gina pointed out that it is a combination of both the personality of the child and the people raising him/her. Perhaps it goes back to that post I did a while back about introverts and extroverts as well.
David and I have joked about whether we should hope Peanut is like us or not. In some ways it would seem easier to understand her if she was wired a lot like me. And then at other times I think, “Lord, please no!” I do hope that she’s a girly girl (which I am in most ways), but God may give us a platform diver or a tomboy or a gal who would rather build bridges than bake cookies. Only time will tell. If God gives us a softball pitcher rather than a cross stitcher, then I guess we’ll get to go to lots of softball games. 🙂
In my family, it switches…the girl is harder for a while, and then the boy takes over…
sometimes they’re both “easy” to deal with, but rarely are they both difficult at the same time.
I remember asking my mom once whether it was easier to raise girls or boys. She said boys are more difficult when they’re little – she couldn’t let my brother out of her sight. He was also a bit more devious, liking to cause trouble, and quick to use physical violence. However, she said that girls were much more difficult in their teen years. While my brother grew out of all that and became a very pleasant young man, my sister and I became the overly emotional teenage girls. I constantly fought with my mom about clothes, and sometimes we would be fun to be with and sometimes we would be obnoxious! Oh and of course girls can be little backstabbers so you never know what to expect. I think personality has a lot to do with it too, but that’s my experience. 🙂
Seeing as how I was one of the women in on the conversation at the shower Friday night & beleives that boys are easier to raise than girls, allow me to explain my position further… I have 1 daugher & 1 son. Both are well into their lives as adults with children of their own. Both Christians, married to Christians & raising their children to know & love Jesus. In my opinion it isn’t necessarly a personality thing, homeschooling vs public/private schools, the church’s influence or not. I belive it is how God has wired most boys differently than girls. To me it’s that simple. Yes, circumstances can & do have some bearing on easy or difficult (single parent vs Dad & Mom, Christian vs non-Chrisitan), but the bottom line to me is little boys are wired from the beginning to be the head of the home spiritually, the provider, the one that has to think sometimes with his head & not his heart. Little boys, turned grownmen have to be the groundwire for the home. Therefore, they have to be tougher in emotions, able to handle certain situations, work to provide for families & etc. As far as I see things, there are countless spiritual men, young & old, all around. How did they get that way? By the awesome Grace of God. And it is that same Grace that allows us to raise our sons & daughters in every decade of life.
This question always raises my blood pressure.
For some people, I think rearing girls would be too difficult. For other people, I think rearing boys would be too difficult. For way too many people, I wonder why they decided to have children at all.
If we ask God to equip us with what we need to rear a child, I believe He will give it to us.
Also, I might add that there are some girls who are more difficult to rear than boys while there are some boys who are more difficult to rear than girls. Then there are some boys who are more difficult to rear than other boys. And there are also girls who are more difficult to rear than other girls. Girls are not all the same. Boys are not all the same.
So the question is ridiculous in a way. When we start to wonder in amazement at our children as individual miracles of God, then we’ll stop comparing “girls” and “boys”. . . and start recognizing that we’re blessed to have the opportunity, no matter how difficult, to just rear a child given into our care by the Lord.
I hate to sound preachy, but I’m telling you, this whole question gripes my behind.
Emily
Emily,
It’s unfortunate you found the question so offensive. I think you made some good points, but perhaps if you had made them without attacking those of us who were discussing the question in a polite and enjoyable manner it might have been more beneficial.
I do agree that every child – boy or girl – is an individual miracle of God and that God will equip parents to do what is best for each child.
But I still find it an interesting question why so many women I know have experienced one thing and I’ve always assumed something else. I don’t see anything ridiculous in pondering something and asking other believers about their experiences with it. I’m sorry you see it differently.
I think in general girls are easier until they hit the middle years, then it switches. Those hormones, you know.
I believe the reason for the lack of strong, Godly men (although I do agree there are some out there) is the feminist society they have grown up in. The general consensus seems to be that women have all the answers and the men are all just big idiots. Even in more traditional Christian homes, the kids are often left mostly to the mom to handle with no strong role model from their dad.
My impression is that you will not have that problem. 🙂
I have a married son and a married daughter and a 22 year old college-attending son. The 22 year old still lives with us.
And, I still don’t know.
Although I do find it interesting to think about!
Just to clarify my opinion a bit more. I honestly don’t know which is “most difficult” to raise, because I honestly think EVERY child has his or her difficulties in being raised (even the “easy” ones). I have an “easy” son, and 3 more volatile sons, and I have 4 daughters, none of whom is especially difficult but all of whom seem to be much more about “relationships” and “emotion” (though personally I NEVER use the phrase “drama queen”).
But I DO think, as someone who had only ONE daughter for years (till she was 14.5 :)) — that I can now generalize a bit about boys vs. girls. I was VERY SLOW to make a generalization when I had 4 boys and 1 girl because I always felt that my daughter’s differences might just be HER. But now that she has 3 younger sisters, I feel able to say, yes, SOME is “her” personality (the strongest introvert of any of my children) and SOME is “girl.” 🙂
As far as raising men or women for Christ, in that, I think it IS easier nowadays to raise sons if you home educate. BECA– USE then the son is not being forced into a feminizing model of education (necessarily), which I believe most school systems are. Plus, it is easier to accept ALL children as individuals when there are less of them to concentrate on.
Just my humble opinion, Susan
Well, as the mother of a son and a daughter (and soon another daughter) I’ll share what I always tell everyone….
My daughter wears me out emotionally! My son wears me out physically!
That’s all I have to say. They are too young for me to say which is easiest to raise. They are only 9 (girl) and 5 (boy).
This was an interesting thread.
Yes! Bethany said it perfectly.
I have to “ditto” Bethany’s comment… my daughter is 2 and my son is 9 months and this already rings true! I think it boils down to the fact that boys and girls really are DIFFERENT! Gee, you’d think Someone created them that way! (Haha!)
Bethany’s comment struck me, too. Maybe that is why I see it differently than some other ladies. I would rather be drained emotionally than physically. Gee, that looks and sounds weird when I write it, but I guess I think I would do better dealing with keeping up emotionally with a girl than physically with a boy.
I was also thinking some more about Emily’s comment about some people would find raising girls difficult and some would find raising boys difficult. David and I have sometimes commented on someone being a “boy mommy” or a “girl daddy”. I can think of people I know who have all boys or all girls and they just seem perfectly suited to raise that particular sex.
Lots of interesting insights and thoughts! 🙂