I can’t remember how I found this, but it was one of the most insightful tidbits I’ve read in quite some time. It has to do with introverts and how they integrate (or not) into a local church body.
Introvert Involvement In Church
A review in Christianity Today highlighted this part of the book Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture
Extroverts, who want to increase their level of involvement, may proceed roughly in a straight line as they move from the periphery into the nucleus of the community. They move from stranger to acquaintance to participant to core member as they increase the breadth and depth of their relationships, finding more energy as they progress into the community. The journey of introverts into a community, however, is better conceptualized as a spiral. They take steps into a community, but then spiral out of it in order to regain energy, to reflect on their experiences and to determine if they are comfortable in that community. They move between entry, retreat and reentry, gradually moving deeper into the community on each loop. The introverted path into community, much to the confusion of many extroverts, never reaches a point in which the spiraling form is shed.
This. is. so. true.
At least for this introvert it is.
I wish I had read this about fifteen years ago as I have struggled with settling into a church ever since I moved away from my home church to a new city. To be factual, our struggle with settling into a church has not been only an introverted thing (although it has been a significant factor). There were other dynamics at play as well (health, pregnancy, doctrine, family issues, etc.) that all have contributed to our seeming lack of ability to settle down happily. And I’m sure we left some people (and pastors) confused by our strong interest and then our subsequent leaving.
I haven’t had the opportunity to read this book yet as I still can’t do much reading. But I will be adding it to my wish list and look forward to learning more.
Help and Encouragement for Introverts
Adam McHugh has a site called Introverted Church, a spin-off of his book Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture
Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture
Adam mentioned The Introvert’s Corner on his site as well. It is a secular site, but I was very encouraged by some of the things I read there and some of the comments. Sometimes the best encouragement in the world (and the cheapest therapy!) is just to read other people expressing the same things you are thinking. I especially enjoyed “It’ll Be Fun!” and Other Extrovert Lies and the follow-up discussion of Fun, Introvert Style.
A few of my ideas of hades on earth (ala the discussion on the first link):
- Cruises (being stuck on a ship surrounded by miles of water with thousands of people I don’t know full of extroverted activities and overeating?)
- Team-building, especially anything physical (mental exercises are OK since I tend to excel at those)
- Super friendly churches (I’ve been at churches that by the time the service started, I was exhausted from the noise and interaction)
Hope you find some encouragement from the links!
This spoke to me too. Thanks for the link!
In high school, I took the M-B personality typing test at least four times. And at least half the time, I scored barely introverted. The other half of the time, I scored barely extroverted. I really wobble back and forth. Some weeks at church, I don’t mind speaking up in Sunday School, but as we’re on the way home, I sit there and think, “I never want to talk again in church. I just want to go and be invisible.”
I definitely spiral. I wonder sometimes if, for me, it’s my current situation/events that affects whether I’m feeling introverted or extroverted. For example, health issues/bedrest and hospitalization with my last pregnancy really affected me in such a way that I haven’t quite felt comfy going back in to the fray at church since my twins’ births. I have avoided church because I just don’t feel like talking to people (many of them clearly extroverted) who come across disingenuous at church. While I was hospitalized, I just wanted all the supposed church well-wishers to go away. And I have longed to go to a church where no one notices me and I can just be there to worship and learn.
I just bought this book a few days ago. I’ve had it for two days and I’m just devouring it! So freeing and so personal. Very great book so far…Raising some very tough questions of the heart and very interesting things are being brought to the surface of my soul. I know this will help heal me…I would get it if I were you. Introvert or not, it will help you understand yourself and others.
My big question now is, is heaven going to be one big social gathering? If so.. 🙁
God bless you and keep you all.
I just bought this book a few days ago. I’ve had it for two days and I’m just devouring it! So freeing and so personal. Very great book so far…Raising some very tough questions of the heart and very interesting things are being brought to the surface of my soul. I know this will help heal me…I would get it if I were you. Introvert or not, it will help you understand yourself and others.
My big question now is, is heaven going to be one big social gathering? If so.. 🙁
God bless you and keep you all.
I am so relieved in reading this, I was thinking that because I could not commit to a church and get all moved by the singing and the dancing and the 2-4 times a week of activities. That it was because, as everyone else in the church thinks, that I am not a believer and commited to my belief in God. I am a believer in God and his creations, especially his natural creations, I personally love to worship God by walking out the door in the sunshime or when a thunderstorm comes up and watching the changing sky and the lightening, or in my cats playing or the kittens growing up, on a good ride on my horse or mule in the fresh air…….but that is my world, I live in and in my mind that is Gods world that he has given me the favor of being a part of. I am blessed, but when it comes to going to a church with all that comotion and overwhelming excitement is not something I want to deal with all the time. I have always wondered, surely I am not alone??
I am so relieved in reading this, I was thinking that because I could not commit to a church and get all moved by the singing and the dancing and the 2-4 times a week of activities. That it was because, as everyone else in the church thinks, that I am not a believer and commited to my belief in God. I am a believer in God and his creations, especially his natural creations, I personally love to worship God by walking out the door in the sunshime or when a thunderstorm comes up and watching the changing sky and the lightening, or in my cats playing or the kittens growing up, on a good ride on my horse or mule in the fresh air…….but that is my world, I live in and in my mind that is Gods world that he has given me the favor of being a part of. I am blessed, but when it comes to going to a church with all that comotion and overwhelming excitement is not something I want to deal with all the time. I have always wondered, surely I am not alone??
Thanks for reposting this,Sallie. I will have to read this book. A few years ago, my husband gifted me a book entitled Quiet,also about introverts. The author has a chapter titled something like Why Church is for Extroverts, or something. It was a life changer for me. I also make myself scarce during hug and greet time at church, but at the church we’ve been sort of attending for the past few years, the pastor is so extroverted that he feels the need to pepper his messages with commands to “turn to your neighbor and say this or that”. Arrrgh! I’ve even had to leave church because of panic attacks. It’s good to have the reassurance I’m not alone.
Hi Cheryl,
I have Quiet on my Kindle and I just pulled it out to read that part about churches again. It’s spot on in many regards. There is this sense that you have to be outgoing and extraverted to be an engaged Christian. The thought of attending a place like Saddleback (featured in the chapter) with 22,000 people attending weekly is so depressing I can’t even express it.
I know some will not agree with me, but I think the seeker-sensitive, mega-church model has been so destructive to the Christian church in America over the past 25-30 years. It’s produced so much shallowness. The Body of Christ was not supposed to be about the Culture of Personality (as it is called in the book).
So much to say on this topic. LOL! I need to revisit this in a future post.
Sallie
Thanks for reposting this,Sallie. I will have to read this book. A few years ago, my husband gifted me a book entitled Quiet,also about introverts. The author has a chapter titled something like Why Church is for Extroverts, or something. It was a life changer for me. I also make myself scarce during hug and greet time at church, but at the church we’ve been sort of attending for the past few years, the pastor is so extroverted that he feels the need to pepper his messages with commands to “turn to your neighbor and say this or that”. Arrrgh! I’ve even had to leave church because of panic attacks. It’s good to have the reassurance I’m not alone.
Hi Cheryl,
I have Quiet on my Kindle and I just pulled it out to read that part about churches again. It’s spot on in many regards. There is this sense that you have to be outgoing and extraverted to be an engaged Christian. The thought of attending a place like Saddleback (featured in the chapter) with 22,000 people attending weekly is so depressing I can’t even express it.
I know some will not agree with me, but I think the seeker-sensitive, mega-church model has been so destructive to the Christian church in America over the past 25-30 years. It’s produced so much shallowness. The Body of Christ was not supposed to be about the Culture of Personality (as it is called in the book).
So much to say on this topic. LOL! I need to revisit this in a future post.
Sallie
Sallie, I could not agree more! Thanks again. This topic is such a blessing. I honestly had no idea that so many people feel this way about church. I have always attended these mega type, culture of personality churches since making a commitment to Christ as a young adult. Right now, I think I’m ready to check out the little church on the corner. 🙂
We have always had to look for smaller and quieter churches. Even before we had Caroline, we knew we needed that. Just requiring that eliminated the vast majority of churches no matter where we lived. That was before we even narrowed it down over major doctrinal beliefs. People should not have to leave church feeling like they have been emotionally and physically assaulted by noise.
I’d be interested to know how many of the Dones (committed Christians who no longer attend church) are strongly introverted. I would bet the percentage is high. Really high.
Sallie
And the part that really frosts me (if I may rant for a moment) is that it is ALWAYS the introverts who are seen as the problem.
If you don’t like loud music in church because it makes you physically ill, then you are the problem because you don’t care about the younger people or the way new generations want things. No, I just hate loud music and crowds and it doesn’t matter where it is. Church doesn’t magically change my body to relate to external stimuli in a different matter.
So what do introverts do? They walk away. They are seen as the ones with the problem. They choose between becoming ill at church or staying home in the peace and quiet where they can think. And somehow people are shocked when the introverts disconnect and so they call them selfish.
As you can tell, this is a hot topic for me. LOL!
Sallie
Sallie, I could not agree more! Thanks again. This topic is such a blessing. I honestly had no idea that so many people feel this way about church. I have always attended these mega type, culture of personality churches since making a commitment to Christ as a young adult. Right now, I think I’m ready to check out the little church on the corner. 🙂
We have always had to look for smaller and quieter churches. Even before we had Caroline, we knew we needed that. Just requiring that eliminated the vast majority of churches no matter where we lived. That was before we even narrowed it down over major doctrinal beliefs. People should not have to leave church feeling like they have been emotionally and physically assaulted by noise.
I’d be interested to know how many of the Dones (committed Christians who no longer attend church) are strongly introverted. I would bet the percentage is high. Really high.
Sallie
And the part that really frosts me (if I may rant for a moment) is that it is ALWAYS the introverts who are seen as the problem.
If you don’t like loud music in church because it makes you physically ill, then you are the problem because you don’t care about the younger people or the way new generations want things. No, I just hate loud music and crowds and it doesn’t matter where it is. Church doesn’t magically change my body to relate to external stimuli in a different matter.
So what do introverts do? They walk away. They are seen as the ones with the problem. They choose between becoming ill at church or staying home in the peace and quiet where they can think. And somehow people are shocked when the introverts disconnect and so they call them selfish.
As you can tell, this is a hot topic for me. LOL!
Sallie
I would like to officially update my list of three things. There is something far worse than:
“Cruises (being stuck on a ship surrounded by miles of water with thousands of people I don’t know full of extroverted activities and overeating?)”
Add to that a deadly disease and quarantine where you have NO CONTROL over your life at that point.
I have never ever understood the appeal of a cruise. Now? Watching all this unfold with the Diamond Princess in Japan has taken introvert nightmare to a whole new level.
I would like to officially update my list of three things. There is something far worse than:
“Cruises (being stuck on a ship surrounded by miles of water with thousands of people I don’t know full of extroverted activities and overeating?)”
Add to that a deadly disease and quarantine where you have NO CONTROL over your life at that point.
I have never ever understood the appeal of a cruise. Now? Watching all this unfold with the Diamond Princess in Japan has taken introvert nightmare to a whole new level.