One of the oft-cited cardinal rules of having a strong family is eating together as a family. I agree with this in theory. I do think a lack of regular and meaningful family time is a significant problem in our culture. In our case, because we work from home and homeschool, we have the opportunity to basically eat three meals a day together, seven days a week. Sounds ideal, doesn’t it?
However, there’s also reality.
At one point, David and I realized that we would all be a lot happier if we dumped the idea of eating breakfast as a family. David and I want to get up and get on with our day. We want to eat breakfast shortly after we get up.
Caroline gets up later, likes a slow morning, and is not ready to eat as soon as she wakes up. She can be up for a couple of hours before she wants to eat breakfast. (I totally don’t relate to this!)
So David and I would delay our breakfast to accommodate Caroline so we could eat together. We had to prod her to get her to breakfast and it often made for a less than happy morning for all of us.
Now David and I eat when we are ready which is earlier than we were trying to eat as a family. Caroline has her breakfast a couple of hours after we do.
Because Caroline eats her breakfast later, she eats her lunch later. So David and I eat lunch without her, too. Caroline eats breakfast on her own (which she prefers). Usually one of us helps her get her lunch (if she wants assistance) and hangs out with her while she eats.
Part of me feels funny about this, but it’s what works for our family.
We do eat supper together as a family and that is a non-negotiable.
The plus side is that David and I get two meals together when we have time just for us. Honestly, this is something we’ve missed since having Caroline.
I’m a big believer in doing what works for your family. For example, we ditched morning homeschooling and switched to afternoon homeschooling. That has worked well for us. Getting rid of meal expectations at breakfast and lunch has totally changed our family for the better as well.
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Works when you’re a couple too. My husband has to eat breakfast before he leaves the house or he feels sick. My digestion is a little slower to come to, so at 6am I can shower and drink water or tea, but eating is not on the agenda until at least 2 hours later. Breakfast biscuits or porridge fill the bill then.
We work in the same organization but as we’re in different departments we don’t eat lunch together. Supper is non-negotiable, as you say. Any dirty dishes must be washed first, then we can think about cooking and eating together. We don’t have TV dinners (as in food eaten in front of the TV) either but we do eat in the living room off lap trays at the moment because the conservatory, aka dining room, is in use for storage while we sort out the house and its contents big time.
I love this! My kids eat breakfast at a different time than I, and my husband eats long before any of us are awake. He has crazy hours so often he is unable to eat dinner with us. I have dinner ready at a certain time-ish, and if he makes it for dinner that’s wonderful, but if not, I eat with the kids. We always eat together on weekends, though.
Hi Cait!
Yes, we definitely have to do what works for our individual families. It’s so easy to take on the expectations of others when we read what they do that works so well for them. I definitely believe in embracing our freedoms!