First off, I apologize if this is a little rambly and disjointed. I know a topic like this should be polished and such, but right now posting it as is is the best I can do. 🙂
I mentioned yesterday that we are probably going to baptize Caroline. I knew this would probably come as a shock to some readers here, especially those who are Baptist, have been around my blog a long time, and/or know we decided before Caroline was born that we weren’t going to baptize her and even changed churches because of it. So I thought I would share a bit about how we are coming to this decision.
In some ways this decision has been coming for a while as I shared here in my post Rush Limbaugh and modes of baptism. And do you remember one of the quotes of the week from a few weeks ago? Freida said:
As an adult who grew up in a home-school environment, may I suggest that you don’t make too many decisions ahead of time. Keep the option open, but don’t burn your other bridges. Once we A-types decide on a course of action, we have difficulty when we have to reassess and discover that our decision wasn’t the wisest one. We feel like we have failed, or have not been persistent enough.
This is one thing I have learned in my forty years. It has been a hard lesson to learn because my personality is such that if I see the value in something and want to do it, then I should be able to find a way to get it done! That’s not so, but all the A-types out there will understand that struggle. I’ve also come to learn that it is not profitable to realize you’ve made a decision you regret and then stay in it because of the potential fallout that might occur if you reverse your decision.
I’ve also learned to never say never. That’s why although I have shared here about different aspects of my life and how I like them or feel passionately about them, you will rarely read me saying something like, “I will never get a regular job again” or “I will never have a TV in my living room again” or “I will never baptize Caroline” or “I will never do such and such.” Never is a long time and I’m not especially fond of the taste of crow.
I’ve also seen God change my heart, David’s heart, and the hearts of others I respect. If God can change my heart about something, I am going to try to remain open to how He might wish to move me in another direction rather than digging in my heels and saying “I can’t do that because I told the whole world on my blog I would never do that.”
So, with that as background, here’s the scoop.
First of all, this is not a baptism of salvation. I want to make that super clear. This baptism will not save Caroline. If you would like to read a very good article on infant baptism, here is one put out by the denomination we will in all likelihood be joining. It is very positive and balanced and I appreciated that. (Link no longer available)
We like this church, a part of the Christian Reformed Church (CRC) denomination. Did we make a mistake in leaving this church in the first place? I don’t know. It is hard for me to say it was a mistake because we did meet a lot of really great people at the Baptist church. Do I think our first year with Caroline would have been easier if we had stayed at the CRC church? Yes, I’m quite confident of that, but I guess we will never know. Now that we are back there and are probably going to baptize her, I regret that we didn’t stay so the congregation could enjoy her as an infant and we could have baptized her as a newborn. Oh well. There is no use crying over spilled milk, but it does make me a little sad in that respect.
One of the things I had to suppress when we made the choice to go to the Baptist church was my view of the role of women in the church. The CRC is much more open to women using their gifts than most conservative Baptist churches. I am far more open to women being in leadership and exercising their gifts than the average baptist. At this point in time, I am not as open as the CRC is in general as they have recently moved to allow women to be ordained. But when we switched from the CRC church to the Baptist church I made the choice to put myself somewhere where my opportunities would be very limited and I have come to regret that decision.
When I stand before the Lord someday, I will have to give an account for what I have done with what God has given to me. I have asked myself which I will regret more – baptizing Caroline or being in a church where my opportunities to use my gifts will be very limited? The baptism is a one time thing. Being a good steward of my gifts is a lifetime thing.
While I was in my twenties I had many opportunities to use my gifts. I saw God work through me and use me in a variety of situations. I felt a part of His church and felt His pleasure. I walked closely with Him and was powerfully aware of His presence. In my thirties it was completely different. I’ve been in a few situations over the past ten years where I have had the opportunities to use my gifts, but they have been very limited and very brief. We’ve been in situations where women were meant to be seen and not heard (literally) and other restrictive situations where women were basically in charge of the potlucks and nursery schedule and not much else. Without writing a whole ‘nother post in this post about that, I will just say that it has felt like an important part of me has died during these years. It has been a negative drag on my walk with God.
I don’t know what God has for me in the weeks, months and years ahead. I just know that I want to put myself in a place where there is the possibility of being used rather than putting myself somewhere where there is almost no chance of using my gifts. If God has other people in this church who are better equipped to do what needs to be done and He doesn’t call me to do those things, I am totally fine with that. But the point is that I will have made myself available to being used in an environment where it is possible. Beyond that, it is up to God.
There is definitely some tension in this decision for us. The ordaining of women is one. The CRC is also more “worldly” than I am comfortable with in some ways. I once attended their writing festival and walked out of a general session because I was so offended by what was being said. So this decision is not without some tension for us. But I can’t imagine there being any church where there isn’t tension in the belief and practices. I’ve never been in any church where I didn’t feel tension. The difference is that this time the tension is of the more liberal variety whereas before we generally chose churches where the tension was of the more conservative type. In the past we erred on the side of conservative caution rather than liberal grace. I can’t begin to express what a huge change this is for me philosophically and spiritually. I’m not even sure how it will all work out and how it will impact me. Frankly, it is a little scary. But it is also exciting to see how God might move us in new directions and new ways as a family and as individuals.
So what does this have to do with why are we planning on baptizing Caroline? Because this is the church we want to be in and they baptize their children. I’m not going to attend a church where this is the norm and not baptize her. I feel like it would be insulting to the rest of the membership to not do so. Is this a change for me from what I wrote before? Yes. Am I comfortable with this? About 97%. Will I ever be completely comfortable with this? I hope so. Forty years is a long time to be an immersing Baptist and then just completely erase it. Is there a possibility I would still encourage Caroline to be immersed someday when she makes her own profession of faith? Probably. I just don’t know. I’m entering completely new uncharted territory for me.
The truth of the matter is this… There are going to be lots of people in heaven who were baptized as infants and never immersed. I know that will come as a complete shock to some baptists when they arrive there, but that is the truth. In fact, there will be some folks who were baptized as infants and never immersed sitting much closer to the throne than any of us here on this blog. Again, shocking to some who hold passionately to the view of immersion, but the truth. If I am going to spend eternity fellowshipping with these folks in heaven, why can’t I fellowship with them here on earth?
I know some of my bloggy friends here are going to be dismayed and disappointed. Some won’t come back. Some will understand this switch having gone through something similar themselves. Some will respect me more for this choice. I’ve tried to lay it out as best I can, admitting that I’m still processing some of this myself. I try to be honest here and I didn’t want to let these things go on in my life without addressing them. Hopefully I’ve been clear enough for people to understand a bit of what is going on in this area of our lives and walk with the Lord. 🙂
My Only Child Epiphany
As you, we don’t believe that infant baptism has any bearing on salvation. When our last two daughters were born, we were attending a denomination that does practice infant baptism and did choose to have them baptized, although we considered it more of a “dedication” if you will. A commitment on our part to raise her knowing about the Lord. Our personal belief was that we DID want to have some sort of ceremony of this type, and if it is called baptism by our denomination, then so be it! I love the “tradition” of having a ceremony like this for family and friends to attend, and to publicly declare our intentions to raise her in the Lord.
David and I have been wrestling with this some, not quite in the same way, but some. We visited a vibrant Anglican church that is part of the conservative African communion, and we really liked it, but they baptize infants. We can’t see anywhere in the Bible where baptizing anyone who have not yet professed faith is a biblical thing to do, so we have no plans to baptize Seth. I would be ok going to a church where they baptize infants, as long as it was ok for us not to follow suit, and as long as they would be willing to baptize Seth as a believer by immersion, and it looks like this church would. David, on the other hand, is worried that Seth would be confused getting two different kinds of teaching on baptism. He wonders if Seth would feel different or weird if the other kids had already been baptized and he hadn’t been. As long as the church doesn’t believe baptism saves, I’m ok with a kid getting some water sprinkled on his head as a baby. Do I think that’s “baptism?” No, not really. But he could always get truly baptized when he becomes a believer. I guess I’m wondering, do you have to get Caroline baptized if you don’t think it’s biblical, just to keep people from being offended with you? You’d just be expressing a difference of opinion on a doctrinal issue that doesn’t keep anybody out of heaven. I guess I want the option of doing that, so I want it for you too. =)
I was raised in a Southern Baptist home and was baptized according to the traditions of that church. However, my husband and I joined a PCA church not long after we were married. My thoughts and theology has changed much over our 14 years of marriage and 13 years in our church. Our one and only daughter was baptized when she was 6 weeks old. While it most definitely isn’t her salvation (she is 8 now and has been a believer since 4), it was and is a beautiful testament to covenant theology and covenant family. Our prayer was (from before Gracen was conceived) that there would not be a day that she didn’t know Christ and His love for her.
It wasn’t an easy decision for me because of my background, but it is an element that I truly love now. She was set apart and identified as part of a covenant family (both her biological and spiritual) through her baptism, much the same way circumsion did in the OT (and baptism in the NT).
I enjoy reading your blog–have been a “lurker” for some time!
Merry Christmas.
I can’t imagine being dismayed or disappointed or decide to stop reading someone’s blog just because that someone decided to baptize or not to baptize… maybe I just still don’t get this bloggy thing. But anyway, I hope God puts you at peace with your decisions as you seek His guidance.
I happen to think that baptizing our Covenant children is a very biblical and Godly thing to do, so maybe that’s why I can’t imagine being disappointed in your decision! I will pray with and for you that your church move allows God to grow your giftedness in your service to Christ.
Dear Sallie,
You may wish to consider the PCA church in terms of its policies about the role of women in the church. Women cannot be ordained, but can serve as deconesses. It’s theology is definitely Reformed. It may fit well with you and your family.
It is very interesting to read your open discussion of how you changed your mind about baptizing caroline.
Tracy
I could relate to so much of what you wrote…such as that there is tension in all churches (boy, do I know that as a conservative, Bible-believing Episcopalian/Anglican from an evangelical background!). I’ve come to the conclusion there are no “perfect” churches…there will always be problems. Trying to find the church that’s the right fit for you, where you can worship God and serve to the fullest extent possible, is what’s important. And the “right” church might even change over the years.
I spent a lot of time researching infant baptism as I came from a Grace Brethren background w/believer’s baptism. One thing that struck me was a Biblical reference to entire families being baptized. Did they leave the children and infants out? It doesn’t say.
Like you, I eventually decided it wasn’t a core issue for me. I feel that if the specifics of baptism were critically important, God would have laid out the “game plan” for us much more clearly so that we wouldn’t have so much debate about timing, meaning, method, etc. I don’t think that if we step out in faith, trying to do the right thing for our child as part of raising the child as a faithful Christian, we are going to be penalized in Heaven if we did it “wrong.” I too believe we will see many, many Christians in Heaven who weren’t baptized by immersion.
For us, the baptism was a sign that our child was being raised in the Christian family, but it was not “saving.” We felt the children could decide as adults whether that baptism was sufficient or they wished to move to another church that would re-baptize them as believers. (Baptism is not something that’s repeated in Episcopal/Anglican churches.)
Like another commenter, I can’t imagine anyone would simply quit reading a blog because of a theological disagreement…maybe those kind of folks are out there but I think it’s fascinating to get the points of view of others I respect, even if the opinions don’t always coincide with my own.
Best wishes,
Laura
Hi Sallie,
Thanks for sharing this with us. The topic of infant baptism is of interest to me since I was raised in a denomination that does practice it, but as an adult I have always attended churches that do not. My husband and I dedicated our daughter but did not have her baptized, but I admit I am not completely at peace with that decision.
I have been reading your blog for a while now and really enjoying hearing your thoughts. I don’t always agree with you, but always enjoy hearing about how you and your husband have gone about making the particular decisions. Your posts are so well thought out and interesting and give me food for thought. Thanks!
Thanks, Sallie, on elaborating regarding your decisions. The other post was just a teaser (:
We have been a part of both types of churches; those that seem to err on the conservative/cautious side, and those that err on the liberal/grace side. I feel like there are definite pros and cons. We spent 7 years on the “liberal/grace” side and God did much to grow my heart in loving Him and receiving His unconditional love. We moved recently and the church we are now a part of definitely is more conservative. I already value the discipline and maturity that seem to be valued in this place. God is so big, I am grateful I have been in positions to see His Body in different ways. His blessings to you as you continue to follow Him. I think Caroline will be blessed to see God use both of her parents in service to Him.
A very wise and godly woman whom I greatly admire, now ancient in years but still vibrant in spirit, once told me in a discussion about points of doctrine, “The older and wiser I get, the less sure I am that I’m right, and the fewer things I’m willing to fight over. The Lord handles it all so much better than I!” I’m so glad you are following the Lord’s leading for you at this time, and may He give you real peace in your decision.
“There are going to be lots of people in heaven who were baptized as infants and never immersed. I know that will come as a complete shock to some baptists when they arrive there, but that is the truth.”
Actually, I’m pretty sure that all of us who get to heaven are going to be *very surprised* at who else is there with us. 😉
Thank you, Sallie, for another thoughtful and thought-provoking piece of writing. Blessings to you and yours.
Not dismayed, not disappointed. Our spiritual pilgrimage has taken us from Southern Baptist church to a Spirit-filled Anglican communion. Like you say, God’s family are in both places. Our family has both immersed AND sprinkled folks in it. The example of Billy and Ruth Graham gave me some comfort in my decision-making days. Even though he’s a Baptist, their babies were all baptized, if my memory serves me correctly. I echo an earlier comment: “the older I get, the less important it seems.”
Sallie, I’m not going anywhere. I wish more of us would stand up and say what we REALLY believe, rather than hiding behind veils to keep the uncomfortable questions at bay.
I left a Baptist church (SBC) recently because after 6 years of trying to surpress the “real Lindsey” I got tired of trying. I’m who God created me to be. I’m not this hidden quiet woman that every Baptist wants me to be. I’m personally not for women being in the PREISTHOOD/PASTORING, but I think women can and should use their many gifts in the church. But, this isn’t my blog and I’m not going to “go there!” here!
I applaud you. And you’ve learned the #1 rule in parenting:
NEVER SAY NEVER!!! 🙂
Bless you and sweet Caroline as you approach her Baptism. It is a joyous day for sure.
Thanks, Ladies, for all the thoughtful comments. Just a few thoughts before I call it a day and head to bed…
Ellen – Did you take a look at the article I linked to? I think they give some good reasoning behind the biblical case for baptizing infants. We wouldn’t be doing it just to not be offensive. I think we could attend the CRC church as non-members and not baptize Caroline and people would be ok with it. I don’t want to function in that way though. And I don’t want to put Caroline in that kind of situation. I do think that there are convincing arguments for both views of baptism so I don’t think it is unbiblical. If I thought baptizing infants was flat out unbiblical, I wouldn’t even go to that church.
Dana – Thanks for delurking. Would you like to be on my Moms of Onlies blogroll on the sidebar?
Tracy – We have visited some PCA churches in our area and they weren’t a good fit for us for other reasons (location, size, etc.). But thank you for the suggestion since someone else might find it helpful!
Kayla – Thank you for saying hi!
Time for me to head to bed! Good night! 🙂
This made me smile. 🙂 I was baptized as an infant, and my husband was not. We currently are members of a PCA church that baptizes their infants. Since we most likely will still be here after having kids, we have much to discuss!
Wow. There was a lot of education for me in this single post. Fascinating to me how many strongly-held doctrinal differences exist in this world about things which I have always just taken for granted.
I’m sitting here ruminating about all this and wondering whether we American women play a unique role in being the family “deciders” about which the particular belief community our families will join. I suspect we might often be the most important deciders based upon the significant doctrinal and social controversies that surround women: which church roles/authorities are granted to women, the degree to which women assert control over fertility/childbearing, and so on.
The question lingering for me after I read your post: why did you prefer to join the Baptist tradition for a period of time – – what attracted you that you didn’t get elsewhere?
Another question based on your post: would you elaborate on the following comment and what you mean by ‘worldly’?
“… The CRC is also more “worldly” than I am comfortable with in some ways. I once attended their writing festival and walked out of a general session because I was so offended by what was being said.”
Thanks, as ever, for making us think.
Thanks Sallie for posting that link to the article about why babies should be baptised. I have always been an infant baptist, but this article explains it far better than I could.
I’ve been reading a while, not sure if I’ve commented before, I’m English, in the UK
Henrietta
Good thoughts Sallie,
I can’t seem to pull my thoughts together enough for a coherent comment this morning. but you have me thinking. Sometimes we substitute our creeds for our Relationship with our Lord. but no creed will get anyone into heaven. the only way in is to know & be known by the Son. It’s important that we don’t allow our manmade rules to keep us from obeying our Savior.
my mind keeps wandering, it’s a good think I can’t type as fast as I think or this would be a book sized ramble.
Mrs N
Thank you so much for such a heartfelt post. You are a wonderful writer!
Sallie, I, too, have learned that the Christian life is a journey. I have been a Christian for 44 years and the older I get, physically and spiritually, the more aware I am that it is the Lord who is walking on His path in front of me, many times taking me places I would ever have chosen on my own, only to be so pleasantly surprised by what He wanted to show me along the way!
I am cheering on the sidelines for your family. God is good, His mercies endure forever.
Thank you for your post — as you know I won’t quit reading entirely – my schedule doesn’t let me read consistantly – but that is my problem and not yours — I grew up in a denomination that does baptize infants, I was myself at the age of 3, under the infant mode though I do remember it, it wasn’t my choice so it was still infant. – however as you stated this practice doesn’t save the infants, my parents and my sister still belong to that denomination and my niece was baptized that way as well.
The church I belong to now doesn’t baptize anybody – infants or adults. But we do have a dedication ceremony for children which is the exact same thing as the baptism ceremony that was preformed for children at my old church, without the water. Which is really what I see an infant baptism is — a parent dedicating their child to the Lord.
Dearest Sallie~ You and your husband have grown so much in this year of having a child. You are wiser than you know.
I was raised a Conservative Baptist and I have gone through much that you speak about. However, our family has grown in many ways also.
Thanksgiving weekend three generations of Great-grandparents, Grandparents and uncles and all dedicated our first grand-daughter to the Lord. It was wonderful to know that all those opinions and prejudices could unite in prayer to giving this child a sure foundation in Christ alone.
You will see God’s hand in your family memories as well.
May God bless you continually as you love Him with all your hearts.
Sallie –
I just want to praise the Lord for allowing you the ability and the desire to be transparent on this blog. I’ve loved walking with you this last year or so, learning things from you and the other ladies here, and just knowing there are others out there who think like I do.
I come from a faith tradition that does baptize infants, and I’m pretty sure some people still think it saves the baby. But, I don’t believe all believers in my church agree with that mentality anymore. We baptized Liam at the start of November; I’m fairly certain my StepMIL and FIL were annoyed that it was a baptism and not a ‘dedication’. We keep getting pressure from them AND their pastor to have him ‘dedicated’ at the Christmas eve service when we’ll be in town – it isn’t happening, mainly because of the belief that “we believe in one baptism for the forgiveness of sins”. Now, whether that is an infant baptism or adult baptism is open to interpretation….I just wish that people could accept that other faiths do things differently, but never saying never is a good rule to live by.
I agree with your statements about women and the church too….using the gifts God has given us is tantamount to maintaining strong parishes. Otherwise, we start to see more and more spiritual abuse, and that is NEVER good. 🙁
Sallie,
I’m a very occasional reader of your blog, but I do check in now and then because I love what you write!
I’m not familiar with the Christian Reformed Church, but I applaud your decision to baptize your daughter. Baptism is a sacrament and while it alone does not “save” anyone, it is a part of our salvation.
I grew up in a church that did not baptize infants and I was 16 when I was baptized. However, when I was pregnant with my first child, I was received (along with my husband) into the Eastern Orthodox Church. All three of my kids have been baptized in this church. I love Orthodox baptisms. Not only are they full immersion, but the babies are dunked three times! Talk about a shocked baby! LOL!
Blessings on you and your family as you continue your journey to holiness and deeper relationship with God!