After years of navigating Reformed theology and various church denominations, I have gained a clear perspective on the differences between those circles and my own Baptist doctrine. As I’ve spent many hundreds of hours digging into these complex teachings, one thing has become clear: my foundational Baptist roots—specifically regarding eternal security and the simple offer of salvation—protected me from the heaviest aspects of Calvinism. This is why, after decades of searching, I’ve found that true peace is found in the joy of the Gospel rather than the doctrines of men.

In all of the things David and I have gone through spiritually as a couple in our thirty years together, I’ve never stopped being a Baptist at heart. I believe that Baptist foundation protected me in many ways during some difficult times. Those Baptist roots include the joy of the Gospel, the peace of resting in what Jesus did on the cross for me, the authority of the Bible, and the priesthood of all believers.

The Search for a Church: Balancing Women’s Ministry and Sound Doctrine

I mentioned to David this week at breakfast that all of the wandering we did through various churches and denominations would never have happened except for the fact that we could not find a theologically sound Baptist church that had a reasonable view on women using their gifts.

If we had found a Baptist church that was a little less conservative on this doctrine, we could have easily settled there. But we didn’t. Instead we were surrounded by KJV-only churches, churches with significant restrictions on woman, and/or churches overly concerned with eschatology.

The Cost of Compromise: Lessons from Time Spent in Reformed Churches

Because of that, we spent a great deal of fruitless time in churches that fit us in the area of women functioning, but didn’t in other ways. This includes our decision to baptize Caroline so we could become members of two different Christian Reformed churches.

Do I regret baptizing her now? Yes, in some ways I do.

I regret I compromised on that because that compromise bore no good fruit in our life as a family.

Every time we compromised in order to be in a Calvinist/Reformed church, it ended badly.

Every. Single. Time.

It is almost as though God simply did not want us to be comfortable there. Did we make a mistake or did He allow us to go through those experiences for a greater reason? I’m strongly inclined toward the latter since most of my life seems to be going through less than optimal situations so I can be useful in the Kingdom.

The Baptist church we are in now is the closest thing we could find. It has a male pastor (fine) and male deacons (with which I have a legitimate Biblical quibble). Almost everything else is open to women and women do serve and lead freely. There is no underlying tension in the church that I’m aware of that women are somehow less. The church has congregational rule and is led by three boards (Deacon, Trustee, and Christian Education). Each of the three boards handles a tremendous amount of responsibility in their area and they function well overall as three cooperating groups. Women have been chair of the C.E. Board. I don’t know if a woman has ever chaired the Trustee Board, but I don’t think there is any prohibition against it.

What isn’t allowed is a woman teaching a mixed group of adults. And this is where David and I had to make our biggest compromise. This rules out me ever using my teaching gifts in a Sunday School setting. I’ve taught Sunday School to mixed adult groups before and I’m a good teacher. But that’s not an option at this church.

I was chair of the C.E. Board, but I can’t teach an adult Sunday School class.

This is the compromise I had to make and live with.

But what I haven’t had to compromise is the rest of the key beliefs I hold to such as the offer of salvation to all and the eternal security of the believer.

Joyless Dogma vs. The Gospel: Recognizing the Difference

The other thing I gained is being a part of a joyful church. Every Reformed church we were in was heavy and not characterized by joy.

There were days I missed my Baptist roots so much I cried.

At the time, I thought it was just the loss of what was familiar. But looking back now, I don’t think that was it.

I couldn’t sort it out then, but I have sorted it out now.

My spirit was simply grieved by what it was hearing week after week –  and what I wasn’t hearing.

I thought I was longing for the familiar service structure I had known most of my life. That wasn’t it.

I was longing for the joyful proclamation of a loving Savior who offers the gift of eternal life to all who would put their faith in Him. 

I thought I was longing for the familiar hymns. That wasn’t it.

I was longing for hymns that were hopeful and triumphantly proclaiming the great work of Jesus Christ offered to men, women, boys, and girls for their salvation.

I thought I was longing to finally meet enough people and make friends so I would feel like I fit into this strange new paradigm. That wasn’t it.

I was longing for the familiar feel of a local church body that functions like a family, not a branch office of a multinational corporation that issues requirements for members. 

I knew my salvation was eternally secure because of my faith in Jesus Christ and found great peace in that.

I had no idea I was surrounded by people who did not have the same security and peace and were worried about persevering to the end to prove they were saved. 

Defining Assurance: Eternal Security vs. Perseverance of the Saints

Someone reading this might wonder how I could become a member of a Calvinist church and not realize these things ahead of time.

Part of it was due to being in so many Reformed-adjacent organizations. I considered myself somewhat Reformed. I mean, doesn’t every Christian believe in the sovereignty of God?

I didn’t understand that Calvinists use the same words but have very different definitions for them. I truly didn’t. My Baptist filter was still on the entire time because I was still a Baptist at heart who was simply trying to find someplace I could use my gifts.

That’s why like so many other Christians who end up in Calvinist circles, I didn’t fully grasp the perseverance of the saints. I heard eternally secure. Of course saints persevere to the end. They are held eternally secure by the Lord.

I had NO IDEA they believe you have to literally die “in faith” and hope you wake up with Christ. I did not comprehend that they had no real assurance of their salvation.

The Unsettling Reality of Covenant Theology and Infant Baptism

It wasn’t until then that I fully understood the motivation of baptizing babies. The pastor who baptized Caroline made it very clear that the baptism doesn’t save the child. I agreed. But the whole idea of treating children as members of the covenant until they prove otherwise FINALLY made sense to me.

Again, I know it probably seems crazy to some reading this that I didn’t fully grasp this, but I didn’t.

When I fully understood what they call perseverance of the saints years later, I finally understood their rationale behind treating children as members of the church until they prove otherwise. They teach that you treat them as if they belong to Jesus until they show they don’t. Then you say, “I guess they were never one of the elect.” And you move on with your life because if God chooses to condemn your child to damnation then praise the Lord it’s him and not me because it’s all about how God chooses to glorify Himself.

Just typing that makes me feel sick.

(And if you think I am exaggerating, watch the first video in this post.)

Again, I am so thankful for my Baptist roots.

I am so thankful for the bad experiences we had that pushed us out of those churches. The experiences were awful at the time when we were trying so hard to fit in. But I am so thankful that we never fit in.

Finding Peace in the Simplicity of the Gospel

I love the simplicity of the Gospel and the gift of salvation that Jesus freely offers to all who will come by faith.

I am so thankful for my Baptist roots that taught me to tell people that God loves them and that Jesus died for their sins. I don’t have to hedge my bets and wonder if I’m lying to them if they aren’t “one of the elect” that God loves.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

John 3:16