I’ve been thinking a lot the past year about my theological framework. Some of you may have noticed that I don’t write many theological posts. I regularly share Scripture. I write about how I apply my faith to various situations and decisions. But I haven’t gotten into theology in any significant way.
There’s been a reason for that and it’s fairly simple. Apart from a lack of time to write quality posts involving theology, David and I have never been fully settled into any one camp and so I was not going to write about things that felt unsettled.
We’ve been members of multiple churches during our marriage. We’ve never fully fit into any of them. Each time there was at least one major area where we had to compromise. We were always open about our differences with the doctrinal statement of each church where we became members so we never tried to hide anything. But it always felt like we were doing what we had to do to make the best of the most acceptable option available to us.
So we always had to squish down something that was important to us. Before we had Caroline we struggled to find a church where I would fit in. After Caroline was born, we had to find a church where I would fit in and would also work for Caroline’s sensory needs. Needless to say, we’ve never fit in anywhere all that well. There were a number of long stretches when we didn’t go anywhere on Sunday. Our current church is probably the best fit of all of them and we’re thankful for that. I would describe it as a moderately conservative country Baptist church. However, we are not in total doctrinal agreement with our current church. But it’s overall the best fit of probably all the churches where we’ve been members.
Because we’ve been in and out of so many different kinds of churches and denominations, I realized that I have residual junk lurking in my mind. Most of it is rooted in Calvinism and Reformed theology. My time on staff with InterVarsity had a lot of Reformed influence. Some of the pastors and teachers I’ve had were also Reformed leaning in various ways. David grew up Reformed. We’ve been members of two Christian Reformed (Calvinist) churches during our marriage.
But when it comes right down to it, neither one of us is Calvinistic in our theology. (We’re not Arminians either.) Yet I think the Calvinism lurks in ways that are unhealthy for me (and us). For me, running in Calvinistic and Reformed circles was depressing. That could be an entire post by itself. Of all the churches of various types we visited over the years, the most depressing one by far was a Reformed Baptist church. It was literally oppressive to be in the service. We went a couple of times to be fair to the church and even went to lunch at the home of one of the elders. It was so depressing and controlling. As an introvert and one who already thinks a lot, the last thing I needed was something like that.
We also knew that Calvinism wasn’t for us because we discerned it was not the best theological environment to raise Caroline. At one point we became members of a small CRC church near our home where we really liked the pastor. We even had Caroline baptized when she was a toddler so we could become members. That was a significant choice for me as a basically life-long Baptist. After we moved to Cute Little Town, we attended a different CRC church off and on as we tried to sort out what to do. She even went to GEMS there for a bit. In the end, the theology and service was just too much. We knew it would be a very bad fit for Caroline’s personality. So we ended up in the country Baptist church and it was definitely the right choice where she was concerned. I’m so thankful God led us away from Calvinistic theology. I shudder to think about what things might have been like if we had raised her in that theological framework. God graciously led us away from that.
So I’ve spent a lot of time in recent months identifying and naming the Calvinist things that I don’t agree with and why. It was like I had to look at each one and ask myself what I actually believed about it in order to formally reject it and put it behind me. It’s been good and liberating.
No, I’m not deconstructing my faith. Not even close. Just the opposite. I’m solidifying it in ways I haven’t had time to think about in recent years. There were several parts to it including deep dives into:
- the purpose and practice of the gathering of believers in the New Testament church
- how paganism influenced the church and the steps that led to it becoming an institution instead of a gathering of believers edifying each other
- the fact that the Reformers did not go nearly far enough in moving away from Rome and how that continues to be a problem today
- finding a theological structure for the book of Revelation that actually makes sense and is consistent with the whole of Scriptures
- observing what is going on with Reformed and Calvinist folks online and the impact this is having and will continue to have on women in the coming years (not good IMHO – another post coming on that)
It’s been a very good time of personal growth. I’ve toyed with the idea of posting a Christian video I’ve appreciated each day to share with my readers. I’ve watched countless good ones on a variety of theological topics. I’m thinking about that.
So that’s where I’ve been. Sometimes I haven’t blogged as much because I’ve been very busy and intentional with homeschooling the last couple of years. Sometimes it’s been due to reading and writing for my other website. And sometimes it’s because I’ve been working through my theology.
In the end, it’s all been very good. It boils down to the truth and reality that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Lord. That has never changed no matter which building I walked into on a given Sunday and what their doctrinal statement said. Jesus died for my sins. He rose from the dead and conquered death. He forgave my sins and changed me. He loves me and intercedes for me. The Holy Spirit guides me.
I am His and He is mine.
I pray He is your Savior, too.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
John 3:16-17
Is The Moscow Mood Dead?
I hope you share more about this! Especially this point…” the fact that the Reformers did not go nearly far enough in moving away from Rome and how that continues to be a problem today ”.
Does this apply to all who are reformed? John MacArthur even?
His
Shari
Hi Shari,
The Reformed and Calvinist portion of the American church operates on a spectrum just like any other denomination or theological framework. I’ve never listened to MacArthur much so I don’t want to comment on him specifically.
I will say that it is my opinion that the Reformed and Calvinist movement in America right now has an obsession with authority. I think some of that comes from the heavy commitment to hierarchy in their churches. Some of it is an over-reaction to feminism and the culture. I have very real concerns about how this will play out in the coming years.
I don’t see any indication in the New Testament that Jesus and the Apostles were implementing church systems the way they exist today.
I have many videos related to these topics I plan on sharing. I also have posts I would like to write about it. They are mostly in my head at the moment.
I hope that helps. ❤️
Sallie
Dear Sallie,
Once again I find myself bearing witness to your thoughtful directions. I am also finding a right fitting church after years of either not being in a church or visiting various churches to find a spiritual fit. I am heavily Word oriented and appreciate your Morning Hope posts. I am still confused by what is happening in the Moscow Mood events to which I was introduced by your blogs. I do not know how much is detrimental divisions as opposed to a Spiritual correction. I will just be leaving all that to the Lord as I pursue His plan in my present walk, which happily does not depend on the Moscow Mood scene. I will be watching your posts for more on your theological explorations as I find them enlightening and productive to my own deep dives into the Word. Be blessed.
B.
Hi B,
The Moscow Mood blowup will not have any impact on some churches and denominations. I would guess most people in my church aren’t even familiar with the people involved unless they are homeschoolers (so they are aware of Classical Christian education). At the same time, it will reverberate through others and even cause fallout in a handful.
My biggest concern is for the wives and daughters who will be impacted by all of this. The rhetoric coming out of those circles regarding women is deeply troubling. I suspect there is a lot of narcissism in that camp. Life with a narcissist is hell. Being a narcissist who claims to be a Christian makes it even worse for those who have to live with him.
The other thing I’ve been wondering about is how many of these high-profile Christian “celebrities” who have deconstructed their faith and left Christianity over the past five to seven years were in Calvinist circles. I had never considered that until I saw one former Christian musician talking about leaving the faith and he was CLEARLY using Calvinist language in terms of what caused his doubt.
Lots to think about. And because Christians are so interconnected now because of social media and the online world, things can impact others in ways they never would have before.
Sallie
I am a Midacts Rightly Dividing Grace Believer. But we do not have a “grace church” in our area. So, we just do home church for now and I watch LIVE bible studies of Grace preachers on youtube. Lately though I have been reading some things by Mennonites and I am amazed to find I have some similar beliefs as them though there are still some things that I would strongly disagree with them on. But I found books by David Bercot regarding early church history very interesting. I was never a reformer or a Calvinist but I have appreciated a few books by some of them – Jeff Pollard had an eye opening book about Christian Modesty. I think that today there are many “stranded” believers in that they haven’t found a church where they feel like they totally fit in. I just remember that even during the Apostle Paul’s time, he had some believers who completely abandoned him and the doctrines of grace! Wow! I am just thankful that there are at least books, video’s, blogs and podcasts I can enjoy by great bible study teachers!
Hi Adrienne,
I had not heard of Midacts Rightly Dividing Grace Believers so I looked it up and learned something new today!
Things are definitely different now. In the past, a town would have a Catholic, a Presbyterian, a Baptist, and a Methodist church. Everyone went to one of them because that’s what was available.
I think we are going through another major reformation and that’s partly why everything seems so crazy. It will be interesting to see how it all plays out in the years ahead.
Sallie
Hi, Sallie, I just stumbled on your blog, and I really appreciate your honest search for truth and that you got away from the toxic theology of Calvinism.
In 2019, my husband, me, and our 4 sons left our church of 20 years after it was taken over by Calvinism 6 years earlier. That was heartbreaking for me because having come from such a dysfunctional family-of-origin, with lots of instability, I really wanted a church that I could be part of the rest of our lives, raising our kids there. A second family.
But Calvinism came in with a new pastor. And almost no one else there seemed alarmed or disturbed by it. But the more I compared what our pastor said to the plain reading of Scripture, the worse it got, and the more I knew that we had to choose: Stay and be part of a church that promotes an anti-gospel in the hopes that we could eventually wake others up… or leave and get my kids out of there so that it didn’t corrupt our family and their faith in God.
We tried at first to confront the elder board and to wake up a few people, but almost everyone else was behind the pastor. And so in the end (especially after we realized that disagreement would not be allowed when they deleted my comment where I disagreed with the pastor’s view of predestination), we chose to leave.
Since then, we did church at home with just our family for about 18 months (we really needed to decompress after all the frustration and anger of watching Calvinism take over), and then we met with one other family in our home for about 18 months. And now we are at a church that doesn’t feel like home at all, but at least we’re able to be around other people praising Jesus and sharing the gospel.
But Calvinism has left its scars, and I find myself still flinching a lot whenever I hear a pastor preach. And I’m always alert for signs of stealth Calvinism. It makes it hard to relax at any church now. I distrust them all to a degree, fair or unfair.
But like you said, I’m not deconstructing from the faith at all, but I’m solidifying it, purifying it, simplifying it, taking it back to what matters most – mere Christianity – getting rid of the baggage that people/denominations/traditions have piled on it over the years.
I applaud you and your husband for getting away from it, especially after growing up in it. I was never a Calvinist, but having seen the hold it gets on people and on a church – really good, well-meaning, humble people – I am convinced that it’s one of the most deceptive, stealthy theologies polluting the evangelical church right now.
Since it came into our church, I have deeply researched it and been writing against it on my blog The Anti-Calvinist Rant, https://anticalvinistrant.blogspot.com. (I know you said you might post theology videos you like, but if you read my stuff and find anything helpful, feel free to copy and paste it on your blog. The more people getting the word out, the better.)
God bless! And keep writing!
FYI: And we sound a lot alike in other ways. I also homeschooled my kids. And I value living simply, conscientiously. And I’m an INFP. 🙂
Hi Heather,
Welcome! I recognized your story and website right away because it turned up when I was reading around on the topic of leaving Calvinism. I thought I had shared a link to one of your posts, but apparently not. I must have them bookmarked.
The stealth infiltration of Calvinst pastors into non-Calvinist churches is so reprehensible. They are INSTRUCTING these young men in seminary to not reveal that they are Calvinists when searching and interviewing for jobs. To me, that screams wolf. If a man can’t be honest about his theological framework when looking for a job, he is unfit to be a pastor. Period. It is especially reprehensible knowing full well that it will eventually cause division in the unsuspecting church when people (like you) figure it out. It’s so wicked.
Our pastor is getting older and I don’t know how much longer he plans to work. He’s been the pastor for a long time. But I’ve already told David that I will do everything in my power to make sure no stealth Calvinist gets past our hiring process. I will ask point blank and/or subtle questions to force him to be honest. I don’t even care if people in the church think I’m being too aggressive. We are blessed with a pretty peaceful church (although imperfect like any group of people). There is no way I want to see it destroyed by some conniving stealth Calvinist.
You can tell this topic gets me worked up. LOL!
We moved in and out of Reformed/Calvinist churches while trying for years to find something that would work for our family. I am SO THANKFUL that we never settled in one long-term because of our daughter, in particular. Our daughter is an INFP and Calvinism would be a horrible theological framework in which to raise an INFP. I don’t think Calvinism is good for any kids, but my observation in learning about INFPs is that they have their own unique set of challenges when it comes to faith. I would love to hear anything you might want to share about that. There is almost nothing out there written from a Christian perspective about raising an INFP in the Christian faith. My daughter and I are alike in many ways, but our approach to faith is different. So I’m all ears if you have any insights!
Glad to see you here!
Sallie
Thank you so much for your reply, Sallie. It’s good to hear from you. I agree with all you said, especially about stealth Calvinism. (I’ve got a bunch of posts about that because I’ve seen how it works and manipulates. It really does act like a cult in that way.)
You said: “I will do everything in my power to make sure no stealth Calvinist gets past our hiring process.”
That’s so great that your church has someone who knows what to look out for before it gets there. I had to learn what Calvinism was and why it was wrong and how it operated as the pastor was stealthily promoting it and filling the church with it. (Of course, as I rewatch old sermons now, I can clearly hear the Calvinism, but I didn’t know how to recognize it before because I didn’t really know what it was or their word games or doctrines. So I had to learn along the way.)
And during the process of coming to understand what the pastor was teaching (and realizing how many popular pastors and famous theologians believe that stuff too), it nearly crushed both mine and my husband’s faith. But we get digging and researching. And we came out stronger for it. But it cost us a lot in the end. (If we had known ahead of time what Calvinism was and how to recognize it, we could’ve sounded the alarms earlier, maybe opened more people’s eyes. And then maybe we wouldn’t have had to leave. Sad.)
But I firmly believe the sacrifice was worth it – because the alternative would’ve been to stay and quietly tolerate a theology that, I believe, does great damage to God’s character and truth. And I can’t do that. If I did, I’d have to hang my head in shame when I stand before Him in the end.
I’m glad you take as forceful of a stance against Calvinism as I do, mincing no words, tiptoeing through no tulips. 😉
I don’t think this stealthy, aggressive theology can be stopped if we all “politely” tolerate it, in the name of “unity” or “not being divisive.” Some things are worth being divisive about. Some things we must be divisive about. Or else we’ll lose the truth, the true gospel, and our reasons for trusting God and His Word.
Switching topics: As far as being an INFP and theology, I never thought about how they interact or affect each other. That’s a good question! And I’d love to hear what you think the unique challenges are for an INFP, or for your daughter.
I guess, off the top of my head, I am someone who wants a lot of information and research to back up what I believe, to have real reasons for why I think what I do, making conscientious and deliberate decisions about everything. And I try to live out what I believe – to really commit to it (when I trust/commit, I do it strongly) – and so I want to make sure that what I believe is correct, the truth (as far as we can know it).
And so if I am interested in a topic or feel the need to research something, in order to make a wise decision, I will throw myself into it very deeply, researching it over a long time, all the way to the bottom, until I feel I have sufficient information to make a thoughtful decision about it. (And so I have to be careful about what piques my interest because when I jump in, I jump in deep.)
That might not be part of being an INFP specifically, but it’s what I’m like regardless – very deliberate, conscientious, and researched with all my decisions and beliefs. And very committed once I do reach a thoughtful decision. (And willing to sacrifice for it.)
But as far as hearing people talk or pastors preach, I think being an INFP makes me hear things with my gut, if you know what I mean. I hear not only the words that are said, but I hear what’s behind it, the reasons it’s being said, what’s not being said, what’s being hidden, and how those words or tone of voice are supposed to make us feel – not just how they make us feel, but how the speaker wants it to make us feel, the speaker’s intentions (or at least what I THINK/FEEL their intentions are).
This can cause me to always be a little distrusting or reserved, slow to trust, especially if I sense that something might be a little “off,” even if the wording is perfect. [And maybe especially if it’s all “too perfect” – a person’s words, mannerisms, dress, makeup/nails/hair, or smile. I trust genuine, real, and raw much more than I trust polished, proper, and carefully-crafted.]
I take in the whole picture, even what’s missing from it (hearing between the lines), instead of just the words that are said. And I always want to figure out what’s behind it, what’s driving it.
I’m like the total opposite of a literal, factual, “just hears the words” person, the kind who can’t understand when I say “It’s not WHAT you say that’s the problem, but it’s HOW you say it.” I hear the “how” more than the “what.”
And I place a lot more emphasis on the nonverbal than the verbal because I think it reveals a lot more truth about what’s inside (because words can be more carefully chosen to be manipulative or deceptive).
I am quick to give people the benefit of the doubt at first… but as they talk or preach, my mind is always noticing the nonverbals and filtering what they say through it. So I might be quicker than others to feel like someone is a little shady or that something is a little off.
But because I want to trust people and give them the benefit of the doubt, I’ll often suppress those feelings until the evidence is so clear and abundant that I have to admit it. So this leads to a little push-and-pull, back-and-forth, in my heart, noticing that something is off but not wanting to see it – because finally seeing it always leads to some sort of loss or heartache. Sometimes, I hang on longer than I should.
Anyway, I didn’t mean to go on and on like that, but I find your question intriguing, even if my answer wasn’t totally on topic or maybe what you’re looking for. [And you can bet that my mind will be working on that question for awhile. 🙂 ]
God bless! And it was great to hear from you. I hope we can keep in touch.