Twenty years ago I walked into a conference at a Baptist seminary not far from where I currently live. I was growing by leaps and bounds in my faith. I loved studying the Bible. Secretly I longed to attend seminary. I was very excited to attend this conference and learn more. It was advertised as open to both men and women. Although it might have been advertised that way, that was not the reality. There were only four or five women there amidst a few hundred men.
And we were anathema to the men who were assembled.
I buddied up with another woman old enough to be my grandmother and we attended some of the sessions together, going our own way for others. We were ignored virtually everywhere we went. The men wouldn’t look me in the eye when I passed them in the hallway or sat down next to them in the different sessions.
I was worse than invisible to them.
I was despised by them.
I was not their sister in Christ, eager to grow in my faith.
I was a woman who didn’t know her place. I was a dangerous woman.
I was a Jezebel.
Discouraged at Every Turn
In the ensuing twenty plus years, I’ve experienced plenty of the same. I’ve sat through poor Bible teaching in church classes by men who were qualified to teach only because they were men. It didn’t matter if I was both gifted and experienced. I was flat out told I would never teach the class because I was a woman.
When I shared with someone that I knew God had gifted me because I had experienced the power of the Holy Spirit while teaching and leading, I was told that it was impossible. I was told that if I had felt empowered while doing these things, it was not the Holy Spirit empowering me. It was Satan. The Holy Spirit would never empower a woman in such a way, I was clearly and forcefully told.
My husband and I have gone from church to church to church, trying to find a place where we could fit theologically and I would be welcomed as a woman with certain gifts from the Holy Spirit.
I’ve been fighting this battle longer than some of you have been alive.
And so I found myself finally pushed over the edge today when I read something written by a twenty-something about “this generation” and how they are the ones to make a difference. They are the ones to do what no one else has been willing to do. They are the ones to go against the “power structures” and speak out. It wasn’t the first time I’ve read this attitude among those who are younger than me. But today was the day it finally made me frustrated (?) or annoyed (?) or angry (?) enough to write about it.
So this is my open letter to you. I’d like to offer you some perspective that I frankly think some of you lack. In your youthful zeal I don’t think you fully appreciate how your experience and your opportunities are truly unique to this tiny sliver in time. And maybe, just maybe, my words will help some of you realize that “this generation” is the beneficiary of an alignment of time never seen before.
When I Was Your Age (Yes, Really)
When I was your age, calling long distance on the phone was expensive. We called after hours when it was cheaper. We didn’t instantly call (or text) our girlfriends around the country and around the world. We didn’t even have dozens of girlfriends around the country and around the world. Our circles were small and largely local.
When I was your age, we didn’t travel to multiple blogging conferences by plane each year. Plane travel was expensive. It was an event. Young moms didn’t take off for long weekends across the country to gather with their far flung friends in glitzy locations with tons of swag.
When I was your age and I was treated like total garbage by my supposed brothers in Christ at a Bible conference, I didn’t have an online “tribe” to run to and share my story with. I didn’t have a blog. We didn’t even have the internet. When I was treated like garbage, I was alone.
When I was your age, a young woman in her twenties or thirties couldn’t call out a national Christian leader. There were a few national Christian magazines that were nearly impossible to get published in. And do you honestly think a national magazine would have printed an article or even a letter by a young woman calling out a national leader?
When I was despised, you were watching Barney.
When I was ignored and turned away by men in leadership, you were doing your teen angst thing.
Some of us have been fighting this fight for a long time. But we had none of the tools available that you take for granted.
There was no internet. If we researched a theological topic, we went to the church library or the Christian bookstore. That was it. And books were expensive because there was no Amazon, no Paperback Swap, and no eBay.
There was no email. We didn’t have a list of blog subscribers to keep in contact with.
There were no blogs. We didn’t get to discuss the finer points of theology with people around the world. We didn’t get to learn and absorb from those who had studied more and experienced more on the topics that were nearest and dearest to our hearts. If we were lucky, maybe someone in our church or our pastor might discuss something with us. Once.
There was no texting, Twitter, Facebook or all the other social media you have today that make it possible for you to connect with others.
We were soldiering on, mostly alone.
But we have been out there doing what we could in our small way with the limited opportunities we had.
I encourage you to reconsider your views of the women (and men) who don’t come from “this generation.”
And I encourage you to take just a moment and consider that perhaps “this generation” has the opportunity to make a difference because of the time in which you live. Is it the fact that you are “this generation” or is it the fact that you are incredibly fortunate to live in a time that offers the ability to connect with others like you in a way that has NEVER been available before?
Time and Opportunity
While it does take courage to speak out, it also takes opportunity. Up until recent years, women did not have a platform to speak out like I have or like some of you are now.
Before you decide that the generation before you didn’t sufficiently care enough to do enough, consider what we did do with virtually no tools at our disposal at all.
We have been out there fighting the fight. Quietly and alone much of the time.
Our voice doesn’t sound like your voice. We don’t write like you do. We don’t “speak” online like you do. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have our own authentic “voice” and we don’t have something valuable to say.
Please don’t assume that we didn’t care or quietly dismiss us as not having done enough. Maybe we weren’t fortunate enough to have the tools and opportunities you have today. We’ll never know. Our youth is past. God put us in the previous generation for His own purposes.
But I do know that I’m 46 and I have a 7 year old daughter. This does matter to me. I want better for my daughter.
And someday she’ll be looking at your generation and critiquing what you have or have not done for the cause of Christ.
And hopefully she’ll be a little kinder to you than I sometimes think you have been to us.
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Also remember that each generation stands on the shoulders of giants — on those in previous generations who have paved the way, broken the ground, and raised the new generations. Where would you be? (I speak as a fifty year old who used to be so arrogant about my faith and what I could do for God. I look back to that youthful idealism with amusement and some pity. I made a lot of stupid zealous mistakes then that set me on a path I’ve had to retrace in subsequent decades.)
Virginia,
Absolutely! I often think of the women who went before me so I could vote, own property, speak for myself, etc. My own denomination has been struggling with these issues for a few decades and I know many women (and men) lost much and paid a heavy personal price in the struggle so that I can have the opportunities I do.
While I think most young women in the church recognize that others have gone before, I don’t think they fully comprehend the opportunities available to them today solely because of technology and social media. Even the changes in the past five to ten years are substantial.
Many women had great passion for these ideas, but the opportunities to impact a large segment of the church (or even a smaller segment of the church) were simply non-existent.
Thanks for the comment!
Love it!
Sallie!
You are absolutely correct, the internet and especially social media have given everyone the ability to have a platform to promote ideas. I remember when Doug Phillips warned men to not allow their wives to read certain blogs for fear of the influence they could have and I realized then what a powerful tool for free thought we now enjoy! Look at how China continues to control their citizens by not allowing free use of the internet. And is it any wonder Obama wants to do likewise? While the younger generation of women may believe they are the first to challenge the status quo, being 60 myself, what I observe is that it is really a combination of the availability of finding out information and to be able to introduce thought yourself combined with the in-your-face misogyny that has shed some of its subtly from years’ past that really is opening eyes. I also remind my younger sisters that with great power comes great responsibility and I fear that without a good, clear view of the authority of Scripture and a commitment to always be faithful to it, many of them are too willing to embrace post-modern fads which, in reality, harms what we are trying to accomplish.
Karen,
I agree about the in-your-face misogyny. Every time I think certain Christian leaders can’t shock me with the things they say about women, someone takes it a step further. I do think some of the ridiculousness that has been displayed in recent years has made it even easier for all of us to push back no matter what our age.
And I agree with your last sentiment. Every generation has their blind spot that they miss in their zeal. Some who are still quite young have been given a large platform. And they will be held accountable for what they do, say and promote. While it is thrilling to have the opportunity to engage so many, it’s also sobering to realize that it comes with increased accountability.
I’m now 32 with a 7-year-old daughter, and back before Katherine and Caroline were born, you were one of the first women who captured my attention with the idea of what Sarah Bessey has now coined “Jesus feminism.” I was a staunch complementarian, and your writing about women’s ministries focusing on “Biblical womanhood” instead of actually helping women become more Christ-like really resonated with me. Recently I’ve theologically moved to the egalitarian position, and I know that the freedom in Christ you preached to women years ago was part of the call to freedom God’s been giving me. So, from a younger sister in faith, thank you.
Becky,
Thank you so much for sharing this. It brought tears to my eyes. As you can imagine, I lost many readers when I started writing about these topics. But a comment like this makes it all worth it.
Thank you.
Ahhh, but you are a pioneer in the blogging world! I remember reading your blog 7 or 8 years ago, when you were expecting your daughter. I just found you again recently, and I’m reminded of the newness of blogging back then. I tried blogging early on and found it hilarious to say, “I’m a blogger.” I’m in my late 30s, and with a 10-year age difference between my oldest and my youngest, I am both a younger mom and an older mom. I’m grateful for the unique place it gives me with my mothering peers of many different ages. I think you’ve written this post quite eloquently, with boldness and encouragement. The generation gap is kind of like the economic gap: “I could be happy living anywhere,” said while sitting in a fabulously beautiful home, untried by rental woes or financial blows.
Glad I found you again, Sallie.
I really appreciated hearing about the struggles women, and particularly the author, experienced in past decades. This article provided great perspective. I did feel a little hurt by the tone of the article as I am in my 30’s. Based on the title, I was expecting a note of wisdom and encouragement from someone with more life experience and hindsight than I presently have. Instead, I felt like the author was angry with women of my generation, and I felt like she viewed our generations as separate. While we may have different experiences in life, I like to look to women who are older than me for wisdom and love, and I like to think that what we have in common as Christian women is greater than the differences we might have. I’m sorry that the author has come across younger women who are critical of older ones. I don’t think it is right to judge, compare or criticize others in that way, and I hope that the majority of the experiences the author has with younger women are positive ones.
Christie,
Thank you so much for leaving a comment. I remember a Christie I think from way back when. I’ll have to go back and look at old comments on my original blog!
I relate to the young mom/old mom dichotomy. I feel it too. I have a seven year old, but I’m much older than most of the moms with just a young child. I find myself not fitting in with the young moms or the older moms. A strange experience.
Glad you found me! 🙂
Karyn,
Thank you for your honest comment. Yes, I agree there is some anger behind this post.
This post was written in response to something specific I read online. Actually a few things. The post had been brewing for some time, but it was one thing in particular that pushed me to finally write and publish it. I purposely didn’t link to the pieces that upset me because I didn’t want it to look like I was picking a fight. That wasn’t my intent.
That said, there is subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) aura of superiority amongst many of the younger women bloggers that I do find troubling. Part of it is youthful exuberance and/or idealism and I do understand that. I sometimes get the sense that they think no one has seriously struggled with these issues before. There is a sense of yes, those who went before experienced things, but they weren’t willing to do something. It’s hard to explain without pointing out specific examples and I really don’t want to do that. I’m not trying to be divisive, but I am trying to make a point on behalf of those of us who are older. I know I’m not alone in this as evidenced by some of the feedback I received.
So that’s why I wrote an open letter and am trusting God will show it to whoever He chooses to lead here.
The only other thing I would say is that I’m not really a let’s all hug and love the world kind of blogger. The personality God gave me is much more of a prophet and one who seeks to counsel and protect others from error and deception. So, no, I’m not usually going to write the warm fuzzy posts. There are plenty of those kinds of posts around. I’m much more apt to speak frankly and strongly about issues of truth, abuse and the Scriptures. 🙂
When I said I thought it was “hilarious” that I called myself a blogger, I should explain. This was back in the early 2000s (2003? 2004?) and “blog” was a new word. My first memory of that word is from the political realm and bloggers writing for and against candidates. “Blogging” just seemed so new and different, even anonymous though published. This was before Facebook, of course, so putting oneself out there felt kind of brave even. I’ve loved blogs from early on, tried to blog several times, and have decided I like being a blog reader for now. I hope that explains my comment better.
To this day Christian bookstores are highly selective in the kinds of books they carry– and the vast majority simply don’t carry egalitarian books at all. I never even knew egalitiarianism was a possibility until the Internet! I’m 50 years old, and have been a Christian struggling with my “role” as a woman since I was 15.