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Anna Sofia Botkin and Elizabeth Botkin Thompso

The Botkin Sisters Offer Apology for “So Much More”


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Anna Sophia Botkin and Elizabeth Botkin Thompson have recorded a YouTube video (below) and written an extensive paper offering a detailed and sincere apology for their book So Much More which was published in October 2005. It is heartbreaking to watch their deep regret for the negative fallout of this book. 

There is so much I could say about this and I’m still sorting out my thoughts. But if you were online in the conservative Christian and/or Christian homeschooling circles in the 2005-2008 timeframe, you will understand how significant this is. 

In December 2005, I wrote about why I was no longer supporting Vision Forum in this post: A Clarification About Vision Forum. It was directly related to the types of teaching in So Much More that were being pushed by Vision Forum. I wrote many posts about the problems related to Vision Forum. 

I participated in a group blog established by Karen Campbell that addressed the stay-at-home daughters movement that moved like wildfire through the homeschooling movement: True Womanhood. This was also due, in part, to the Botkin sisters’ followup project which was a video called Return of the Daughters. 

I truly appreciate that Anna Sophia and Elizabeth have done this. I hope it brings closure for them and for the young women who were negatively impacted by the book. There were many families torn apart by these Vision Forum teachings. 

It is my hope their father, Geoffrey Botkin, will step forward and apologize for his part in this. Yes, these women put their names on the book. But they were teenagers and not even adults when they started writing it. I’ve thought for some time that these beautiful young girls were used by the men around them, including Doug Phillips of Vision Forum, in order to promote their own businesses and agendas. 

I sincerely hope Anna Sophia and Elizabeth can forgive themselves as well. 

I’ll probably say more about this as David and I process it and discuss it, but that is enough for now. 

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  1. I read the paper and was surprised that they said basically nothing about mothers until halfway through it. Ghosts in their own homes?

    God brought me along an unusual path to marriage and family. My children are going to have to find different paths, with God’s help, but thankfully I can teach them much of what I learned.

    Reply

  2. One of the comments under the video going over the statement.

    @MrsScott-bx8sb
    11 minutes ago
    We were certainly sold a bill of goods by that false theology in that era. I don’t see you two as perps, but rather as fellow victims. The people we loved and trusted the most promised us that our lives would be happier and healthier if we only just obeyed. We saw the paths “those other girls” were taking and the heartache that secularism brought upon them, and this was supposed to be the answer to something safe and good….only, we grew up and it wasn’t. The promises weren’t kept.

    But this kind of thinking was across the board in the 90s and early 2000s. It was as if people could only think in extremes and not notice the wide and wonderful middle ground of women being capable, intelligent adults. I certainly responded to the distasteful harping of secular feminism that I could only see as making me work full time AND do all the work at home while my kids languished in daycare and we were all stressed out with trying to shoehorn this extremism into something moral and Biblical that allowed me to shut out other options as, “it’s against my beliefs.”

    It was also in response to my world falling apart as I ended high school and faced college. I really did want to go to college, but was NOT getting support from home to do so. I felt like God was not happy with me and was shutting doors so I had to reconcile that somehow and all I could come up with was that it must be wrong or else He wouldn’t do that. But I was faced with such a strong resistance from the world and how society works that I had to find a group big enough to be absorbed into that would support me in this other path. And this Biblical Patriarchy offered so many promises to those of us who obeyed by skipping college, not working, and becoming homeschooling wives, moms, and homemakers.

    Our husbands were supposed to be loving, supportive, and successful godly leaders. God was supposed to bless us with provision and a comfortable living situation to “stick it” to those who disobey Him. Motherhood and homeschooling were supposed to come naturally. Our kids were supposed to be healthy, well-behaved, and obedient. Our churches were supposed to be supportive and friendly communities. Instead, we ended up used and abused. Many of us now suffer from chronic illnesses and mental health issues.

    I look at your eyes, Elizabeth, and you’re tired, too. The weight of living in this is evident. The years lost, the opportunities missed are written all over your face, just as it is on ours. We were failed. And, any young GenX/Older Millennial would agree that the vast majority of us, regardless of worldview, were failed by the adults around us. Biblical Patriarchy wasn’t the only worldview making promises it had no intention of keeping. Biblical Patriarchy wasn’t the only worldview setting women up to be used and abused. We’re all tired. And women are heaving a huge collective sigh these days as the houses of cards across the board have fallen and yet the ilk who relied upon it are trying to gaslight us that they all still stand.

    Eyes to Jesus, ladies. Eyes to Jesus. Take a beat, all of us, and let’s collect ourselves in wisdom and truth and in the REALITY of the world and culture around us.

    Reply

  3. Another comment

    @ruthkinney8525
    17 hours ago
    I expressed on your facebook page my forgiveness, now that I watched the entire 2 hours, I want to say thank you!! God used this to release me from the ball, chain and shackles of false guilt, due to living what I thought was ‘second best”, permitted due to my parents’ sin. I know now, God didn’t allow me to do this, it was Him rescuing me, and slowly showing me the road forward. Now instead of constant doubt and fear, I can walk forward toward God, and whatever He has planned for me. I am so glad to hear what God has done for you both! I pray His blessings upon you!! I may want to discuss more with you at some point. This is a LOT to process. I will email you if and when the Spirit leads.

    Reply

  4. A comment and a response to the comment

    @tiffanyrobinson332
    1 day ago
    I didn’t realize how badly I needed to hear someone refute your book’s particular points specifically, from scripture and history. Thank you so much for this.

    Comment

    @nicholetteburris3925
    19 hours ago
    Yes!! I have been in counseling/therapy for these specific things and the counselor is always at a loss why I am viewing scripture this way — having someone who absolutely understands why we feel this bondage is exactly what we need to refute is as well!!❤

    Reply

  5. THIS.

    @ReformationReborn
    2 days ago (edited)
    It’s so important to say these things now, as “Christian” patriarchists are increasing in popularity, profoundly shrinking the lived experiences of women and girls in their lives. Thank you. – Jo

    Reply

  6. I think I know who this might be.

    @greeneyedkitkat
    1 day ago (edited)
    I am the product of first generation patriarchy…a bit before you but in the same circles. My dad taught alongside Doug and Phil all across the country at conferences, teaching these very principles throughout the 90s/early 2000s. I watched my sister go through an arranged courtship/marriage (she is still married today) I ran away from home just before my 20th birthday and eloped. I was fearful that I would not see my life purpose of marriage and children play out….at least not young and I worried about “to whom.” I believe my dad truly had the best intentions and believed what he taught was firmly rooted in scripture, however I do not believe the principles are. I was plagued by the numbers 30 verses as my father chose to “disavow” my vows (I wasn’t seeking to be a rebel I simply wanted to be married to the man I loved and it never made any sense to me that my father single-handedly could have the authority to do that with a marriage vow…what about my husband’s vows to me? nobody could disavow those ) I thought at the time that my husband was a Christian because i wasn’t firmly rooted in theology/my own walk with Christ, I simply knew how to be good/stay quiet/be a helper. He was a JW and in spite of how everything started, God truly saved his soul 2 years into our marriage. We have been married 24 years, restored family relationships as best we can (though we don’t see eye to eye on these matters) and continue our lives now with the purpose we believe God has given us (raising children to independent adulthood for His glory) I am grateful to God that you both have found the freedom and purpose that our God grants both sons AND daughters. May He bless your incredible humility and heart in making this right. I wish I’d had the chance to know you in person through all of this and pray God’s ultimate blessings on you and your sister in your lives ahead!

    Reply

  7. From the apology video

    @Dance4Him20
    21 hours ago
    Thank you for this. The stay at home daughter movement harmed me more than i can express. I’m fully rebuilding my life in my 30s as a single mom of four. I ugly cried through the entire apology and so deeply appreciate how specific you were about the harms those teachings caused, because I know you really understand.

    I hope you two also continue to find healing – you taught those things because you were taught those things.

    Reply

  8. Another one

    @KristinaReid-j8d
    1 day ago
    As someone whose life and 5 sisters lives were heavily impacted and restricted by this book. Thank you for being willing to humble yourself and apologize for the misinterpreting/ adding to scriptures. But know that you can’t take on the full responsibility of others following you down this path. Each person should have been critically examining what you were saying and taking it to God and to scripture before blindly following and demanding their family follow this line of thinking. But thank you so much for being willing to own your mistakes and give a heartfelt apology. I had no idea my heart would feel this apology. I’ve sat here and cried.

    Reply

  10. So many damaged lives because of this

    @michelleowens810
    17 hours ago
    This video was for me.
    The Lord has brought beauty from ashes. I wouldn’t change the way my life has turned out, but sadly I have many friends who didn’t emerge from the stay at home daughter movement with their faith intact and I pray for those dear sisters every day.
    Thank you for this. And as much as it is for me to forgive, I forgive you.

    Reply

  11. So much insanity brought on by these teachings

    @jennagreer2659
    17 hours ago
    Thank you for this amazingly humble apology and retraction. I was raised on your teachings and I remember being literally restricted to our property line because I was a “stay at home daughter.” I remember standing on the property edge with my sisters, watching my brother go off and be able to live his life. This was NOT your fault. You were teenagers and adults who listen to teenagers’ advice are stupid. Looking back I shake my head. I hope you all have a blessed life!!!! I’m off to read your article now❤

    Reply

  12. The damaging teachings

    @susannarichardson
    2 days ago
    I was a stay at home daughter who was gifted your book for Christmas one year when I was in my late teens. Thank you so much for publishing this. I can only imagine the bravery that it took…I have never held you completely responsible for the damaging teaching that infiltrated my home and influenced my father to raise me and my sister in this way. I started breaking away from some of this thinking in my late 20’s mostly out of despair for my unmarried state and a desire to grow a family…and God has been so faithful to redeem. At the time what seemed like such an act of rebellion (I asked for my father’s blessing not his permission), has born much fruit. Praise God, we’ve been married 10 years now, have our 6th child on the way (at 40!), and I have a beautiful relationship with my father. I am praying for God to bless you both, and I pray that your efforts to interpret scripture more faithfully will bring healing.

    Reply

  13. Weapon of control

    @katlynbraun3412
    1 day ago
    Thank you for this. My mother used this book ( and others from that era) to control me. I had to work in the home ( caring for my seven siblings)or in their store for free. I could not go to college, and I could not earn my own money, I couldn’t leave the home until I was married. Then when a man did try to court me, they controlled my relationship, we couldn’t even touch, and they almost ended the relationship when we did. God was gracious to me though, my man stuck through the craziness and he is a wonderful husband who is VERY good to me. But I could have easily been married to an abuser, and stayed in that situation, thinking I had to submit to it. I’m thankful that my eyes were opened when I had my own daughters, and I will continue to train them in the fear and admonition of the Lord without the added shackles on their consciences. ❤

    Reply

  14. The subtle long-term impact

    @AmythefirstA
    2 hours ago (edited)
    My father did not subscribe to the movement y’all were involved in. But I read your book as a teenager, and until I read your article this morning, I never realized how deeply it influenced me. I do not regret how my life has turned out, but the main thing I am grieving right now is my years of spiritual apathy. I took your book as permission to just sit at home, defer to my father and then husband, and not grow in my faith, calling, and obedience. Thank you for this very public retraction and apology: it’s knocking me loose from the chains that have bound my mind all these years. ❤

    Reply

  15. Dividing families

    @SeenYourArt
    19 hours ago (edited)
    Thank you for repenting and apologizing. People we love dearly were involved in the teachings in this book and other VF teachings. It brought such division in our family and so many others. We applaud you researching what the Bible really says and humbling yourself and repenting publicly. I hope the others and adults who were involved in the editing and publishing of the book and video are repentant as well.
    May you continue to grow in the Lord. He is such a good and loving Father.

    Reply

  16. One more

    @rebcol4926
    20 hours ago (edited)
    I appreciate you ladies but the full blame belongs on your parents that encouaged you in this wrong thinking and taught you to believe the things you believed. I was a stay at home/homeschooling mother of 12 children, 6 of them daughters, when your book came out and I fully rejected it. I knew better. Sadly, I have a brother in law that raised his 5 daughters under that brand of parenting. The oldest now 42 just 2 years ago left her fathers home and was able to marry and now has her first child. Her sisters have also left the family home. I hated that teaching from its inception. I grieved for my nieces. I hated my brother in law for what he was doing to them. I am glad you ladies now understand, but again, I put the blame on your parents now as I did then. You were just girls at the time. You preached and wrote what you were taught. Side note, I was molested in my childhood and my biggest fear from your teaching and similar from others was the abuse that was being heaped upon girls from possible evil parents with evil motives. Time can not be replaced. What is lost is lost forever. God is good and gracious and He can and does bless our lives when we come out of darkness and enter into His light.

    Reply

  17. There are some good thoughts in this lengthy comment. I agree about cutting people some slack. That is why I said in another post that I think many to most of the people involved had good intentions. (Bold mine)

    @ourhomeproductions
    2 days ago
    2nd gen homeschooler here. Everyone should probably apologize for things we wrote and published as teenagers (easy to do in the internet era)!

    It is 100% the parents responsibility to not think their kids are so smart that they can publish books as authorities on subjects when they have had little life experience, or to buy and utilize such books as curriculm for their families. This is the reason that the church has elders that have qualifications. To shepherd a flock, they had to have raised children sucessfully. To write a book on how to raise your children, let me see how your grandkids turned out.

    Yet, I think we need to give some grace to “pioneer” homeschool parents. Homeschooling families in the ’80s and ’90s were figuring out how to find their footing. A lot of them came out of worldliness, the failed public school system, the empty philosophy dished up to them at universities, and women finding that they were not valued by the feminist movement. Many had come to see the value of a Christian life when they had children, but saw few examples they saw worth following in the previous generation in the churches. Questioning everything from the news they were dished up to the food they were dished up, they felt like they had to forge their own path, and in this attempt they were vulnerable to new ideas from emerging homeschool leaders.

    Having experienced a lot of flip-flopped ideas in my friend’s lives who went through the Gothard stuff, and in my own 2nd gen brush with VF stuff, and knowing dedicated followers of the Pearls (I would never read their books, period), or fundamentalist books that discouraged seeking a mate (I am suspicious of any philosophy that says to delay marriage, I have seen too many friends grieve the lost opportunites for children), or how the females ought to behave (I am also suspicious when the focus is on the women all the time. When are we going to talk about how to raise boys into men?), I saw close-up the motivations. Parents were not in it for vicious reasons but as a reaction to their own youth where they were thrashed by the world.

    My own personal experience as a stay-at-home-daughter was less the philosophy of it and more that I was so terribly shy. My Dad never read those books and would have encouraged me in any way I wanted to go, but he had a daughter who was so content at home, who didn’t like going out, who could get absorbed in books and projects, and preferred the quiet life, that I had no trouble being the ideal stay-at-home-daughter. My parents helped me when I wanted to marry and I did before I was 20. There are some times when I wish I had been told to go take a class, or go get a part time job, if anything just to be less full of myself and meet all kinds of people, gain skills and be more confident. However I have done pretty well gaining those things (and many life lessons) over the years.

    Not all daughters are like I was, and every family has to customize the child-raising for each child. Some daughters are the ambitious “I want to be an astrophysicist” type and some (and I would say, the majority) just want to get married and get on with starting their lives at around age 16 (too bad the boys are so behind that they can’t get married until they are over 30 and come with a whopping student loan. The question then becomes what to do and how to direct the daughter while the boys are growing up, and that is where I think a lot of parents go to these extremes).

    There is a natural protection that parents have for their children as they are growing, and especially with daughters in this present world. Just watching the news you can see real and present dangers for our girls. So I am in sympathy with parents who are trying to be cautious with just letting their daughters go out, and each family is going to have to make that decision their way, and yes there will be mistakes made. Same with their education and how to guide them. It is hard to find the “middle ground” sometimes, and teen girls naturally “go to extremes” themselves! May everyone lend a supporting word to those that have decided to take on the difficult job of parenting girls, and be ready to lend a gentle opinion in love.

    Reply

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