Update October 2025 – I published this post in October 2016. It has been nine years and my views on this topic have continued to grow and deepen. My views on other things in this post have also changed. If I were to write this post now, I would write parts of it differently. But for the sake of sharing my journey, I am republishing it as I wrote it. I may write an update to this as a new post. I still loathe the term egalitarian. I don’t refer to myself that way. Probably the closest I can come to is the label in the title of the book Discovering Biblical Equality: Complementarity Without Hierarchy. But until we have a better way to discuss this topic, we’re stuck with patriarchy, complementarian, and egalitarian.
You can’t possibly be conservative, biblical, and an egalitarian.
That’s what I’ve been told by people on both sides of the complementarian versus egalitarian debate.
Some people say it nicely.
Some people not so nicely.
Some people tell me I’m not saved.
My answer?
Of course I can be conservative, biblical, and egalitarian.
They are not mutually exclusive.
Conservative
As a conservative, I have a preference for traditional things. I’d rather worship in a beautiful building with stained glass windows, a choir, and a pipe organ (or a stringed quartet!). When I sit down to play the piano in the evening, I turn to my favorite hymns and play one after another. I like dresses and skirts more than pants. I dislike profanity. I am pro-life. I fall moderately right of center on many issues and in other areas toward the far end of conservative libertarianism. I appreciate it when any man holds a door open for me. I find the British royal family fascinating, loved Downton Abbey, and like reading books written by people who lived long ago. I believe there can be wisdom in conserving what is best from the past.
Biblical
As someone who is biblical, I value the Bible, the Word of God. I believe it is authoritative in the life of a Christian. I desire to have it instruct me in how to live my life. I enjoy studying it deeply. I believe it is God’s word to us. I believe it is understandable. I believe the Bible is amazing. I believe I am called to follow Jesus as best I can based on the revealed Word of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit. My commitment to the essentials of the faith as expressed in something like the Nicene Creed has not changed.
Egalitarian
As an egalitarian, I believe God bestows spiritual gifts on men and women as He chooses. He can raise up a man or a woman to do whatever He calls them to do as is so clearly demonstrated time and again in both the Old Testament and New Testament. Men and women should serve based on their spiritual gifts, not their sex. Men and women are of equal standing and equal value in the church. I believe if someone is willing to study the arguments for egalitarianism from the Scriptures, they are compelling.
I do not believe the egalitarian view is about demanding rights for women but instead is about freeing both women and men to serve God in the ways He has chosen to clearly gift them.
Biblical Support for Egalitarianism and Not So Much This
At the same time, there are things I don’t identify with. Since I am a conservative biblical egalitarian, you aren’t going to find posts on my website that use words like the following:
- power structures
- privilege
- gender
- feminism
- oppression
- social constructs
- progressive
- social justice
- disempower
I realize some of my Christian egalitarian brothers and sisters write from that perspective and it matters very much to them. I’m glad they are reaching out to people who think about this topic from that perspective.
But that’s not where I am. I don’t find gender studies or psychology or any of that to matter very much to me when it comes to understanding this issue in the church. When I began to question the complementarian view, I only cared about understanding the Bible and following the Holy Spirit. What is happening or not happening in the culture doesn’t shape my views about God’s intention for the Body of Christ. I only care about following Christ and seeing the Body of Christ around the world free to serve. Will that impact how I interact with the culture in which I live? Yes, but it doesn’t (and can’t) drive my understanding.
Ending Up Egalitarian
On the issue of women in the church, I simply believe after extensive study and prayer over a number of years that the complementarian view is fraught with significant problems. This entire website is a document of that journey from the first questions to now.
I think the egalitarian view makes much more sense in the totality of Scripture. I don’t find the “troubling verses” very troubling any longer.
In this case, I think the conservative-leaning side of the Body of Christ is, at best, missing out and, at worst, is in disobedience to the Lord.
I still have much in common with my conservative brothers and sisters in Christ, but I believe the egalitarians are in all likelihood right on this question.
Why am I saying this?
A few reasons.
Why Discuss Conservative Biblical Egalitarianism?
One, there are many Christians who believe that conservative/biblical and egalitarian are mutually exclusive. They do not believe it is possible for someone to believe in the authority of Scripture and end up in the egalitarian camp by way of biblical conviction. They have been told so many times that the only way to follow God as a Christian and have a happy marriage is to be complementarian that they have no idea that is possible to believe anything else.
Well, it is.
Two, I know there are so many closet conservative Biblical egalitarians out there. Christians who live happily as egalitarians and secretly think that the egalitarian view is correct, but won’t say so publicly for fear of what it will cost them in terms of friends, family, professional standing, and church position. I know they are out there. They’ve written and told me so. There aren’t enough people who are willing to say that they love Jesus, love the Bible, think conservatively, and believe egalitarianism is right for the body of Christ.
I think that needs to end.
Third, I’m saying it because I want my daughter to grow up in a time when the Church experiences the fullness of the body. When men and women serve each other together. When people are put in positions of leadership and teaching because they are clearly gifted by the Holy Spirit. I want her to have the opportunity to live in a time when the Body of Christ more fully reflects what God intended.
So I will say that this is me. Will you say it, too?
Arguments for Egalitarianism
If you think that I’m just one person who is off her rocker and there is no one else like me, I encourage you to consider some of the resources below that feature churches that hold to the authority of the Scripture. They are also people who believe in the authority of the Scriptures and women functioning freely. Then you can spend some time going through my site. There is much information here for someone who truly wants to begin exploring the idea of being a conservative biblical egalitarian.
Update 2025 – Some are no longer available online so I removed them.
Lastly (or, actually, maybe read these first), I would point you to Wade Burleson’s blog. He has many excellent posts about the important cultural background aspects of the so-called difficult passages. I would start with:
Are the Sisters Free to Function? by Jon Zens
Do You Define “Church” the Way the Bible Defines It?
Artemis and the End of Us: Evangelical Errors Regarding Women
May the Lord Jesus bless you on your journey.
Being a Berean | Using Wisdom and Discernment Online
I’m so pleased to have found this blog. I just watched the Bent Tree video in its entirety and emailed it to everyone else I know who is struggling with this issue. I’ve been frustrated by many in the Egalitarian camp insisting that feminism is required as some sort of requirement when rejecting complementarianism so this post is a breath of fresh air. Thank you.
Christa,
I’m so glad you found this encouraging. Please stop by often and blessings on your journey.
Do you mind if I ask how you treat the I Peter verses such as ‘Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.’
Hi J.B.! Thanks for your comment. I’m not sure which aspect you are specifically asking about so I’ll leave a few links here. Some of them also have interesting discussions. I hope they are helpful!
Submission and Respect from Husbands – 1 Peter 3:7-8
A “Weaker Vessel” and Gender Justice (1 Peter 3:7)
Women: Too Fragile For the Frontline?
Wives, Submission, and 1 Peter 3:1–7
On the Meaning in Context of those Troublesome Verses on Women in 1 Peter
From: churchformen
“A business guru once said, “Your system is perfectly designed to give you the results you’re getting.” Christianity’s primary delivery system, the local church, is perfectly designed to reach women and older folks. That’s why our pews are filled with them. But this church system offers little to stir the masculine heart, so men find it dull and irrelevant. The more masculine the man, the more likely he is to dislike church.
What do I mean? Men and young adults are drawn to risk, challenge and adventure. But these things are discouraged in the local church. Instead, most congregations offer a safe, nurturing community — an oasis of stability and predictability. Studies show that women and seniors gravitate toward these things. Although our official mission is one of adventure, the actual mission of most congregations is making people feel comfortable and safe — especially longtime members.
How did Christianity, founded by a man and his 12 male disciples, become the province of women? There is a pattern of feminization in Christianity going back at least 700 years, according to Dr. Leon Podles, author of The Church Impotent: the Feminization of Christianity. But the ball really got rolling in the 1800s. With the dawning of the industrial revolution, large numbers of men sought work in mines, mills and factories, far from home and familiar parish. Women stayed behind — and began remaking the church in their image. The Victorian era saw the rise of church nurseries, Sunday schools, lay choirs, quilting circles, ladies’ teas, soup kitchens, girls’ societies, potluck dinners, etc.
Soon, the very definition of a good Christian had changed: boldness and aggression were out; passivity and receptivity were in. Christians were to be gentle, sensitive and nurturing, focused on home and family rather than accomplishment and career. ”
___________________
Here’s the problem for me Sally, will I attend a church pastored by a woman? Absolutely not. Am I the only one? Absolutely not.
Does egalitarian Christianity reek of feminism? I think it does.
I’m not a woman, I don’t think like them, I don’t feel like them.
Women’s biggest weakness? They don’t understand men. [ that’s not to say that men particularly understand women.] Sadly, show me strong women I’ll show you weak men.
Finally, I’ve been married twice as long as you – marriage is tough but we’ve hung in there thru good times and bad. I like my wife to be happy with her life but when she wants to run mine; I’m the husband, she’s not. When “push comes to shove” there’s always a decider. It will be one of us, I’ve got testosterone, she doesn’t. My wife has great freedom, but not to run my life [ and I actually try not to run hers. Way to much work. ]
This is an amazing post! I’m so glad there are other followers of Christ that believe and feel as strongly on this issue as my fiance and I do. For so long, I couldnt define my beliefs on this subject even though I’ve always strongly felt( since i was a little girl) that the veiws that compleme tarians believe are not entirely correct and that so many passages in scripture have been manipulated to project false views and suppression on women.
This is a problem for me personally of late, as my fiance and I prepare to wed in 38 days. Ironically, my fiance( John) and I have the exact same views and have often disagreed with the popular conservative views in complementarism, but my future father-in-law( southern baptist preacher who strongly desired to marry us in his church) is the designated minister for our marriage and insisted on pre-marital counseling led by himself with a complimentarian- based guide book on marriage. Of course, there was no getting around the fact we both strongly disagreed with him as he asked if we understood and accepted our roles in marriage. This led us to respectfully trying to show that our view point on mutual submission and equal partnership is biblically sound. We used ancient greek and hebrew. So many passages that support our view and different interpretations of the passages that he uses to support his view. Our goal wasnt to change his view, but rather at least get him to respect ours. Its come down to either we agree with his take on the Bible or that he won’t support our union based on ” unbiblical and twisted foundations of marriage”. He’s even questioned my faith in Christ because ” if I cant submit to John then how can I submit to Christ?”. Of course, John and I have tried to tell him that we believe that we first submit to Christ and then equally submit to one another. My question is this, in all of your debates with people, have you found any way to simply get those who strongly believe in complementarism( and constantly refuse a different interpretation )to just at least agree to disagree? Is there anything I can do to simply keep the peace between my fiance and his father? I don’t wish for constant arguements on this( and neither does John) but we’ve been given an ultimatum so to speak. What can biblical egalitarians do to keep the peace with those who disagree with us so strongly? In so many other ways, his father is honestly a good preacher but in this way, he is not an unbiased counselor. With the wedding right around the corner, our plans of using that church( invites already sent out), and desire to honor his parents, what can we say to support more of what we believe and the notion to at least agree to disagree with his father? I’d be so thankful for any advice you can offer :).
Respectfully,
Kari
Hi Kari,
First of all, congratulations on your coming wedding and finding a man with whom you can agree on these matters. My husband and I have been of one mind and heart in these areas as well and it makes a marriage so much stronger when there is mutual respect and submission. I pray the Lord will bless both of you with much joy.
I think ten years ago it was easier to get people to agree to disagree. There has been such a strong push by certain groups in the past ten years to make this issue practically a salvation issue. I don’t know if your SBC FIL-to-be is heavily influenced by some of those groups and teachers. But if he is, it is going to be nigh unto impossible to get him to agree to disagree unless the Holy Spirit nudges him. Some of these people have made this almost a Gospel + complementarian = true believer situation to an almost idolatrous level. It almost sounds like that based on what your future FIL has said about doubting your salvation.
Ten years ago biblical egalitarians also thought they were alone. There is so much more scholarship out there and the internet and social media has made it possible to really study these issues with other people. So in some ways it is easier to hold these views because you know you aren’t alone in the world. But you often are fairly alone when it comes to family or the local church.
When my husband and I met, his church leadership pressured and harassed him to “get me in line” and “wash me with the water of the word” in order to be the leader of our marriage and home. It became a spiritually abusive situation (which I’ve written about elsewhere on this site). He had to walk away from the church. He was ostracized and it was incredibly painful. But our marriage and relationship came first.
My experience has been that the biblical egalitarian is almost always expected to compromise because we are in the minority. We are often faced with situations where we have to violate our conscience or walk away. This is what makes it so difficult to hold these views. David and I have tried to compromise a number of times by attending a comp church and we were always miserable. We won’t even try any longer.
I think biblical egalitarians also tend not to be “my way or the highway” type people. We have our convictions, we have studied them out, and we want to peaceably live them out. It is usually others who demand that we abandon them for their own comfort.
In your situation, yes you want to honor your FIL, but your marriage comes first. It has to. So my suggestion is to decide what you need to do in order to put your marriage first. John may need to give his dad an ultimatum. Easier said than done I know. But if you don’t stand for what you believe now, you are going to be put in compromising situations again and again with his father. He will continue to manipulate you which is what he is doing.
His father is wrong to give you a my way or the highway ultimatum. He is wrong. He truly is. He is putting you and his son in a horrible situation and it isn’t loving. He isn’t respecting your views or your ability to follow Christ as individuals or as a couple.
David and I will pray for you. Feel free to leave any follow-up comments and let me know what happens. I’m also going to ask a couple of older women I trust and who have happy marriages to read this and see if they have any other insights.
Sallie
Thank you so much for responding!:) im sorry it took me a moment to respond, it’s been a rather rough week.
We presented our veiw in the most respectful and sound way possible, but it didn’t matter. We hadn’t even got to the point where we could ask his Dad not to force his veiws in our vows and marriage. Because we do not believe exactly as they do, John was told he couldn’t lead the worship team and I couldn’t continue my freefitness outreach I was using for women. We arent allowed to marry at that church, his family refuses to participate in the wedding and some say they won’t even come to the ceremony because they say we are blatently against God. In addition to all this, they’ve decided to blame me for ” leading John astray”(even though we both defended our view equally-to the point they insisted on speaking with John alone to which i complied) and are throwing the harshest words at me. Unfortunately, I was friends with his brother and his wife before i even met John and they knew alot of my past before Christ. As of now, everything that they know of me is being used and twisted to justify their actions( they say that i should have never had a ministry without telling them my entire past because I could have damaged the church) and that a true follower of Christ would have told them everything. To which John defended me and said I am new creation and how Jesus has removed every part of my sin, my past, and the person i once was. Before all of this happened, his parents would tell me that they had long prayed for God to bring me into John’s life and how i was the future daughter they had longed for. Now, they say I’ve deceived them for not telling them my entire history and how I have no fruits of Christ( not as nice of words). Rumors are being spread in many directions and his family contacted John trying to tell him information about me that they thought he didnt know( John had known everything from before we officially made us an official couple and i hide nothing from him). Despite my attempts to go to them and apologizing for any offense i have made towards or against them or their family, we have been outcast. It has escalated so much beyond just disagreeing about gender roles even though that was the catalyst. I am broken. I hate seeing John losing that side of his family, i hate imagining him never seeing his nephews or nieces( they adore their uncle) again for a long time. I do not know what more I can do, when they attack, Im trying to respond with love and kindness as best that i can and there’s no way I’ll be able to manage that without God.
On the positive side, his two other outcast sisters are now able to talk with John and I, when before they were scared to do so. I’m thankful that relationship between John and them can flourish now at least.
We are currently looking for a new venue as quickly as possible( honeymoon is already booked and paid in full so theres no postponement) and dealing with a large loss of wedding party members. We’ve also decided that it would be best to legally marry before the actual wedding as we are anticipating them trying to stop it in some way( I wish that I were joking). No matter what happens, we will rely on God and act with as much love and mercy towards people as we can.
We are currently looking for a new church home as well and praying we will find less judgemental people where we can just focus on growing in Christ and serving Him.
Any advice in this situation is definitely welcome. I dont know whether or not to defend my relationship with Jesus( his father wrote message listing all the reasons why he thinks I’m lying and asked how is John closer to God) and defend John’s walk with God as well or if I should be silent. No matter what, I want to respond with love, but I dont know if it’ll make it worse or better. I know I’ll never be a perfect person but , through Jesus, I’m not who I was before Him. As far as John’s walk goes, he has been showing the most Christ-like characteristics of any human that I currently know. My heart is broken for him, for losing the family that I thought accepted me, and for losing our church. Mistakes of my past echo in my mind now even though I know that God separated all of that from me. Every time I seek God’s comfort in this, He does ease all the pain and reassure me that nothing can separate me from Him, but every time another mean text or facebook post is made, it begins all again. We are incredibly grateful for your prayers and support. It means a whole bunch right now. 🙂
Thank you again,
Kari
Trying to access the paper from Grace. None of the links seem to work
Help?
Steve,
Go here on the Wayback Machine and scroll down to where the link is. I was able to download the document and open it in Word. If you can’t get it, email me and I can try to send it to you.
https://web.archive.org/web/20150209065353/http://www.gfc.org/faq
Sallie