I’ve been working on my next ebook which is about Ministering to Someone with Chronic Illness. I found this post and it dovetails so well with some of the ideas I’ve been working on for the ebook.
We Must See Past What It Seems
We’ve experienced this. Not to the same degree as this family, but I know of what she speaks.
We’ve been shamed by people who didn’t understand our situation.
We’ve been told by people that we’re disappointing them when they can’t begin to fathom the private reasons behind the choices we’ve made.
And, yes, we have been embarrassed and shamed by church leadership to the point that we left a church.
Sadly, it seems so often that the worst hurts come from other Christians. We should be able to open up and share our pain and struggles with a brother or sister in Christ but instead end up further marginalized, judged, or even condemned.
A number of years ago I started trying out different things on my blog, including posts for which I would receive compensation. I was stunned by the negative comments and emails. People who told me they wouldn’t read my blog any longer. People who said they didn’t feel they could trust me any longer. Complaints that advertising and such didn’t fit with the overall theme of my blog focused on simplicity and less consumerism. I lost a lot of readers during that time, despite the fact that I was completely up front about what I was doing.
Apparently they couldn’t read the signs to realize why I would make those choices. I remember saying to David, “If these people know me as well as they do from my posts and they see me doing this, why is it they can’t put two and two together?” I didn’t want to announce to the world at that time that our income had dropped 75% that year and I needed to do whatever I could to literally hold things together.
Our experiences with chronic illness and financial reversals have completely changed the way I look at people and their struggles. I’ve walked those lonely, difficult roads. I’ve seen the difference it makes when someone comes alongside you with practical help and the love of Christ. And I’ve experienced the shock and bewilderment inflicted by those who only add to the pain. I don’t read the signs perfectly, but I do look for them more carefully now.
May God give us all grace and discernment to read the signs of those around us so that we can minister more effectively and bring hope to those in desperate need of it.
We are experiencing it now. 😳
{{{{{{judy}}}}}}
This was a beautiful post. We’ve just come through a situation that I still feel no one understands. It affected every aspect of who we are and has played a pivotal role in where we are headed. We’re still dealing with what I call the “fallout” of it and just trying to get it all back together but no one really understands – not even our family. I’d love to wear a sign, but it is the type of situation where, if you haven’t been there you just don’t get it even if it has been clearly spelled out in black and white. This is the second time this week I’ve seen a reference to the Brave Girls Club, perhaps I should follow their site.
As far as compensation for your blog: I hope you don’t mind my saying that I have followed your blog for a few years and I have always admired it: the posts, the format, all of it. When you announced the start of your yellow cottage site, I brought my husband over to my lap top and said “Look at this – this is what I want our online business to be like.” ~ I wish you the very best of success.
Thanks for posting this Sallie. We went through a time like this a few years ago. There are still some ways in which we look odd and others don’t totally “get” us, until they hear our bizarre story. The wonderful thing is when people do hear our story they have always been kind and understanding. It has really been a healing process for me when others are so kind. In the midst of difficulty, some stories can’t be shared because at the time it could do more harm than good. Thanks for the encouragement to look at others with grace.
My very long battle with chronic, chemical depression has made me a better person in this way. I still goof up, but I am much better at “reading the signs” than ever before.
Yes, there are losers out there in the world, but I try to remember that most folks are fighting a hard battle we can’t see, and are doing the best they know how to do. Gentleness wins most often.
And sadly, you are right – Christians are the first to shoot their own wounded.
I know both sides of this issue, I am sorry to say. I know I have said awful things to people when I was just too immature to see their reality. I know the other side too when I had such huge needs I thought I wasn’t sure how we would make it to dinner, or lunch. I have always been a hands-on person so I always want to “do” with other people. Not sit and talk as much as run the mower, clean the house or the car or cook a meal. I am grateful for a church that does this a lot. But even we have missed some signs and hurt people in the process. All we can do is apologize and do better.
Jenny – Thank you for your kind comments. I enjoyed exploring your new site and reading your story of how you ended up there!
Paula – I’m glad you have received encouragement as you have shared your story with people. That is a blessing!
Lindsey – Yes, I think most people could wear a sign of some kind or another. We are all struggling in different ways and to various degrees…
Imajackson – That is great that you are in a church where you see tangible help happening. Your comment got me thinking about different denominations and kinds of churches. It would be interesting to see if there is a correlation between the types of churches there are and how they help or don’t. Thinking about that one…
We’ve been through that a lot.
It never ceases to amaze me how some of the unkindest people I’ve ever met have been… not only church goers… but in leadership!