First off, I apologize if this is a little rambly and disjointed. I know a topic like this should be polished and such, but right now posting it as is is the best I can do. 🙂

I mentioned yesterday that we are probably going to baptize Caroline. I knew this would probably come as a shock to some readers here, especially those who are Baptist, have been around my blog a long time, and/or know we decided before Caroline was born that we weren’t going to baptize her and even changed churches because of it. So I thought I would share a bit about how we are coming to this decision.

In some ways this decision has been coming for a while as I shared here in my post Modes of Baptism and Church Membership. And do you remember one of the quotes of the week from a few weeks ago? Freida said:

As an adult who grew up in a home-school environment, may I suggest that you don’t make too many decisions ahead of time. Keep the option open, but don’t burn your other bridges. Once we A-types decide on a course of action, we have difficulty when we have to reassess and discover that our decision wasn’t the wisest one. We feel like we have failed, or have not been persistent enough.

This is one thing I have learned in my forty years. It has been a hard lesson to learn because my personality is such that if I see the value in something and want to do it, then I should be able to find a way to get it done! That’s not so, but all the A-types out there will understand that struggle. I’ve also come to learn that it is not profitable to realize you’ve made a decision you regret and then stay in it because of the potential fallout that might occur if you reverse your decision.

I’ve also learned to never say never. That’s why although I have shared here about different aspects of my life and how I like them or feel passionately about them, you will rarely read me saying something like, “I will never get a regular job again” or “I will never have a TV in my living room again” or “I will never baptize Caroline” or “I will never do such and such.” Never is a long time and I’m not especially fond of the taste of crow.

I’ve also seen God change my heart, David’s heart, and the hearts of others I respect. If God can change my heart about something, I am going to try to remain open to how He might wish to move me in another direction rather than digging in my heels and saying “I can’t do that because I told the whole world on my blog I would never do that.”

So, with that as background, here’s the scoop.

First of all, this is not a baptism of salvation. I want to make that super clear. This baptism will not save Caroline. If you would like to read a very good article on infant baptism, here is one put out by the denomination we will in all likelihood be joining. It is very positive and balanced and I appreciated that. (Link no longer available)

We like this church, a part of the Christian Reformed Church (CRC) denomination. Did we make a mistake in leaving this church in the first place? I don’t know. It is hard for me to say it was a mistake because we did meet a lot of really great people at the Baptist church. Do I think our first year with Caroline would have been easier if we had stayed at the CRC church? Yes, I’m quite confident of that, but I guess we will never know. Now that we are back there and are probably going to baptize her, I regret that we didn’t stay so the congregation could enjoy her as an infant and we could have baptized her as a newborn. Oh well. There is no use crying over spilled milk, but it does make me a little sad in that respect.

One of the things I had to suppress when we made the choice to go to the Baptist church was my view of the role of women in the church. The CRC is much more open to women using their gifts than most conservative Baptist churches. I am far more open to women being in leadership and exercising their gifts than the average baptist. At this point in time, I am not as open as the CRC is in general as they have recently moved to allow women to be ordained. But when we switched from the CRC church to the Baptist church I made the choice to put myself somewhere where my opportunities would be very limited and I have come to regret that decision.

When I stand before the Lord someday, I will have to give an account for what I have done with what God has given to me. I have asked myself which I will regret more – baptizing Caroline or being in a church where my opportunities to use my gifts will be very limited? The baptism is a one time thing. Being a good steward of my gifts is a lifetime thing.

While I was in my twenties I had many opportunities to use my gifts. I saw God work through me and use me in a variety of situations. I felt a part of His church and felt His pleasure. I walked closely with Him and was powerfully aware of His presence. In my thirties it was completely different. I’ve been in a few situations over the past ten years where I have had the opportunities to use my gifts, but they have been very limited and very brief. We’ve been in situations where women were meant to be seen and not heard (literally) and other restrictive situations where women were basically in charge of the potlucks and nursery schedule and not much else. Without writing a whole ‘nother post in this post about that, I will just say that it has felt like an important part of me has died during these years. It has been a negative drag on my walk with God.

I don’t know what God has for me in the weeks, months and years ahead. I just know that I want to put myself in a place where there is the possibility of being used rather than putting myself somewhere where there is almost no chance of using my gifts. If God has other people in this church who are better equipped to do what needs to be done and He doesn’t call me to do those things, I am totally fine with that. But the point is that I will have made myself available to being used in an environment where it is possible. Beyond that, it is up to God.

There is definitely some tension in this decision for us. The ordaining of women is one. The CRC is also more “worldly” than I am comfortable with in some ways. I once attended their writing festival and walked out of a general session because I was so offended by what was being said. So this decision is not without some tension for us. But I can’t imagine there being any church where there isn’t tension in the belief and practices. I’ve never been in any church where I didn’t feel tension. The difference is that this time the tension is of the more liberal variety whereas before we generally chose churches where the tension was of the more conservative type. In the past we erred on the side of conservative caution rather than liberal grace. I can’t begin to express what a huge change this is for me philosophically and spiritually. I’m not even sure how it will all work out and how it will impact me. Frankly, it is a little scary. But it is also exciting to see how God might move us in new directions and new ways as a family and as individuals.

So what does this have to do with why are we planning on baptizing Caroline? Because this is the church we want to be in and they baptize their children. I’m not going to attend a church where this is the norm and not baptize her. I feel like it would be insulting to the rest of the membership to not do so. Is this a change for me from what I wrote before? Yes. Am I comfortable with this? About 97%. Will I ever be completely comfortable with this? I hope so. Forty years is a long time to be an immersing Baptist and then just completely erase it. Is there a possibility I would still encourage Caroline to be immersed someday when she makes her own profession of faith? Probably. I just don’t know. I’m entering completely new uncharted territory for me.

The truth of the matter is this… There are going to be lots of people in heaven who were baptized as infants and never immersed. I know that will come as a complete shock to some baptists when they arrive there, but that is the truth. In fact, there will be some folks who were baptized as infants and never immersed sitting much closer to the throne than any of us here on this blog. Again, shocking to some who hold passionately to the view of immersion, but the truth. If I am going to spend eternity fellowshipping with these folks in heaven, why can’t I fellowship with them here on earth?

I know some of my bloggy friends here are going to be dismayed and disappointed. Some won’t come back. Some will understand this switch having gone through something similar themselves. Some will respect me more for this choice. I’ve tried to lay it out as best I can, admitting that I’m still processing some of this myself. I try to be honest here and I didn’t want to let these things go on in my life without addressing them. Hopefully I’ve been clear enough for people to understand a bit of what is going on in this area of our lives and walk with the Lord. 🙂