I’ve mentioned here and there that David and I have been going through some faith-stretching times lately. They’ve actually been going on for over a year in this particular area, but have become a much greater concern over the past few months. In the past month or so, it has become a very grave concern for us.
For whatever reason, we are simply unable to obtain even close to enough work for our business. It has been bewildering, confusing, discouraging, and just downright hard at times. We’ve always had enough work since we started on our own five years ago. We’ve had slow times here and there, but we always had projects that would be starting soon so we weren’t overly concerned.
I don’t know how many of you have gone through similar experiences, but it is very hard to watch your husband faithfully look for work, apply for contracts, etc. day after day, week after week, month after month, and see almost no results. He has faithfully looked because he loves to do his work and he loves to take care of his family. He counts it all joy to be the provider for his wife and soon-to-be-born little girl. He has even begun applying for regular jobs outside the home, thinking perhaps God wants to move him in a new direction. So far, those have not even yielded an interview. He has no desire to work in a regular workplace setting because he loves working at home. But he is willing to do this if this is what God is calling him to do at this point in our lives.
Although I’ve worked in the past and still do work part-time in our business as I have opportunities, my ability to be of much help has been seriously hindered by this pregnancy. I’ve been too sick to work and now I am too far along to work. It has been a challenge for me to not get out there and do something because my nature is to get it done when I see a need. But I’ve been quietly confident through this whole year that God would provide through David and that it was no coincidence that for once in my life, I couldn’t get a job to meet a need.
I have believed all along that there is just too much going on all at once for this to be a coincidence. Why now when we are finally anticipating the arrival of this baby we’ve prayed for for so many years is God withholding the ability for us to provide for her? Why now when I’ve been able and willing to work for years and years am I in the position where I am unable to work when we really need it the most? Why would God not lead a man to work who wants to work when there are so many people living off the system and have no desire to take care of their families through honest labor?
I’ve seen God work enough to know that things happen for a reason. I have always believed and continue to believe in the midst of this that there has to be a reason that David is unable to obtain work while we are just weeks away from Peanut’s arrival. It is hard to understand why after all of our efforts to live wisely with our money and be debt-free, we would lack the opportunities to work enough to pay our bills and remain debt-free.
So we would appreciate your prayers. I know that there are people who pray for us who read this blog because you have said so in emails and comments. As David shared last night at prayer meeting, every time he is tempted to doubt God’s faithfulness, all he has to do is look at his wife’s tummy and see the little girl that God has graciously given to us. And it has been a rebuke to me over the past several months that whenever I have been tempted to doubt whether God is hearing us and if He even cares, that I see this beautiful little girl inside me and I know God is so faithful.
I’ve written before that God speaks to us in ways that are unique to us. One of the ways God has consistently spoken to me over the past several years has been through His creation and, more specifically, birds. Starting early this spring we have had a cardinal that has sung to us every morning before we get out of bed. He perches on the telephone wire in front of our house and sings for at least fifteen to thirty minutes. Every day. Cardinals are our favorite birds and in all the years we’ve fed the birds, we’ve never had one do this. I’ve thought many times about the faithfulness of that cardinal in singing every day for us and I have believed it to be a sign from God to us personally that He is there with us every morning, even when it doesn’t seem like it from what we see going on around us.
Another way God has often spoken to me personally is through Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest. I was challenged and encouraged by the August 12 entry and will close with this:
The Theology of Rest
“Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith?” Matthew 8:26
When we are in fear we can do nothing less than pray to God, but Our Lord has a right to expect that those who name His Name should have an understanding confidence in Him. God expects His children to be so confident in Him that in any crisis they are the reliable ones. Our trust is in God up to a certain point, then we go back to the elementary panic prayers of those who do not know God. We get to our wits’ end, showing that we have not the slightest confidence in Him and His government of this world; He seems to be asleep, and we see nothing but breakers ahead.
“O ye of little faith!” What a pang must have shot through the disciples — ‘Missed again!’ And what a pang will go through us when we suddenly realize that we might have produced downright joy in the heart of Jesus by remaining absolutely confident in Him, no matter what was ahead.
There are stages in life when there is no storm, no crisis, when we do our human best; it is when a crisis arises that we instantly reveal upon whom we rely. If we have been learning to worship God and to trust Him, the crisis will reveal that we will go to the breaking point and not break our confidence in Him.
We have been talking a great deal about sanctification – what is it all going to amount to? It should work out into rest in God which means oneness with God, a oneness which will make us not only blameless in His sight, but a deep joy to Him.
Amen.
This makes my own worries around my husband’s work situation look so insignificant. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for both of you, and I’ll say a prayer for your family right now 🙂
Oh Sallie…I know how you feel! Aaron and I will continue to lift you both up in prayer. God IS Jehovah-Jireh…He does provide!
Perhaps…would you be able to take on free lance work? Just a bit of a thought.
I always remind myself of Matt 6:25…if He feeds the birds of the air and the flowers and trees, He WILL provide for me what HE says I need. Not what I say I need, and I rest knowing He has a plan for me (Jer 29:11).
Keep us posted, dear Sallie. I can’t help but know that this is happening for a reason. Just call to Him, He WILL answer (Jeremiah 33:3)
I’m glad to pray for you both!!
In Jesus, Susan
I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and following your journey… I just said a prayer for you now. My husband is self-employed so I also have experience with good days finacially, and really slow days… But God always brings us what we need. He is always faithful.
Praying right now…
Thank you, ladies, for your kind words and prayers.
Andrea – Yes, I do freelance work as it is available to me. I am a writer/editor/proofreader in our business so all of our work is contract/freelance. Normally I have enough work to keep me busy part-time, but my work has dropped off as well. 🙂
Dear Sallie,
I will pray for you and your husband. God has brought me through some terrible situations. At the very last minute, He did some incredible miracles that made the problems, the waiting, and, yes, the worry, worth it all just to see the miracles God did. But it is still so hard for me to have faith when things get to the breaking point… I’m still growing in Him.
Here is a story that meant the world to me during a hard time and I believe it will bless you too.
The Last-Minute Lift
https://rhm.gospelcom.net/awwy/view.php?id=4844
Janet
Lifting you both up tonight in prayer. Thanks for sharing your need. I look forward with great anticipation to hearing how God provides for your precious family. Rest in him.
“Shall our tremors measure the Omnipotence?” ~Charles Williams (one of the Inklings)This quote often puts things into perspective in my troubles.
I’ll pray
I’ll add you to my prayer list. I hope things look up soon. I remember how sick I was during pregnancy– no one should have to endure that, but it’s all worth it when your little one finally makes a debut.
I wish I had all the answers, for I love to solve problems. But alas, I do not. So I will stand in prayer with you, praying for you. And rejoicing in this new blessing that is about to make her appreance in this world, to two parents who will love her with a fierce Godly love.
Praying for you.
Sallie – this was hard to read! My heart always breaks when I read about difficult financial times. Recently, I’ve been contemplating the pros and cons of being freelance versus fulltime. I wish I could offer some solutions for you and your husband, but I know God will take care of you. When my parents (who are missionaries) didn’t have enough money for food for our family, they found a bag of groceries in front of our house. God does provide, but sometimes it’s really hard to not be anxious! I will keep you and your husband in my prayers!
Adding you to my prayer list right now!
Sallie, I will pray for you. I understand in so many ways. My husband is the only income and his job is being cut hour by hour each week, we are very scared of a long term layoff. I am trying to give it to God, I really am.
Praying for you all 🙂
Dear Sallie, my family and I will be praying for you guys, too.
I don’t think it’s our natural anxiety that shows weakness of faith, we would have to be super-human in ourselves to prevent that. It is how we handle our fears and whether we let them control us that matters. Somehow I don’t think Jesus would have been so hard on His disciples if they had just said, Lord, we need you, we can’t handle this ourselves. Do your stuff!” it was the “don’t you care?” that showed their small faith. King David didn’t berate himself for feeling so down, he just reminded himself of what was higher and more important; which you seem to be doing well. 🙂
I can’t wait to hear your miracle story sometime soon. They’re the best. (kind of like a post you did not so very long ago….)
Praying for your and yours, Sallie.
Sallie,
Sometimes God gives us just “enough”. Perhaps it is because He wants us to fully trust in Him – I do not know for sure as I am not God. However, I have faith that God will answer your prayers – it may not be as you and your dh wish, but nonetheless He will.
If we have enough money to pay our basic bills – it is enough. If one is able to have even one child – it is enough. As long as you have a roof over your head, food in your stomach, clothes on your back, and especially someone to love and someone who loves you, aren’t you already very blessed? It is enough. I especially remember it is enough when I see pictures of people living in 3rd world countries. As Americans we are very much blessed, aren’t we?
I am someone who is coming from the perspective that I lost my only living child. Even with my losses and other tragedies in my life I am still blessed. I will never be thankful for losing my child, but I am thankful that in spite of that God continues to take care of me, as I continue to live on with chronic health issues, a loving husband who works a blue-collar job that doesn’t pay him very much but loves what he does. I have a simple home, enough food, and enough money that always seems to cover the bills with nothing much left in our account. But it works out somehow – which must be God.
God will meet your needs, Sallie. The challenging part comes to play when we decide or not that it is “enough”. Life is always good and carefree when there are no troubles, when there is money in the bank so there is no need to worry, when no one is sick or dying. I believe God has to work through us during the tougher times – that is when our spirit is challenged – will we be faithful and rise to the occasion or will we fail? I share these things from personal experience and then some. Everyone will go through personal difficulty and tragedy in their lives – it is just a matter of when, really, although most people live in denial about this.
I have been in the depths of despair – and haven’t always succeeded. But I have learned from that and I proudly live on for my child. I am weak, but God lives through me with His strength.
God bless, Lyn