There is only one way to bring up a child in the way he should go and that is to travel that way yourself.
Abraham Lincoln

I mentioned when I wrote my maternity leave update that Little Miss Peanut has already been changing David and me before she has arrived. I thought I would take some time on this beautiful spring Sunday to write a little bit more about that.

In some ways, David and I have already been changing over the past nine years in anticipation of Little Miss Peanut. Many times as we’ve made decisions we’ve asked ourselves – what will we want to do about this if/when we have children? We’ve made many choices with that in mind. Buying a less expensive home, my leaving the teaching profession, asking God to give us a home-based business… These are all ways we were thinking of children long before we ever knew if we would have any.

Some changes we put off because they weren’t relevant or didn’t seem as pressing. In some ways it was easy to let things slide when it was just the two of us. But we also knew that if we couldn’t discipline ourselves to do certain things when it was just the two of us, how would we ever expect to consistently do these things and be an example to a child?

I’ve thought a lot the past several years about the kind of atmosphere I want in my home, both for the sake of myself and David as well as the sake of our children. David and I have sought to have a peaceful, gracious home. We’ve chose colors that speak of warmth, beauty and rest. We’ve removed things from our home that were sources of agitation and sought to only bring in things that would refresh us.

This week I’ve been looking at items for the baby’s room and I knew I wanted to find items that would reflect that as well. Furniture and bedding that wasn’t too formal, but wasn’t too cutesy. Things that would reflect warmth and comfort. I realize she is too young to understand these concepts, but how I feel when I am in the room with her will be picked up by her. If I feel peaceful and at rest when I am rocking in the glider and feeding her, she will be much more likely to feel peaceful and at rest as well.

Thinking about the baby coming has also caused me to start to reevaluate how I spend my time each day. I know that the first several weeks after the baby arrives are going to be challenging. And even after we settle into our new life and begin to develop some routines, the baby will command a large portion of my day. So even now I am rethinking what I do during the day and how much of it is truly important and how much of it will probably have to fall by the wayside for a season. Perhaps one of the drawbacks to being the person that I am is that I have many interests. Being a wife and homemaker for several years has given me a measure of freedom many women don’t have. I know that I simply will not be able to have as many hobbies and interests as I do now. So I’m starting to adjust my expectations as to what is truly important and brings me the greatest joy.

I’ve also spent time thinking about my blog and how it should/will/can change as I enter a new season in my life. Like most bloggers, I had “things to say” when I started and blogging was the perfect way to do that. The name of this blog reflects that I had a “slant” in mind. I’ve kind of wrestled with the whole “what is my blog really about” off and on since I started blogging. I think part of that has to do with the fact that I’ve been going through a lot of transitions in my life since I started blogging and I wrote about the things that were important to me at those times. After the whole Blogs of Beauty Awards experience, I wrestled with the questions, too. How much do I write for my own enjoyment? How much do I do things that will draw people here and “connect” them to my blog? I wrote about some of that a while back.

A few people wrote to me when I said I was going to put the Carnival of Beauty on hold while I took a break. They suggested someone else coordinating it until I was ready to take it on again. One of the thoughts that I expressed to each of them was that I needed a complete break from the Carnival as I was struggling to figure out exactly what this blog is. Is it a ministry? A hobby? A creative outlet? An extension of our business? I’ve approached it from each of those angles at times throughout the past fifteen months and have had varying degrees of satisfaction with each. However, in transitioning towards some of them, it takes away from others which increases my dissatisfaction as well. I think answering that question for me is key.

So now I am asking myself – what (if anything) does God have for me to say in the months (years?) ahead? What will bring me the greatest joy in my blogging? I’m not interested in driving traffic here. I’m interested in writing the right thing at the right time for the right person that God brings here. I’m not interested in writing about depressing theological controversies. Just as I want to fill my home with beauty and graciousness, I want my blog to reflect that. As I experience the joy of Christ in my daily life, I want to share that with others and bring joy to their lives as well.

So I don’t have any profound answers right now. That’s why this entry is called Transitions and not Conclusions. 🙂 I sense God is stirring my heart in some fresh ways, but I’m still trying to figure out how they will flesh out in my life.

I’ve learned that every time I’ve taken a break from blogging, it has been a good thing. I’m sure it probably flies in the face of the popular blogging wisdom since taking a break means you risk losing regular readers as they find other bloggers while you are on break. I’m sure putting the Carnival on hold goes against the blogging wisdom as well. But my thought is that if I feel pressed in my spirit to take a break, that’s what I need to do. God is responsible for the rest. Anyway, this break is no exception. I guess in some ways that does show that I see this blog as a ministry. Someone can only minister and bless others as they are filled and refreshed by the Father. This maternity break has been good for me to be quiet and reflective, pondering this new little life in me and the beautiful world I want to surround her with in the months and years ahead. As my life is increasingly filled with the beauty of Christ, she will hopefully see that reflected in me and be drawn to it herself. And as our little family is increasingly filled with the beauty of Christ, hopefully God will use it to draw others to Himself. As an expectant mother, I can think of nothing in life more beautiful or meaningful than that.