Christian Faith

"We are not diplomats but prophets, and our message is not a compromise but an ultimatum."
A.W. Tozer

My Blogging Philosophy (at least part of it)

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May 8, 2007 | Sallie Borrink
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While I was on bloggy break, I thought alot about blogging, blah, blah, blah. (Oh no! Not another one of those posts!) Fear not! This is not going to be about why I blog, but instead what I blog. And not just what I blog, but how I try to live my Christian life.

Oswald Chambers on May 6 (bold mine):

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free.
Galatians 5:1

A spiritually minded man will never come to you with the demand–“Believe this and that;” but with the demand that you square your life with the standards of Jesus. We are not asked to believe the Bible, but to believe the One Whom the Bible reveals. (cf. John 5:39-40). We are called to present liberty of conscience, not liberty of view. If we are free with the liberty of Christ, others will be brought into that same liberty–the liberty of realizing the dominance of Jesus Christ.

Always keep your life measured by the standards of Jesus. Bow your neck to His yoke alone, and to no other yoke whatsoever; and be careful to see that you never bind a yoke on others that is not placed by Jesus Christ. It takes God a long time to get us out of the way of thinking that unless everyone sees as we do, they must be wrong. That is never God’s view. There is only one liberty, the liberty of Jesus at work in our conscience enabling us to do what is right.

Don’t get impatient, remember how God dealt with you–with patience and with gentleness; but never water down the truth of God. Let it have its way and never apologize for it. Jesus said, “Go and make disciples,” not “make converts to your opinions.”

My purpose in blogging is not to put forth a detailed ten step, twenty-five step, fifty step or one hundred step plan of how Christians, especially women, should live their lives. And I hope my blogging reflects that. I’ve got opinions – LOTS of them (just ask David!). But my goal in writing here isn’t to try to win as many converts to “Sallie’s way of thinking” as possible.

Instead, I hope people often feel encouraged and refreshed when they leave here. I hope sometimes they feel a little unsettled because that means they are being exposed to something new! And new can be good! And I hope to provoke others to prayer, study, discussion, and change – WHEN THE HOLY SPIRIT LEADS.

But I truly, TRULY hope no one ever leaves here and feels that I have tried to burden them with a yoke of my making. I would be grieved indeed if that were the case. There are plenty of other women’s blogs and websites out there already doing that. I don’t want to be numbered among them. Make people think? Yes. Make people burdened? A resounding no.

So you might have noticed that I’ve been putting up a list of interesting links (almost) daily. That is something I plan on continuing. I know that all my readers won’t be interested in all of the links I post. But I anticipate most readers will find a few each week that will bless and/or challenge them. In putting up these lists of links, I’m just sharing what I find interesting. I’m not trying to necessarily promote everything that I link to. But I do hope to promote good comments here, further study, and lively supper conversations in people’s homes.

Category: Christian Faith, Running a Home-Based Business10 Comments

Caroline’s Dedication and Other Child-Related Musings

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April 17, 2007 | Sallie Borrink
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Sunday we formally dedicated Caroline at church. We had a lovely day, surrounded by many dear family members and friends. After the service we had everyone over to our home for lunch and enjoyed a time of fellowship and celebrating our wonderful little blessing.

I decided to make things easy on myself so we ordered trays with various deli sandwiches as well as a fruit and gourmet cheese tray. We also ordered fabulous cheesecakes from a local cheesecake company. My mom helped me with the rest of the food. It was a great decision as I truly enjoyed the day and wasn’t worn out from trying to do everything myself. I’ve included a few pictures in this post so everyone will know why I’ve been MIA the past few days. I’ve been busy getting ready to celebrate and actually celebrating!

My mind is just swirling with things I’d like to blog about. Some of them I can and probably will eventually. Some of them I cannot. That’s the weird thing about blogging. You open up a large part of your life to whoever stops by to read it. On the other hand, there are significant parts of my life that I cannot blog about at all. So people know much about you when you blog and yet there are things you can never share here in this format. There are stories I would like to tell, experiences I would like to relate, etc. that would probably shed a lot of light as to why I hold to some of the views I do about certain matters.

But although I can choose to make my life a bit of an open book, so to speak, I don’t have the right to write about others. It is one thing to mention positive bits about others in your life. It is something completely different to write about issues and troubles you have with other people. The same thing holds true in how I write and will write about Caroline. It is not my intention to write “negative” things about her here, either now or in the future. She has a right to her privacy and I don’t have the right to violate it. In fact, the older she gets I will probably write about her less and less.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Caroline and raising her. We’re starting to head into the season where we need to make a plan and have a clear idea of how we are going to discipline her. We’ve talked about it in general ways, but haven’t gotten into the nitty gritty of how we will actually handle things. Several years ago I purchased Shepherding a Child’s Heart. I need to pull it off the shelf again and look at it. The basic premise (being under authority) made sense to me although I’m not so sure I would subscribe to the teachings of the book any longer. Does anyone recommend any other good books/materials/websites? (Later update – We did not follow that book.)

One of the things I long for for Caroline is the opportunity to have an imaginative, creative, peaceful childhood. I struggle almost daily with not wanting to raise her where we live now.

Last night I realized that for the first five years of her life, the location really isn’t going to matter at all. She won’t remember where she lived before she was five years old. The only thing that will matter will be the love and security she gets from David and me.

It is easy for me to feel frustrated that we can’t move NOW and for that to grow into a sense of hopelessness that we will ever be able to move at all. I know people raise godly children in the midst of much, much worse places than where we live, but I still long for more for her.

By “more” I don’t mean a McMansion, a new SUV, and four vacations every year. I mean things like a big window seat where she can read a good book on a rainy day, a room to do homeschooling with lots of room and lots of windows, a playhouse outside, an area for a vegetable garden, fruit trees, a fireplace for us to gather around as a family on a snowy night, a lovely view outside the windows, a large studio for David where she can set up her own easel and draw like Daddy… Those are the kinds of things I want for her. Are any of them necessary? No. She can still grow up to be a godly young woman without all those things. But that doesn’t change the longings I have for her – and us – as a family.

Only time will tell. 🙂

Category: Christian Faith, My Pregnancy & Baby Stories14 Comments

And Now For Something I Haven’t Fully Learned

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March 22, 2007 | Sallie Borrink
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Now that I’ve given you a list of 40 Things I’ve Learned By Age 40, it’s true confession time. One of the things I haven’t completely learned and continue to struggle with is the fear of man.

To a certain extent I don’t really have a problem making decisions and not caring what anyone else thinks. Obviously David and I have made many choices that are out of the mainstream of both the culture and the church in general and we’re quite happy and content with those choices, whether people understand them or agree with them or not. But sometimes the fear of the fallout with people is hard.

David and I had to make a decision last week that we agonized over for days. We knew what we wanted to do and there was nothing sinful or inherently wrong with the choice. But we also knew that the potential was there for our choice to cause problems and not be understood by other people. And so we agonized. We finally made the choice we wanted to make, but not without a little angst regarding the outcome of the situation (which will be sometime in the near future).

We have another choice we are in the process of making. We know what we want to do and what we believe is the best course of action for our little family. The challenge for me is living with the consequences of that choice. We know many people will not understand our choice and some may not even be very supportive. We know it will put us on the “outside” so to speak in a certain setting. And so I struggle. I know in my heart what I want to do and what I am convinced is best. But I also find it hard to make the decision and know people will disapprove and we will probably face pressure because of it. I know we would be better “liked” and “understood” if we made a different choice. But that isn’t the choice we want to make.

The good part is that once I make a decision and commit to a certain course of action, I (usually) do pretty well. I am able to deal with the fallout and not let it get to me (too much). But that initial choosing and stepping out is so hard, especially if I know in advance I am walking into conflict.

I know that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. I know that the fear of man is a snare that can keep me from living out my convictions and calling. But knowing these two things and practicing them can sometimes be very hard.

Category: Christian FaithTag: 40 Things I've Learned By Age 40, Making Wise Choices13 Comments

40 Things I’ve Learned By Age 40 – #40

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March 21, 2007 | Sallie Borrink
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I saved this last thing I’ve learned for the end. I wanted to post this on my birthday because it is probably the greatest truth I have learned and witnessed in my life. It encompasses many of the things I have already written about in this series. It speaks of why this blog is named what it is. (Note: At the time, my blog was named A Gracious Home.) It is a statement you have probably heard or even said many times before so it is not original with me. But I do feel as though I have experienced it in significant ways over the past forty years.

40. There but for the grace of God go I.

This quote is attributed to John Bradford during the Reformation. From what I can gather, he said this as he watched a martyr being led to the stake.

I haven’t experienced anything close to what John Bradford witnessed. But I have seen time and time again the evidence of God’s grace in my life whether through my salvation, a protective hand, a restraining hand, a generous hand, or a disciplining hand. God’s gracious hand is evident throughout my life. I cannot look back over my life and see a time He was not actively working, even when it seemed He was not.

I can think of several stories to tell that tie in closely with this. One of the most profound happened a number of years ago. I had been to a get together and while there I was overwhelmed by the futility of the lives most of the people were living. The tremendous amount of spiritual lostness, brokenness, destruction, hopelessness, addiction, and other destructive behaviors was overwhelming. I literally could barely keep myself emotionally in check while I was there because I was so overcome by the emotions God was allowing me to experience. To be so overwhelmed by the brokenness of others is not how I normally react to a situation like this. I do not have the spiritual gift of mercy. In fact, my gifts are more on the opposite end of the spectrum. But this time God allowed me to glimpse something on a much deeper level.

I had a long ride home and I think I sobbed most of the way. It is a miracle I didn’t get in an accident. My heart was broken for those people. And my heart was overwhelmed with – Why me, God? Why am I so blessed and these people are so lost? Why have I been given so much and these people are on the wide road of destruction? I was overcome by the enormity of God’s grace in my life and the realization that if it were not for God intervening in my life, there was no reason to think that I would have turned out any differently than those people.

I can think of so many circumstances that could have turned out so differently if it were not for God’s grace. Situations I was in, choices I made, desires I had… They all could have led to a much less fruitful life (in the best case scenario) or my utter destruction.

I do not know why God has chosen me and I have been blessed with His favor and salvation. I do not know why I have been lavished with His grace and others have not. But I do know that God has chosen me, protected me, guided me, and saved me. I was dead in my trespasses and sin. Dead. And He chose me before the foundations of the world. He made me alive in Christ. And even before I was spiritually alive, He was overseeing everything related to me, guiding and protecting me into a grace-filled life.

I’ve thought about this topic lately because, of all things, the news about Anna Nicole Smith and Brittney Spears. The reason I have felt drawn to those stories is because each of us has a baby the same age. Caroline and the two celebrity babies are all just about the same age. I’ve thought about Anna Nicole’s little girl and what an incredibly messed up life she is already experiencing at just five months. I’ve thought about the same thing for Brittney’s little boy. Why? Why was Caroline born into a loving Christian home and these two little ones were not? Why have the boundary lines fallen in pleasant places for me and these other two women have been racing down the road of destruction?

I realize asking these questions will make some of my readers uncomfortable. They make me uncomfortable. They are uncomfortable because they force us to face facts about God, ourselves, and salvation that we don’t want to look at. We don’t want to think about the fact that we would be on the road to hell if it were not for God’s grace. But that is what the Bible teaches. Yes, there is a human element in salvation. We are not robots. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if it weren’t for God’s grace in my life, I wouldn’t be sitting here typing this testimony. I have the same depths of sin in me as Anna Nicole and Brittney. God’s grace is what has set me apart, called me out, and given me a life worth living. A life worth living now and a life worth living for all eternity.

See all of the posts in this series:

Category: Christian FaithTag: 40 Things I've Learned By Age 4017 Comments

40 Things I’ve Learned By Age 40 – #31-39

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March 20, 2007 | Sallie Borrink
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I’m continuing my series of 40 Things I’ve Learned By Age 40.

31. While it may not be the wisest course of action, debt is not a sin (unless God has specifically told you not to do something and you do it anyway). Being in debt and paying it back according to the agreement and in a timely manner is not a sin. Taking on debt and not paying it back is the problem.

32. No matter how tired I am, I always get up and take a shower, put on clean clothes, and do my hair and makeup. In forty years, I can probably count on two hands the number of times I’ve been so sick I couldn’t find the strength to get up and do these things (including a couple of months of morning all day sickness). No matter how tired or depressed or overwhelmed I’ve been by life, I always feel better if I know I at least look good.

33. How you dress impacts how you act and how others view you.

34. Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold. This is so true. I am thankful for new friends, but the greatest treasures are the friends who have been a part of my life for many years. Old friends can often offer you perspective that your newer friends can’t because they know the paths you have walked with God and can remind you when you grow weary.

35. Laugh or cry. I’ve learned to choose laughing more often than not. If you are fortunate enough to have a spouse who follows this as well as friends, you are rich indeed.

36. It is not a sin to pay retail. It is not a moral failing to pay full price. It is not a sign of weak Christian character to want something new instead of settling for something used or thrifted. While there is value and merit in being frugal and making the most of your money, you are not a horrible person if you run out of Tide and have to pay full price because your stash ran out.

37. If God makes you wait or puts a restraining hand on you, there is a reason. More times than I can count, I kept meaning to do something and was delayed. Eventually I realized why I was delayed. It wasn’t me procrastinating. It was God restraining.

38. Excellence is worth pursuing. Perfection is not.

39. You can frequently save time or money, but rarely both. It takes wisdom and discernment to know which way to go and it frequently has to be decided on a case-by-case basis in daily living. While I like to save money, I also like my time and my time is frequently related to the value of my relationships. And so I’m thankful to live in day of fast food, convenience foods, and other services that allow me more time as a trade-off for some of my money. Sometimes it is a trade-off well worth making. The bottom line in life is not about saving a buck.

Tomorrow I’ll do #40 – the greatest thing I’ve learned along the way the past 40 years.

See all of the posts in this series:

Category: Christian FaithTag: 40 Things I've Learned By Age 4011 Comments

40 Things I’ve Learned By Age 40 – #21-30

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March 17, 2007 | Sallie Borrink
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I’m continuing my series of 40 Things I’ve Learned By Age 40.

21. Bad people happen to good Christians. Bad Christians happen to good Christians. Good Christians suffer for the sins of others.

22. Giving people the benefit of the doubt goes a long way. Trust but verify.

23. Hindsight is always 20/20.

24. Hindsight is not always 20/20.

25. Learn to detach yourself emotionally from decisions and be able to walk away if necessary.

26. Spiritual abuse is real, devastating, and hard to understand unless you experience it firsthand. Once you do experience it, you never look at things the same way again.

27. Life does not always make sense, even for Christians. Things will happen that seem to contradict the goodness and sovereignty of God, but it does not change God’s goodness and sovereignty.

28. Very few things in the world are as wonderful as holding a baby fresh from his or her bath.

29. Learning to say no and let go is the beginning of freedom.

30. You become an adult when you accept your parents for who they are and can be thankful for all they did for you, even if you don’t completely understand or agree with every decision they made when raising you.

See all of the posts in this series:

Category: Christian FaithTag: 40 Things I've Learned By Age 408 Comments

40 Things I’ve Learned By Age 40 – #20

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March 13, 2007 | Sallie Borrink
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I’m continuing my series of 40 Things I’ve Learned By Age 40.

20. God will put you in places of influence you would never expect and in ways you could never anticipate.

Have you ever played that game where you share facts about yourself, but you mix them in with non-facts and then people have to guess which one is true? I love throwing in this fact because almost no one ever guesses it.

I was President of my sorority in college.

In fact, it was twenty years ago today that I was initiated in Delta Delta Delta (Tri Delta). I know this because my membership certificate hangs in my office, flanked on either side by the covers of articles I wrote and had published (each with its own story).

If you think of the typical sorority girl stereotype, I was not it. I was not gorgeous, I didn’t drink, and I didn’t date guys unless they were Christians. I was interested in rushing my freshman year, but didn’t have the courage to do it alone. (Well, I wouldn’t have been alone. Over a thousand women went through fall formal rush each year at Michigan State in order to join one of the eighteen sororities.) My sophomore year I also wanted to rush, but, again, didn’t have the courage to do so.

The fall of my sophomore year I started working at a Pendleton clothing store in the mall. I met two really nice girls who worked there. I found out that they were in a sorority and they didn’t fit the stereotype either. They encouraged me to go through winter informal rush. Some of the sororities participated in winter rush and this year there were six houses doing so, including theirs.

So I signed up for rush and went to three sororities – my coworkers’, Tri Delta and another house which shall remain nameless. To make a long story short, I ended up receiving bids from my coworkers’ sorority and Tri Delta. For me, it was a non-decision. I knew the first time I walked into the Tri Delta house that I was home. I can’t describe it. I just knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if they asked me, that was where I wanted to be. And after a traumatic thirty-six hours in which my bid to Tri Delta did not get delivered to me when it was supposed to, I received and accepted my bid.

Skip ahead a year.

While going to college I lived at home. If you lived at home, you did not have to live in the sorority house. I lived at home for a few reasons, chiefly the fact being that my parents did not want me to incur debt for college and would not let me take out any loans. They paid for all of my tuition, books and expenses. (Which, if you can believe it, after scholarships, totaled a whopping $7,000 for five years at a Big Ten university. I don’t even think you could get books for that nowadays! But I digress.)

Since I didn’t live in the chapter house, I was not able to hold certain offices. For some women that might not be a big deal, but it was for me. I really enjoyed leadership and was gifted in many areas related to that. I also thoroughly enjoyed Tri Delta and believed in the purpose and vision of the Founders. (And still do.) The first year I was eligible to be selected for an office, I could not be selected for one of the Standards Committee positions (President, Pledge Trainer, Chaplain, Social Chairman, or Scholarship Chairman) because you HAD to live in the house. No ifs, ands or buts. A number of people wanted to slate me for Scholarship Chairman, but there was no way it could be done. I was slated and elected to Executive Vice President (EVP) in the late winter.

I will admit that this was hard for me. I was dedicated, visionary, and, yes, I had a desire to eventually be President. But I was happy to be EVP and jumped in, determined to be the best EVP possible and do whatever I could to help my chapter. I went to our Centennial Convention in Boston that summer along with the President, Alumna Advisor and other alumnae, paying my own way because I wanted to be there for this once-in-a-lifetime event. (It was totally worth it!)

When we returned to school in the fall, our President made the decision to step down for personal reasons I don’t need to write about here. The President stepping down is kind of a big deal because you have to replace her which sets into motion needing to shuffle other officers and such. To be perfectly honest, I do not remember how all of this came to pass. I don’t remember the conversations or anything. But the long and short of it was that our advisors received a special dispensation from the National Executive Board of Tri Delta for me to be slated as President and finish out Sharon’s term in office.

This was not without opposition. There were a few women in the chapter who weren’t especially fond of me. As I said before, I didn’t drink, I rarely attended social events, I was an honor student, I didn’t date non-Christians, etc. I think I was respected by the vast majority of my sisters, but there were a few who obviously didn’t like me. They tried to make an issue out of my not living in the house and not drinking to make it appear that I would be a bad choice and so they worked to get another sister on the ballot as well. Our regional advisor approved having the other sister on the ballot, but I was elected in the end.

After finishing out Sharon’s term, I was selected again as President for my own term of office, again after a special dispensation from the National Executive Board. So I basically ended up as President for most of two years when I wasn’t even technically able to be slated for Scholarship Chairman (a much lesser position) in the first place because I didn’t live in the house.

This whole experience had a profound impact on my life and my view of how God works. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God put me there at that time and He was the one who made it all possible. There were just too many obstacles to overcome for it to be anything but God. So I know that God can make a way, even when things seem absolutely impossible.

This experience also taught me that God works differently in people’s lives. That is why I am so opposed to the cookie cutter mentality that is so prevalent among some Christians today. I simply don’t believe that God expects everyone to live the same life that is narrowly defined by a few select Scriptures. I think He desires to place His children in positions of influence that they could not achieve on their own so He receives the glory and we know we are dependent upon Him for the opportunities.

So now twenty years later I look back on this time of my life with a mixture of gratitude, joy, and sadness. I had some of the best times of my life during my college years in Tri Delta and also a few of my most painful moments. I learned so much about leadership, working with a diverse group of people, and just life in general. I wouldn’t trade those opportunities because I met so many great people and I know I am the person I am today because God chose to take a girl with not enough courage to rush and put her somewhere she dreamed of being when it was not possible.

See all of the posts in this series: