Resenting other people’s blessings
A few weeks ago I wrote Reflections on Fifteen Years of Marriage. I wrote it about the same time Sarah wrote In which [love looks like] a mirror of the mystery. It was a beautiful post about being blessed with a good marriage. She followed it up with In which I apoligise for yesterday’s post after feeling that perhaps it hurt people’s feelings. While I’m not one to argue if someone feels convicted by the Holy Spirit, it did make me think about what had transpired.
It’s unfortunate that Christian women feel they have to apologize for being blessed in some aspect of their lives. Without a doubt my happy marriage is one of the greatest blessings God has bestowed upon my life. Marriage really has been pretty easy for us. I know this is not true for many Christians. But life has not been easy for us. There are many, many blessings others have that we don’t have. Some are the result of choices we’ve made, but many are not. What are some of them?
~We have not had a real vacation in seven years.
~I have ongoing health issues that limit what I can do, including some of my very favorite hobbies such as reading and playing music.
~David has health problems that impact his ability to play with his daughter.
~We have gone through three separate episodes of spiritual abuse.
~We have had ongoing financial issues for the past seven years due to illness and the economy.
~We have not bought new furniture in fifteen years and there is no new furniture or carpet anywhere on the horizon.
~I am losing my hair at a young age and will be wearing a wig the rest of my life.
~We have no couple friends that we do anything with socially.
~I have no girlfriends nearby that I do fun things with.
~We have no friends or support group at church.
~We have no close relationships with our extended families and usually end up celebrating most holidays alone or with our parents.
~David and I have not had an overnight alone since Caroline was born. (She’s almost five and a half.)
~We have one child. I will never have a son. We will never have the big family gatherings at the holidays.
I didn’t make that list to make people feel sorry for me. I am so blessed with my life. God has been very good to me in so many ways. My point is simply that many people who might resent a blogger writing about her happy marriage don’t grasp the full picture. I would guess that many people who struggle in their marriage are blessed by God in other ways. They may be blessed financially and all that that entails (vacations, etc.). They may have good health. They may have lots of friends. They may have great relationships with their siblings. They may enjoy a bustling household of children. I would guess almost everyone reading this could look at this list and say something like, “I can’t imagine not having my girlfriends” or “I can’t imagine being alone on holidays.”
I can make a whole list of things that my sisters in Christ deal with daily that I don’t. Off the top of my head there are:
~Eating disorders
~A husband who travels extensively for work
~Meddling parents or in-laws
~Living far away from parents
~Regular moves due to work
~Student loans
~Bankruptcy
~Alcohol, drug or p*rn addictions in me or my spouse
~Divorce or widowhood
~Mental illness in me or my spouse
A mark of maturity in Christ is choosing to celebrate the blessings of your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Does it come naturally? No. But I do think as we mature in Christ we should be able to look at our own blessings with thankfulness and not be shamed or hurt when someone else has a blessing we don’t.
Is it always easy to rejoice with those who rejoice? No. Every time someone near me has a baby or talks about their upcoming adoption, a little bit of me weeps inside. But I choose to rejoice with them knowing that God is bestowing a blessing on them just as He bestowed a different blessing on me yesterday. I don’t expect people to stop writing about their vacations or their happy family holidays or their romantic weekend away just because I don’t have the same opportunities.
As Christian women we can do so much for each other simply by cheering each other on. Encouraging one another. Praying for one another. Celebrating one anothers’ joys and blessings. May we never feel embarrassed to proclaim the goodness of God when He chooses to lavish His love and favor on us in a particular way.
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It’s very hard. While we have a very good life for the most part, I am a mom to three kids with very different special needs. From Aspergers to Arthrogryposis and other “mystery” illnesses they still cannot diagnose. My life is spent in hospitals, doctors offices, and therapy appointments. It dictates my life day in and day out. I love my children SO MUCH …. but it can be overwhelming at times.
I think we’re all better off being honest about our struggles, strengths, blessings, weaknesses….
FYI If you can ever get to NC I will take you to the beach free of charge!!!!
It seems like it all boils down to being willing to both mourn with those who mourn and also rejoice with those who rejoice. Depending on our personalities and our pasts and our presents, usually one of those is easier than the other…
Amen, Sallie! I struggle sometimes with hearing other people’s blessings, especially when someone else gets married. But the Lord has been teaching me to rejoice with them. It’s GOD’S choice in who and how He blesses.
Lindsey – Yes, children with health issues is another one I should have put on my second list. That is a very heavy load that many moms like you carry. And if I can ever get to NC I’m coming during basketball season, not beach season! I want to get to a Duke/MSU game with you!
Brandy – I think our experiences do impact our abilities to rejoice or mourn. I know that I have come a loooong way in my ability to mourn with those who mourn after the past fifteen years. My thinking about so many things has changed and I think it also has changed how I relate to others who are suffering, mourning, hurting, etc.
Janet – Thank you for your honest comment.