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Hi Sallie,
Thank you for your Women’s Freedom in Christ series. I just found it today through Christianity Today’s Her.meneutics blog, and I nearly wept at my desk with relief.
I am so tired of church. I’m 27 years old, married to a wonderful man, and I have a Masters in environmental engineering. I’ve been in and out of leadership at various theologically conservative churches, as far as they allowed me to be (which means unlimited in college and then suddenly restricted to children, who are wonderful but not my ministry strength). My pastors have all been compassionate and godly men who respond to my friendship intellectually and usually invite me to be on committees (usually business related). However, they all just sort of shrug when I express frustration about having absolutely no outlet in church for my interests in reading, writing, and public speaking that I use endlessly in my work – the Bible says what it says, and it’s how we stand out from the worldly culture, and any gender confusion will lead straight to endorsement of homosexuality. I’m told that being a great wife to my husband, and a future great mother, is my main function. If he becomes an elder, then I can lead through him.
Even if I accepted this, my husband is an introvert and has no desire to participate on committees or leadership councils or help make guiding decisions. He is NOT passive. He is brilliant and thoughtful and strong. But he is not me, nor do I want to force him into a situation where he feels that he has to “defend” me (which would terrify him – he is an engineer, not a theologian).
Not the mention the fact that highly educated single women outnumber the men about 10-to-1 in our college town church, and they have no real voice.
The only strong women’s Bible study at my church meets on Wednesday mornings. Its leader is a stay at home mom and homeschooler – which is great of course, but she firmly believes that this is what all women should be doing.
The well-intentioned church staff simply do not see the problem. All the while bemoaning the lack of resources and over-stretching of the staff.
I wonder all the time if I should leave, but that would drag my husband through a major change and upend our friendships, and there are not any otherwise-doctrinally-solid churches in which we’d be comfortable in our little college town.
ANYWAY. Thank you for your blog. I will start reading. You have clearly struck a chord. I was beginning to wonder if there was anybody else out there who has struggled this way.
Melissa,
You have no idea how much this comment blessed me. You are one of the reasons I write the things I do here. There are so many women like us and I want us to all know that we are not alone, we are not going crazy, and there are answers to the challenging questions.
Your comment about the church staff was so interesting. Bemoaning the lack of people to serve and yet refusing to allow a huge percentage of them to use their God-bestowed gifts. Crazy, isn’t it?
Blessings to you!